Can't Remember to Forget You

"I wish you'd calm down," Tori said, crossing her arms over her chest. She leaned against the wall. "And stop pacing. You're stressing me out."

"I'm stressing you out?" I exclaimed. "The show opens in thirty minutes and you know how I get on opening night."

Tori raised her hands into the air, an obvious sign of defeat. I let out a sigh, continuing to pace the floor. I desperately needed a cigarette, but there was no way I could smoke one in the short amount of time before the show. I wished I could count on seeing my friends' faces in the audience, but everyone had other obligations. I completely understood; I knew they all had jobs and otherwise busy lives, and they'd promised to attend at least one show. But it would've been nice to have them here on opening night when my nerves were running at an all-time high.

"I'm gonna go finish setting up for the show," Tori announced. She cracked a smile. "Break a leg out there, Wren."

. . .

After the final scene, I rushed off-stage, my heart beating fast and my face flushed with adrenaline. Despite my nervousness before the show, I felt like I'd given my best performance yet. I was still grinning ear-to-ear when I joined the rest of the cast back onstage to take a bow and even still as I pushed my way out into the lobby, intent on grabbing a bite to eat and heading back to my apartment to relax and bask in the afterglow of an amazing show.

"Wren!" I turned my heard at the sound of my name being called and was very surprised to see Zacky waving at me from across the room.

"I definitely didn't expect to see you here," I said once I'd made my way over to him. "I thought everyone was busy."

"I wanted to be here for your opening night," Zacky responded. I smiled. "Oh, these are for you." He handed me a small bouquet of flowers, one obviously purchased from Walmart, but a wonderful gesture all the same.

I felt myself blush a bit and looked down at my feet. "They're beautiful Zack, thank you."

"Hey, it's no problem," he responded, shrugging his shoulders. But the slight smile on his face told me he was glad I appreciated his gesture. "I heard you were supposed to give performers flowers on opening night. And you'll be proud of me because I didn't even have to look that up on Wikipedia."

I laughed. "I'm rubbing off on you, I guess."

Zacky and I walked outside at my insistence; the lobby was starting to get a little stuffy and I needed a little fresh air. And a cigarette. "So what are your plans for the rest of the evening?" Zacky asked.

"Nothing much, probably gonna head back to my apartment so I can eat and then just relax," I answered.

"If you're hungry, I can take you out to eat," Zacky offered. We stopped walking and he turned to me, obviously waiting on my response.

I thought about it for a short second. What he was proposing sounded suspiciously like a date but strangely, I wasn't as put off by the idea as I had been before. And I could see why. Zacky was the only one to show up to opening night, he'd brought me flowers, and now was offering to take me out to what I was sure would be a nice meal. I still felt a little unsure about the idea - and I would have to make it clear to Zacky that this didn't mean I was interested in pursuing a relationship - but honestly, what could it hurt?

"Well I'm starving, so I'm not gonna say no," I finally said, laughing a little. I grinned at Zacky. "And I might even be willing to call this a date."

"Well I'll be damned," Zacky said. We continued walking, this time heading in the direction of where I assumed his car was parked. "If I'd have known that all I had to do to get you to go on a date with me was bring you flowers, I would've done that a long ass time ago."

"Don't be getting any ideas about this, though," I said, pointing a finger at him. "Just because there's a first date doesn't mean there will be a second."

Zacky's smile faltered just a bit but didn't disappear completely. "I'll take what I can get," he responded, starting his car.

. . .

I knew everyone would have a field day if they knew I was on a date with Zacky, so I was glad when Zacky pulled into the parking lot of a slightly more upscale restaurant, one that I knew no one I knew would be at. "This place looks really nice, Zacky," I observed, looking around as the hostess led us to a table. I looked at him, smirking. "I'm surprised you know about it."

Zacky gasped very overdramatically. "Hey, I'm fancy sometimes," he said. We were seated and I immediately started looking over the menu. I was so hungry I could practically feel my stomach eating its lining. "I recommend the steak," Zacky said. "It's fucking delicious."

"I'm so hungry right now everything sounds delicious," I told him, and he laughed.

The waiter returned shortly with our drinks and to take our order. I ordered the steak on Zacky's recommendation, letting him know that I'd hold him to it of the steak wasn't up to par. "So what'd you think of the show?" I asked, taking a sip of my water. I wished I could ask the entire audience, but since I couldn't do that, I would have to settle for asking Zacky.

