Just Before You Go

An impromptu, full on, party broke out in the Minnesota parking lot, despite the nipping chill of the evening wind. Everyone had come around for the celebration of our rather abrupt, albeit surprising, engagement. The positivity surrounding the news was nothing short of enthralling. Brian, in particular, was ecstatic with the news. He’d had his arm wrapped around Jimmy’s neck all night like some horrific scarf and showed no signs of slipping away.
Luke stalked me into the bus as I headed in for a refresher round for the cooler.
“Before you say anything,” I spoke without looking at him, my face buried deep in the fridge as I pulled a ridiculous amount of beer into my arms, “I ask only that you don’t ruin this for me tonight.”
He was quiet.
“Please, Luke,” I pleaded lowly, daring to glance over my shoulder at him. “I just want to enjoy this moment in my life. Can you save the lecture for tomorrow?”
“I didn’t come in here to lecture you,” he smiled faintly. “I came to congratulate you…You know, personally.”
My brow raised in suspicion as I kicked the fridge door closed, “Really?”
“Yeah,” he laughed, slapping his hands against his hips. “Why would I lecture you? I don’t think I’ve ever seen you look so…happy. I just wanted to say congratulations…and that I’ve got your back…You know…with Mom and Dad.”
“That’s sweet,” I sighed, struggling to keep the weight of the alcohol balanced in my grip. “I haven’t gotten that far yet…”
He nodded, “Because you want to enjoy the night.”
“Right,” I laughed softly.
Luke pushed the door open, but made absolutely no effort to help carry the drinks. Brothers, am I right? I let the cans fall into the cooler filled to the brim with ice; they crashed with a satisfied crunch.
Zach cringed at the sound, very clearly unimpressed with my stocking strategy.
“You know, Aria,” he smirked as he approached the cooler, “as a future Sullivan, you should probably learn how to properly handle the brews.”
I scoffed, “They made it into the cooler, didn’t they?”
“They’re precious cargo,” he insisted, gesturing to the cans with both hands. “You have to treat them with respect.”
“If you’d like,” I challenged with a shit-eating grin, “I could toss them onto the pavement instead of into the cooler…Would that be respectful?”
He was appalled by my suggestion. His eyes darkened with distaste as he sulked away from me, snatching a beer for the short trip. Luke laughed, dragging an arm across my shoulders as we, too, waltzed away.
My gaze found Jimmy; he was sprawled out over a reclining chair, his feet risen and his head tilted back with a thick cigar hanging from his lips. Brian was slapping at Jimmy’s chest in a fruitless attempt to get his attention. Jimmy was too busy blowing smoke rings. He was impossibly dreamy.
“So,” Luke said, pulling my attention back. “I’ve been trying to figure out how to tell you something…”
“Tell me what?” I asked flatly.
Just as he opened his mouth to, maybe, spill his secrets, a rogue Tyler appeared. His eyes were bloodshot like you wouldn’t believe and he was fidgeting with the loops on his denim jeans. Luke was immediately tense, threatening Ty with his very being.
“Can I talk to you?” Tyler grumbled at me.
My immediate impulse was to laugh. Loudly. Insultingly.
I couldn’t help it.
“Please,” he said coolly.
Something about the distress he appeared to be in appealed to my more forgiving senses. Call me a fool, but I slipped out from Luke’s arm and promised I’d be right back. I followed Tyler several feet away, standing in the dust of the light where I struggled to make out any prominent facial features.
We stood in silence, drowning only in the ecstasy of others as they celebrated life. But there I was, shackled to this idiot in the lull of mystery.
“Are you going to talk?” I asked impatiently, decidedly fed up with feeding into Tyler’s nonsense.
“Give me a second,” he grumbled.
With a permanent scowl, I rejected this proposal, “No thanks. Good chat, though.”
As I made a move to dramatically storm away, feeling proud in my ability to abandon the situation and leave Tyler feeling dejected, he said my name. For reasons unbeknownst to me, I stopped.
Damn empathy.
“I’m sorry,” he said lowly.
I turned just enough that he could understand I was listening without verbally lending him the satisfaction. When it came to apologies, I was typically pretty welcoming.
“I had a long chat with Blair,” he told me. “And she made me realize I’ve been acting like a fucking spaz…”
“Mhm,” I hummed in response, hands on my hips.
“You don’t deserve it,” he sighed. “But you need to understand that you really fucking hurt me.”
I mustered up some courage, “I don’t mean to sound cold, Tyler…But I just don’t care. It isn’t a reason to treat me—and everyone else around here—like absolute garbage.”
“I know,” he concurred reluctantly. “And you’re right…and I’m sorry.”
I wanted sorry to be enough…I wanted to believe that we could go back in time before we’d ever dabbled in anything remotely romantic…But he’d said so much…I’d seen so much…
He was a monstrous version of the man I’d thought him to be. I just wasn’t sure that an apology could truly cover up the scales he’d revealed.
“You don’t have to forgive me,” he said when I hadn’t spoken still. “I get why you wouldn’t want to. But…”
“But?” I encouraged feebly.
He shrugged, “Blair said she’d never forgive me if I didn’t try and make it right with you.”
“Ah,” I nodded once. “So your apology is really for Blair.”
“Of course not,” he groaned. “Fuck, I don’t know what else you want me to say, Aria. I’m sorry that I’ve treated you like shit…I’m sorry that I’ve intentionally berated you…But I’m done now. Maybe one day we can be friends.”
“Friends,” I scoffed, stealing his own words from him with as much venom as I could stand the taste of, “We were never friends.”
“Maybe not,” he shrugged. “Either way, I’m a fucking asshole.”
As he sulked away into the night, I couldn’t let it rest. For whatever reason, I needed the ripple to turn tidal.
