Just Before You Go

The day had come and almost gone without any word from Jimmy. I’d locked myself up in my and Brian’s room and had lulled myself into a stress-induced, broken nosed nap to the sound of Brian’s acoustic guitar. I know it seems like an obvious thing, but I had no idea just how talented he really was. It’s different to listen to someone play with their soul than it is to watch them shred on an electric.
I had the strangest dreams about monsters. They were riddling the sidewalks and lurching out from every alley. And in the center of it all, was Blair Peterson. At first I watched her succumb to their advances. She wasn’t fighting it, she wasn’t screaming for help. She was oddly complacent. But soon I’d grown so terrified that I felt an urge to rescue her. I wasn’t sure how—and it would surely mean sacrificing my own safety. Just as I took a step into the street, eliciting attention from the world’s evil, I awoke with a jolt.
It didn’t take a psychologist to analyze that nightmare.
Nevertheless, I was panting. I ran my fingers through my dampened hair and sat straight up, convinced that elevation might sooth my pounding chest. It didn’t.
Brian placed one hand over the strings of his guitarist, sizing me up suspiciously.
“Napmare?” he asked with a smug little grin.
I just nodded, glancing at him quickly before dashing away to hydrate my frigid body. While I had obviously volunteered Jimmy to come to Blair’s aid, I just wasn’t sure what the mechanics of it were. What was Jimmy’s definition of helping Blair?
It best not be a repeat of the last time he and Blair got close. I would have to kill him if that were the case.
Despite my character, I told myself that I could trust him. The scene I’d witnessed between Tyler and Blair was absolutely horrifying. It had stuck with me—clearly it had also made its way into my dreams. How could someone with such a genuine and caring core morph themselves into such a twisted snake? I was starting to think my judge of character was way off. I felt awful for Blair.
That was her best friend? No wonder she clung to Jimmy. He was the exact opposite; endlessly warm and caring. Even in his coldest moments, Jimmy could never bring himself to breathe such horrible thoughts aloud. Jimmy was life…and Tyler was death.
I climbed back into the bed, my back pushed up against the cheap headboard and my hands wrapped firmly around the glass of aqua. Brian had resumed his strumming, paying absolutely no attention to me at all.
But I couldn’t shake the dream.
“Bri,” I spoke, startling him as his finger slipped from the fret board.
He laughed to himself, rearranging his hand and starting again.
“Do you think Tyler is always that awful to Blair?” I asked him softly.
I watched him for reaction. It was clear that the mere mention of Tyler’s name sincerely rattled Brian’s cage.
“Don’t know,” he said briskly.
“I hope not,” I thought aloud with a sigh. “No one deserves to be treated like that…But I have a hard time wrapping my head around it. If he’s always that nasty to her, she wouldn’t be his friend, would she? No way is she that broken, right?”
Brian cut of my tangent of thoughts, “I have no idea, Aria. I don’t know anything about that situation.”
His callous demeanor jumbled my brain. I set my glass of water onto the table and folded my hands into my lap.
“Don’t you care?”
His hands stopped playing as he snapped his eyes up, locking them on my own. It was deeply intimidating. I got the sense that I’d said something wrong.
“Of course I care,” he bit. “I know you think I’m some cold asshole but if you seriously think that I haven’t been running through a million different ways to end Tyler’s life, all fucking day, you’re thoroughly mistaken.”
I swallowed hard, “Yeah…We should have done something.”
“Blair’s a big girl,” Brian shrugged with a grunt of disdain. “She can hold her own.”
That was true but still not very comforting. My feelings about Blair Peterson were caught in a painful sort of purgatory. I was pissed as hell at her for sleeping with Jimmy…but oddly concerned for her overall well-being. Maybe I was simply too empathetic.
Blair must have lacked empathy entirely; otherwise I wasn’t sure how she could possibly endure that kind of mental laceration without losing her mind.
Sensing my looming concern, Brian moaned, “I’m sure she’s fine, Aria.”
“Yeah…”
“If you’re so worried about it, why don’t you go talk to her,” Brian suggested, reverting back to his guitarist nature and picking at a few harmonics.
