Can't Remember to Forget You

Once the show was over, I quickly made my way out to the lobby. I knew that everyone else had come to watch the show and I was eager to know what they thought. When I found everyone, Zacky was instantly by my side, his arm tossed over my shoulder. "You were good, Wowza," he said.

I was still running on adrenaline from the show, so I didn't even bother to correct him on his use of that infuriating nickname. "I really appreciate you all coming," I said to everyone, looking around at the group.

"It was a great show," Brian said, smiling. "Zacky was right, you're really good."

"Thanks!" I exclaimed.

"Alright, well if it's alright with everyone else, I'm going to steal Wren away for a little while," Zacky said, resettling his arm so that his hand now rested on my hip. I shot him a sideways glance. "You know, to dinner and all."

"You'd better keep your hands to yourself, mister!" Claire called after us as we walked away. "No funny business or I'll cut it off."

Zacky's face turned an unmistakable shade of red as we continued on our way, and I snickered. If I wasn't so used to the way Claire behaved then I might be embarrassed, too. And honestly, I was a little surprised that Zacky was embarrassed, given Jimmy's personality. "Your friend is something else," he said as he opened the passenger door of his car. I slid inside.

"Well don't worry about it, she won't cut anything off," I laughed. "She wouldn't have a reason to, anyway."

"Please, you know you'd love to get a piece of me."

I rolled my eyes. "Don't flatter yourself."

Zacky huffed as he pulled away from the curve and I would've laughed if this was a joke to me like it was for him. I know he anticipated our relationship to become physical at some point and here I was, doing my damnedest to keep him at arm's length. But taking things in a physical direction just made it seem so real, and that scared the shit out of me. I just wasn't ready for that yet.

"Wren?" I jumped slightly at the sound of my name. Turning to look at Zacky, I saw he was trying hard not to laugh. "We're here."

"Alright, wipe that smirk off your face," I grumbled, climbing out of the car. Zacky offered me his arm as he walked into the restaurant. It was yet another restaurant that was way out of my price range, and I felt a little guilty that Zacky was paying as I looked at the prices on the menu. "I think I'll just stick with a salad," I said, looking at him over the top of my menu.

"Oh no you don't, Wowza," Zacky disagreed, shaking his head. "I know you're worried about the prices, but you're my girlfriend, remember? I'm supposed to take you out to eat at fancy restaurants. So don't worry about the prices, just get what you want."

"Alright," I said. But I still felt a little bad, so I covered the prices as I looked at the menu.

When Zacky and I finally left the restaurant, it was technically still somewhat early but after the long rehearsal earlier in the afternoon and the show this evening, I was beyond exhausted. I wanted to be curled up in my bed so badly I could almost taste it. And I assumed Zacky was going to take me back to my apartment, so I was a little confused when I saw we were heading to Zacky's house instead. "Zacky, why are we going to your house?" I asked.

"Because I want you to come over?" he said. "We can stay up late and cuddle watching movies."

I frowned as I glanced over at the window. I just wanted to be in my own bed, really, but I was also a little uncomfortable with the idea of spending the night at his house. Sure, he'd stayed at my apartment, but that was an accident. This was on purpose and I felt like it was rushing things a little. "I don't think that's a good idea, Zacky."

"Why not? I'm a gentleman. I'll keep my hands to myself, I promise."

"It's not that Zack, it's just..." I paused, sighing softly. "I'm really tired and I just want to go to bed and go to sleep. Okay? It's nothing against you, I promise."

"Yeah, I'm sure it's not," Zacky grumbled, his attitude suddenly changing. This was the first time I'd really seen him without his upbeat demeanor except for the day we'd met at the bar, and it was a little weird. Not to mention, I was a little bit of a people pleaser and the idea of having someone mad at me never sat well. And I knew Zacky was at least a little irritated with me because he didn't say a word to me as he drove me back to my apartment.

"Thanks for coming to the show again, it means a lot," I said, slipping out of Zacky's car. I turned back to face the inside of the car, looking at Zacky. "And thanks for dinner. I had a good time."

