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Through All the Dust

Chapter Forty-Four: Jimmy Sullivan's Wife

I was tapping at my thighs anxiously. Brian had abandoned me to go and live his fabulous life. By that I mean he’d reluctantly and sluggishly left the house an hour late to head to the studio to record. He was fighting off some form of a man cold and it had made him particularly gross to be around. Today was a fight to get him to leave, not only because he was sick and runny, but because today was the day.
When the knock at the door finally came, I was up and at it in no time. In one fluid movement, I flung the door open and shut and somehow managed to crutch my way out without getting taken down.
“Let’s go!” I called cheerily as I headed for Lauren’s car.
She giggled at my back, “Hello to you too.”
“Let’s go!” I called again.
She followed me to the car, shaking her head at me as I impatiently urged her to hurry the fuck up with wild and dramatic hand gestures from the passenger seat.
“Excited or something?” she smirked at me as she finally turned the key.
I shook my head, “No, not at all.”
She backed out onto the road and started us out on our voyage. The thigh tapping resumed itself once more.
“Lo?” I hummed. “What if there’s a terrible accident and they saw my leg off instead of the cast?”
She burst into laughter, “What?”
“It’s a valid concern,” I assured her.
“It’s not,” she said through her giggles. “You’re so weird.”
“I haven’t had a cast removed since—”
“Your wrist?”
I stared at her blankly, “I was going to travel just a little further back in time than that, but I guess that’s accurate.”
“Sorry,” she laughed.
Lauren knew by now that I hated when she’d take up her thrown as the reigning queen of all things killjoy. But, in a way, it was always good to have her around to keep me leveled with reality. She had that effect on Jimmy, too. She was one of the few people in the world that I’d ever seen tame him—even if just for a second.
“When was the last time?” she asked me. “Other than the actual last time.”
I paused to reflect.
“Uh…I think it was when I was seventeen,” I said finally.
“What’d you do?” she asked curiously, taking a right.
“Tyler hit me,” I grinned. “With his mom’s car.”
“What?” Lauren choked on a laugh. “How did Tyler hit you with a car?”
I smiled at the memory, although it wasn’t exactly funny at the time. It hurt like hell and was a ridiculous tale to try and explain to my angrier than ever aunt.
“I was trying to direct him into a parking spot,” I explained. “And he stomped on the gas instead of the brake…Ran the car backwards into me and fractured my wrist.”
“Your wrist?” Lauren croaked.
I nodded excitedly, unable to contain my laughter by that point, “I tried to stop the fucking car. With my hands. Like I was the fucking Hulk or something.”
“And you broke your wrist,” she said in disbelief. “Your life is ridiculous. How are you still alive?”
“I’m not sure,” I chuckled. “But that time was Ty’s fault, not mine.”
“Didn’t you break your arm a separate time with Tyler?” she asked pointedly, glancing at me with great suspicion.
“Mhm,” I snickered. “I’ve broken a ton of bones…Most of which were Tyler’s fault.”
“I doubt that,” she smiled.
“And what about you, Miss Proper Calcium Intake?” I teased. “Ever broken anything?”
She looked at me gravely and said as seriously as ever, “I broke my pinky finger.”
“Your…Your pinky finger?”
She was serious. It was like stepping into her own personal world of trauma—but her trauma was a broken finger. Not even an important finger. Literally the most useless, tiny, and insignificant finger of the hand. Typical Lauren.
I couldn’t help but laugh.
“Oh,” she said suddenly, not nearly as amused as I was. “And my ex-boyfriend broke my jaw once. But other than that, nope.”
Sometimes Lauren would whip out these crazy regales of a life I often forgot she’d led…and she’d do it so casually that you’d almost breeze right over it. Her face was still light and her eyes focused on the road ahead. I wasn’t sure how to react—but suddenly the pinky finger wasn’t so funny.
“Don’t make it weird,” she sang happily when I continued to maintain my broody silence.
“Should I put a hit out on him?” I asked her half-seriously. “I have the money, Lo. We could take him out.”
She smiled at me, narrowing her eyes just a little, “No need. I’m sure he’s cuddled up with his misery somewhere…rotting, hopefully.”
I grinned, “I love when you get spiteful.”
“I’m not spiteful,” she giggled. “He’s just…a cock.”
“I’m sorry, he’s what?”
“You heard me!” she declared. “He’s a cock!”
“Good for you, Lo,” I smirked, clapping my hands dramatically at her moxie.