“Yeah, right,” I scoffed.
I was delusional at the best of times but I wasn’t stupid. Seeking out Blair Peterson would be the equivalent of strolling casually into a lion’s den. I wasn’t a lion and I had absolutely no business in her pride.
Jimmy, however, was cut from the same cloth. It made total sense that he’d be welcomed in so heartily. Blair was making more and more sense to me by the second. It was disheartening, though; none of the things I was learning about her life were cheerful. Why had a girl that had been subdued to so much torment in her life willingly choose to string herself along with someone capable of tearing her apart?
Her infatuation with Brian was making more sense suddenly, too.
“I’ll see if I can’t get some answers for you after the show,” Brian told me softly. “It’s time to start making peace with her.”
“Yeah,” I laughed. “Especially if you want her to love you.”
Brian grinned, tossing the guitar pick between his teeth as he gestured from his head to his toes with the free hand, “Have you seen all this? How could she not love me?”
“Oh, right,” I rolled my eyes playfully. “Your bod more than makes up for tormenting her all this time. I’m sure it’ll wash all the insults away, too.”
He nodded, “Like magic.”
“Shut up, Brian,” I laughed.
We fell back into a comfortable silence. I was sure we were both deep in thought about the same topic. Brian’s strained forehead was a dead giveaway that he was fussing about Blair’s life choices. But Brian was less invasive than I was. I had full intentions to grill Blair at the first opportunity presented to me.
Maybe Jimmy already had.
When we finally got the call that it was time to head down to the show, Brian walked along with me. We were quiet as we carried our bags down through the hotel of horror and out into the bus.
Jimmy was nowhere to be found, which didn’t really surprise me at all. Everyone climbed aboard and soon we were on the road, heading to the venue for another night of Haven Sevenfold fun.
“Hey, you,” Matt smiled, sliding onto the couch next to me. “I hear there’s been some drama in the Aria/Jimmy camp this week.”
I frowned at him.
I really didn’t want to rehash the gory details.
“It’s all good,” Matt laughed knowingly. “Brian filled me in.”
My eyes darted to Brian, who was escaping into the back with his arms pulled into a permanent innocent shrug.
“It’s nice to have you back anyway,” Matt smiled.
“It’s nice to be back.”
“We were talking,” he continued, glancing over at Zach and Johnny who were collapsed like corpses against the table, “and we’ve agreed that you should come watch the shows tonight.”
I raised an eyebrow, “What about the merch booth?”
“Let Matt Berry worry about that,” Matt smirked. “It’s about time he earned his keep. You haven’t gotten to see us play at all! It’s the perfect opportunity. I know Jimmy would dig it, too.”
I wasn’t going to turn down the chance to watch them perform. I’d been waiting for it since we’d left for the tour. So, I happily accepted the offer.
Once we’d arrived at the venue, the guys piled out excitedly. It was incredible the way the words ‘we’re here’ would suddenly bring the Doom Twins back to life. I caught sight of Jimmy and my heart fluttered. He was leaned up against the brick wall, thumping his fingers maniacally against his thighs. His face lit up as I neared him.
“Hello there!” he grinned.
“Hello yourself.”
He squinted at his band mates as they filed inside, “Did they take care of you?”
I nodded.
“Sorry I disappeared,” he frowned. “I know you hate that.”
“It’s okay,” I assured him, following his lead into the building.
“Blair’s a fuckin’ mess,” he informed me with his eyebrows raised. “I think I got her cheered up, though. Maybe.”
“And how’d you do that?” I smirked.
He laughed, “You know how.”
“Well…given the events of these last few days, it could go a couple ways…”
With a shake of his head, he said, “Don’t you worry about that.”
I wasn’t, really. He was far too attached to me to have been previously fornicating with the Peterson camp. Judging by the nickel-sized pupils lingering behind the rims of his glasses, I could extrapolate what had gone down. Whatever they needed to do, I guess.
