Eager To Syn

***

Becca slammed the car door shut, crossing her arms and staring out the window. Brian massaged his forehead with his fingertips. He tried several times to open his mouth and explain himself, but he couldn’t. Because there was no explanation. Well, not one he wanted to voice.

He drove in silence, wincing when she once again slammed the car door shut when they got home, slammed the front door in his face, and then also the bedroom door in his face. Brian forced it open before she could lock it.

“Sit!” The guitarist barked way louder than he meant to, pointing to the bed.
She sat fuming, but sat just the same.

Brian paced, “You!” He pointed a finger and then thought better of it. This wasn’t her fault and he knew it, “I just need a few days to--” He felt ridiculous. Stupid. Emotional. He hated it.

Becca finally just exploded, “You have any idea how embarrassing that was, Brian?!? How alone I felt?! I don’t care if you’re overwhelmed! How do you fucking think I feel, huh?! You better fucking man up real soon or we can fight for custody rights!!” She was standing now, screaming in his face.

His broad shoulders, along with his sad puppy eyes, fell to the floor, “I-I’m sorry, Beccs. I have no excuse. I never should have left you there by yourself. In fact, I really regret not getting a better look at our baby…” Syn’s voice was soft and quiet, a tone she’d never heard before. He reached for her and she tentatively let his hand rest at her hip. His other hand brushed the hair away from her face as his eyes finally raised to hers, “I promise I am ready to do this with you, Becca. I just...wasn’t ready for what that little heartbeat made me feel.”

Her eyes widened at his admittance, searching his as the softness in his eyes was slowly replaced by his normal assurance and dominance. She smiled to herself, her heart fluttering at the idea that he not only had feelings for her, but already for their little creation.

Becca pulled the sonogram picture out of her back pocket and handed it to him, “It’s not the same, but…”
Brian smiled meekly, kissing her lightly as he took the picture from her, “Thanks, Beccs.” He swept his feelings aside, taking action instead of facing his demons, “I’ll make us dinner. You rest.”

She chuckled, “I’m only 8 weeks, Brian, it’s not like--”
He was already headed for the door, “You should know better than to sass me, baby girl.”

*

Matt looked warily at his bandmate as they sat out on the deck overlooking the ocean. It was a nice, crisp morning, but Shadz had figured out by the text informing him Brian was coming over that alcohol would probably be called for. The bloody Marys had been made by the time he walked in the door.

Syn still had his shades on, but then again, so did Matt. Brian had no idea what to say, so he just reached into his pocket and handed his singer the picture that had changed his life.

Shadz gawked at the picture in his hand. Absolutely not. No way.

When he glanced up at Brian, the guitarist was leaned over on his elbows staring out into nothing. Matt knew exactly what some of the feelings were that Syn was having, but not all of them. He’d seen two such pictures of his own children, and would remember the overwhelming feeling for the rest of this life. But he’d been in a relationship with Val since the dawn of time and they were in love. What Brian had could only be described as fucked. up.

Matt blew out a deep breath. This called for much more than the normal distant bro talk. He got up and sat right next to Brian, leaning over on his elbows just like he was, looking out at the ocean just like he was.

“How you doin’, dude? You okay? She okay?”

Brian chuckled ironically, taking a minute to answer, “I told her she was retiring for good. Moving in with me.” Matt caught the ever so slight change in his expression when he added, “She agreed.”

Shadz slung an arm over the other man’s back, squeezing the opposite shoulder, “Congratulations, man. Trust me, this is a good thing. I know you don’t believe right now that you’ll make a good father, but I know you, Brian.” He tapped the other guy’s chest and got wide, horrified brown eyes in return, “You’ve got a good heart, dude. In there somewhere,” Matt chuckled, “You just needed the right woman to bring it out in you.”

If he didn’t know better, he’d say that Syn actually blushed. When Matt encouraged him into a hug, they quickly did the bro-back-slapping and released one another.

