Login with:

Facebook

Twitter

Tumblr

Google

Yahoo

Aol.

Mibba

Your info will not be visible on the site. After logging in for the first time you'll be able to choose your display name.

Oh, Baby!

10

I sat on my balcony soaking up the warm evening sun. This place had been so devoted to nicotine consumption in the past that I’d forgotten what it was like to just sit here and listen to the waves. I had reread Brian’s message a thousand times unsure of whether I loved it or hated it. I’d had a quick glimpse of peace from the inner turmoil today and I didn’t want to give it up; yet here I was, fixated on those three words from someone whose existence I was trying to forget. How dare he waltz back into my life so carelessly? I wanted so badly to hate him for it, but I couldn’t pretend that I hadn’t been bubbling since reading the message. Then there was Adam, though. He was the safe, secure option; good looking, easy-going, level headed and apparently even happy to take on a baby. Miracles do exist. What would life be with him? A hard working husband, white picket fences, maybe a family pet – the American Dream. Perfect for some, but was that what I wanted? Not so long ago, I’d loved the freedom and hijinks of touring. Life had been unpredictable and exhaustingly exciting. Brian had been a wild ride, a rollercoaster that I could never get bored of. He’d also broken my heart into a million pieces though and that still stung. I rubbed my temple in exasperation, feeling completely torn between developing a relationship with Adam and potentially rekindling one with Brian. Who said I couldn’t do both? Sensible Aubrey scolded me and reminded me that I was settled in pursuing things with Adam. I wasn’t going to let Brian stroll back in and wander off with my heart. No way. I was just going to ignore his message and get on with my life and- Aubrey, no!
Oops - I replied while she was distracted. Sorry, Sensible Aubrey… I couldn’t help myself. Brian had done what he always did best - I was intoxicated and had lost the ability to control myself after just one message.

Long time, no speak. How’re things?

I sent back, immediately feeling nervous, excited and terrified all at once. I needn’t have gotten so unsettled though as no reply came. By the time I’d showered the day from my skin and settled myself in bed, I’d come to realise that both of our messages were probably the result of impulse and Brian seemed to have no intention of following up. It had left me uneasy though, I wasn’t comfortable with all these feelings being stirred up again. I was in for a restless night.

............


“I’m sorry, ma’am, it’s been declined,” the cashier said, awkwardly. I ran a hand through my hair, nervously and peered at the receipt she’d handed me. I was standing at the till, sweating like fuck after lugging my fat ass around the shop.
“Can you try it again?” I asked, feeling rather flustered. She gave me a sympathetic look and tried swiping my card again, though we both knew what the outcome would be.
“It’s been declined again,” she spoke softly, but it didn’t stop the heat from rising to my cheeks.
“I don’t have anything else to pay with…” I replied quietly, trying to hide from the burning stares coming from the next customer in line.
“I’ll call someone to put this back for you,” she smiled sympathetically as my cheeks blazed.
I nodded my thanks and then ducked out, heading home empty handed. Perhaps something was wrong with my card? I checked my bank balance hopefully, but was met with an unwelcome sight of a couple of dollars. Fuck. I have rent to pay, bills to go out, not to mention my fridge is bare and I have no money. I began the walk back to my apartment, feeling drearier than ever. I’d had no luck in finding a job and now it was starting to hit home just how much of a pickle I was in. I didn’t even know where to start with this mess. Turning my key in the lock, I swung the door open on my home. It wouldn’t be my home for much longer if I couldn’t find some cash, and quickly. Closing the door behind me, I made a list of people I could call. I could only think of three people, and after some deliberation I decided that there was no way I could ask Brian and definitely not Adam. That left my mother. Ugh. Maybe not, I’d rather starve. How had I gone from a powerful woman who was respected in my field of work to a single, pregnant loser without two cents to rub together? That’s what happens when you blindly follow a rock star, Sensible Aubrey chided. What a bitch. I was starving, as I always was lately, and so I reluctantly opened the fridge to inspect the contents. Pickings were slim. I was the owner of a single tomato, quarter of a block cheese that was hosting a colony of happy bacteria and a small amount of sour milk. My cupboards didn’t fare much better. I took a couple of slices of bread from the packet and got to work picking the bluey-green spots off of it. I was deep into trying to work out a plan of action when a loud knock at the door stole my attention. I looked up guardedly, I wasn’t expecting anyone. I opened the door with little trepidation. I would have been far more tentative had I realised who was on the other side. My jaw dropped.