"Yeah, no problem," Zacky said. "I mean, you're my girlfriend, it was the least I could do."

I mumbled a goodbye to Zacky and hurried into my apartment. As the door closed behind me, I heard Zacky's car drive away, and I turned to watch as he disappeared around the corner. I knew he was disappointed that I'd turned down his invitation to spend the night at his house, but I didn't know why. His last statement almost made me think he was hurt, but I couldn't understand why he would be. Even if I was still unsure about being in a relationship, I hated to think that I'd made Zacky upset in some way.

. . .

"He's ignoring my messages, Claire."

"I don't understand why you care so much!" she exclaimed, stirring a little creamer into her coffee. "When you met him you thought he was the most annoying person on earth and now you're upset because he won't text you back."

I sighed, reaching into the pocket of my flannel for a cigarette. "Yeah, but you know how I am," I said. I took a long drag and held my breath, letting the nicotine permeate my lungs. "I don't like it when people are mad at me. And he is kind of my boyfriend, Claire."

"I still can't believe you guys are dating," Claire paused, shooting me a grin, "but I ship it."

"Claire, this is serious. I really think he's upset with me!"

"Okay, okay, calm down," she said. "So. He's ignoring your messages, right?" I nodded. "Well, then I think the solution is pretty clear, Wren."

"Care to enlighten me?" I prompted, taking a drag from my cigarette.

"You have to go see him."

"Claire, I can't just show up to his house."

"Sure you can!" Claire chirped. "It's foolproof Wren, I'm telling you. I'll drive you over and drop you off. And Zacky's a sweet guy, he won't turn you away. And then you can talk to him face to face about what happened."

I had to admit, Claire's logic was pretty sound on this one. This definitely seemed like the kind of conversation Zacky and I should be having face to face, and not just because he was ignoring my messages. "Alright, let me finish my cigarette and you can drive me over."

. . .

I was a little nervous as I waited for Zacky to answer his door. What if he didn't want to talk to me? What if he just took me back to my apartment? I bit my lip as I heard the door being unlocked, looking up at Zacky as it swung open. "You're ignoring my messages," I said. There was an awkward pause. "Can I come in?"

"Uh, yeah." Zacky stepped aside, staying behind to lock the door before following me into the kitchen. "So why are you here? I mean, last night this was the last place you wanted to be."

"I wanted to see if we could talk." Out of nervous habit, I reached for another cigarette. I really shouldn't smoke this since I'd just had one barely an hour ago, but I didn't care right now. "I want to know why you were so upset last night. About me not spending the night."

Zacky sighed. "Let's go into the living room." He grabbed two beers from his fridge and I followed him into his living room, sitting sideways on his couch and crossing my legs Indian-style. He popped the tops off the beers and handed one to me, and I tucked it between my thighs. "I wasn't upset that you didn't want to spend the night," he said. "I mean, indirectly, I guess? I knew you weren't lying when you said you were tired and that's why I didn't push it last night. But I could kind of sense that that wasn't the only reason, you know? And Wren, I really like you but...I feel like you're not as...into this relationship as I am. And the last time I was more invested in a relationship than the other person, I was getting cheated on. Not that I'm saying you would cheat on me or anything, I just...don't want to get my heart broken again, you know?"

Zacky's confession took me completely by surprise. Every time he'd talked about Gena before, he'd just said she didn't feel a spark between them anymore. I snuffed out my cigarette in his ashtray, scooting a little closer to him and laying my hand on his knee. "I'm sorry that happened to you," I whispered. "Nobody deserves to be cheated on, for any reason. And I'm sorry if I made you think I'm not invested in our relationship. I am. I'm just..." I paused, trying to think of the right word. "I'm scared."

"Why are you scared?"

"The same reason I was scared with Clark," I said, tracing my finger along the top of the beer bottle. "Every time I thought about having a future with him or with anyone else all I could think of was my parents and what happened to them. What if I get attached to someone, fall in love, and then I lose them? I just....everytime I think about it, I get knots in my stomach. I already lost my parents, I couldn't stand to lose anyone else."

