Eternal Blossom

Knowing that the day was coming didn’t make it any easier the morning of Jimmy’s birthday. She had personally never met Jimmy, but all of the stories and home videos made her feel as though she did. As she rolled over, she looked at Brian sleeping peacefully beside her. She knew that his grim outlook of the last week wouldn’t last forever just as she knew that today would be the pinnacle of his grief cycle.

Rayne and she had discussed on their lunch date how each of their men were in grumpus moods, and what all they could or couldn’t do to uplift their moods. In the end, they’d decided to be there for them, but let their issues run their course. Grief was weird in that it would strike back up around holidays, birthdays, and death days. She and Rayne both knew this deeply, having lost both of their mothers. It had taken them years to overcome that part of the grief cycle, and some years were still harder than others.

As her eyes traced his features, and her fingers itched to do the same, Aiyana enjoyed the moment for what it was; the calm before the storm.

With a light sigh, she knew that it was time to awake the dragon, and she leaned forward to kiss his cheek. His barely there stubble grated against her lips as they feathered over his cheek and jaw line, easing him into wakefulness. Once his stunning eyes fluttered open, he looked over at her and captured her lips with his own.

Brian pulled back from the kiss, and looked at his woman, smiling softly as he mumbled a groggy good morning to her. The moment his head hit his pillow again, the reality of the day washed over him and settled into the pockets of his very being. It wasn’t just another day, and that very thought shattered him. Raising his hands to rub over his face, he groaned as he felt her get out of bed.

Aiyana decided to give him a moment to deal with his demons, and she slid into her robe before putting her hair into a messy bun while making her way downstairs so that she could start breakfast. He’d need something on his stomach, after all, for the copious amount of liquor she was sure he’d consume today.


“This is the fourth birthday of his that we haven’t had him running around, wreaking havoc all over the place, declaring that it was his right to fuck shit up because it was his birthday,” Brian stated as he boosted himself up onto the counter with a rueful grin.

Aiyana looked over at him as she put some biscuits in the oven. She wasn’t going to tell him that it got better, or that she was sorry. Those things never made her feel any better considering that it didn’t get better; just easier to cope with, and nobody that didn’t know that person could honestly say they were sorry.

“Do you want to invite the guys over so that you can all reminisce,” she asked with a soft voice, trying her best not to step on his toes, but still give him a chance to feel all of those emotions on his own terms.

Brian nodded and looked down at the counter top before responding, “yeah, I did that when you came down here. We usually spend the day together talking about Jimmy. They’ll be over in about an hour along with our road crew, and some other childhood friends.”

Aiyana began cooking his eggs, understanding that it didn’t just take a village to raise a kid. Sometimes it took a village to get past a hard day, and when your whole village was feeling the same thing, you leaned on one another for support. Thinking about how much she and Rayne probably weren’t wanted or needed today, she chewed on the inside of her cheek as she tried to think of a nice way of asking him if he wanted her to shove off for the day.

Brian slid off the counter and stepped to her side, kissing her softly to stop her nervous habit.

“What’s on your mind, gorgeous,” he asked without stepping back.

Eyes flying up to meet his curious brown gaze, she quickly averted her gaze as she spoke, “I was just… it’s just.. well fuck. Brian, I know you’ve got your people to lean on today, and I don’t want to be in the way of everything. I didn’t know Jimmy, so I also don’t want to be in the way. If you need me to go for the day, I will.”

He shook his head and wrapped his arms around her, turning her so that her back was to his chest. He knew he’d been an asshole for a while now, and he knew he’d probably be a drunken mess by the end of the day. The last thing he wanted though was for her to leave because he needed her there with him today.

“No baby, I want …” he began, pausing only to fix his statement, “I need you here today. You’re a calming influence when it feels like my world is going to shit.”

“Alright, I’ll be here, but if everyone is coming over, I need to go to the store and get something for dinner. You sit down and eat, and I’ll be back shortly with rations for the army,” she told him, turning her head to kiss his cheek as a rush of relief went through her body.

She pulled the biscuits out of the oven and dashed upstairs to get dressed quickly. On her way back down the stairs in a pair of skinny jeans and a band t she saw Brian sitting on the counter with his plate in his hand. Her mothering instincts for her friends and family were putting her into overdrive, and she knew it was a good thing that she’d been busy taking care of people today.

“Hey baby, do you want anything specific, or need anything while I’m out,” she asked as she grabbed a biscuit for the road.

“Everyone should be fine with bar b que, and Matt will be glad to have something to do with his hands since he’s our grill master,” he said evenly, his eyes never leaving his plate.

Aiyana jumped to kiss his cheek, not missing the smirk that the action garnered from him, and then turned and walked out the door, yelling that she loved him over her shoulder. She didn’t like leaving him in a funk, but she knew that he probably needed some alone time before everyone got there.