She rolled her eyes at me.
“What was his name? That’s all I need to order the hit.”
“Nope,” she said smugly.
In all of the years of friendship, she still had not divulged any important information about her abusive ex. She hardly talked about him at all, save for the random and rare event where she’d use her life experiences to drive a point home. Other than that, though, I assumed only her family and Jimmy knew any intimate details. Jimmy wasn’t a secret sharer, so I was permanently in the dark.
It wasn’t like I could push Lauren for information either. I wasn’t big into sharing my life story with people—and I certainly did not like to discuss my feelings with anyone. So, I would have been a nosy hypocrite to try and force Lauren into opening up Pandora’s box strictly for my curiosity’s sake.
And yet, it was an important part of her history—no doubt it had helped shape her into the wonderful and loving human that I knew so well. I was eternally interested about how she got to be who she was. I wanted to know about her life before I’d met her…what life was like pre-Jimmy. She asked questions all the time about my life, about my childhood, and about Ty—not that he was on the same level as an abusive ex-boyfriend in terms of audience interest.
“Lauren,” I tried to sound stern.
“Oh, look!” she grinned deviously. “We’re here!”
I knew that meant to put the lid back on it. It was a close race, but I was pretty sure that Lauren trumped me in regards to stubbornness in every stretch of the word. You wouldn’t peg her as stubborn, given her positive misdemeanor and lighter than air appearance, but she was stuck in her ways. She had that in common with Jimmy.
We parked and I wasted no time high-tailing it into the building where the people with the little power saws were. I was ready to be freed of my leg prison.
“What if they tell you it isn’t healed enough?” Lauren asked me.
I gasped at her.
She laughed softly, “I know what you’re going to say, and I’m not antagonizing you.”
“I’m certain that you are,” I scoffed playfully.
“Just…don’t get too excited,” she warned me kindly. “Just in case.”
“It’s coming off,” I told her. “They’re my bones. I’d know if they were still broken.”
“No you wouldn’t,” she objected with a giggle.
I nodded wildly, “I fucking would. And they’re not.”
We waited in the crowded room with the uncomfortable plastic chairs for what felt like forever. There was a young girl, she couldn’t have been older than sixteen, staring at me from the other side of the room. The older woman with her didn’t seem to notice me, or the staring.
“Maybe she has a crush on you,” Lauren whispered to me.
“You’re the only woman for me, baby,” I teased back.
The blush I brought to Lauren’s cheeks was deeply and hilariously satisfying.
Finally, they called my name.
“Come on,” I beckoned Lauren as I followed the nurse.
The doctor talked a lot about my leg and about the bones that had basically snapped in half. He explained that I’d need to attend physical therapy and that I’d still experience a substantial amount of pain for the first while—but then he said the magic words.
“We’ll be removing the cast today.”
I lit up. It was easily the highlight of my year—which wasn’t really saying much. It wasn’t exactly off to a good start, even halfway through.
After a ton of waiting and rubbing it in Lauren’s face that I was right, they finally freed me. It was weird to feel actual air on my skin—it had been so long.
“How’s it feel?” Lauren asked me as I kicked my leg around.
“I’m free!” I cheered.
With a plan for aftercare and no need for crutches, we emerged from the room. I was in such a good mood that nothing could tear me down. Nothing!
“Excuse me, Miss Peterson?”
I turned sharply, totally caught off guard by the formal use of my name. The weird thing about fame is that people tend to forget that you’re a human being. Your name becomes more of your identity than anything, and no one ever thinks to address you like a stranger. Because you aren’t a stranger, are you?
“Yeah?” I asked confusedly.
It was the woman that had been sitting with the staring teenager. She looked nervous.
“I’m so sorry to bother you,” she hurried. “But…Could I speak to you in private for a moment?”
Red flag.
“Sorry, I’m just on my way—”
“It’s important,” she insisted.
I looked to Lauren who just shrugged.
“O…Okay,” I said uncertainly. “I’ll be outside.”
She nodded with a thank you before scurrying over to the young girl. I followed Lauren out the door and immediately lit a cigarette, taking five steps away from my very pregnant best friend. Despite the weird interaction, it felt great to be on two legs again.
