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Through All the Dust

Chapter Seventy: Nothing Like a Deathbat Family

The guys huddled together, Matt leading in some strange and testosterone-fueled chant. Lauren and I hung back, hanging onto each other like we had been edged off a cliff. With one last unison move, they broke apart and strapped their respective instruments across their bodies.
“Ready?” I asked Brian as he approached me.
He pursed his lips, biting back the emotional that was obviously flooding inside of him, “I guess so.”
“You’re going to be great,” I assured him, kissing him softly on his cheek.
As the tech steadied the pack into his back pocket, he smiled down at me. It was a flimsy smile but I was willing to take what I could get.
“Canadians are forgiving, right?” Brian asked with a hint of a grin.
I nodded, “That’s the word on the street.”
He nodded, taking his leave and folding into his brothers. In a blur, they filed onto the stage. The support they received was enough to bring you to your knees. Any Avenged fan in attendance would have known what kind of weight these men were holding on their shoulders; and the fans were ready to carry the load.
Lauren and I remained entangled, watching silently as our friends tried to piece back together the life that used to be so familiar. They were rough around the edges, Matt’s voice breaking with emotion every time he’d dare to glance back at the drum kit.
I heard Matt’s voice boom something about So Far Away and my attention peeked. Brian hadn’t been able to make it through the song without bursting into tears or rage…it was different every time. I was suddenly very worried, the pain in my chest growing as I watched my man struggle to keep himself in check.
As they strummed into Brian’s heart, their banner dropped to reveal my personal favourite picture. It was of Jimmy, in his arms were Johnny and Brian…I couldn’t handle it. I broke.
I leaned into Lauren as we both sobbed like the human disasters we were. I don’t know how the fuck our boys held straight faces—we were inconsolable. Brian’s guitar wept into the dark night and I watched helplessly as his face rigged itself in pain. It took every ounce of constraint I had not to rush onto the stage and take him into my arms.
Do you know who would have made light of the situation? Brought everyone back into laughing fits from their tears? Jimmy.
Isn’t that a kicker.
My man made it through the rest of their set, as Matt thanked the crowd over and over again for their support. As they filed out into the wings, every single one of them broke apart into tears. They clung to each other with a white-knuckled grip that came only from immense and genuine pain. Lauren and I stayed back, letting them group together like we knew they needed.
When Brian finally rejoined my side, I went to commend him on his performance but his tight face told me to refrain.
“I don’t want to talk about it,” he said lowly.
Lauren smiled sympathetically at me before weaving her way into Matt’s attention.
Brian sensed my surprise and he softened. He slung an arm over my shoulders and kissed the side of my head affectionately.
“Is that okay?” he added more sweetly.
I stifled my own feelings on the subject, “Sure.”
“We need to get properly drunk!” Brian declared, earning a hearty agreeance from his brothers.
I started wracking my brain for excuses. I’d never turned down a good party with the guys before…and given that I was only with them for the next twenty-four hours, there was no way they’d buy some simple cop-out. Should I fake the flu? Stomach ulcer? Sudden allergy?
It wouldn’t be as simple as feeding all of my alcohol to Lauren; there were too many people in too small of a vicinity. Maybe I could order straight Coke in a high ball glass and just act drunk…
I continued to wrack my brain all the way from the venue to a downtown bar. Lauren looked to be in about the same position as I, her face riddled with thought. The guys made small talk about literally everything but Jimmy.
Maybe I wasn’t the only one with a knack for avoiding my problems. Go figure.
We all huddled into a giant table pushed into the back of the dive bar. It felt a little nostalgic of night at Johnny’s Saloon; it had a similar sinister vibe. Matt and Zach disappeared to get a round for everyone.
“I need to pee!” Lauren announced. “Blair, do you also need to pee?”
I laughed, trying to hide my awkwardness, “I do, Lauren, yes. Thank you so much for asking.”
“Wonderful,” she said flatly, climbing to her feet. “We are going to go and pee then…together…Women do that.”
“Okay, shut up,” I grumbled to her, pushing her lightly to get her going.
I heard some rumblings of how weird we were, but ignored them in lieu of a bathroom reconnaissance. Lauren shut the door firmly behind us and immediately went into problem solving mode.
“You were drinking while pregnant already,” she said, flustered beyond belief. “So, really…what’s one more night?”