It had become clear to me that if I wanted Jimmy, I’d have to make peace with the decisions he was always so hell bent on making. Even if I knew they were dangerous and self-destructive. You couldn’t just love a piece of someone, after all.
“I’m glad you were there for her,” I told Jimmy sweetly.
He shrugged.
“I get to watch your show tonight,” I told him happily.
“Really?” he beamed. “You get to watch me in action?”
I nodded with a smile.
“Prepare to have your mind blown, Aria,” he grinned. “I’m going to fuck up all of your senses.”
“You’d better,” I laughed. “After all this hype, you best deliver.”
We bickered all the way to the dressing room, where the guys immediately got into the beers. Jimmy was bounding all over, terrorize each of them individually. Johnny swatted at his lanky friend as Jimmy plunked his beer from his hand and dumped it over the midget’s head. The guys erupted with laughter, Johnny included. Johnny grabbed at Jimmy and a wrestling match broke out. With Johnny on his back, Jimmy whipped his body around and drove Johnny’s head straight into a lamp. It crashed to the ground with a shattering thud. Zach was keeling over from the laughter pains.
“You guys are idiots,” Brian cackled. “I’m going for a smoke before one of you cracks your fuckin’ skull open.”
As Jimmy dropped Johnny to the floor without a care, I decided I’d already seen enough of his shenanigans for a while. Not that it wasn’t hilarious; because it was. But because Jimmy was high as a kite and I was still trying to process how to be okay with it.
“Mind if I come?” I asked Brian once he was headed for the door.
He shrugged.
I followed him out into the hallway where I immediately crashed into a human being.
No.
I wearily glanced up to find Tyler looming over me, his head shaking with displeasure.
“Back to this, huh,” he muttered as he pushed passed me.
Completely at a loss, I watched as he disappeared down the hall. He was looking rough—but significantly less destroyed than he’d looked earlier in the day. I both hated and felt sorry for him.
Blair stepped out from behind a door up ahead. She had her head hung low and was clenching and un-clenching her hands like she’d lost all feeling to them. Given the events of the day, maybe she had.
“Hey,” Brian greeted her smoothly as we approached the perfectly fucked up specimen.
She looked up and almost smiled, but her humiliation brought her back down to earth, “Hey.”
“You okay?” Brian asked suspiciously.
I’d never seen an actual physical representation of the phrase ‘strung out’ until I cast my eyes on Blair in that hallway. She, like Tyler, was looking pretty worse for wear.
“Mhm,” she hummed.
She tried to pass him but he grabbed her arm gently. I watched as she melted a little.
“Blair,” he said quietly, like he thought I couldn’t hear. “If you ever need to talk…”
“Can we do this later?” she asked impatiently.
He let her go.
We didn’t speak of it at all. Brian made small talk about what their show was like to watch and how happy he was I’d get to sit in the wings. My mind was elsewhere—more specifically digesting the less than ideal picture Tyler had painted of himself. I hardly recognized him. The only familiar piece of him was the stain down his chest from where I’d obligatorily spilled his drink all over him.
And even that felt different.
We hadn’t been back with the others for long when Brian declared he was heading up to watch Haven’s set. Apparently it was something he did most nights, but would retreat back to Avenged before Haven had exited—so Blair would never have known.
Brian was a bit of a secret romantic, I guessed then.
Why couldn’t he have just been honest with Blair this whole time? So much wreckage could have been spared has Brian just opened his mouth and resisted the temptation to say something cold.
Jimmy and I both decided to venture to the stage with Brian. I wanted to see what Blair could do—it had been an eternity since I’d gotten to watch her perform. Jimmy just wanted to be with me, which was a touching and reassuring sentiment.
The band was hanging in the wings, chattering amongst themselves throughout the wait for show time. Blair looked…dead. She wasn’t paying attention to her bandmates, she was actively ignoring Tyler. But beyond all that, she just looked…off.
“Does Blair look—”
“Yeah,” Brian cut off instinctively.
I looked to Jimmy for reaffirmation, he just shrugged, “It’s been a long day.”
