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Just Before You Go

Chapter Seventy-Nine: How He Could Have Let You Die

Brian eventually rose from the dead, a confused and zombie-like version of who he’d been the night before. He rubbed the sleep from his eyes, glancing over at us as Jimmy and I finished another round of the most juvenile game known to mankind.
“Go fish, bitch,” Jimmy screeched happily.
As I plunked a card from the center pile, Brian narrowed his eyes.
“Are you two playing Go fucking Fish?”
Jimmy pointed his long finger toward Brian, “Language, Bri Bri.”
Brian grumbled , dismissing our shenanigans and dismissing himself to the bathroom. He slammed the door behind him with a loud thud.
“So…” Jimmy sang lowly. “we should go out.”
I raised an eyebrow as my means of asking for clarification.
“I’m bored,” he sighed dramatically with a hand to his forehead.
“Where do you want to go?” I asked, collecting my cards into one neat pile with the assumption that our game was effectively finished.
Jimmy tossed his cards into the center without a care, confirming my suspicions. He jumped from the bed to pound on the bathroom door. Brian ignored him for far longer than I would have liked. Jimmy just got louder and louder…and louder still.
“Synny poo,” Jimmy sang highly. “Come out! I miss you!”
The door slammed against the wall as Brian emerged from his hiding. Jimmy followed hot on his heels.
“Dude,” Brian groaned. “What, you and Aria make up and you’re back to your ridiculous self?”
“Pretty much,” Jimmy nodded cheerfully.
With a roll of his eyes, Brian smirked, “Great.”
“It’s good to be back,” Jimmy exhaled proudly, stretching his long arms out before him and then rising them above his head.
After much deliberation, it was decided that we would be taking on the town. Brian had tried to appeal to his friend’s mercy, given that Brian had already been drunk once that day—but Jimmy did not care.
“Drink water like an asshole,” Jimmy told him with a careless shrug.
Brian whined with a dramatic fall to the mattress.
“I don’t even like water!” he yelled.
Jimmy made his face stern and serious, “No one likes water, Brian.”
I raised my hand feebly, “I do…”
They both looked at me in disgust.
“Your girlfriend’s a demon,” Brian noted.
Jimmy nodded, “Yeah…Might have to rethink this whole rekindling thing.”
“Shut up,” I snorted. “Both of you.”
“Can we go?” Jimmy asked impatiently, his attention dwindling away. “It’s already after ten. That’s embarrassing. We should be embarrassed.”
Ten o’clock…Where had the day gone? I was sure Tyler was back in the room by then—but he hadn’t texted me. He hadn’t made any efforts to track me down at all. I hoped that it meant he was less invested in me than I’d thought.
I desperately hoped that was true.
“I need to go fix myself up,” I told the boys. “Can I have, like, ten?”
“Ten,” Brian scoffed. “You’d need all night…and even then…”
“Hey,” Jimmy warned loudly, tossing another threatening finger into Brian’s face, “don’t be mean to Aria.”
“I can take it,” I laughed. “Come get me in ten.”
Jimmy nodded passively, “Yeah, we’ll see you in a minute.”
“Ten,” I corrected sternly.
He waved me off, “Yeah, yeah.”
As I slipped through the door and into the hall, I tried to wrap my mind around what was happening. I’d woken up with Tyler but would finish the night with Jimmy? I felt a bit like a slut…I’d never been a slut. I decided I didn’t like the look of it. It didn’t fit in the right places.
I hesitated outside of my room, unsure how to casually bring up the fact that I regretted everything that had happened in the last twenty-four hours…Aside from Jimmy coming to sweep me off my feet. There were no regrets there.
Tyler was watching television mindlessly, his focus stolen by the box of takeout in his lap. He caught sight of me and smiled. I felt like a total sack of shit.
“Hey,” he greeted, grabbing the remote to turn the volume way down.
I glanced around for a solution to my problem. Nothing.
“Hey.”
“Where’ve you been?” he asked curiously. “With Brian?”
I nodded…I was with Brian…He was there…How much did I really have to tell Tyler?
“He alright?” Tyler surprised me with.
“Y-Yeah,” I said slowly, perching myself at the very edge of the bed.
Tyler shrugged, “Good.”
“How’s Blair?” I asked, trying my best to sound totally aloof.
“Fine,” he said quickly.
The grave expression that took hold of his face told me that he’d been made privy to last night’s unfortunate events. I assumed Tyler was trying to protect me by guarding the secret…but it also kind of unnerved me. It was clear where his loyalties laid.
“Good,” I said with a painfully slow pace.
An awkward tension fell over us. We were both harboring guilt but for very, very different reasons. And yet…they involved a lot of the same people. God damn.
“Well,” I finally announced, clapping my hands against my knees as I climbed to my feet. “I’m going to get out of here.”