“I’m getting married,” I called after him, the irate tone of my voice startling my own blood. “I…I thought you should hear it from me.”
I half expected him to clarify that it was Jimmy I was marrying. Somewhere in there, I expected a callous comment about my moral compass or my conviction for commitment. I readied myself from vindictive Tyler.
But he simply offered, “Congratulations.”
He left me alone in the darkness he’d led me into…and I lingered there for a minute, unsure what to make of the apology or the way it had left my insides. Could I forgive him? Moreover, could I look passed the ugly truth Tyler had exposed himself to be? How did Blair do it?
I wasn’t sure what to think…so I sped-walked to the cooler and downed another beer.
Luke was deep in the clutches of Jimmy’s enthusiasm. He wasn’t relaxing the way I’d last left him, but was now leaned all the way forward, inches from Luke’s face. To my amusement, Luke was hanging on every single syllable that Jimmy was sputtering his way.
“What’re you guys talking about?” I asked cheerfully, admiring the bond brewing between my two favorite men.
Luke looked me dead in the eyes and said more seriously than I’d ever heard, “His leg muscles.”
I tried my hardest to keep a straight face.
I’d naturally assumed Jimmy had gone off on one of his typical tangents about life or existence or…anything but his leg muscles. What did that even mean? My face flinched and fell as I tried not to laugh. I tried so hard.
Luke’s face fell as he rolled his eyes, “You made it weird.”
I burst into laughter, “No, I think it’s just weird on its own, Luke.”
Jimmy grinned, grabbing my brother and I both by the shoulders and pulling us in close, “Family.”
“Stop,” I giggled, ducking out from his arm.
Luke clung to Jimmy like they were lifelong friends. It was both adorable and terribly creepy.
My eyes danced from my love to the former flame of my still-beating heart. Tyler had integrated him back into his group, they looked so casual that I almost found myself forgetting about everything that had happened. If these people that had known him forever could see passed his short comings, shouldn’t I?
What difference would it make?
Tyler and I would never be the same again. We’d crossed a line that we could never return from, and he’d intentionally crossed every single line thereafter. Did it make me weak if I forgave him? Did it make me indecisive or unkind not to?
Blair Peterson emerged from the woodwork, lacing herself into their world seamlessly. I wondered for a second what she’d said to Tyler. Why it was so important to her that he smooth the creases over with me. I knew I could ask, but I sincerely doubted she’d tell.
Should I have been grateful?
I was certainly grateful for other things…and I’d learned the basics of forgiveness…I just didn’t know how far I could truly extend my newfound gift. The apology was a start, I decided. And then I decided to put it out of my mind. I was going to enjoy my night of betrothal, and even Tyler’s plea for forgiveness couldn’t derail it.
Jimmy was the important factor of the night.
“Blair!” Jimmy screeched.
Her eyes glanced around for the source of her beckoning. She smiled fondly at her group before abandoning it for her second family. Sometimes I was sure she preferred the Avenged lot over her own. They certainly preferred her.
When her eyes found mine, they were filled with humiliation. She’d covered for her friend yet again, and the perpetual embarrassment was not entirely lost on her. I pitied her for a quick, fleeting second. What a burden it must have been to carry around Tyler’s weight; to constantly be fighting to rectify all of the crosses he’d broken down.
“You’ll never guess what happened,” Jimmy grinned at his midnight-haired friend.
She encouraged him without words.
“Aria and I are taking the plunge,” he told her happily.
Her face was riddled with confusion, “Into…”
“Adult life,” he told her vaguely.
“What?” she laughed, sighing pointedly at our Jimmy.
“We’re getting married,” he finally declared, the excitement bubbling up and over all over again.
Her jaw fell to the ground and she made no effort to pick it up. Her green eyes widened with surprise and I swear I could hear her heart pumping.
“Are you fucking kidding?” she beamed, bounding over and into him, wrapping her arms around his scrawny neck.
He happily abandoned Luke in favor of Blair—a feat that didn’t seem to faze Luke in the slightest. Once she’d had her fill of Jimmy, she headed straight for me.
I nearly died from within her grasp. She smelled so good. Seriously. Like an angel mixed with Chanel No. 5.
Not that I’d ever actually smelled Chanel No. 5….
She squeezed me tightly, which honestly I didn’t think she was capable of. Not the force—my face could testify to her strength. But rather the genuine happiness for us. I squeezed back, relishing in the feel of her touch. Girl crush gone wild.
“This is so fucking exciting,” she grinned as she pulled away.
For a second, we both forgot about the drama of the night. She sighed happily, shaking her head at the two of us in the best possible way.
“I’m going to get us beers,” she told us sternly. “And we will celebrate properly.”
“I’ll take a round!” Brian called to her from his chair, obviously eavesdropping on everything and anything to do with Blair.
She rolled her eyes at him.
As Jimmy retreated five steps away to Brian, and Blair set off on her mission, I turned back to Luke.
What a crazy night.
Wait.
“What did you want to tell me?” I asked blatantly, feeling a bit guilty for moving along without pressing him for the details.
He smiled weakly, “It can wait.”
“No,” I argued lightly. “You were obviously going to tell me earlier. Whatever it is, just spit it out.”
“Well…” he hesitated.
I urged him nervously, “Well?”
He cringed as he faced me, “Grace is pregnant.”

Notes

Will Tyria 2.0 live to see the day? Who knows!


xx