Brian still just pensively stared in front of him, still wrapping his mind around all of it. He didn’t have feelings. At all. Much less many of them at once. Becca had always been his way of continuing that--releasing all his frustration and lack of humanity into her sweet, beckoning walls because he didn’t have to care for her. Now she was the one causing all these...emotions. They were icky and gross and he wanted no part of it. Except….that he did.

He wanted her, he wanted their child. But what the fuck does that mean when you’re a touring metal guitarist who’s a total asshole?

“Zack’s never going to let me live this down.”
“Live what down?” Matt gave the guitarist a quizzical look.
Brian slowly, sheepishly looked over at the frontman from over his glasses, “He’s got one hell of an ‘I told ya so’ coming.”

It took Shadz a second to realize what Syn was talking about. Then he figured it out. Matt took off his glasses and looked right back at Brian, “You’re...not just doing the right thing, are you? You...do have feelings for her.”

“Of course I have feelings for her, Matt! We’ve been together for five whole fucking years and she’s carrying my child!” Gates froze the second the outburst left his mouth, realizing he was now standing and yelling down at his bandmate. When Matt cocked a brow, Syn sat down quickly as his cheeks heated. He tried to pretend the scrutinizing hazel eyes weren’t transfixed on him, willing Brian to elaborate.

Shadows patted Syn on the back, giving up that he would admit to anything more. He realized that even though it might not seem so to anyone else, Matt knew that was a mountain of shit to come to terms with for Brian.

“Breathe, dude. We’re here for you. And her. Just know we’re one huge family and you’ll get through this. Just take it one day at a time. What’s next?”

Synyster took a few deep breaths, “Getting her moved in, I guess. Selling her house. Somehow finding patience for the fact that she cries now.” He mumbled frustratedly.

Matt chuckled in his deep baritone, “She at least also horny? Val got so wound up. That part was great.”

Brian leaned back for the first time since he’d gotten there, finally tasting the bloody Mary. He smiled that wide, cat-who-got-the-canary smile, “Yep. Honestly, I chose this morning to come talk to you just to give Gates junior a fucking rest, man.”



Matt gave the guy’s shoulder another good pat, “So can we throw you a party of sorts? So you can tell everyone else?”
“What?” Syn was downright horrified, “Fuck no!”
“Come on,” Shadz laughed, “If you bring Becca and tell everyone in front of her, it’ll make her really happy. Even if you’re terrified and don’t feel any of the things people, or she, thinks you are--that will help put her mind at ease. And trust me, you’ll want to use every trick you have to try and keep the scales ever in your favor. Remember, she’s an absolutely different woman for at least the next 9 months--a hormonal mess.”

“Dammit. Fine.” Brian rolled his eyes, but had to admit it would be nice putting a smile on her face.

***



Synyster grunted as he held onto the rope between her wrists. She was gorgeously face-down in the mattress in the playroom, ass in the air with his cock buried in her sweet depths. A Marlboro hung from his lips that were otherwise in a firm line, his eyes trained and narrowed at her back. He’d never made it a habit to smoke inside, but lately he found he needed it when having sex with her. Brian had always been an animal in the sac, especially with her and how wild she let him get in the bedroom, but now it was different. He feared what he might do to her. This thought did not sit well with him: he’d never cared before.

But not only were his urges getting so dominant they frightened even him--from Brian’s perspective she was in no shape to take what he really craved. Becca, of course, insisted she was fine as long as he didn’t beat her senseless--which of course he would never do--but it didn’t matter. She begged for him to take her like he used to. She used filthy language and seductive, unfair advantages to get what she wanted out of the guitarist--until his beautifully dull eyes would go wild with heat and he’d succumb to her wishes. But to curb that edge that scared him, he now smoked when they fucked in the playroom. He hated himself for it, knowing it wasn’t good for their baby, but it was that or put her entire body in danger.

Gripping the rope, Syn used the leverage to fuck her harder as she mewled for more. Every few thrusts, he’d pause with just his tip inside her so he could spank her ass. While it worked them both up, it also helped him last.

“Baby girl, you’re so fucking wet. Come for me again, I need it.” He breathed in the cigarette’s smoke, blowing it out through his nose as he closed his eyes. His shaft moved in and out of her as she shivered again around him. Uh, fuck, it was so good.

