Just Before You Go

We’d made it to the hotel sometime after three. Everyone appeared to be more like slugs than humans, dragging their bags through the lobby with shuffled steps and tired eyes. Jimmy looked the worst, second only to Blair Peterson—her hair was tossed back lazily and she was perched atop her black suit case. She held her face in her hands and you’d swear she were dead inside. Her eyes were lifeless, her skin dangerously pale. She looked like she hadn’t slept at all—and from what I’d heard, she hadn’t.
Apparently she and Jimmy had kept the party going until early hours of the afternoon. No wonder they looked like such hot messes, they were in that awkward hangover—but still high and drunk—phase. My poor man looked so damn burnt out.
No, no. He wasn’t my man. I scolded myself for even thinking it.
He and Brian were talking, interrupted only with room keys. They exchanged uncomfortable glances, and then directed them over at me.
“That doesn’t look good,” I grumbled nervously.
Tyler laughed quietly, “Maybe they’re planning to murder you in your sleep.”
“I fucking hope so,” Blair quipped from her suitcase, running both hands through her hair. “Can you both shut the fuck up?”
Oh, hangover Blair; always a pleasure. It wasn’t lost on me just how similar she was to Brian within her very core. Brian was also adamant that we all ‘shut the fuck up’ whenever he was feeling less than whole. Blair, though, probably meant it a great deal more than Brian ever did. Blair was still pretty locked into her dislike for me at that moment.
“Sorry, Princess,” Tyler teased, his voice elevated just enough to really get between Blair’s temples.
She groaned.
Jimmy sauntered over to me cautiously, taking small and calculated steps. I stepped aside from Tyler, curious to see what it was Jimmy wanted. He looked unsure.
“Hey,” he breathed. “So…”
“So?”
He tapped the room key atop his left hand, looking sincerely uneasy, “I guess when they booked the rooms…They, uh…”
“They what?” I couldn’t help but smile.
“They stuck us in a room together,” he told me finally.
“Oh.”
He looked around uncomfortably, “I don’t know if…I…Look, I know we’re supposed to be friends and shit but…I don’t know if it’s a good idea that we share a room.”
“Right,” was all I could think to say.
He wasn’t wrong. It wasn’t a good idea. So far, we couldn’t go two minutes in the same room without fighting or making out—or both. If we were really going to give this friendship thing a try, we needed to give it a fair chance. Bunking together sounded a hell of a lot like trouble to me.
“I’m not sure what to do here,” Jimmy told me with a lazy shrug.
“She can stay with me,” Tyler spoke up, obviously eavesdropping from behind.
I’m sure I noted a speckle of jealousy trickle through Jimmy’s accelerated veins. Nevertheless, he looked to me for confirmation.
“What about Blair?” I asked wearily.
She let out a deadened moan, “I’ll sleep on the street. I don’t care. Please stop talking.”
Jimmy chuckled at his incapacitated friend, looking closer and closer to death with each passing second.
“Blair can stay with you, right?” Tyler said to Jimmy. “And Aria can stay with me.”
What was this, wife swap?
“Fine with me,” Jimmy shrugged. “Aria?”
I nodded, “Fine with me, too.”
“B,” Jimmy called in his most shrill voice. “You cool to be my roommate?”
She pouted at him, “Are you all trying to kill me?”
“Yes,” Tyler laughed. “That’s our common goal. Make sure Blair Peterson meets her end before this tour draws to a close. You caught us.”
“Whatever,” she mumbled, finally picking herself up.
My eyes floated just behind Jimmy, where Brian and Claire appeared to be arguing in hushed tones. The only giveaway was Claire’s use of hand gestures. She was fixated on Blair, who was only now becoming a person. It was both reassuring and totally disheartening to see I was not the only one totally intimidated by Blair. I felt a little bad for her.
Though, in the case of Brian, she had helped him cheat on his girlfriend. While she was once mostly innocent, she was now not entirely blameless. But as Blair’s eyes set onto Brian, I watched her face drown in pain. And then I felt bad for her all over again.
“I guess I’ll see you later then,” I said, turning my attention back to Jimmy.
He nodded, “Yeah, sure.”
He darted around me, pushing at Blair with one long finger. She swatted at him, which only made him cackle. She was drowning and Jimmy was the only one who knew how to be her lifeline. I worried for Blair a little…it was obviously a slippery slope that she was on. Jimmy was the beautiful force that could reign destruction on even the most composed victim. He didn't even know what a dangerous catalyst he was, pulling everyone in with his dismantling charm and good time-oriented allure. Blair was obviously weak for him, even if just for the sake of finding compatibility and comfort in her chaos.