“Brian?” I blinked a few times, stunned. He did the same as he took in my rounded tummy. We both stood there like lemons. I studied his appearance. He was handsome as ever, but also looked like absolute shit. Unshaven, red rimmed eyes with dark circles underneath and his hair straggly and unbrushed.
“Aren’t you supposed to be on tour?” I finally managed.
“We’re on a break,” he explained, hurriedly.
“Oh,” was all I could manage. There was another deafening patch of quiet between us. Am I dreaming? I squeezed my eyes closed tightly for a second, but he was still there when I opened them.
“Can I come in?” he asked, eventually. Without wavering, I held the door open a little wider to let him past. He entered slowly, taking in the surroundings. It looked quite a bit different than when he was last here. Various baby items were scattered around, in a mostly orderly fashion. I thanked God that I’d tidied fairly recently. He walked comfortably into the kitchen area and leaned against the counter, making himself at home. Even in his slightly disheveled state he made me swoon a little. I closed the door and made to join him. After peering at the sterilizer and highchair, his eyes flickered to my plate on the table in front of him and his face twisted into a bewildered expression.
“Are you picking mold off of your bread?” he asked, amused. I quickly snatched it up and swiped the bread into the trash as my cheeks turned pink.
“Is that what you came here to ask?” I retorted, launching the plate into the sink.
He face dropped and he became serious, “No. I came here to sort things out between us.”
Oh... OH! Wait. What does that even mean?! Crap!
“K, can you give me a minute?” I garbled, not waiting for permission. I scarpered for the bathroom and locked the door behind me. Holy fuck. Brian is in my kitchen. Brian who I haven’t seen for months. Brian who broke my heart but I secretly still love him hopelessly anyway. Brian who wants to ‘sort things out’. Shit. I’m going to start hyperventilating in a minute.
“Aubrey! Come out,” he yelled through the door. My God, could this man just let me have 5 minutes by myself to come unglued?
“I know you’re just having a freak out in there,” he persisted, making me grumble. Dammit. How does he know me so well? I could envision him rolling his eyes on the other side of the door. I yanked it open to find him with his arms folded, looking serious. My heart fluttered. Oh lord, he’s gorgeous.
“How did you know I was freaking out?” I squinted my eyes at him. He ignored me and pressed on.
“Can we talk?”
“Yep, yeah, ok, fine,” I relented. I followed him back to the kitchen and we sat across from each other at the table. I waited for him to start. He was pretty quiet considering it was his idea to talk. Eventually he stopped fidgeting.
“So how are you?” he asked, awkwardly.
“Uh, I’m-“
“You’re big,” he interrupted.
“Thank you for pointing that out, Brian. I hadn’t noticed,” I quipped back, raising an eyebrow. His demeanour had changed back to that of an anxious man, his confidence lost.
“I wanted to… Can we…” he started and stopped a few times. I waited patiently as he fumbled with his words. Eventually he went back to his original question.
“So you’re ok?” he finally said, fidgeting a little. I could tell he was trying desperately to appear calm. He wasn’t doing a very good job.
“Are you going to interrupt me this time?” I asked, playfully, trying to relax the situation. He only grinned, sheepishly. Things felt a little awkward between us. I suppose that’s what happens when you have a few fights and then ignore each other for a couple of months…
“Things are ok. He’s the size of a squash now, apparently,” I rubbed my bump, unsure of what else to say. Brian’s eyes lit up, catching me off guard.
“Is he?” He replied, excitedly. I was taken aback for a moment, but his sudden joy infected me and I launched into a blow by blow account of all the fun pregnancy things he’d missed. I even made a half joke about my card being declined due to buying so much baby stuff. As I finished, I realised I’d basically talked about pickles, insomnia and peeing for the last 10 minutes. I blushed at my diatribe about my uninteresting life, but he seemed enthralled by the whole thing. His eagerness had struck a weird chord in me, it felt oddly heart-warming that we were talking about our baby in a joyful way. The feeling sat weirdly in my stomach so I changed the subject.
“So,” I switched the spotlight to him, “how’s tour?”
“It’s fun, I guess,” he replied, not really giving any information away. I tried another avenue.
“Been breaking hearts with your solos?” I asked, poking my tongue out. He gave a small laugh. Damn, this is difficult.
I tried once more, “So… you think you’ll be home in time for baby?”
Apparently, this was the wrong thing to say because his emotions closed off as quickly as they had opened up. He stood suddenly, giving me a start.
“I have to go,” he announced uncomfortably as he started edging away. I stared dumbly at him, unsure of what to do or say. His swift move towards leaving had left me confused.
“Already?” I managed to utter. He nodded and made for the door.
He opened it and turned to me, “Well, bye then.”
I managed to utter a goodbye as the door slammed behind him. What just happened? I was completely lost, still staring at the door with my mouth open. Why had he done that? Why had he just flounced in, stolen my heart again and then lobbed it like it was a live grenade and run for cover? Is this a man thing? Or maybe it’s a Brian thing? As the shock dissipated, anger creeped in. I can’t believe I let him in. I was setting myself up for a hard fall again if I wasn’t careful. I escaped the only way that seemed suitable – Brian replacement. I knew it was probably a bad idea, but I was angry and felt stupid that I’d let Brian him my defences down for a moment. He’d come close to cracking my heart again and I needed romantic validation. I needed to make sure that it was him, not me that was broken. So I texted Adam.

