Just Before You Go

“Well,” Brian said slowly, rubbing at his forehead, “I didn’t see that coming.”
I sniffled, feeling totally at a loss. Blair rubbed my back sympathetically. They’d put their differences aside to sit together and listen to my sobbing. Somewhere in my hysterics, I’d managed to explain what had happened with Jimmy.
“What do you want to do?” Blair asked me carefully.
I shook my head, “I don’t know…If I’m not here with Jimmy, I don’t have any business being here at all. I should just go home.”
“If that’s what you want,” Blair frowned.
“I think it’s for the best,” I hiccupped.
Brian sighed loudly, gaining my attention and Blair’s.
“You can’t,” was all he said.
“What do you mean she can’t?” Blair questioned. “Of course she can.”
He shook his head, “Nuh-uh.”
“Okay, Mr. Cryptic,” she said with an eye roll. “Care to inform the class?”
He shrugged, “Two things. Number one, and my personal favorite, you’re our fucking merch girl. You can’t bail. We don’t have enough people to cover the booth—we sort of carved that number out for you, Aria.”
My wailing started all over again.
“Second,” he added loudly, cutting through my tears. “I know Jimmy…He’s going to kick himself in the ass for this. I promise. But if you leave, it’ll just complicate things.”
“Complicate them how?” Blair asked for me, a suspicious eyebrow raised.
“It’s harder to get over someone when they’re around you all the time,” Brian said pointedly. “Especially if you shouldn’t be getting over them at all. He just needs some time. So, give him some time—but don’t run home because Jimmy’s being an idiot.”
“It’s embarrassing to stay,” I frowned, wiping at my sad eyes. “He’ll know I’m just here pining.”
“So fucking what if he does?” Brian challenged me. “You think he’s not pining? I’ll talk to him.”
“I tried that,” Blair breathed. “It didn’t go anywhere.”
Brian rolled his eyes at her this time, “You’re not his best friend of a billion years. Just hang in there, Aria. Don’t do anything stupid in the meantime. He’ll come around.”
A bang on the door startled the three of us. Blair reluctantly got up to answer the call, surprised to find Johnny on the other side.
“Is Syn in here?” he asked, peering around Blair to spot his friend. “We need you for an interview.”
“Ah, shit,” Brian groaned, looking to me. “Will you be okay?”
I nodded, “Yeah…Thanks, Brian.”
He smiled, rustling my hair a little before taking his leave. Blair pulled the door shut tightly behind them and then sunk back into the couch next to me.
“He’s sweet when he wants to be, huh?” she noted fondly.
While I was heartbroken, I wasn’t so heartbroken that I couldn’t still carry out my devious plan. It could be like a welcomed distraction from the misery that was my life. My poor, forsaken life.
“Yeah,” I said, pulling myself together.
She seemed pleased, a silly little smile on her face. But then she was back, throwing herself into the position of caretaker.
“I’m so sorry this is happening,” she frowned at me. “If I thought…I’m sorry.”
“It isn’t your fault,” I shrugged—even though it kind of was.
“Brian’s right, though,” she told me thoughtfully. “You shouldn’t leave. You were invited here…I know three people for sure that want you around, and that outweighs Jimmy.”
I wasn’t sure what to say.
“We have an extra bunk,” she told me happily. “It’s all yours if you want it.”
Bunking with Haven…that would be interesting.
“You’d be on top of Tyler,” she told me.
My dirty mind wandered. I couldn’t help but smile.
“What?” she asked, getting it immediately after. “Oh. Shit, you knew what I meant.”
I laughed, and god did it ever feel good. She told me she’d go gather my things and asked for specifics on where Jimmy’s bunk was. But since I figured they’d all be at the interview, I asked her to merely accompany me. I wanted to be sure I got it all.
We walked down to the Avenged bus together and swiftly climbed aboard. I was horrified to find Jimmy and Matt still hanging around inside—Jimmy stiffened at the sight of me. Matt, however, looked pleased to see us.