"Well like I've told you before, you have an amazing voice," Zacky answered. I rolled my eyes but smiled all the same. "And the show was pretty good. I knew most of the songs, so I could sing along, which was fun. It kept me awake." I reached over and gave his arm a shove. "Jeez Wowza, you're so violent. We're in a fancy restaurant, you know. On a date. You're supposed to be nice to me."

"And where exactly does it say that?"

"I'm buying you food," he pointed out. "It's an unspoken rule that you're nice to the person buying you food."

I rolled my eyes playfully. "Whatever."

Soon the food arrived and as hungry as I was, I didn't waste any time cutting into my steak. "Wow, you really were hungry," Zacky laughed. I raised my middle finger, but this only made him laugh harder. "So rude. Anyway, since we're on a date, we should get to know each other a little better."

"And how exactly should we do that? Twenty questions?" I hadn't been expecting Zacky to agree to that, so when he did, I couldn't help but let out a little snort of laughter.

"Do you have any better ideas?" Zacky asked. I shrugged, shaking my head. "That's what I thought. I'll go first. What's your favorite movie?"

"Footloose," I answered immediately. I'd been watching that movie since I was a little girl, and it was what had ultimately gotten me hooked on musicals and theater.

"That's such a 'you' answer," Zacky said.

I huffed. "Alright then, if you think you're so great, what's your favorite movie?"

"That would probably have to be House of 1000 Corpses."

"What the hell is that?" I asked. "It sounds like a shitty B-flick."

Zacky gasped very overdramatically, much like he had when we first arrived at the restaurant. "You've never seen House of 1000 Corpses?"

"You make it sound like I kicked your puppy or something," I said. Still, I couldn't help but laugh.

"You might as well have!" Zacky exclaimed. "We have to fix this. Tonight. You're coming over to my house and we're watching it."

"Uh no," I said. "I'm ready to get out of these clothes. I'm not going anywhere but to my apartment."

"Fine, then I'm coming with you," Zacky informed me. "We can watch that and we'll even watch Footloose, since I might not have seen that yet..."

"And you were giving me shit," I teased. "But I'm up for a movie night."

The look on Zacky's face told me he was a little surprised that I'd agreed to his little idea, and honestly, so was I. I'd been keeping him at arm's length since I met him and here I was inviting him into my apartment for an extended period of time. The whole thing still made me a little uneasy because I wasn't exactly sure of Zacky's intentions, but it couldn't hurt to get to know him a little better as a friend by watching his favorite movie.

"Alright!" Zacky exclaimed. "I'll even bring wine. You can't have a movie night without wine."

"Where are you gonna get wine?"

"Duh, from the restaurant," Zacky answered, gesturing to the drink menu. "So do you like red or white?"

. . .

"You can put the movie in the DVD player if you want, I'm gonna go to my room and change clothes." I pointed out the player to Zacky before heading down the hall to my room. I pulled off my clothes from the show and tossed them onto my bed, pulling on a pair of sweatpants, a gray tank top, and a blue plaid flannel.

When I got back to the living room, Zacky was sitting on the couch, his feet propped up on my coffee table. "You should get some wine glasses," he said. "I would've, but I didn't wanna dig through your cabinets."

I went into the kitchen, going over to the cabinet where I kept my glassware. Zacky had purchased two bottles of red wine, and I was curious as to whether he intended for us to finish both. Because there was no way I was letting him leave if he was even the slightest bit drunk. But maybe that was his intention.

"Here you go." I handed the glasses to Zacky as I sat down next to him on the couch. While he filled them, I lit up a cigarette, sucking up the nicotine I'd been craving since before the show. "Thanks," I said, taking the wine glass Zacky handed to me. "Are you gonna start the movie or what?"

Zacky nodded rapidly. "Yeah, yeah, yeah." He hit play and rubbed his hands together excitedly. "You're gonna love this movie, Wowza."

"I'm sure." I didn't have the heart to tell Zacky that I wasn't a fan of horror movies and now I was beginning to regret it. But at least I had a cigarette to calm me down and a glass of wine to nurse. I sipped the alcohol down fast, finishing a second glass so fast I surprised even myself.

It wasn't long before I found myself with my face buried in Zacky's shoulder, his arm draped over mine. I was scared out of my mind at this stupid movie and he, of course, found this to be hysterical. "Don't tell me you're scared of this," he teased.

"Just pour me another glass of wine," I grumbled, moving my face away from his shoulder. I didn't move completely away from him, knowing I would more than likely need to shield my eyes again soon.

In the meantime, I leaned my head over on Zacky's shoulder, pulling my legs up onto the couch, curling up against Zacky's side. "You know, I could get used to this," Zacky commented. "Having you cuddled up next to me. I knew you'd come around eventually."