I had a great time. When can I see you again? A x


My phone buzzed almost instantly.

I’m in HB for the rest of the weekend. Dinner tonight? Adam.

I sighed in relief, I can’t be that bad if he’s willing to see me again. So, I replied; I replied for my ego, I replied to spite Brian and I replied to escape the way that he had made me feel.

Absolutely. I can’t wait. A x

I tapped out and sent back. I was going to continue with my life and no one was going to hold me back. Fuck you, Brian.

Notes

I'm sorry! Giving you a taste of reunion only to snatch it all back again. I'm mean.

On another note, wow! The 'one shot' has reached chapter 10, so I think it's safe to say it is most definitely not a one shot. Can't believe I thought I could cram all this into one go. How foolish of me, lol!

Comments

@overneaththepathofmisery
Thank you so much! I'm so glad you enjoyed it, sorry about the tears though!

RamonaFoREVer RamonaFoREVer
4/5/19

I’ve just started and finished this today. This last chapter... The shortest of the story, with so few words said... The way you captured the feelings perfectly... I can’t breathe. I’m a crying mess.

@RamonaFoREVer
That is true... Picturing Bri with a baby in arms... argh! So cute!

kiss my sas kiss my sas
2/4/19

@kiss my sas
Thank you so much! I hope your heart is ok. He is growing up without Uncle Knifemaster, but he does have Daddy Brian <3

RamonaFoREVer RamonaFoREVer
2/4/19

Ahhhhhh!!!
I HAVE SO MANY EMOTIONS!!!
Sorry I am so late to the party. Freaking HECTIC weekend :( I need a weekend to recover from the weekend.
But oh no!! That was a heart wrenching ending... urgh, my heart :(
I did not see that coming... but poor little baby Jimmy, growing up without Uncle Knifemaster :(
Loved reading this! You have a way with words, and your writing style is amazing! Cannot wait to read more of your stuff :D

kiss my sas kiss my sas
2/4/19