I spent the next several days going back and forth on my feelings over the Zack situation. I knew I had a crush on him, of course, but I was trying to figure out whether there was actually a chance he had any interest in me. All of my uncertainty hinged on that single, tiny, fleeting expression I’d seen on his face the previous week. That look of what I’d perceived to be disappointment. The more I thought about it and tried to figure out what it meant, the less sure I was of what I even saw in the first place.

I huffed in irritation at myself as I paced up and down the bus corridor, passing from the bunks into the main living area. This wasn’t like me, to freak out over a guy. I hadn’t acted this way since high school.

But this is Zacky Vengeance.

My brain wasn’t wrong; the crucial detail of who I was thinking about went a long way towards explaining my behavior. His status as a famous client certainly didn’t make being blunt and asking about his feelings simple, though. What I’d decided the night after the movie was right; I’d just have to accept not knowing for now, and be open to something happening if it happened. But, with my hyper-analytical mind that always wanted to know things with absolute certainty, that was easier said than done.

I turned around again at the front of the bus and headed towards the back lounge. Everyone else was gone at the moment, either performing in the show or watching from backstage. I’d told them I had to stay behind to do work tonight. It wasn’t entirely untrue, but mostly I’d just wanted to be alone for a while. Pacing up and down the bus and muttering to myself with other people there probably would’ve caused some suspicion.

And speaking—er, thinking—of other people, Matt and Val hadn’t exactly been helping my inner conflict, either. I didn’t know what kinds of conversations they’d been having with each other, other than the one Val had told me about. But the knowing looks the two of them kept giving me, particularly when Zack was around, were maddening. It was only a matter of time before they somehow “accidentally” stranded Zack and I at a romantic dinner for two.

I snorted at the thought, not knowing quite what to make of their meddling. It could potentially help me if it worked, I realized, but the vague threat of having something like that happen with no warning was making me twitchy. And the others had definitely noticed at this point. Hell, Johnny and Brian had both cornered me within the past week, in two separate situations, to ask whether I was okay. I’m pretty sure they thought I was just overstressed with legal work, and since I didn’t have the guts to tell them the truth, I just let them keep believing it.

I sighed as I stopped pacing to flop down on a couch in the back. There were still two months left on the tour, but if something didn’t change, I’d go crazy long before then. I needed to ask Matt and Val to stay out of it. Yeah. That wouldn’t fix my problems entirely, but it should be enough to keep me sane. I knew Val’s intentions were good, but it seemed like nothing I said to her would make her stop looking at me like she knew all my secrets. I needed to talk to Matt. If I explained the situation to him personally, maybe he’d understand and be willing to cut me some slack.

I’d have to get him alone; there was no way I could risk anyone else overhearing the conversation. But I was already on the guys’ bus, and they would be back from the show in an hour or so. Maybe I could just wait here until they showed back up. I’d pull Matt off the bus for a few minutes, and tell him what was going on. It would probably look kind of weird to the others, but I didn’t have the time to come up with a more nuanced plan.

