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Through All the Dust

Chapter Fifty-Seven: Blair Bears

"Blair!"
I cracked my eyes open to peer at the morning light. The world outside my window was wild with color; yellows and reds.The markings of a brand new day, a brand new life. Today was the day that I would leave Blair Peterson behind and embark on a new journey as Blair Haner. I couldn't help the optimism that crept it's way through my veins. Maybe the road travelled as a Haner could be less conflicted.
"Blair!" Lauren sounded again, leaping from the floor to my mattress and making three solid leaps to gain my attention. "Get up! It's your wedding day! Get up!"
Like I needed a little blonde goblin to remind me that the time had come. I felt myself smile as I pushed myself onto my elbows, assuring the ball of energy that I was alive.
"Stop with the jumping," I half-laughed, half-yawned. "You're going to make me throw up."
The truth was that her spirit that morning reminded me so very much of Jimmy that it was almost nurturing to see. He wasn't there, but she was. And I was. And I guess that's really what it was all about.
She giggled, promptly scooting herself from my mattress and over to the bedside table. With one single movement, she swiped two extra strength pills from the tabletop and used two fingers to slide a glass of water in my direction. With a knowing smile, she extended her closed palm to me and insisted I down them immediately.
When I'd finally retired to the pillows, I was sure I'd wake up with a hangover that would seek to destroy every last nerve in my tired corpse. Quite to the contrary, though, I felt weirdly revived.
"Mona's ordering room service," Lauren told me happily, gesturing to the other side of my sleepy body.
I rolled over to find Mona waving sheepishly at me, the hotel phone in her other hand. She hung up timely, grinning from ear to ear.
"Hello, Bridey," she sang happily."I went ahead and ordered everything on their menu that looked good. Hope you're hungry!"
With a tired snort, I just nodded, collapsing back into the feathered pillows.
I was getting married.
The concept had seemed so surreal before then. It was like a cute notion that I partly accepted as reality, but it mostly felt like someone else's life. But there it was, and I was relieved to find it. I was sure something in my cursed existence would throw a last minute curve ball and derail the whole damn thing.
Quietly, I reached my fist out from the blankets and tapped it twice on the wooden table. Because you never know.
"You should get out of bed before Marge storms in here and whips you into shape," Lauren warned playfully.
With one heavy sigh, I forced myself from the comfort of a good night's rest and headed for the bathroom. I ran the shower, letting it get properly hot before daring to step into its rainfall.
As the water ran over my inked body, I found myself daylight dreaming about Tyler. The biggest and most incomplete part of me was longing to hear his voice. I wondered what he'd think of it all. I wondered if he would have thrown his gloves aside and offered Brian a handshake instead of a fist...If only he'd had the time, I was sure he would have. Would he have been happy for me? Would he have given his heart away to ensure my happiness?
I knew he would.
His father's arm would have to do; but I knew it should have been Tyler. I knew that it would hold me to step slowly with Tom, imagining he was Ty.
But I'd promised Brian I wouldn't let myself tip over the edge. I had to stay planted in the truth--and truth was that I was alone. I was without Tyler and I was without that life now. It died with him.
How far I'd come from that girl in the bar. How far Brian had come from that guy in the band...I smiled at the man I knew now. He was the most genuinely wonderful human I'd ever been so lucky to cross paths with. And how lucky was I that he'd chosen to abandon his trail in favor of mine, as riddled with thorns and traps as it was.
How fucking lucky was I?
When the soap was rinsed from my scalp and I was suitably clean, I cut the water and stepped back into the day.
"There you are!" Marge groaned as I emerged from the bathroom in a silk robe, generously supplied to the room by the front desk.
"Here I am," I quipped, rubbing the ends of my black hair with the white towel.
She smiled, looking weepy already. It was too early for her emotions. I wasn't prepared for the humanistic aspect of life yet.
"Don't start," I warned her with a laugh, turning on my heel to head back into the bathroom.
Lauren stepped in, Mona in tow. They were far too giddy.
"Make up will be here in thirty," they told me.
"Food is here now," Mona added with an eyebrow wiggle.
She excused herself to dive into the gourmet spread she'd single-handedly chosen for the group.