Becca winced when he paused once more and those long fingers planted themselves--again--on her cheeks. The rope chaffed her skin, his cock was full and hard and unrelenting. His hands were rough and unforgiving. But it was exactly what she wanted, what she needed night after night, day after day with him. He almost never fucked her face to face anymore, but she didn’t care. His gorgeous chocolate eyes that had always been empty, now hesitantly flashed with something new and wonderful--outside the bedroom. And even though it was still a rare occurrence, it was more than enough for her. Besides, she loved the man as he was--empty eyes and all, as long as those eyes looked at her.
Inside the bedroom, though, he was still one hundred percent the dominant, the alpha beast that claimed her however he wished. She may have to work sometimes to get him there, but she didn’t mind one bit.

After several more minutes of him thrusting and pausing, spanking and continuing, slowly building her back up--she felt the burn of his cigarette being put out on her lower back.
“Scream for me, baby.”

Becca did scream--screamed over and over as her ejaculate wet the sheets under them, along with her tears. Her body gave fully into him and that was all he needed. Pulling her back onto his cock by the rope he held onto, Brian croaked out a desperate cry as he came, balls deep inside her.

She was passed out by the time he’d cleaned them up and carried her back upstairs. Laying her gently on their bed, he placed a regretful kiss to her cheek and began rubbing the necessary oils to her abused behind. She murmured and sighed, but let him do it as she continued on her journey into her wonderful dreams. Brian continued to berate himself in his head as he put a different ointment on the burns on her lower back. There were four of them now, all of which caused a wetness to well up in his eyes at himself. Once again, he swore to never do it to her again. Tucking her in, he quietly left her there for their balcony to calm his fraying nerves.

As he always did, he began to go through the list of things to do next so he could keep it together. Brian had made a schedule for her--for both of them--that involved her going to yoga and new workout classes and them going to baby classes and assorted other bullshit. He hated every second of presenting their situation to the world, but knew it was necessary. And while the milling about and conversing with other people like he was anything in the realm of normal ate at his sanity--the structure of the planning every detail also calmed him back into something that resembled a human.

Shadz had been totally right about the night they told their friends, though. She’d lit up like the Christmas time it had recently been and the constant look on her face had brought him…..well, something like joy. The closest he’d probably ever get, anyway--a feeling for him that meant just feeling slightly less hollow.

*the party*

“I can’t go to a party like this, Bri! I look fat and awful and why are you making me do this!?”

Yep, she was actually crying now. In the passenger seat, as he pulled up to Matt and Val’s place. He sighed, parking and growling and reaching over with a tissue to wipe at her cheeks.



“Look at me,” Brian placed her face in his long fingers, forcing her to look at him. Despite the outrageous frustration and anger there behind the chasms that was his gaze, it calmed her somewhat, “You look beautiful and you’ll never look fat, princess. Don’t you want to tell our friends?” He petted her hair, his words belying his excitement on the subject. He did not want to tell them, he did not want to be here. But it had to be done, and she’d have to enjoy it for the both of them.

Becca nodded, letting him wipe away her tears as she smiled faintly, “Will there be cake?”
He chuckled at her, “Yes, darling. Of course. And tonight you may eat whatever you desire, alright?”

Valary had received strict instructions from Matt to keep her mouth shut, and Becca could tell she was busting at the seams. It had taken everything she had not to run to their house and congratulate them, or to at least tell their other friends. Nobody else there had any clue, and just thought they were there for a normal get together.

As soon as Brian had a drink in his hand, he grabbed Becca’s with the other and clinked his glass to get everyone’s attention. He just wanted this over with.
Putting his hand on her shoulder, he cleared his throat.



“We...have an announcement.” The quieter the room got, the more nervous he became, “Becca has agreed to retire and move in with me permanently, because….she’s carrying our baby.”

