Through All the Dust

"Oh my goodness," Marge yelped, hiding her lips with her hands.
Her eyes teared up as she shook her head strangely at me. I cringed a bit, suddenly anxious with my appearance.
"Is it too much?" I asked nervously. "Do I look ridiculous?"
She was suffocating in emotion, "I've...Blair, I've never seen anyone look as beautiful as you look right this second."
"Yeah?" I found myself smiling.
I stepped around the corner and in front of the full length mirror bolted to the wall. Damn, that was a white dress. It was strange to catch my reflection in anything but black dyed cloth. My hair was curled, a few pieces pulled back for "dimension". I said do whatever. That's what she told me she was doing. I really don't know. It was weird to see curls through my jet black locks.
"I'm a bride alright," I half-laughed.
I heard Lauren excitedly gasp and soon enough she was speeding through the suite. She stopped dead in her tracks at the sight of me. Immediately she was in tears. Always so damn emotional.
"I can't..." she whimpered. "Blair."
"Stop!" I groaned playfully.
She smiled, taking my hands into hers and giving me one of those once in a lifetime, meaningful kind of 'I'm reading your soul' kinds of looks. I smiled back at her.
I was a bride.
We walked together, Marge doting behind, to face the jury. Mona gasped, clasping at her chest like I'd flooded her heart over. Even McKenna was looking a little weepy. That kid never showed any emotion toward me--but there it was. Carolyn was bawling like a baby. That was the weirdest bit--I don't think I'd ever seen Carolyn cry. Ever. In my entire life.
Her sister died and I don't remember tears.
But get me in a white dress and suddenly it's like a fucking waterpark. Humans are fucked. I digress.
"Are we decent?" I heard Tom's voice shout.
"We're in here!" Marge called back to him, her eyes still glued to me.
As Tom rounded the corner, I turned to face him. He was my toughest critic--and he was the one I was seeking approval from. His eyes lit up.
"Oh, Blair," he beamed. "Look at you!"
"I look okay?" I smirked.
He nodded slowly, his lip quivering, "You look beautiful, sweet girl."
"Thank you," I managed weakly, desperate not to let myself act all emotional like the rest of those idiots.
"Hey!" my wedding planner snapped as she neared us. "No tears! We don't have time to redo all the makeup! Ladies, get it together!"
"Sorry," they all choked in unison.
She rolled her eyes, turning to me and handing me a set of diamond earrings. I got to work installing them into my lobes.
"Necklace," she instructed me. "I'll go grab it."
I'd picked out a stunning piece. It was a perfect balance of sapphires and diamonds. Sparkly enough to be a statement but not big enough to be gaudy. I'd loved it when I'd seen it...but now that it was time to actually wear it...
"Lo," I said, "can you grab my Brian necklace?"
She smiled, darting off to fetch my most prized possession.
The wedding planner returned and attempted to force the diamonds onto my neck. I refused. She fought me. Lauren returned with my desired jewelry--the wedding planner was not pleased.
"Blair," she groaned, "that's too casual for your wedding day."
"I don't care," I laughed. "It's what I want."
Lauren clasped my TB/JS necklace around my neck, giving me an encouraging head nod once she was finished. I couldn't think of a more perfect piece to wear.
"Whatever," the planner relented with a dissatisfied moan. "Five minutes until we move."
"Everyting set for the plan?" I asked Lauren quietly.
She grinned mischieviously, "All set."
"Perfect."
I caught her adoring me. With a small laugh, I pushed at her shoulder.
"I'm sorry," she giggled, sniffling. "You just look so beautiful...I'm so happy for you, B. It's going to be a good day."
It was going to be a good day.
I couldn't think of a better, more perfect, human to tie myself to for forever. Without Brian, there was no Blair.
"I'm sorry, Lauren," Tom spoke softly, a hand on my arm. "Can I steal Blair for a second?"
She nodded, "Of course."
Tom led me away from the group, into the secrecy of the little suite living room. He was staring at me in a way I'd never seen before.
"What's up?" I almost laughed.
He let out a strange sigh, "I'm so proud of you."
"No, no, no," I objected quickly, raising my hands up by my chest. "You can't get sentimental on me now, Tom. I'll lose it."
"Can you cut the shit for just one second, Blair?" he asked seriously but with a reassuring smile on his face. "I need to say this. I don't think I'll ever get the chance again."
I took a deep breath, trying to calm my nerves.
"When I look at you," he started with a shaky voice. "I am so damn grateful. I'm proud. I'm...astounded by the woman you have become."
"Tom," I cooed.
"I mean it," he said sternly. "You have come so far in this life. I was worried about you for a while there...and when Tyler passed away...and then your friend Jim...I don't know how you do it. I don't know how we've made it here...I'm in awe of you, Blair. Always."
I wished he'd stop talking. The tears were eating at my lashes and I was ready to full on lose it. Leave it to Tom to bring out the feelings in me.
"I know that you are going to have the happiest life with Brian," he told me cheerfully. "The way that man looks at you...I never have to worry about you. Not that you can't take care of yourself; I know you can...But to know that you don't have to. Well...I'm a proud sub-parent today."
I stepped toward him, placing a hand on each of his shoulders and leaning in to plant one simple kiss on his cheek. He smiled at me as I pulled away.
"You're not a sub-parent, Tom," I told him seriously. "You're my dad. Biological shit be damned. It didn't take a wedding to tell me that, either...I've known it my whole life. Thanks for letting me be your daughter."
He was all choked up, "It's been an honor, Blair."
"We're moving!" the planner called loudly.
Tom took one deep breath, encouraging me to do the same, "Shall we?"
"Don't let me fall," I smirked, linking my arm with his.
He kissed my cheek, "Never."
As we walked through the halls and climbed into the cars, I thought about my life. I thought about all of the boys that had made me feel insignificant. I thought about the boys who had tried--and failed--to break my heart.