"Okay, I'm going to say something really awful and corny but it's just the baseball player in me, I promise." I looked up at Zacky with a cocked eyebrow. What was he on about know? "Wowza, you can't let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game. I know you're scared of losing someone else the way you lost your parents, but don't you think you'd still be losing them by pushing them away? How are you ever going to know if they're even worth losing if you don't let them in? And think about your parents. I'm sure they were really in love, right? And happy?" I nodded. "Do you think they would've given any of that up if they would've known what was going to happen to them? Would they have given up their love and their marriage and you because they knew they were going to die? No way in hell and you know it. They would've said fuck it, so what if that's what's going to happen to us? The risk is worth the reward. If you really love someone, you cherish the time you have with them, no matter how short that time is."

"I just...I don't know," I stammered. "I thought we were talking about you. You changed the subject."

Zacky chuckled and a pout found its way onto my face. He seemed to have a habit of laughing during serious conversations. "You're adorable when you pout, Wren," he said, reaching up to cup my face in his hands. "And I didn't change the subject. This conversation wasn't about me or you, it was about us. We've both got issues with relationships. I've got trust issues. You're scared of...well, you're just scared. But I think uh, if you're willing, we could work through our issues together?"

I didn't know what to think. I'd spent the past five years putting a wall up around myself and Zacky was somehow managing to break it down with amazing ease. His words had struck a chord in me, mostly because I knew he was right. Thinking back on my childhood, I remembered my parents being in love, and I knew they wouldn't have given it up for anything. And Zacky was willing to open himself up to me after his marriage ended in infidelity. I knew that couldn't be easy for him, handing his heart off to someone else when it was still so fragile.

"So what do you say, Wowza?"

I smiled. "I say...let's do it. What have I got to lose?"

Zacky chuckled again and then he was kissing me, his hands still cupped around my cheeks. It was a deep kiss, but a sweet one, and I smiled against his lips. "So...since the show isn't running tonight and you don't have rehearsal, why don't we cuddle on the couch and watch TV before Brian's barbeque?" I raised an eyebrow at this since I didn't remember anything about a barbeque. "Oh, I didn't tell you? Brian's throwing a barbeque and I was going to take you. He might be a little shit, but he knows how to work a grill. His ribs are to die for. And he has a pool!"

I laughed. "The barbeque sounds fun, but unfortunately I'm going to have to take a rain check on the cuddling and TV."

"Aww, why? I'm chubby, I make a good pillow."

"Zacky, I need to pop in at the bookstore," I said, laughing again at his pout. "And if you help me out, I might be interested in cuddling after the barbeque."

"Well then just call me your little assistant," Zacky said with a grin.

. . .

"Alright motherfuckers, the party has arrived!" Zacky exclaimed as we walked out into Brian's backyard. He'd just let himself into Brian's house, but I guessed Brian was expecting that since the front door was unlocked.

"Well Mr. Party, did you bring the beer?" Brian asked from his place by the grill.

"Right here," he answered, holding a thirty-pack into the air.

"Wren!" I turned my head at the sound of my name being called and spotted the other girls lounging in the shallow end of the pool. It was Val who had shouted for me, and she waved me over. "You don't want to stand around while the boys drink beer and talk about grilling. Boring! Come get in the pool with us!"

I shrugged my shoulders. Getting into the pool definitely sounded a lot more fun than making myself hungry by watching Brian grill. I took a beer from Zacky and went over to the edge of the pool, stripping down to my bikini before sliding into the water between Val and Lacey. "I think it was a good idea to get away from the grill," I said, popping open my beer. "I haven't eaten anything all day and I'm so fucking hungry." I took a short sip of my beer, noticing how Val was looking at me. "What? Why are you looking at me like that?"

"Honey, because you should've seen the way Zacky was staring at you when you stripped down to your bikini," she answered, a trace of a smirk on her face. "Like a deer caught in headlights." I twisted around in the water to look over at the guys, and sure enough, as soon as he noticed me looking, Zacky's gaze dropped to the ground. "Poor thing, it's been a while since he's seen that much skin on a woman."