The room immediately became mass chaos of cheering and applause, congratulations and hugs. Brian was hardly aware of anyone else, though, since all he could feel was her intent gaze up at him. Her pretty blue eyes were so full of love, his feet nearly bolted for the door. His chest hurt with so many different pressures he could hardly stand it. He certainly didn’t deserve that affectionate gaze, and he had no idea how he was going to continue to do this--make her put up with the monster that he was.

But as the night wore on and the Scotch calmed his nerves, Syn was actually able to enjoy the night. Enjoy his friends, enjoy that look in her eyes. Even enjoy it when Zack hooked an arm around his waist when Brian threw one over the shorter man’s shoulders.

“Go on, say it. I know you want to.”

The rhythm guitarist did not hesitate whatsoever, “I told you so. I fucking knew it.”
Brian rolled his eyes, “Feel better?”
“Yes.”
Syn wasn’t sure what possessed him to actually turn to the other and hug him close, whispering, “Thank you, brother.”
He wasn’t even sure what he meant by it, but knew that Zack would. Sure enough, he got an earnest grin back--instead of the impish one always at his famous pucker, “Of course, dude.”



*

“Brian? Are you okay?”

Gates was snapped out of his memory of that night, instantly putting his cigarette out in the ash tray when she emerged onto the patio with him. The earnestness, but also hesitancy, in her horrendously naked question shook him to his core.
“Honey, you shouldn’t be out h--”

Becca looped her arms around his waist, her sapphire eyes blinking up at him from his chest, “Please answer me, Bri.”

He quieted, clearing his throat and contemplating his answer for a moment, “I’m a selfish son of a bitch, Beccs.” His brow knotted as he paused, not sure what to add to his statement of fact.
She reached up and ran her small fingers into his long hair, “I don’t care, Brian. You know that.”

Syn clasped her hand in his so she’d stop, closing his eyes so he didn’t have to look at her, “It’s not what you want. Me, I mean.”
“And what do I want, Bri?” Her voice held slight annoyance, over her normal tone of patience she always had for him.
“I don’t know. I just know that I can’t give it to you.”

Becca pulled her hand from his, resuming running her fingers through his gorgeous hair until he finally opened his hooded brown eyes to look down at her.

“You already do, babe. Every day. I’ve always accepted you for the man you are, Syn. Just like you always accepted me. You taught me that it was okay to be so fucked up, because we were fucked up together. You helped me discover dark, fucked up shit about myself that no one else could ever make okay--but you did. Brian, my love for you and that empty soul of yours might not be right, might not be healthy, but fuck that’s what it is. I love the fucked up way we love each other. And you’re just going to have to deal with that, because I love you, Brian.”

The guitarist just blinked back at her, his breath stolen. But she just smiled back, petting over his hair and down over his thick chest. He was more than horrified when he realized just how many things she’d spoken were true. It was all true. And he believed her. She’d never really let him know exactly how much he’d helped her find those parts of herself, but he then realized it was because on some level he’d always known. That was part of why he was so possessive of her--because he knew she could only truly be herself with him. As fucked as that was.

Brian took a deep breath and touched her cheek lightly, “What if I can never say it back to you, Beccs?” His voice was barely a breath, a cracking whisper of a question.

She smiled warmly, pulling his hand down to her tummy, “I won’t care. Because I know. Even if you don’t. You show me in ways you may never even realize, so I won’t even say them. In fact, I probably won’t say those words to you very often, if ever again. Because I know you. But I wanted to tell you at least this once. Don’t ever think you don’t give me what I want--you are exactly what I want.” She stood up on her tippy toes to give his high cheekbone a kiss, “Now are you coming to bed?”



The corner of his perfect mouth turned up ever so slightly, all her words settling nicely in his empty chest, “Of course, Beccs.”

Before she could get away, he pulled her hard against him--pressing their lips together to somehow seal all the things they’d just said. After she’d melted in his arms, he slowly pulled away, letting her lead him back inside.

***

Notes

Awwww, Brian's ever so slowly starting to soften, but not really?? Haha. Because she likes him all fucked up, so sweet lol.

As much as i'd like to write out this entire pregnancy, that's way too long! So what do you guys absolutely have to see happen, hmmmm???

Thanks for reading!