“Any idea who she is?” Lauren asked me.
I shook my head, taking a big puff of my cigarette.
“A fan?” she suggested.
I shook my head again.
Normally, when it came to fans, they’d ask for autographs or pictures or whatever they wanted, and then they’d disperse. I’d never had any fans ask to speak with me privately. This was new—and it was weird as shit.
“If she murders me, you have to lie and tell Brian I didn’t willingly agree to meet her out here,” I told Lauren with a laugh.
She stared at me wide-eyed, “He’ll kill me.”
“I know,” I smirked. “So…lie.”
“Don’t get murdered,” she retorted.
Our conversation was interrupted abruptly when the weird woman emerged, pulling the teenager by the wrist. They stood before me, the young girl unable to make eye contact with me.
“This is my daughter, Bella,” she told me. “And Bella has something she would like to say to you.”
Maybe Lauren was right after all, maybe it was a fan.
The young girl looked up at me with tears in her eyes. I hate to admit it, but I flinched.
“I, um…” she hesitated, sniffling a little and staring away from me.
“Bella,” her mother warned.
Lauren and I exchanged a quick and confused glance.
“I’m so sorry,” the young girl blurt out, working herself into a sobbing fit.
“What? Sorry? For what?”
The young girl turned away from me, shaking her head violently. I was beyond confused.
I looked to the mother for explanation.
“My name is Terry Thatcher,” she told me.
I pursed my lips as a way of telling her that meant nothing to me. Lauren took a few steps toward me, despite the smoke ringing off of my cigarette.
“My daughter was responsible for your accident,” she told me slowly.
My ears began to ring. They were loud and distracting, and they were all I could focus on. Endless ringing.
“Blair,” Lauren’s voice brought me back.
I went to apologize out of habit but consciously stopped myself.
“I’m not sure what to say,” I shrugged at this woman whose daughter had nearly ended my life.
She frowned, “I don’t expect you to say anything…We tried to reach out several times but…you’re impossible to get in contact with.”
She wasn’t wrong.
“Is your daughter okay?” I asked weirdly.
Obviously she was fine; she was walking and talking. Brian had told me the other car had walked away from the accident, but it was strange to see the other driver in the flesh.
“Yes,” Terry almost smiled. “She broke her arm and had to have a few pins put into it…But…Given the severity of the accident, I’d say we got off lucky.”
“Yeah,” I grumbled, thinking back to my own injuries and the hell I’d endured trying to heal from them.
Oh, and the whole almost dying thing.
“She hasn’t been sleeping,” she told me. “She’s felt so guilty…And it was all over the magazines and when we heard you’d nearly died…It’s fate we were all here today.”
“Fate?” I scoffed more venomously than intended.
Lauren scolded me silently.
“Your daughter nearly fucking killed me,” I told her with a little too much emotion for my taste. “She nearly ripped my family’s life apart…And you want to say it’s fate that brought me here? It wasn’t fate, lady.”
She seemed stunned by my reaction, which honestly just pissed me off more.
“Listen,” the woman started with angst.
I was ready for a fight. I had two good legs now; I could do some sick ninja moves.
“Mom,” the young girl finally spoke up again. “It’s okay.”
She composed herself, taking a deep breath to stop her hysterics. Her mother softened, giving her daughter an odd head nod.
“I wasn’t paying attention,” she told me, her eyes searching mine for forgiveness. “My phone rang and I just looked down to see who it was. I wasn’t going to answer it or anything, but I was waiting for a call from my dad…He lives in Texas and he never really calls when he says he will…Not that it’s an excuse for what happened or anything.”
For whatever reason, this sort of tugged at my heart strings.
“And the next thing I knew, I was jammed into your car. I didn’t even know it was you until after they’d taken you away in the ambulance…They kept saying your name and…I’m so, so sorry, Blair…I tried to come to the hospital but they wouldn’t let me up…I saw your fiancée though…Just briefly.”
“You saw Brian?” I managed quietly.
She nodded glumly, “I didn’t get to talk to him or anything…But I saw him and so I knew you were at least there somewhere…I followed the tabloids like a religion to make sure you were okay…I never would have forgiven myself…I still haven’t forgiven myself…”
She started to work herself up again. Her eyes moved to the pavement to keep from embarrassing herself—I recognized the move.