"Well I hope he doesn't expect to see much more than this anytime soon," I said, sipping at my beer. I didn't know if he actually did, but I was sure I knew Zacky well enough to know that he was a gentleman and wouldn't push me to do anything that I didn't want to do.

It was almost ten thirty before Zacky and I got back to his house since he'd taken me by my apartment to grab a change of clothes and I'd wanted to make sure he was completely sober before we left Brian's. "Hey, I'm a little tired, so is it alright if we just go up to your room to watch TV?" I asked Zacky as he locked the front door. He looked a little surprised by my question but nodded his head. "Awesome. I'm just going to go change into my sleep clothes, you don't have to wait for me." Once I'd changed clothes and gotten more comfortable, I joined Zacky in his bedroom, sitting down on the edge of his bed. "So what are we watching?" I asked.

"Cutthroat Kitchen. I figured you could stand to pick up a few tips, Wowza."

"Rude! Maybe I'll just leave."

"How are you going to leave?" Zacky asked, laughing. "I drove you here."

I crossed my arms over my chest, feigning a pout. "I'll walk home."

"You can't walk home."

"Watch me."

"Alright, come here." Zacky laid down in his bed, holding out his arm as an invitation. I narrowed my eyes at him as I laid down next to him. He slipped his arm around my shoulders and I laid my head on his chest, letting out a yawn. "Don't fall asleep on me so soon, Wowza. Let's at least finish one episode."

"But I'm tired," I whined. "And this show is boring."

"Well, there are other things we could do that would be a lot more fun."

I raised up onto my elbow, looking down at Zacky with playfully narrowed eyes. "And what would those other things be?"

"Well one of them isn't going to happen anytime soon because I'm a gentleman," Zacky said, smirking, and I blushed a little bit. "But that doesn't mean I can't kiss you, right?" He pouted, pressing his nose into my cheek. "Can I kiss you? Please?"

"Well you asked so nicely," I said, laughing. "And now that I think about it, you are pretty cute...so I guess you can kiss me if you really want to."

"Aww, you think I'm cute?" Zacky said, touching my cheek and turning my face towards his. He brushed his thumb over my cheekbone. "That's so sweet, Wren." He leaned in and kissed me, and I was pleasantly surprised to find that it was a sweet kiss. I'd almost been worried that Zacky might try something or might try to let his hands wander, but it didn't seem like that was going to be a problem. I appreciated that Zacky was actually as much of a gentleman as he claimed to be. It made trying to put my worries aside, knowing he wasn't going to rush me into anything. That had been one of my main problems with Clark. He'd wanted things to move so fast and I just didn't like it.

I was a little breathless when Zacky pulled away from the kiss and when I took my first deep breath, I let out a yawn. Zacky pouted. "Was my kiss that boring?" he asked.

"Yep, worst kiss ever," I teased.

Zacky huffed, and I expected some cute, teasing comment in return, but instead, he kissed me again. This kiss was noticeably different than the first; it stole the breath from my lungs and I felt my entire body turn warm as I gripped onto Zacky's shirt. "Was that kiss boring, Wren?" Zacky asked softly, and he chuckled when I shook my head no. "Well good. Can't have you thinking I'm a bad kisser. I've got a reputation to uphold, you know."

"And just who else are you going to be kissing that you need to uphold that reputation?"

"Nobody! I've just got to remind you what you've got," Zacky replied, wiggling his eyebrows.

I gave his chest a playful shove and he fell back onto the bed, laughing. "Turn off the TV and let me sleep, weirdo. I'm tired and I have to work tomorrow, unlike some people."

"I can't help that I have a cushy job," Zacky replied with a smirk. He reached for the remote and turned off the TV, leaving his bedroom pitch black. I tugged the comforter up to my chin, closing my eyes as I felt Zacky's arm slip over my waist. "I'm glad you decided to spend the night," he said.

"I won't do it again if you don't hush and let me go to sleep."

"Okay fine, I'll shut up," he said, chuckling. He pressed a kiss to my forehead and I smiled. "Goodnight, Wowza. Get some rest."

Notes