“Lauren!” I laughed, blown away by her ridiculous suggestion. “Absolutely fucking not.”
Her eyes widened as she realized what she’d said, “Oh my god…Right…Obviously not…”
“I’ll just fake it,” I shrugged. “I’m sure no one’s going to notice if I’m drinking or not.”
She scoffed, “Yeah, right!”
“I’ve got nothing else to go on, Lauren,” I griped.
“You could just, oh I don’t know…tell them.”
I shook my head, “I’m not sharing it with the class before I’ve even told Brian. And this is not the time…nor the place…I’ll figure it out.”
I did not figure it out. What I did do was push my straw around in my rye and coke and eventually order a water. It didn’t go unnoticed for long but I’d played it off like it was nothing, taking “sips” without swallowing a single drop.
“Get off my dick,” I finally grunted when Zach had pushed a second drink toward me and insisted I drink up.
Brian raised an eyebrow at me, “You okay?”
“Yeah,” I replied quickly. “I’m just not feeling super hot at the moment.”
“Do you know what the solution for that is?” Zach grinned. “More booze!”
The guys cheered and clanked their glasses together. Lauren looked at me helplessly; she was already absolutely cut. She swayed back and forth in her chair and was officially of no use to me.
“I’m going for a smoke,” Brian said in my ear. “Coming?”
Smoking. Another thing I’d had to give up that was a dead giveaway that something was up. I’d smoked through the flu, for fuck’s sakes. No way would Brian buy my “sick” story.
So, I reluctantly agreed and followed him outside.
When he noticed I didn’t pull a pack from my pocket, he offered a cigarette to me. Everything in my brain screamed no—but that little addicted part was playing the “why the fuck not” game. I snatched it from him and lit him light it for me. My head rushed from the influx of nicotine.
It had been easier than I’d anticipated to quit. I hadn’t experienced any of the angry fits I’d heard ex-smokers talk so much about. But I’d had a pretty good reason to give it up cold turkey, and I decided that was the reason behind its simplicity.
“Are you sure you’re okay?” Brian asked me suspiciously, eying me up from behind his cigarette.
I nodded, avoiding eye contact at all costs.
“Is it Jimmy?” he asked quietly.
As I opened my mouth to speak, my throat caught on the smoke and I choked like a rookie. My lungs sputtered and spewed in a last ditch effort to force the toxins from their walls. Brian watched in amused horror as I struggled to get my breathing in order.
“Fuck this,” I gagged, tossing the cigarette into the street.
Brian looked confused.
“I quit smoking,” I told him once I’d finally caught my breath.
“You,” he stumbled through, “quit smoking?”
I just nodded.
“As fucking if,” he scoffed in disbelief. “When?”
“Um…a week or so ago,” I shrugged, trying my best to look casual.
He looked…mad? I couldn’t justify anger.
“What’s going on with you?” he asked me shortly.
I played it coy, “What do you mean?”
He groaned, “You’ve been sick as fuck for weeks…You’re not smoking…You’re not drinking…You’ve been in and out of contact for days…Lauren’s acting weird as fuck.”
Uh oh. Was he onto me? This was really not how I wanted to break the news. He seemed so…panicked. Great.
Great!
As I readied myself to explain the situation and assure him everything would be okay, he breathed his smoke through his nose and accused me of something wildly different.
“Are you on drugs again, Blair?”
“What?” was all I could manage.
“I swear to god if you’ve gotten yourself all coked out again…” he trailed off, shaking his head. “I told you before that I couldn’t handle it again. We’re all cleaning up, Blair. We’ve already lost one person to addiction, I can’t stand to lose another. I really thought you’d gotten passed it…I know you use it for fun sometimes, but fucking—”
“Brian,” I snapped. “I’m not on drugs!”
He didn’t look like he believed me for one single second.
“I’m not the brightest bulb in the pack, Blair, but I know when shit’s up with you. You’ve been going through a tough time…I get it…but—”
I’d had enough of the lecture. Especially given that it was totally undeserved.
“I’m not on fucking drugs!” I shouted in frustration. “I’m fucking pregnant!”
As the words slipped passed my lips, I threw my hand to my mouth. My eyes nearly bulged out of my head as Brian looked like I’d just shot him in the neck. His head shifted backward and he began to blink furiously.
“What?” he said, almost in a whisper.
“Fuck, I’m so sorry,” I started quickly. “This isn’t how I wanted to tell you. I wanted to wait until tomorrow and do something nice…order room service or some shit, you know? I know today is shitty and it’s hard…and I didn’t want to complicate that for you,” I continued without breathing. “But it slipped out. We can just pretend I didn’t say it. Fuck, I shouldn’t have said it—”
“Blair,” Brian breathed, a subtle smile tugging at his lips.
I finally caught my breath, listening to my heart beating in my chest, “Yeah…?”