Pulling into the driveway, she noticed that there were already 6 extra cars there. With a groan, she realized that she only recognized Zacky’s car. She wasn’t opposed to them being there, but she felt like a bad hostess for not being there to welcome them when they got there.

Walking in with arms loaded with bags, she yelled out for Zack and Brian to help her bring in the groceries while she dropped the bags onto the kitchen floor. When Rayne popped up moments later also weighed down with bags, she felt relief wash over her at the fact that she wouldn’t be the only person there that hadn’t personally known the legend that was Jimmy Sullivan.

The boys disappeared after hugs, and Rayne helped her put up the groceries, whispering to her how worried about Zack she was. Aiyana just nodded, listening intently as she got the meat opened and marinating. Depression was an ugly beast, and one that didn’t show up just text book perfect in every case. Rayne wasn’t a mother hen, and often had trouble understanding people’s emotions because she hid from her own a lot. If it was an unpleasant emotion, Rayne would dodge it in a heartbeat, avoiding the sensations it brought along at all costs while Aiyana embraced them briefly, analyzed them, and then found a way to overcome them.

Once the meat was put away to marinate, she grabbed a bottle of water, and handed it to Rayne as she spoke, “Ray, honey, take a breath. Zack is going to be okay. Not everyone stays buried in their peaceful chasm of rainbows and unicorn turds like you do. You feel happiness and anger. Anything else, you toss out with the garbage or morph into ice cream under a pier. Just be there for him. That’s all you can do.”

Rayne took a deep breath as she’d been instructed, feeling the panic begin to ebb from her body. Aiyana was right. Aiyana spent most of her teen years in a deep depression, so she knew she couldn’t beat happiness into anyone with a confetti cannon. The mess and angry Aiyana after that failed experiment were proof positive.

“Now, go find your man while I go find mine. If you start to panic again, come find me. I’ll feed you glitter until you shit like a unicorn,” Aiyana told her cousin with a soft laugh before turning her around and pushing her out of the kitchen.

Rayne laughed and made her way through the now packed living room to find Zack and perch on his lap. Once settled, she kissed him softly, relaxing even more as she felt his arms come up to wrap around her tiny waist.

Aiyana watched Rayne until she was sure that the woman was calm enough to deal with her depressed soulmate, and then scanned the room in search of her own. She didn’t spot Brian, so she made her way to the back door and out of it, assuming that he’d slipped outside for a cigarette. Closing her eyes for a moment as she shut the door and chaos of so many people in the house behind her, she took a deep breath.

When she opened her eyes, she looked over to the table and chairs that Brian smoked at, and her eyebrows drew together in confusion as she saw a skinny sandy blonde standing behind Brian with her arms wrapped around him, her body front pressed flush to his back, both of them facing away from her.

Tilting her head to the side like an owl, she tried to figure out who this girl was that was holding Brian, and just why he would need to be held. Stepping closer, she was stopped in her tracks when she heard him speaking softly to the woman behind him.

“Chelle, I just miss him. You know how much he meant to me.”

“I know BriBri, and he loved you so much. He wouldn’t want you to be sad. Tell me what I can do to help you feel better,” the woman responded to him just as softly.

Aiyana’s brain began running ninety to nothing, as she cringed at the god awful nickname, and it dawned on her that this tiny slip of a woman must be the Michelle that Brian had been engaged to before. Not sure if she should intrude, but not wanting to leave if Brian needed anything, she just stood there waiting for his response.

“You can head back inside and see if Aiyana needs any help, Chelle. I’m just going to have another smoke,” Brian responded with a sigh.

“She’s a big girl, BriBri. I’m sure she can handle that kitchen while I handle you,” Michelle told him before placing a kiss on his shoulder.

Arching an eyebrow, Aiyana placed a hand on her hip as she watched the other woman, pissed off at the scene in front of her, but finding herself frozen in place as her brain warred with her heart. Her brain told her today was about grief and consoling, but her heart told her to make her presence known with a fist into Michelle’s face.

“Michelle, don’t. The only person I want handling me is Aiyana, so if you want to handle some meat go to the kitchen,” Brian informed Michelle with a low and menacing tone while he moved out of her embrace.

Mentally high fiving her boyfriend, Aiyana felt a face splitting smile stretch across her face at his words.

“Hey baby,” Aiyana spoke up as she wiped the smile off her face and closed the distance between them, “Rayne and I just finished up, so I thought I’d come see if you needed anything.”

Brian jumped when he heard her voice, and turned around, a small smile falling onto his lips as he wrapped his arms around her, kissing the top of her head.

“I’m good for now. Let me introduce you to Michelle. Aiya, this is Michelle, Michelle, this is my girlfriend Aiyana.”

Michelle looked Aiyana over with an appraising eye before shaking her hand, “nice to meet you. Are you taking good care of my BriBri?”

“When he’ll let me,” Aiyana responded with a laugh before looking up at Brian in time to see him roll his eyes. She figured now wasn’t the time to get into an altercation with the ex, so she let the ‘my BriBri’ comment slide.