"Don't flatter yourself." I finished off the last of the wine in my glass and held it out to be refilled. "You do make a pretty comfortable pillow though, I'll admit that."

Zacky chuckled softly, tightening his grip around my shoulders and pulling me closer. Maybe it was the fact that I'd had three glasses of wine or maybe it was because I was on edge from this stupid movie, but I didn't pull away from Zacky. I sipped down half of the wine in my glass and then reached forward to set it on the coffee table, letting out a yawn as I moved back against the couch.

"I'm really glad you finally let me take you out," Zacky said a few minutes later. He moved his arm from my shoulder, resting it in his lap. I sat up away from him, suddenly uneasy at the direction this situation had suddenly taken. "I was starting to think you didn't like me."

"It's not that," I told him. "It's just--"

"Because I really like you," he interrupted. "I know I sound like a fucking teenager or something, but it's true. I haven't felt his way about someone since Gena."

I moved away from him, panic rising up in my chest. "Don't say that."

Zacky obviously noticed the change in my demeanor. He closed the gap I'd put between us, resting his hand on my knee. "Why not?" he asked softly. "Wren, I can't help how I feel about you. You're special, I knew that the day I met you. You're passionate and you're talented and you're beautiful and you make me feel happy, something I haven't felt since I got divorced."

"But I'm not right for you," I said. I reached down and moved his hand away. "Zacky, you're a great guy. It took me a while to figure that out, but you really are. And that's why I'm not right for you. You deserve someone who wants what you want and that's not me, I'm sorry."

"You can't let that guy stop you from being with someone else," Zacky said. Of course he assumed this had something to do with Clark. And it did, just not in the way he thought. It wasn't Clark that had ruined things for me. I'd ruined it for myself. "I know that's why you're pushing me away. Claire told me everything. But I'm not him, okay? I know what it's like to have my heart broken and I would never do that to you like he did."

I let out a growl of frustration. Why did I have to meet this man? Why did I have to meet this tornado of a man, the one who blew into my life and made me question everything I thought I believed? "It's not what you think, Zacky," I finally said.

"Then tell me," he whispered. "What's so terrible about being in a relationship with me?"

"I just...I'm scared, okay?" I blurted. I felt tears on my cheeks and I hastily pawed them away, angry at myself for letting them fall, a byproduct of having so much to drink. I was angry at Zacky too, angry at him for forcing this out into the open. Things had been fine before this and I'd actually been having a good time with him. "It's not relationships that scare me, it's what happens later. Bad things happen to people who fall in love. Things move too fast, things move too slow. People get tired and cheat. Or they fall in love and create something magical and some cosmic force decides they're too happy and ends it with twisting metal and breaking glass. That's why I'm not right for you."

When I looked up at Zacky, expecting his jaw to be slack, murky bits of understanding swimming in his jade-colored eyes. But he was smiling. He just listened to me spill my heart out and the bastard was smiling. "How are you gonna know you're not right for me if you don't even try?"

Before I could think, Zacky leaned forward and kissed me. And it wasn't a light, timid kiss like I was expecting our first to be. This kiss was deep and meaningful; it drew all of the air from my body and left me scant of breath when Zacky broke away. "Zacky, I--"

"Shh," he interrupted. "Don't talk, just listen. What happened to your parents was tragic and terrible, but you can't let that scare you. Yeah, sometimes shitty things happen to good people. But think about all the good years they had before they died. They wouldn't have had all those good years - wouldn't have had you - if they'd run away from the idea of being in a relationship or falling in love because they were scared."

"I...I don't know." Zacky had a good point, one I hadn't thought about before. My mom always used to tell me how happy she and my dad were, and I remember being able to see it too; how happy they were, how in love they were. And while it might have ended terribly, I'm sure that neither one of them would've given it up for anything.

"I'm not asking you to say you're in love with me or anything," Zacky said, breaking the silence. "Because I don't think I'm in love with you, either. I just want you to say that you'll give me a chance. That's all I'm asking, Wren."

It was the fact that he called me Wren instead of that infuriating nickname that pushed me over the edge. The whole idea was still scary and I knew it would be awhile before it wasn't, but Zacky was right, as hard as that was for me to admit. And deep down, I knew that my parents wouldn't want me to be afraid to get close to someone romantically because I was scared of losing them.

"I'm not promising anything," I whispered. I took a shaky breath, reaching out to place my hand on Zacky's chest, feeling his heartbeat. "Because even if all of that stuff is true, I still just don't know. And maybe it's just the wine talking, but I uh, I think I can give you a chance."

Zacky smiled. "I'll take that," he said.

Notes