“You’re pregnant?” he asked with bated breath.
I took a deep breath, “Yes.”
His face flinched and straightened as his brain smoked along. But then he erupted with unadulterated joy.
“Are you fucking serious?” he grinned, tossing his cigarette into the road.
“I am serious,” I smiled. “Yes.”
“How…When…” he tried and failed, the glee on his face was enough that I didn’t care if he ever spoke again.
“I don’t know how,” I laughed nervously. “Just that it’s happened…It’s real. It’s in there.”
“Fuck, Blair,” he smiled widely, abandoning his accusation and strangling me with his embrace.
Every ounce of fear I’d had melted away. Brian’s excitement was enough to push my reservations over the edge entirely. I felt suddenly foolish for panicking the way I had.
He dropped his grip on me to move his hands to my still flat belly. His eyes met mine and I don’t think I’d ever seen him so…content. Maybe the day we got married…but even then.
“I really wanted to wait until tomorrow,” I told him oddly.
He scoffed, “What? Why?”
“Because…” I trailed off.
“No,” he smiled. “This is perfect. This is…Fuck.”
“It’s a pretty good year for us, huh?” I smirked.
“No shit,” he laughed happily, grabbing me by the face and pulling my lips to his.
The butterflies in my stomach did they ritualistic dance.
As he pulled away, he grinned maniacally, “Can we please tell the guys? Please?”
“It’s still early…” I said as I bit at my lip nervously. “What if something happens…”
“Then they’ll know about it anyway,” he replied like it was obvious.
“Okay,” I shrugged.
He couldn’t stop looking at me; the dumbest smile scrawled across his perfectly sculpted face. It was a far cry from the scowl he’d been adorning all night. I was starting to feel a bit better about accidentally screaming the news in his face. Classy as always.
“We’re going to be a fucking family,” Brian beamed. “Should we give it a B name?”
“Yes,” I laughed. “Betsy.”
He cackled, “Are you pregnant with a cow?”
I nodded enthusiastically, “You caught me!”
He kissed me again, deeper this time, pulling away only to say, “I love you so fucking much.”
“I love you more,” I winked.
He dragged me inside and positioned me at his side at the end of the table. We stood there uncomfortably while we waited for Matt to return from the bathroom.
“What’s up, Gates?” Zach asked curiously.
“Admiring the view,” he smirked.
Johnny pushed his nonexistent breasts together, “Can you totally see down my shirt?”
“Yes, and it’s just…it’s just lovely,” Brian said, batting his eyelashes.
What a turnaround in mood.
When Matt finally graced us with his presence, he glanced up at us nervously. Usually when anyone was lingering in this friend group, it meant a tragedy had unfolded somewhere while we weren’t looking. Brian cleared his throat to get everyone’s attention.
“I just learned some useful fucking information that we think you fuckers need to know,” Brian said cryptically, raising his voice to reach Lauren in the back—like she wasn’t already in the know.
Brian looked at me and then back at them. I encouraged him with a solid squeeze to his tattooed fingers.
“We’re having a baby!” Brian cheered.
Crickets fell over the table.
“Like…a food baby?” Zach asked confusedly.
“No, you dumb fuck,” Brian grumbled. “We’re having a baby…Like a baby…”
Still nothing.
“Wow,” Brian grunted.
“I’m pregnant!” I announced loudly, tired already of the sound the announcement made as it flew over their heads.
“Holy shit!” Zach laughed, leaping from his chair to hug me.
Everyone piled onto poor pregnant Blair; leaving Brian totally neglected. He didn’t look like he minded at all, admiring all the love being poured out for his wife and future child. Matt suckered Brian into a headlock, scrubbing his hair with his knuckles.
“I can’t believe you guys are going to be parents,” Zach beamed, instinctively holding his hand to my shirt.
It was already annoying and it had only just begun.
“Which means you have to stop trying to force fucking drinks on her,” Brian warned him, pushing Matt’s grip off of his neck.
“Shit,” he laughed. “Sorry, Blair!”
I don’t know why I’d had any reservations about spilling the beans…It was the perfect pick-me-up for the first night on tour…sans Jimmy. It was the perfect solidification for my conflicted heart.
Brian slung an arm over my shoulders, keeping me close to him as everyone offered their congratulations and asked for any details I had to spare.
I still wasn’t sure I’d make the cut for world’s greatest mother…but I knew, without a doubt, that this baby would have the world’s best family.

Notes

D'awwww

xx

Comments

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RamonaFoREVer RamonaFoREVer
6/18/19

@Jenny117
T-Minus one hour!! The wait is almost over!! :)

fyction fyction
5/6/19

Scared yes but still extremely excited

Jenny117 Jenny117
5/6/19

I am so ready for the next one!!!!!!!!!!

Jenny117 Jenny117
5/6/19

@Buggaloo
Me too!! Nervous excited .. but excited!!

fyction fyction
5/6/19