“Hey, Aria,” he smiled.
I mumbled a hello as I rushed passed and started to pack my things into the bag I’d tossed in the back. There was quiet chatter as I hurried myself along. I just wanted to get in and get out.
“What?” I heard Matt’s voice boom.
I was sure that I had everything, and that Blair would physically fight everyone if she had to, so I tossed the bag over my shoulder and headed back to the front. Jimmy looked at me strangely, he looked almost like a stranger.
“Thanks for taking care of her, boys,” Blair said flatly. “But we’re officially poaching her.”
Jimmy narrowed his eyes, “You’re staying?”
I felt the life leaving me again.
“Of course she’s staying,” Blair interjected smugly. “Just because you’re acting like a fucking idiot doesn’t mean we all should lose her. You can suffer that alone, Jim.”
“What do you mean?” Matt asked confusedly. “Why are you suffering? What’s happening?”
“I’m sure Jimmy will fill you in,” I grumbled as I pushed through the door and back outside.
To my dismay, Matt followed Blair out, and effectively followed me too. Blair was shushing him, repeatedly telling him not to worry about it. But he was worrying about it.
Once we’d reached the safety of the Haven bus door, Blair lit a cigarette as I tossed my bag inside.
“Can someone please tell me what’s going on?” Matt pleaded.
“The Rev broke up with me,” I told Matt angrily.
“The Rev,” Matt almost laughed. “Wait, what? When?”
“I don’t know,” I shrugged. “An hour ago. What does that matter?”
He shook his head, “I guess it doesn’t. I don’t know what you’re supposed to ask in these situations.”
“You’re not supposed to ask anything,” Blair replied.
“I don’t get it,” Matt said slowly, rubbing at his forehead the way Brian had done when he’d found out. “Jimmy’s crazy about you—why would he break up with you? That doesn’t even make any sense.”
“He has his reasons, I guess,” I answered lamely, trying not to break down all over again.
“So…you’re staying with Blair?” he asked, trying to make sense of it. “And Haven?”
I nodded weakly.
“You can’t expect her to get booted from the tour just because they had a fight,” Blair stated matter-of-factly.
“No, obviously not…She’s our merch girl.”
I rolled my eyes, taking a seat on the pavement like it wasn’t weird. Blair filled Matt in on the bare details, mostly so he’d stop berating me with questions. He was deeply sympathetic, and in agreement that I couldn’t leave. Everyone seemed to think that Jimmy would change his mind. Everyone but me.
He patted my arm, “Sorry, Aria. I’m sure he’ll come around.”
I wasn’t so sure, but I was tired of talking about it. I quietly excused myself, leaving Matt and Blair to do whatever it is that Shair does.
To: Brian
Can you grab my bag from underneath the bus whenever you get a chance? I’d appreciate it…
I sighed to myself, hating what my life had become within an instant. I wanted to go back in time and take back everything I’d said…everything I’d done. If I could go back to the day I met Jimmy, I would have turned and walked the other way. What was this heartache for? What was the point?
“Hey,” Blair’s voice distracted me from my self-loathing. “I have to run…but Ty should be back soon. If you want to hide out, just take the bunk above Ty’s. His is marked.”
“Okay,” I replied glumly.
She hesitated in the doorway, obviously unsure what to say. She’d said enough. With a sheepish wave, she was gone and I was alone. I was always alone.
I grabbed my bag and I headed for the bunk, desperate to shrink away from the world. It pained me to know that Jimmy was only a hundred feet from me, and yet it felt like a world apart. He’d be fine, I was sure. He’d go back to his life, in his world…and I’d be here, like a thorn in his everlasting paw. I so badly wanted to go home.
I’d give it a few days…and if nothing changed, I was out of here.
Cuddling a pillow like it was Jimmy, I drifted into a restless sleep.