That was fair. Maybe this was just what Blair looked like when he she’d been bombarded by feelings all day. I assumed she was a bit of a stranger to emotional influxes. She wasn’t the ‘type’.
Justin gave her a slap on the shoulder to let her know they were moving. She snapped back into reality with a forced smile and a nod of her head. They headed onto the stage.
I watched in amazement as this group, who was currently not very invested in one another, appeared to be a whole. Tyler livened up as he strung his guitar next to his friends. Blair looked…Nope, she still looked off.
They played a few songs and the crowd was eating it up. Blair was chugging at her bottled water like she’d been stranded in the desert for a month.
“Is it hot on the stage?” I asked Jimmy, shouting to compete with the noise.
He nodded wildly, “Have you seen how sweaty I am when I’m done playing?”
“Yeah, I have,” I grinned, swooning at the image of Jimmy’s hair stuck to his face.
It was an aphrodisiac, despite how unhygienic it was.
Blair’s voice erupted into maybe the most powerful note I’d ever heard come out another human being. But then she stopped. Mid-note. She just…stopped.
“Something’s wrong,” Brian said, lurching his body forward with anxiety.
Blair sat herself onto the speakers lining the front of the stage. The microphone fell from her hand and onto the stage. We watched helplessly as the band exchanged confused glances.
As she grabbed at her chest with white-knuckled grip, Brian had enough. He darted onto the stage and over to Blair, kneeling down before her and taking her arms into his hands.
“What’s happening?” I asked nervously.
Jimmy looked deeply perturbed.
“Jimmy,” I said sternly. “What’s happening?”
He couldn’t answer me. His eyes were fixated on Brian and Blair as Brian pulled his love into his arms and carried her from the stage. He set her down on the floor next to my feet and was immediately splashing her with whatever water he could find. She was snow white. I’d never seen anyone look quite so pale.
As he pulled at Blair’s eyelids, Brian frantically turned to me, “Aria, call a fucking ambulance!”
“Okay,” I replied hastily, trembling violently as I grabbed my phone from my pocket.
Jimmy was pacing like a maniac as Brian used his calmest voice to speak to Blair. She just kept repeating that she couldn’t breathe. The phone rang in my ear.
“What do I tell them?” I asked because I still didn’t understand what I was witnessing.
“That we have someone overdosing,” Brian told me gravely. “Tell them to meet us in the back.”
As I stepped away to make the call, I could hear Brian demanding to know what Blair and Jimmy had gotten into. I gave as much information as I possibly could and urged them to hurry.
Brian pulled Blair once more into his arms as he steadily took off from the wings. Jimmy and I followed in pursuit, watching as Blair floated in and out of consciousness. I was terrified that I was going to watch someone die. I’d never seen anyone die…I wasn’t sure that I could handle it.
Her hand gripped the back of Brian’s t-shirt like it was the only string left binding her to this life. As we ran down the hall to the exit, I watched as her fingers let go.
Brian was panicking, kicking the door open with more force than was likely necessary. The ambulance arrived promptly, immediately taking Blair from Brian’s arms and pulling her into the back. There was no question about it; Brian didn’t even look back as he climbed in behind her and the doors shut them inside.
“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” Jimmy was grumbling as the sirens split the night air and the Bs disappeared into the chaos.
“What…” I didn’t even know what to say.
“We have to tell Larry,” Jimmy said frantically, still pacing around. “We have to tell the guys. We have to cancel the show. Fuck. We have to cancel. Fuck, fuck.”
“Jimmy!” I snapped, his panicking only making my worse. “What the fuck did you guys do?”
He sighed, his face tormented with guilt, “Nothing we haven’t done a million times! I swear to god.”
“Is…Is she going to be okay?” I asked because I wasn’t really sure what else I should say.
He was at a loss like me, “I… don’t fucking know.”
After taking a few deep breaths, we made our way back inside to break the news to everyone. Without Blair, Haven couldn’t continue. Without Brian, Avenged was as good as Zacky Vengeance. And while he was beautiful and talented, he just wasn’t enough to make up that void.
They cancelled the show without hesitation.

Notes

Oh, good.

xx