"Is McKenna here yet?" I asked Marge curiously.
She shook her head.
"Teens," Lauren jabbed teasingly.
I pulled my hair onto the top of my head as I worked at my notoriously dry skin. As I lathered my shoulders with scented cream, I caught a glimpse of Lauren in the mirror, scoping out my skin.
I smirked, "Can I help you, perv?"
She faltered, snatching her gaze back into her skull.
"What're you looking at?" I asked her curiously.
I'd kind of assumed she was scoping out the Jimmy tattoo I'd recently acquired. It was fixated between my shoulder blades, a Revbat to match Matt's, and their best album's art, and the words "Let's live foREVer" etched neatly beneath. It was easily my favorite tattoo that I'd acquired to date.
"The tattoo on the back of your neck," she said simply. "I've never noticed it before."
My hand instinctively flocked to my hairline, covering her view accidentally.
"What is it?" she asked slowly, plucking my fingers from it.
I opened my mouth to answer her but Marge's voice cut me deep.
"It was Tyler's," she spoke softly. "He had the same one. Right here," she said as she pat her chest.
My lips faded into a subtle smile as my mind travelled back in time.
We'd gotten them done together--our very first tattoos. It began a life-long love for me, and a casual pastime for Ty. He had acquired an impressive amount before he'd died, but I had quickly begun to run out of places to put them all.
"We got them at the same time," I told Lauren and Marge both. "We were, like, eighteen."
Lauren smiled.
"Ty drew it," I laughed, remembering how appalled the tattoo artist was at the terrible sketch. "Or the original anyway."
"What does it mean?" she asked me curiously.
Marge seemed deeply interested to know as well.
It was a heart--antatomical, not Valentine's--stitched into a brain. From this creation sprouted wires and tubes that stretched out from the jar they were held captive within.
"Exactly what it looks like," I said simply, turning so she'd be forced to stop prying into my past. "You're going to bum me out."
She smiled, "Sorry!"
Marge excused herself, encouraging me to join Mona for a bite before the excitement started. Lauren nodded, giving me a swift and playful jab to the arm. I promised I'd be out soon.
But I needed a second to privately get my shit together. I wanted to cry. I wanted to mourn my friend all over again. His absense was so damn palpable that day. And I knew that as I was missing Tyler, Brian was yearning for Jimmy. There was no way his void wasn't noticed in the men camp that day. It would have been too quiet not to notice.
With one stern pep-talk type look at myself, I pushed myself from my foundation and into the people I loved.
We had devoured half of the feast by time McKenna strolled in. Her mother had dropped her off and had excitedly pulled me aside to wish me well--and assure me that I'd be the world's most beautiful bride. McKenna had gone straight for the food. A girl after my own heart.
"I can't believe you're getting married today," Lauren gushed with a mouthful of french toast.
"Our little Blair is all grown up," Mona teased, taking a long sip of orange juice.
I couldn't do that acidic shit. I was drinking my coffee black.
"You want to talk grown up?" Marge smiled. "I've known this girl since she was six freaking years old! Six!"
I cringed, "Please don't say freaking."
"Marge," Mona spoke, swallowing some pulp. "We need a good Blair story. Something from her youth--before she was Blair Peterson the celebrity. What's your favorite Blair story?"
Marge went into deep thought, trekking around purposefully through her memories. I was a bit worried about what she might dig up. I stuffed a piece of bacon into my mouth to keep myself from objecting.
"I can't even imagine you as a child," Lauren told me seriously. "You're too wise!"
I grinned, chewing on my bacon and refusing to acknowledge that I'd ever been anything but a bad ass.
"Okay," Marge finally declared. "When Blair was, oh I don't know...ten, maybe. We took her and Tyler on a little road trip. We went to a theme park because Tyler was desperate to ride a roller coaster."
I remembered his obsession with roller coasters. It only lasted as long as it took him to actually ride one...One time and he was over it. Never to sit on another again.
"We get there and everything's great," Marge continued. "We got a bite to eat, enjoyed the sun...and then everything shifted."
We were all hanging off of her every word. I was hearing this for the first time, just like the other girls in the room.
"Over come these Berenstain Bear mascots," she told us. "Is that what they're called? Mascots? You know, the people in the costumes."
Oh my god. The memory came flooding back like some terrible PTSD flashback.
"They approach Blair from the back. She doesn't know they're there. But then Tyler points and, so, Blair turns around...My goodness."