“Aria,” a whisper woke me.
It felt like it had only been a few minutes.
Tyler was smiling at me, his arms folded beneath his chin.
“Wh—What time is it?” I yawned, rubbing at my eyes sleepily.
“Five.”
“Good,” I grumbled, rolling over. “I still have time to sleep.”
“I heard what happened,” he said quietly.
At the mere mention of it, I was all worked up again. I hated how emotional I was. I guess Blair was right, I was an emotional type. God damn her.
Tyler climbed into the bunk and lay himself beside me, pulling my body into his. I rested my head on his chest as I cried, allowing his hands on my back to sooth me back into reality. I was guilty for how very soothed I felt.
It was different than when Brian held me—it was softer, more caring. It was almost as good as Jimmy…but different…I was worked up all over again.
“It’s okay,” Ty soothed in hushed tones. “It’ll be okay.”
I shook my head, denying anyone’s well wishes or positive thoughts. Didn’t they know that I was heartbroken? No one wants to hear it will be okay. They want to hear that the other person is a douchebag and that you were right all along. Though, if it were a choice between being right and being with Jimmy…I’d be wrong every day of the week.
“Deep breaths,” Tyler instructed me once I’d reached the point of hyperventilation.
Deep, deep breaths. Inhale. Exhale.
Sanity.
“I’m embarrassed,” I sniffled as I finally collected myself once more.
He shook his head with a little smile, “Don’t be. You’re talking to the king of mental breakdowns.”
“Oh,” was all I could think to say.
“If it’s worth anything,” he thought aloud, his hand still drawing little circles on my back. “I think Jimmy’s a fucking idiot.”
“That’s the general consensus,” I half-smiled. “But…unfortunately, he’s not. As it turns out, I’m not a very good girlfriend.”
“Sometimes people just don’t work together,” Tyler sighed. “It has nothing to do with being a good partner or not…Some people bring out the worst in you.”
“Maybe,” I decided not to argue, though I didn’t agree in this case.
Jimmy didn’t bring out the worst in me. Well…not entirely. He certainly brought out the wilder side in me…and the impulsive side…and he definitely influenced my indulgent behavior to increase tenfold…
But he also made me braver and more willing to try new things. He made me less stiff, and far more fun. It wasn’t all bad. There were pros and cons to anything—and our relationship was no different. His effect on me was no different…
“I’ve never been in a healthy relationship,” I confessed to my surprise.
He laughed softly, “Me neither. My longest relationship has been with Blair…and that is the furthest fucking thing from healthy.”
I smiled, “You guys are healthy enough.”
“No way. We’re so codependent it’s sickening…You’re a nice little addition to the mix, though.”
“What about your other bandmates?” I asked curiously. “I’ve hardly spent any time with them…Are you guys all close like Avenged?”
Even muttering Jimmy’s band’s name felt like a bee sting to the lip. But I was happy to try and talk about someone other than myself.
“Not really,” he answered lamely. “Blair doesn’t like most of them, except John. She doesn’t mind him.”
“How do you guys work together then?” I asked confusedly.
“Um…It’s less about family with us than it is with A7X,” he told me simply. “We just work well together. That’s all.”
“So what’s so special about John?” I smirked.
“Nothing,” he laughed. “John’s just the most easy-going. If you want to meet our version of Brian, you need to talk to Justin. He’s a fucking treat.”
I’d met Justin, but I hadn’t really pegged him as one way or another. He was just another drummer as far as I was concerned. But Jimmy was fond of him for whatever reason.
I was curious about Tyler, and about Haven, “How’d you all meet?”
He told me all about their lives growing up and when and how they’d finally come together. He walked me through his move to California and informed me that he and Blair had lived in her car together. We laughed together as he painted the scene, leaving no detail spared to imagination.
Somewhere in the blissful and mindless conversation, I dozed back into sleep.

Notes

Hmmmm


xx