Just Before You Go

It was a good day. The sun was shining, Brian was in a surprisingly good mood. Jimmy and I silently attributed this to his night on the town with the one and only Blair Peterson. He was reluctant to give up any specific details, other than that he was "crazy about her". Another win in the matchmaking pocket of Plaguia.
We'd made the few hour trip up to Brian's media appointment. It was for some snazzy guitar magazine I'd never heard of, but Brian was adamant that it was a big deal. Larry was adamant that Brian must be in attendance. Jimmy and I had stowed away with success, turning up at Brian's doorstep before he'd had a chance to leave us in his dust.
"Why?" Brian had asked as Jimmy enthusiastic announced his arrival.
"Why not?" Jimmy had countered with a grin.
Brian had rolled his eyes, looking down at me, "Can't you control him?"
"Can you?" I retorted smugly.
There was no arguing with that logic. Brian had no choice but to take us along, per Saint Jimmy's wishes. They'd forced me into the back, which typically made for a dull ride. But on that particular day, I was just enjoying the dynamic that was Brian and Jimmy's friendship. They made each other giggle like schoolgirls, playing roughly as we drove.
Jimmy had berated Brian with questions about Miss Blair, but Brian wasn't giving it up. The distinct and satisfied smile plastered to his face was all the confirmation we needed. The Bs were officially in business. I just hoped Brian could maintain his good guy act long enough not to chase her away again.
I was promised a trip to one of the most dazzling beaches in California as soon as Brian was finished being Synyster Gates for the day. I clung to this as boredom nipped at my heels, sitting in an uncomfortable plastic chair in the lobby. Jimmy was restless, sliding in and out of his chair constantly in an effort to entertain himself. Small televisions hung in every corner, neatly tying the room together.
"I'm fucking bored," Jimmy finally whined, slinking as far down into his chair as he could without slipping out all together.
I laughed softly, "I can tell."
"Know any magic tricks?"
My face fell flat, "What?"
He scoffed, frowning at me theatrically, "That would be amusing. I'm assuming by the look on your face that you do not know any magic tricks."
"I do not," I confirmed with a chuckle.
"Figures," he sighed, kicking at the floor.
I smiled, "Watch one of the five tvs or something."
He rolled his blue eyes into the back of his head, "If I wanted to watch home renovation shows, I'd go sit at Matt's house. Boring."
"I don't know what to tell you then," I shrugged, reaching down onto the table and snatching up the magazine at the top of the scattered pile. "You're the one that wanted to tag along."
"Yeah, yeah," he waved me off, bounding out from his chair and over to the receptionist.
I watched as he made wild hand gestures, both at himself and then at the nearest television. He nodded his head. He turned around, wiggling his eyebrows at me as he flashed a remote smugly my way.
"I'm persuasive," he informed me, sinking back into the chair as he pointed the remote overhead and began flipping through channels.
He stopped once he'd reached a channel playing the music video of a band he liked. I was glad the volume was so low; the video was enough that I'd never need to hear the song. Jimmy, however, was bobbing his head alone to the silent tune.
"You have bad taste in music," he informed me quietly.
I nodded, "So you've said."
"You're not fun today," he noted, glancing at me from the corner of his eye.
I flipped the page, trying to hide my stupid smirk.
A comfortable silence fell over us as I read about a new line of pick ups--I didn't even know what a pick up was--and Jimmy indulged in the lobby television screenings. But in a split second, his hand grabbed at my knee with urgency. His fingers dug into my leg so hard that I was forced to look at him to ask what the fuck. His eyes were wide, his jaw ajar.
"What?" I asked nervously.
"Jesus Christ," he muttered under his breath.
I followed his gaze back to the screen just as he was desperately cranking the volume with the remote. A middle aged woman with a microphone was front and center, using the name Tyler Brody over and over again. I strained my ears to listen, leaning forward in horror.
"What the fuck is happening?" Jimmy asked like I'd know.
"No reports yet about his condition," the woman said in her most monotone voice. "The young guitarist was taken away by ambulance just a few short hours ago. We've reached out to his representatives for comment."
My heart sank into my shoes as I ran through the worst case scenario. Time stood still.
"Brian," Jimmy gasped, jumping from his chair and disappearing down the hall.
The world washed away as the news report split to an apartment building, lined with yellow tape and crawling with police. It looked like a murder scene straight out of a horror movie. It felt like a horror movie. I was desperate for information but I wasn't getting anywhere.
Within a few minutes, I could hear growling coming down the hall. Jimmy appeared, forcefully dragging Brian by the arm.