“Bella?” I asked, mostly because I wasn’t entirely listening when the name was originally told to me.
Her eyes met mine again.
“You’re okay?” I asked, only a little cold. “Other than your busted arm?”
She nodded.
“Good,” was all I said.
I smashed my cigarette into the pavement beneath my foot. Lauren was an emotional wreck, all weepy and shit. I couldn’t help but laugh at her a little bit.
“First of all,” I said, moving my gaze from Lauren back to the disheveled young girl, “you can let it go. I’m fine, I swear. It’s not worth losing your shit about.”
She swallowed hard.
“Lighten up, kid,” I forced a smile. “You’re making this one upset.”
Lauren nodded enthusiastically.
“Sorry, Lauren,” the young girl frowned.
“You know me?” Lauren gasped through her tears.
“Of course!” Bella gushed, wiping at her tears. “You’re Jimmy Sullivan’s wife!”
The words brought Lauren’s tears to a whole new level. Instinctively, I pulled my best friend into me, shaking my head at her—but knowing in my core that it must have killed her to hear it. Especially since it wasn’t really true. But I wasn’t about to correct this girl. Lauren may as well have been Jimmy’s wife, anyway.
“I’m sorry,” she panicked. “I didn’t mean to upset you!”
“I’m fine, I’m fine,” Lauren laughed awkwardly, pulling away from me. “This is…I need a minute.”
She took her leave, abandoning me with the feelings.
“I should probably go deal with that,” I half-joked.
“Okay,” Bella pouted.
“Can you do me a favor?” I asked her as I pulled my purse from my shoulder and began rummaging around.
“Anything.”
I smiled to myself as I pulled out a black pen and asked for her hand, which was shaking like a leaf.
“My memory of that day is pretty fuzzy,” I told her as I jotted my cell number down onto her palm. “And since you’re the only other one that was there that day, I’d really appreciate it if you could fill me in.”
She nodded, deep in shock and bewilderment.
I gave her hand a squeeze, “It’s okay, Bella.”
Her mother finally spoke again, “We should go, Bell. Let’s let Blair Peterson get back to her life.”
There was that use of my full name that I knew and hated so much.
“Text me,” I told Bella. “We’ll go for coffee.”
“Okay,” she replied giddily. “Thank you!”
I nodded, urging myself to say something important, something meaningful…but I came up short. So I gave her a weird eye squint and then walked off to get Lauren under control. She didn’t fight me as I led her back to the car and practically forced her inside.
We sat there for a minute.
“Heavy,” I said knowingly.
She nodded, “Very.”
“My life is ridiculous,” I laughed.
“I told you,” she laughed back.
“Take me to my man,” I instructed my friend. “I need to show off my leg.”
She smiled and did as I said, but I knew. And I wished for what she had been wishing for. We may have been on our way to see my man, and the other men of Avenged, but one would be missing…would always be missing.
We both were reeling, for wildly different reasons; and yet, the pain was the same.
I reached over and took her hand as we drove.
“You know you are,” I told her gently.
She glanced at me oddly.
“His wife,” I smiled. “He would have married you…So…”
“No, he wouldn’t have,” she told me simply. “And that’s okay.”
I knew something she didn’t know, but Brian had sworn me to secrecy. Jimmy had planned to propose—he’d found a good enough reason to abandon his inhibitions about marriage. But he’d died before he could let Lauren know that the reason was her. He’d even picked a day.
Brian said that it would only confuse her grief. It would do more harm than good, he was sure. And I tended to agree. But sometimes I desperately wanted to spill the beans. Hell, the ring lived in my house—neither of us had the nerve to get rid of it, and with Lauren in the dark…There was nowhere for it to go.
I found myself almost letting the cat out of the bag, but her puffy and bloodshot eyes told me that it still wasn’t the time. By time it was right, she’d hate me for keeping it from her for so long. Maybe it was a secret I’d have to take to my grave.
“I’ll marry you,” I joked instead. “Fuck Brian. I’m all yours, Lo!”
“Don’t act like I don’t know it,” she smiled. “Hoemances are real.”
Definitely had to take it to my grave.




Notes

Long one to make up for the lack of update yesterday.

xx

Comments

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RamonaFoREVer RamonaFoREVer
6/18/19

@Jenny117
T-Minus one hour!! The wait is almost over!! :)

fyction fyction
5/6/19

Scared yes but still extremely excited

Jenny117 Jenny117
5/6/19

I am so ready for the next one!!!!!!!!!!

Jenny117 Jenny117
5/6/19

@Buggaloo
Me too!! Nervous excited .. but excited!!

fyction fyction
5/6/19