She couldn't hide her laughter. I was not impressed.
Another pound of bacon into the mouth.
"She screamed bloody murder!" Marge howled. "She was inconsolable. She cried and cried...Tom had to steal her away to get her to calm down. It took over an hour. An hour!"
She erupted into a new fit of laughter as my friends all died with laughter. I was not impressed. I sulked to the side with my arms folded across my chest.
"Poor baby Blair," Lauren frowned.
A series of knocks sounded at the door. I went to make a move to answer it but Mona pointedly warned me not to get up. She trotted off for the door.
"They're fucking scary, alright?" I finally said. "You don't know who's behind those giant heads! It could be a fucking pedophile for all you know!"
Marge gasped, still catching her breath between laughs, "Jesus, Blair."
"What?" I grinned. "You tried to pawn me off on pedophiles!"
Lauren's face straightened.
"Carolyn's standing behind me, isn't she?" I asked my best friend flatly.
She nodded.
I turned, grimacing as I waved. To my relief, she laughed with confusion.
"Context," was all I could think to say.
"The Berenstain Bears," Carolyn smiled. "I know."
Before I could get into just how she knew, another series of knocks sounded. My glam crew had arrived--which was about the only time I was glad to have something as ridiculous as a 'glam crew'. They immediately got to work, fixing my face and prettying up the others. McKenna was eating it up. She was asking all sorts of beauty questions, soaking up the techniques and the products. I was happy to have her with me.
"Lo," I said from the side of my mouth as my face got painted to match my skin color.
"Yeah?" she asked happily, pinning her hair back and out of the way.
"In my purse," I said, pointing aimlessly toward the door. "There's an envelope. Can you bring it to me?"
She shrugged, retrieving it without trouble and handing it to me. Then she was pulled away to have her face painted, too.
As Amy worked at my brows, I ripped open the envelope and pulled out a single piece of white paper. I recognized Brian's writing immediately and was suddenly intrigued beyond belief.
Blair,
If you're reading this, it means you haven't bailed on me yet. Thank god for that. If there's any day to get mushy and real, I can't think of a better day than our wedding day. So, tell Lauren to fuck off for a minute because I'm going to need your full attention.
"Blair, can I--" Lauren started, but my laugh cut her short.
I shook my head at her, "I need a minute."
She fell back into silence as my eyes continued to skim my man's words.
This last...almost year...has been painful. It's been dark...and the only light I've known within it is you. You are the good in my life, the joy in my soul. I don't know how you do it, but you make everything in this world less dreary. It doesn't matter what is thrown your way, you find a way to power through and drag all of us along with you. You've never left me behind, even when I'm sure you wanted to. You've spent your life putting others before yourself...but from today on, I'm going to spend my life ensuring your happiness. I want you to know the love you give to others. The love you give to me. I will spend the rest of my life trying to be worthy of your love.
From the second I saw you sulking in the bar, to the day that you ran to me in your hallway of that shitty apartment building...and fell apart in my arms...I've known that I would love you forever. Whether you're screaming at me or screaming for me ;), I find you breathtaking. Near death, or in the throes of life, you're astounding. You took on my friends like they were your family and you never once looked back. You loved Jimmy like I loved Jimmy...and you made him love you back. We lost him together and without you...I never would have gotten through it. So...thank you for surviving everything this life has thrown at you. Thank you for loving me enough to muddle through. There will never be anyone as talented or wonderful or brilliant or beautiful as you, Blair Peterson (almost Haner, I guess)...Weird. If there was anyone I'd want to share my name with, it's fucking you. Every single time it's you. It will always be you.
My tasty wife, I'll see you soon.
I love you, Peterson.
- Bri
Well, shit.
"Good thing you didn't start on my eyeliner yet, huh?" I laughed awkwardly, dabbing at my weepy eyes.
Three hours until showtime.


Notes

xx

Comments

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RamonaFoREVer RamonaFoREVer
6/18/19

@Jenny117
T-Minus one hour!! The wait is almost over!! :)

fyction fyction
5/6/19

Scared yes but still extremely excited

Jenny117 Jenny117
5/6/19

I am so ready for the next one!!!!!!!!!!

Jenny117 Jenny117
5/6/19

@Buggaloo
Me too!! Nervous excited .. but excited!!

fyction fyction
5/6/19