"What the fuck," Brian hissed. "Now isn't the time for your Rev bullshit."
"Dude!" Jimmy screeched, pointing at the television. "Look!"
The two fell silent as Brian obliged his friend. His face fell, his skin running white with the grim realization that something was very wrong.
"Blair," was all he said, tearing out from the lobby.
Jimmy looked at me in terror, urging me to get up and go. We ran after Brian, who I'd never seen move so fast in his entire life. Maybe that time Blair nearly died...But I think, somehow, this was quicker.
Brian screeched the tires as we fled from the parking lot, the atmosphere soaked in desperation. Brian's knuckles were cocaine white as he maneuvered around the traffic and pulled us onto the interstate.
"Man..." Jimmy tried nervously, fear caught in his throat. "What the fuck is--"
"I don't know," Brian interrupted, digging around in his pocket frantically.
He glanced down briefly, hitting a few keys before tossing the phone to his ear. He was shaking. He growled as he pulled his phone down, hitting a few keys and then trying again. This went on for a while...Each time, he'd grow more and more frantic.
"Let me try," Jimmy said knowingly, his tone barren of all animations.
He called and called...no answer.
"Get a fucking cell phone!" Brian roared, tossing his phone angrily into his lap as he sped around a slow moving car up front.
"Dude," Jimmy breathed, holding onto the handle at the ceiling to brace himself as Brian jutted the car around the highway. "I know you're panicking but can you not fucking kill us?"
Brian ripped his throat apart violently, "Shut the fuck up, Jimmy!"
Jimmy dropped his hands to his chest, backing off, "I'm sorry...I'm worried too."
Brian took a deep breath, nodding subtly at his friend, "Sorry."
"It's okay...She's okay," Jimmy assured him. "I swear she's okay."
"How do you know?" Brian asked, his heart breaking in two.
Jimmy shrugged sympathetically, "Because she's Blair."
Brian pursed his lips, "Yeah...But if something happened to Tyler, then Blair is not okay."
The long drive was absolutely still. Absolutely silent. I could hear Brian's heart beating with adrenaline; I could hear him scolding himself for being so far away.
I found myself praying to a god I didn't believe in. Not just for Blair, but for Tyler. I didn't know how bad this was; I didn't know if he was even...alive.
My mind floundered its way back in time, running my third eye over the gashes Tyler had carved into his own skin. I thought of Blair's warnings about getting too close to him; I thought about the way he'd treated me...The way I'd treated him.
Whatever had happened, I was sure I had a role to play.
The air eased ever so slightly as Brian slowed the car, making a few quick turns and then pulling off to the side of the road. I was surprised to find the neighborhood to be so small. The street was littered in apartment buildings and small houses. I tried to work out which one was Blair's. I'd always imagined she lived in a fabulous and extravagant house; maybe even with an ocean view.
"Hold the door!" Brian shouted as he jumped from his seat.
Jimmy and I hurried to keep pace with the frantic guitarist as he ran, without looking, across the road and up a walkway to an apartment complex. An old man held the door, probably startled by Brian's aggression. Jimmy and Brian seemed to know where they were going, so I followed on their heels helplessly. The panic began to set in as I realized that I didn't know what I was walking into. Was she home? Was she grieving?
Was this all a big misunderstanding?
We climbed a few sets of stairs, Jimmy's long legs giving him an advantage over Brian's determination. Jimmy swung a door open, holding it for Brian and then for me. He forced a smile as my gaze met his; I'd never seen him so worried. All life had drained from his eyes and all that was left was anticipation.
Brian practically sprinted down the hall, stopping abruptly at a solid door. He banged his fists with all of the aggression in the world upon it. I watched as he broke. Though he stood as tall as ever, his back straight and his shoulders wide, I'd never seen Brian look so damn small. So vulnerable. But I realized quickly that it wasn't his vulnerability I was seeing at all; he was fighting to piece himself together with the best part of him. The part he wasn't sure was still pumping.
Jimmy and I had just caught up as the door at Brian's fists creaked open. We took a step back as Blair's shattered self appeared in the doorway, her hair a mess, mascara running from her eyes like heartbroken waterfalls. She was numb for a second before meeting Brian's gaze; all in an instant, her face contorted and she sobbed, "Brian."
"Baby, come here," he breathed, pulling her instinctively into his arms.
I'd never seen a grip like the one Blair dug into Brian's back. The tips of her fingers lost all blood and she wailed into his chest, making absolutely no sense as she tried to convey what was happening.