I thought of the ones who had.
And then I thought of Brian. The way his face was dimly lit by his lighter the night we'd met. The ridiculous expression on his face when he "guessed" my name--and the amusement he got from my case of mistaken identity. Synyster Gates...Brian...it had been years and I still hadn't figured out if there was a difference between them.
I thought of the way he'd held me as I'd cried after Tyler died. The way he'd taken up residence in my tiny apartment to shield me from myself. The way he'd swept me from the stage the night I nearly, and accidentally, ended my own life. He'd stayed with me through it all...never flinching, never failing.
And I was going to get to marry him.
We pulled up to the venue and I was the last to climb out from the car. Somewhere in here, my almost husband was waiting for me.
I wanted to sprint.
"Ready?" Tom asked me, extending his arm to me once more.
I nodded, a giant smile spreading across my face, "Oh, fuck yeah."
We were ushered around, assured that everyone was in position and I wouldn't have to worry about being spotted. I didn't give a fuck about that.
As we lingered just out of sight, I caught a glimpse of the boys. Not Brian--or Brent. I assumed they were already at the front. But I spotted Matt as he spotted me. He came bounding over to me, baby Owen in his big arms.
"God damn," he grinned, giving me a confident little wink. "You look incredible."
I pinched at Owen's cheeks, "Thanks, Matty."
"Bri's a lucky man!"
"Isn't he," I teased. "Thanks for being part of it all...And for being the bearer of the surprise plan."
"Any time," he smirked, squishing Owen closer to his chest.
"Matthew!" my planner snapped, gesturing for him to get moving.
He laughed, giving me a quick wink before dashing away. I knew I wasn't supposed to--but I needed to see Brian's face when he caught sight of maybe the most meaningful gesture I'd ever thought to include.
I crept to the edge of the barrier, daring to peak around. As Matt stepped around and headed down the aisle with Owen in his arms, I watched Brian tear up. Maybe Jimmy couldn't be there to join us--but his son could. There was no one better to fill Jimmy's void.
"Blair!" a screech pulled me back.
I laughed, "Sorry!"
One by one, my girls filed out. Lauren scrunched her nose at me as she took her place as the last one to head down the aisle before my arrival. The nerves were really hitting me now. I thought I might faint.
"Okay, baby girl," Tom smiled at me. "Let's do this."
I nodded, letting him lead the way.
As we rounded the corner, I was struck like lightning by the significant amount of people in attendance to watch Brian and I begin this new chapter in our lives. It was overwhelming to say the least. I started to panic. My hands got grossly sweaty and my head felt faint.
But then I saw Brian.
I'd never seen him look at me that way before. His eyes were softened and he was biting at his lip--a trick he had learned from me, no doubt. It was as if I was the Sun. Suddenly I wasn't anxious at all.
I was excited, for the first time ever, for my life.
Everything I'd been through...everything I'd endured...it had all led up to this one moment. This one man.
My hands shook as I approached Brian. With a quick proud kiss from Tom, Brian took the lead. His hands were shaking worse than mine.
Everyone sat.
I'm sure words were spoken--and I'm pretty sure I spoke some of them--but I couldn't tell you what they were. All I could do was to fall more in love with Brian than I'd ever thought was possible. He looked so damn handsome...so sure of himself--of me...of us.
"I love you," he'd mouthed to me as the officiant quoted some cutesy poem.
But then I caught Jimmy's name. It snapped me from my infatuated daze.
"I've been asked to read words from a close friend of the bride and groom," the officiant explained to everyone, including me.
Brian smiled at me. Obviously I wasn't the only one with sentimental tricks up my sleeve.
"Blair and Brian, or the Bs as we call them," my officiant spoke, "are the most wonderful people I know. I know them both independently and as a couple, so I'm the only one with any authority on the subject."
I recognized that condescending tone immediately. When had Brian acquired this? How?
"Brian has been my best friend for most of my life. I've seen it all with that guy. But I have never seen him as happy as he was the first day he met Blair Peterson. They flirted over cigarettes and the rest is, as they say, disgusting history. Through Brian's disturbing obsession with Blair, I got to know her. And I'm so fucking happy I did," the officiant stumbled through the cussing. It was hilarious. "Blair is the best person I've ever met. She is kind and she is wonderful. She has made Brian whole. I'm so lucky to have two best friends that love each other as wildly as these two do. There are no two people in this world more perfectly suited to one another and I look forward to watching them continue to terrorize the planet together."
I was a mess. I was trying not to bawl. Brian wasn't doing much better than I was with the whole feelings things. He gave my hands a reassuring squeeze.
We spoke our vows, some generic bullshit we'd chosen from a list. I wasn't sappy enough to write personalized ones--and I was far too weak for Brian to handle hearing his mind spoken aloud. Especially in front of a billion guests.
"Brian," the officiant said, bringing my attention back to reality. "Do you take this woman--I'm not saying in death, forget about it--for the rest of your unnatural life?"
I laughed loudly. Brian grinned like an idiot.
"I do," he said with an eyebrow wiggle.
How much did he pay this poor soul to do this shit? I was cackling.
"Blair, do you take this man for the rest of your unnatural life?"
With a laugh and a stern head nod, I cheered, "Fuck yeah, I do!"
"By the powers vested in me by the state of California, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss your bride!"
"Get the fuck over here," Brian grinned, grabbing me by the hips and pulling me forcefully into him.
As he kissed me for the first time as my husband, and all of our family and friends erupted with applause (and some loud hollering), I was revived. I was whole. I was happy.
I was a wife.

Notes

They did it!


xx