With my decision made, I settled further into the leather cushions of the couch, putting my feet up for good measure. It was time for a stake-out.

~~~

I heard the guys open the door when they came back to the bus, laughing loudly at something one of them had said. I sat up and rubbed at my half-asleep eyes, trying to bring myself back to reality as I heard the door slam shut behind them. I tried to listen for a certain deep voice, hoping that Matt hadn’t chosen tonight to go back to the other bus for whatever reason.

Brooks’s voice… Zack’s voice… Johnny’s voice… Bingo.

I stood up and walked to the entryway of the back lounge, figuring I should make my presence known. I stifled a yawn, then cleared my throat before speaking over the general chatter. “Hey, guys. How was the show?”

Johnny jumping slightly, and the guys all turned to look at me. Brian was holding a bottle of what appeared to be whiskey, about to pour it into five shot glasses set out on the kitchen counter. They seemed a bit surprised that I was here, which made sense. I’d come over early in the day to get some space away from the kids for work, but usually would’ve gone back to the other bus by now.

“Christa! It was great, the kids in the pit were really crazy tonight,” Johnny said, chuckling as he relaxed slightly. He paused for a moment, looking contemplative, before continuing. “Did you want to stay over here tonight? We have an extra bunk, and the lounge, of course…”

“Oh, no, that’s okay!” I said, shaking my head. They were looking at me expectantly. My eyes flitted to Zack for a moment, and noticed his head was cocked to the side ever so slightly. Not wanting to get caught staring, I turned my gaze quickly to a random spot on the wall behind them. “I was just wondering… uh… Matt, could I talk to you for a minute?”

Real subtle.

The singer nodded his head, seeming unfazed by my random request. “Sure thing. Driver’s not back yet, so we won’t be leaving for another few minutes, anyways. C’mon.” He gestured towards the front of the bus, and I followed him, squeezing past the other guys on my way.

I felt a hand grab my wrist gently as I went by, stopping me, and looked up to see Zack. “You okay, Christa?” he asked quietly, eyebrows furrowed slightly in a look of concern. There, that officially made three of the guys who thought I was going crazy. I put on my best reassuring smile, tried to ignore the warmth I was feeling from his hand, and nodded.

“I’ll be fine, Zack. It’s nothing. Thanks for checking on me, though.”

He nodded after a moment, slowly letting go of my wrist. He didn’t look entirely convinced, but must have been able to tell that I wasn’t up for talking about it. He reluctantly turned his attention back to Brian and the shots with everyone else. They probably assumed I just had some sort of legal update.

Matt waited for me to catch up before opening the door, and we stepped out into the warm, still air of a late summer night. He walked a good ten paces from the bus door before he turned to look at me. “So, what’s up?”

I sighed, looking down and fidgeting with my hands as I tried to figure out a good way to say what I wanted to. My heart was beating more quickly than normal, and I realized I was worried about what his reaction might be. Finally, I took a deep breath and just went for it. “Matt… this feels kind of awkward for me to talk about, but I’m going to give it a try. Val had mentioned to me about a week ago that you, well… thought there might be something going on between me and Zack.” I turned my eyes up from my feet to look at him, trying to gauge his reaction. It was dark out, but with lights from the venue and street lamps still on, it wasn’t difficult to see.

He chuckled after a few seconds, effectively breaking the tension I’d created, and scratched the back of his head as he realized what this was about. A grin came over his face. “Yeah, I might’ve said something like that. It was just the way you looked in the mall the other day.”

I nodded. “I figured that’s what started it. But, since then I feel like you and Val have both been giving me these… suspicious looks, whenever Zack and I are even in the same room. I’m sorry, Matt, but it’s driving me nuts, and someone else is going to notice eventually.” I crossed my arms over my chest protectively, feeling self-conscious. “Could you please stop?”

His expression turned serious now, and he nodded at me soberly. “Yeah, of course, Christa. We were just having fun, I didn’t realize it was actually bothering you. I’m sorry.” He hesitated for a moment, seeming unsure of his next move, before taking a few steps towards me and wrapping me in a bear hug.

I stiffened momentarily, before relaxing slightly in his arms. I trusted Matt, and could tell that he meant what he said. I wrapped my smaller arms around him briefly, before pulling away.

“It’s okay, Matt. I just…” Was I going to tell him the truth? To hell with it, he probably already knew. I glanced back at the bus anxiously, and seeing the windows and door closed, turned back to whisper to Matt. “I do like Zack, alright? But I like being you guys’ lawyer more. I really, really don’t want him to find out. So if we could just drop it, and if you could promise not to try to set us up or anything, then… I’d really appreciate it.” I paused for a moment, and then added, “And please don’t tell any of the other guys. I never intended for anyone to find out about it. Val’s just way too perceptive,” I said, laughing softly in spite of the situation.

Matt nodded at me again, serious expression still in place. “I promise not to tell Zack or anyone else, Christa. And I won’t try to set you up. Sorry, I really didn’t realize the way it was getting to you. But, for the record... I don’t think you two dating would interfere with you being our lawyer. We’re already kind of one big family here, Christa. I don’t see any reason why that would change.” He must have seen the warning look on my face, as he added, “but I promise to be hands-off about it. I’m just saying, if something did happen that made it so you were together, I think everyone here would be fine and happy about it.”

I felt my body start to fully relax for the first time in what felt like days. He’d promised. And I trusted him. For now, that was all I needed.

“Thank you, Matt. You’re a great friend. I just care a lot about everyone here and don’t want to risk messing it up, you know? But I get what you’re saying. Whatever happens, it’s nice to know you think of me as part of the group.” I couldn’t help the smile forming on my face at my own words.

He smiled back at me. “Of course you are. Was that all you wanted to talk about?” I nodded, and he went on. “Okay then. What should I tell the others when I go back to the bus? I’m sure they’ll want to know what’s up…”

I tapped my chin thoughtfully, then snapped my fingers a second later when it came to me. “Tell them I have good reason to believe this lawsuit will be over soon. It shouldn’t drag on more than a couple of weeks after the tour, once we can get in court in Huntington Beach and present our side of things. We won’t get off entirely scot-free, but I think they’ll rule in our favor, based on evidence and rulings I’ve been finding from other related cases.” I saw his surprised look, and grinned. “And that’s the truth.”

“Christa, that’s awesome! I knew things were going well, but that’s the best news I’ve heard in a while. I’ll be sure to tell them.” He seemed genuinely excited. I was glad to be able to give him good news, after so much uncertainty in the past few months.

“Thank you, Matt. I’m going to go ahead and head back to our bus for the night, but I’ll see you tomorrow, yeah?”

He nodded again, raising a hand in parting. “Sounds good, Christa. See you soon.”

With that, I turned and took my leave. I walked past the guys’ bus, happy to note that the windows and door were still closed, and headed back to where I’d be sleeping for the night.

Notes