"Sh," Brian cooed, running his fingers through her hair.
I was fighting back tears of my own; empathy, I figured. Jimmy's hand found mine as we braced ourselves for impact. Neither Brian nor Jimmy were Tyler's biggest fans, but they were Blair's. Her pain was resounding; it filled the halls and poured out into the streets. I'd always wanted to see Blair show some sort of emotion; any emotion. But this wasn't what I'd expected. This slugged us all in the face with its gravity. I never wanted to see her like this. Never like this.
Brian cupped her face in his hands, looking into her soul as he tried to help her get it together.
"What's going on?" he asked sternly.
She took a couple of deep breaths, saying nothing as she pulled him inside. Brian turned quickly to gesture with his head for us to follow. I wasn't sure we should.
"Come on," Jimmy said quietly, using his grip on me to force me through her doorway.
I rounded the corner just in time to see her collapse onto her sofa, Brian taking up the place by her side. Jimmy and I stood awkwardly to the side, she hadn't seemed to notice us at all.
Only then did I realize I'd never seen Blair in anything but black. I wasn't sure she'd owned any other hues. But as my eyes settled upon her, I was gutted to find her in a white tee, stained with a deep crimson. It was like a puddle, a permanent scar left on her shirt. As she wiped at her tears and let her arms fall against her thighs, I could see her arms shared the same shade of red. I nearly fainted at the sight of it. I forced my eyes upward.
"Blair," Brian exhaled. "Is Tyler okay?"
She bit at her lip, glancing quickly up at Jimmy and then back down to the floor. She nodded. But then she shrugged. And then she shook her head.
"I don't know," she wept.
"What happened?" Brian pressed as gently as he could, looking over to us for reassurance.
"He..." she paused, more deep breaths. "He called me last night...But I wasn't home."
Brian nodded, setting his hand firmly atop her knee.
"I...I don't know," she groaned. "I made it there...To his apartment...And..."
She stopped, letting her anguish bubble over once more.
"It's okay," Brian assured her. "It's okay."
"I called the ambulance," she finally started again. "But I...I beat them there. There was so much fucking blood," she sobbed, breaking down all over again.
"Jesus," Brian muttered, taking her into his chest as her inside snapped apart. It was a bloodcurdling sound...One I'd never like to hear again.
"They wouldn't let me go," she told Brian, pulling away to sit up straight. "They wouldn't let me see him...I...I don't know what's going to happen."
Brian held her for a while as Jimmy and I offered sympathetic frowns and not much else.
"What do you need?" Brian asked her quietly.
She sighed, "I need to see him. I need...I need my best friend."
"Okay," he nodded. "I'll take you. We'll go together."
"Okay," she mumbled, daring to glance down at herself.
It was as if she had no idea that she'd been bathed in blood. The horror in her eyes made me want to cry; I think I may have.
"Oh my god," was all she said, marveling at the terror that was her life. "I...I need to shower. I need...Oh my god."
Brian looked to me specifically. Maybe it was because I was a female or maybe he was just out of his league. I didn't care. I wanted to help...even if I didn't know how.
"Blair," I choked as she looked up at me. "Come on, I'll help you...I think you might be in shock."
She nodded, her eyes now void of life. Brian let his grip fade as she rose to her feet and shuffled all the way to me and then passed. I shrugged subtly at the boys as I followed Blair around a corner and into the bathroom.
Her reflection offered the severity to her. Through the mirror, she looked back at me and begged me to fix it. I didn't fucking know how.
"I'm so sorry," was all I could think to say.
"Aria?" she cracked. "Why aren't I enough?"
"What?" I dared, feeling my own heart breaking as the empathy grew to be too much.
"Why aren't I enough?" she sobbed into her palms. "Why aren't I enough?"
Without thinking, I broke the boundary between us and pulled her weight into me. I used all the strength I had to try to hold her together. She sobbed into my shirt, repeating those same crushing words over and over again.
"You are," I finally told her, letting myself down into the depths with her. "You are enough."
"I can't lose him," she wailed. "I can't. I won't survive it. I can't. I can't..."
I tightened my arms, praying harder for Tyler to be alright. He needed to survive long enough, at least, to see what damage his demons had caused. He may have been a shit person...But Blair was not. And Blair didn't deserve it. It wasn't right. It wasn't fair.
"It's okay," I said because everything else had failed me. "He's okay."
She dug her nails into my back as we sobbed together in the middle of her bathroom.
"Why aren't I enough?"

Notes

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