“What?” Tyler choked on his surprise. “Where are you going?”
“Out,” I replied simply, taking off to the bathroom.
I closed the door and immediately took to fixing my face. It dawned on me that I could realistically put the awkward talk off for a night…If I was fast enough, Jimmy and Brian wouldn’t need to come get me…Tyler wouldn’t have to know. I figured I was a bad enough person already, why not just fuel the fire? I sucked.
But once I’d run a brush through my hair, the guilt began to eat me like a moth. Tyler was sweet and he hadn’t done anything to deserve my nonsensical nonsense.
I decided to just tell him the truth. Rip off the band aid, if you will.
In full truth-telling form, I emerged from the bathroom. Tyler looked over at me curiously.
“Where are you going?” he asked again.
It wasn’t clear whether it was curiosity or suspicion ringing through his voice.
“Out,” I said again, trying my best not to sound callous as I excused myself from reality so that my brain may have my full attention.
A knock sounded at the door—I panicked.
“With who?” he asked as the knocking grew into a haphazard pattern.
Tyler headed for the door. I wanted to stop him but I was too late.
“Hey, uh, is Aria here?” I heard Brian ask.
I straightened out my top and stood to face my fate. Tyler looked both tormented and distraught.
Jimmy smiled at the sight of me, moving right passed Tyler’s heartbreak.
“With Jimmy,” Tyler said to me, defeat in his throat.
I nodded grimly, “And Brian.”
“So…” Tyler started but stopped. “You know what? Doesn’t matter. You have a good night, Aria.”
He turned on his heel, plopping back down onto his bed and cranking the volume to the television. I was such a sack of shit.
I pushed Jimmy and Brian back into the hall, begging quietly for just one minute. Jimmy was understanding enough to agree. I clicked the door closed and approached Tyler cautiously. He looked at me and I thought he might lunge for a stab.
“So you’re back with him then?” Tyler asked flatly. “Or are you just friends?”
I ran through every possible thing I could say to Tyler to ease the blow. There were no words that I could ever express that would take away what I was doing to him.
“I love him,” I said quietly.
“I know,” Tyler hissed. “But maybe you should stop, Aria. That guy’s not good for you.”
“That guy?” I repeated coarsely.
He nodded, rolling his eyes into the back of his head, “He fucks you around, he gets you into trouble…he fucks another girl one room over.”
My jaw dropped.
Not because what Tyler said was news to me. But because he was using it as ammunition. I was blown away.
“That doesn’t matter,” I grunted. “I’m no better.”
“Yes, you are,” he insisted, sitting up a little. “There’s something here. I feel it…and I know you do, too.”
I couldn’t find the words to tell him that he was wrong. I found myself shaking my head and slowly taking tiny steps backward.
“Aria,” he said but it sounded like the world’s shortest question.
With a deep gulp of air, I reiterated sternly, “I love him, Tyler.”
He took it in. He let it swim around. And then it eat him alive.
“You two can go fuck yourselves,” he spit at me. “I hope you have a great life together chasing the dragon and riding that overdose train. Don’t come crying to me when he gets off at a stop before you’re ready.”
“How poetic,” I growled.
I hadn’t expected him to be kind, but I had expected some sort of understanding. Maybe I had expected too much. Maybe that was my fault.
He moved his angry gaze back to the television.
I stood awkwardly for another minute before feeling ready enough to remove myself from the situation.
“I’ll be back to grab my things,” I told him quietly.
As I headed for the door, feeling awful and completely ashamed, Tyler said my name. I knew I shouldn’t entertain him, but the devious part of me was waiting for the rage to put me in my place. The masochistic part of me knew I had it coming. It was beckoning the rage to me.
“He’s going to break your heart,” he told me gravely. “I just hope you get out before he totally destroys your life.”
I swallowed it down for what it was worth, nodding at him because I had nothing left in my chest. I let the door slam behind me.
And then I left with Jimmy.

Notes

xx

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RamonaFoREVer RamonaFoREVer
6/18/19

@kiss my sas
I'm sorry!!!! Didn't mean to kick you while you're down, I swear!!

fyction fyction
5/14/19

I'm so proud of you for finishing this masterpiece, but I am SO SAD!!!
WHY ARE YOU BEING MEAN AND UPSETTING THE SICK AUSSIE?!??!?!
WHAT IS LIFE??!???!!!!

kiss my sas kiss my sas
5/14/19

IT IS NOT OVER!!!
I REFUSE TO ADMIT IT IS OVER!!!!!!
PLAGUIA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

kiss my sas kiss my sas
5/14/19

Holy shit, holy shit, I am not prepared!!!!
Going to read the... last... chapter now...

kiss my sas kiss my sas
5/14/19