I watched as they walked off together, Jimmy pulling Blair’s bag for her once she’d dropped it for the third time. She finally laughed, wincing immediately. What a duo they were. If I wasn’t so suspicious of their nature, I would have been able to really appreciate and respect the bond they had. It was like nothing I’d ever seen; not mine and Jimmy’s, not hers and Tyler’s. It was entirely unique, just like Jimmy.
“Ready?” Tyler asked, handing his second room key to me.
I nodded with a shrug of my shoulders.
As we walked, I couldn’t help but feel a hint of irritation with Tyler. It was nice that he’d swooped in and offered me shelter, but did he have to offer up Jimmy?
“Thanks for pushing Blair and Jimmy together by the way,” I said snidely, daring only to look at him from the corners of my eyes.
Tyler frowned, “That’s not really what I was doing.”
“Isn’t it?” I challenged.
He shook his head, “I thought I was helping you out. Where else were you going to stay?”
“I don’t know,” I replied honestly. “You could have bunked with Jimmy.”
“And you with Blair?” Tyler laughed deviously. “She would have suffocated you in your sleep, dude. Or have we forgotten the whole snooping debacle.”
“No, we haven’t forgotten,” I sighed ruefully. “I guess you’re right.”
“Aria,” he said shortly, stopping with a hand on my shoulder. “Can I just say something?”
I looked at him expectantly.
He dodged his eyes around before speaking, “Just because people are staying in the same room doesn’t mean they’re fucking. So…I just don’t think you should worry about it like I know you’re going to.”
“I guess…”
He shrugged, sighing a little, “Look, the way I see it is if they’re going to hook up, they’re going to hook up.”
“That’s reassuring,” I bit with a sincere frown.
He smiled sympathetically, “I’m not trying to bum you out. I’m trying to be realistic. If you’re so worried that they belong together, maybe you should just sit back and let that work itself out. Maybe they do. Maybe they don’t. It isn’t really for anyone to decide but them, you know? If they’re going to get together, circumstances don’t really matter.”
None of this was making me feel any better. Sure, he was right. But did that mean I wanted to hear it? Absolutely not. And yet, something about Tyler’s speech gave me some new found form of freedom. Maybe he was right. Maybe I had to sit back and just let things work out as they were meant to. Fuck free will.
What that meant for my budding feelings for Tyler, though, I wasn’t sure. There was definitely something beginning to grow…it started as a desperate reach for companionship. It had blossomed into friendship…and now it was wilting and twisting into something I wasn’t sure I wanted. Nothing had happened, and part of me hoped that nothing would happen.
But that tiny, microscopic piece of me that swooned when he looked at me and fluttered up with giddiness when he smiled…that piece was longing.
I was caught somewhere between grieving and rebound. It was too early to move on, this I knew. But I was so damn confused…Too much had happened. It was beginning to feel like there was too much weight pushing down on Jimmy and I—and we’d never be able to lift it high enough to get ourselves back together.
I wanted to believe that we could…but I was losing faith. Why had I agreed to friendship? Why hadn’t I just gone home? I could have started moving on with my life had I just gone home…
Though, no one said I couldn’t start moving on with my life from within it. Tyler was there, looking handsome as ever. He’d swooped in, once again, to rescue me from the Jimmy problem. How many times could the same person save you before you started to wonder if they’re the one you should be longing for all day long? Jimmy was always putting me into the middle of my own troubles, and in his, and Tyler was always pulling me out. What did that mean for our relationship?
Moreover, what did that mean for me as a person?
“Come on,” Tyler encouraged, sensing my internal pummeling.
I nodded, following him into the elevator and welcoming the silence that had crept inside with us. We didn’t speak at all as we walked slowly down the hallway and slipped into our room. Tyler called the bed near the window and I immediately climbed into the other. Despite the afternoon sun, I was exhausted from my life and unwilling to be conscious any longer.
I fell into a tumultuous sleep filled with demons and dangers. And when I awoke, I knew it would be mostly the same.

Notes

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