Brian chuckled and dipped his head to place a kiss on her lips before he sat down in one of the chairs. He quickly lit a cigarette, and gestured to one of the chairs for Michelle before he hooked a finger in Aiyana’s belt loop and pulled her onto his lap. Aiyana smirked at him and raised an eyebrow at his maneuver while Michelle made her excuses and went back inside.

“How long were you outside? I never heard the door,” Brian asked her as soon as the door shut.

“Long enough,” she replied as she stole his cigarette. “I almost fell into a fit of giggles when you told her to go handle the meat in the kitchen instead of your own though.”

“Hey, it was a good line,” he smirked up at her, watching her take a drag of his cigarette before it was placed back into his waiting fingers.


That evening, Aiyana had been introduced to everyone, and had played the part of mother hen and hostess quite well making sure that everyone had everything that they needed or wanted. She helped Matt get everything out to the grill, and then went back to the kitchen to finish up with the sides.

“You make a nice addition,” Dan, their body guard told her as he meandered into the kitchen behind her. “Thank you for letting us invade for the day.”

“Ya’ll are welcome any time,” she responded with a smile, handing him a new beer when she saw that his was empty. “I’ve heard a lot of stories about Jimmy, and I think it’s nice that ya’ll still get together like this to celebrate his memory.”

“You’ll hear a lot more stories before the end of the night, and you’ll probably have most of our drunk asses camping out here for the night. You keep saying ‘ya’ll’. Are you from Texas,” he chuckled, leaning on the counter as he watched her cut veggies for burgers.

“Nope. Just spent a few years there for work. Things rub off,” she shrugged as she changed the topic, “but that’s enough about me. Tell me a Jimmy story.”

“Well, we were in Houston, Texas on tour after the white album. We finally got them all back on the bus, Jimmy carrying Johnny across his shoulders while demanding Johnny to give him the whereabouts of munchkin land. Jimmy turned to Matt with a beer in his hand, declaring at the top of his voice, ‘You. Go forth, and greet the cattle. They were a good herd,’ “ Dan said with his best Jimmy impression mixed with a southern drawl. “And Matt just made his way off the bus to greet the fans that had hung back around the bus without a word. I don’t know if he didn’t know how to respond to that or what, but he just did it. That was Jimmy for you though, he could put things in a way that people were just instantly on board or doing his bidding without question.”

Aiyana laughed at the story, and nodded as she grabbed her special tin from the top of the fridge. She would have to remember to ask Johnny about munchkin land and the herds in Texas next time she saw him.

“It’s the weird or little things we don’t forget, Aiyana. He would have liked you. You’re good for Brian and make him happy like he hasn’t been in years,” Dan told her while he passed her to grab a few more beers.

“Thank you, Dan. I know I missed out on knowing an amazing person. I wish I could have met him myself,” Aiyana said with a sympathetic smile to the body builder before excusing herself so that she could go outside and toke in peace.

Once outside she found a quiet corner and rolled herself a joint, thinking about all of the wonderful stories and heart wrenching looks on everyone’s faces. Everyone had eaten, and had more than enough to drink before either passing out in various places in and around the house or heading to their own homes. The night was winding down, and as she lit the joint with a deep inhale of the relaxing smoke, she became pensive.

Matt perked up when the delectable aroma wafted beyond the tip of his nose, and he followed the scent back to Aiyana who was sitting at the edge of the porch and looking back at the house. As she saw the giant bulk of a man walk over with a sad expression on his face, she held out her half smoked joint to him in offering.

He sat down beside her and accepted the joint, taking a long drag off of it without saying a word. After his two tokes he handed the small joint back to her and leaned his head over on her shoulder, closing his eyes against the emotions that were threatening to make emasculate him. Aiyana raised her free hand and ran her fingers through his hair while she finished off the joint, knowing that he just needed a little comfort from all of the emotions the day had brought down on everyone.

“He’d be pissed that we’re all drunk and melancholy, Aiya. He’d be yelling at the top of his lungs about how we should turn our turbulent emotions into songs, or pushing everyone to have a better time via any and every thing,” Matt confided in her softly.

“I think he’d be okay with us being sad, Matt,” Brian spoke as he came out of the shadows of the house and sat down on Aiyana’s other side. “He had his dark and depressed days too. He would have understood how we’re feeling, and told us it was okay for today as long as we picked each other up tomorrow.”

Aiyana looked between the two guys, listening to them both until the silence loomed around them like an omnipresent entity in and of itself. With a soft sigh, Brian wrapped his arm around her shoulder and patted Matt’s back in a brotherly form of affection. Each of them sat there huddled together, drawing strength from one another as their minds turned over the glorious being that had been Jimmy.

Notes

I had to, ya'll. Sorry. :( Now I'm sad, and I think I'm going to read some to pull myself out of my funk.