Just Before You Go

It was the night before our departure and in true form, there was a party to attend. This time, we’d all been invited to Matt’s for one last hoorah. I’d begged Jen to tag along since it was the last night I’d see her for a long, long time. She was apprehensive but ultimately decided it would be weirder not to go. So, she took one for the team.
Things with Jimmy had been a little tumultuous. Sometimes they were smooth, and others they were not. I told myself it was anxiety about leaving and nothing more. But with each passing day leading up to the tour, he’d pull further and further away. Careful not to rock the boat any further, I didn’t press the issue.
Jen and I were running late, which I didn’t really care about. Turns out we’d enjoyed being roomies and had fallen into a pattern of binge-drinking while prepping ourselves for the outside world to bad 90s hits. It was the best routine I’d ever indulged in. However, it obviously meant that occasionally time would slip passed us and it would take an eternity to notice.
Matt’s place was gigantic. It had rounded windows and beautiful landscaping, a far cry from Jimmy’s place—or my own. We could hear the buzzing of guests from the other side of the fence. With a quick pep talk, and some serious reservations, we headed for the door.
We weren’t sure if we should knock or not, but as we were debating this, the door flew open.
“Well, well, well,” Zack called with a slight slur. “Look what the cat dragged in!”
“You sound sober,” Jen teased.
He furrowed his brows at her, “Well, hello to you too, Jennifer.”
“Zachary,” she bit back.
His lips spread into a grin, “Come in.”
He practically dragged us inside, where I was immediately floored by the interior. It was quite possibly the most beautiful house I’d ever seen. It was a real shame Jen couldn’t snatch up Matt—one day this could have been her house and I could have hung out in it. Her happiness be damned.
“Where’s Jim?” I asked as Zach led us into the back where the kitchen lay.
He shrugged, “No idea.”
Brian was leaned against the counter, looking absolutely enthralled by whatever his blonde girlfriend was nattering about. He looked almost happy, I’d give him that. If anyone would know where Jimmy was currently wreaking havoc, it was Brian.
“I’m going to go find the pool,” Jen told me. “Coming?”
I shook my head, “I’ll catch up with you in a minute. If you see Jimmy, though, tell him I’m looking for him.”
“Will do,” she smiled, waving herself off.
I approached Brian and his girlfriend with awkward caution. I hated feeling like I was interrupting or intruding—that was Jen’s thing. However, his girlfriend caught sight of me first and pleasantly smiled and waved.
“Hey,” I greeted her weirdly once I was in ear shot.
“Hi!” she said back happily.
I turned to Brian, “Do you know where Jimmy is?”
He shrugged, his face a little bitter, “Outside last time I checked.”
“Oh, okay,” I replied simply, turning to go find him.
“He’s with Blair,” Brian called to me—his tone alerted the shivers in my spine to attention.
I glanced over my shoulder at him; he was looking back with a grim expression. I wasn’t sure what it meant but I hoped that my suspicions were just being dramatic. Brian went back to his girlfriend and I was dashing outside.
There were people everywhere. I spotted Tyler right away—surprisingly without Blair attached to his hip. I slowed my pace to a casual stroll as I headed for him; he sized me up, checking for liquids no doubt.
“It’s safe,” I smirked.
He nodded, “I see that.”
“Where’s Blair?” I asked curiously, still glancing around for my mammoth boyfriend.
Tyler shrugged his shoulders, “She and Jimmy were playing beer pong a bit ago. Haven’t seen her since.”
Given how protective of Blair Tyler was, I figured if he wasn’t concerned, I shouldn’t be either. Brian was probably just bitter with jealousy, not with concern. I scolded myself for being so insecure.
“So…” Tyler sighed as we walked toward the drink coolers. “Tomorrow morning.”
“Yup.”
“Excited?” he asked.
I nodded, “Mostly. What about you? It’s your first tour, isn’t it?”
“Yeah,” he smiled, pulling at the sleeves of his long sleeve. “I’m stoked. I can’t wait to get on the road.”
We made it to the coolers and Tyler handed me a beer. He glanced around before grabbing one for himself.
“Don’t you dare spill that on me either,” he warned playfully. “Or I swear to god.”
I laughed with rosy cheeks, “I won’t. I promise.”
“You better not,” he grinned, cracking open the top of his bottle.
As my eyes moved around the crowds, I finally spotted my love. He was leaned up against the exterior wall, one hand on the stone and the other around a beer. Blair was standing with him—a little closer than I would have liked but I decided it didn’t matter.
“So what’ve you been up to since I saw you last?” I asked Tyler, making the choice to let Jimmy enjoy Blair’s company without my jealousy reigning supreme.
He flinched, “Nothing really.”
I was going to point out what an excellent conversationalist he was when Blair flew by me like a bat out of hell and immediately snatched Tyler’s beer from his hand. She was pissed.
“Tyler god damn Brody,” she snarled. “What the fuck are you doing?”
He looked at me and then back at Blair but said nothing.
“Ridiculous,” she scoffed, shaking her head at him.
I had no idea what was happening—but since Blair was here, that meant—
“Hey, gorgeous,” Jimmy’s lispy voice sang behind me.
I hated that it made me smile so widely.
“When did you get here?” he asked. “I’ve been waiting for five million years.”
“Sorry,” I laughed, turning to look into his perfect blue eyes. “Jen and I ran a little late.”
“Pregame ritual?” he asked with a sly grin.
I nodded, “You know it.”
“Well I’m glad you finally made it,” he told me. “You could have worn a paper bag for all I care though.”
“I’m sure you found something to fill your time with,” I tried not to snarl as I spoke.
His gaze sort of dropped. Not out of guilt—but rather, out of disappointment. I felt bad as soon as I made the insinuation…but I also wasn’t wrong.
“Please don’t start,” he sighed.
“I’m not,” I said as convincingly as I could.
I turned my attention back to Blair and Tyler, who were now full blown arguing in hushed tones.
“Any idea what that’s about?” I asked Jimmy curiously.
He nodded, tugging at my arm to pull me further from them, “You can’t say a word. I’m not supposed to tell anyone either but they didn’t specify that I couldn’t tell you…so I don’t think it counts.”
“What do you know?” I pried.
He glanced around before speaking ultra quietly, “Tyler spent the last week in the hospital.”
I gasped, “Why?”
“Word on the street is he tried to kill himself,” Jimmy said solemnly. “I was going to ask Blair but…she seemed…distracted.”
“That’s probably a good confirmation,” I noted sadly, looking back at Tyler with a different appreciation.
And at Blair with far more respect.
“She didn’t say anything about it?” I asked, turning back to Jimmy.
He shook his head, “Just that Tyler wasn’t supposed to be drinking for a while. She asked me to keep my beady eyes on him.”
“They’re not beady,” I smirked.
He laughed lightly, “They’re definitely not bug eyes like your weird eyeballs.”
“Hey!” I chuckled. “Fuck you!”
He happily slung his arm around my shoulder, pulling me into him and planting a quick kiss on the top of my head. I nuzzled into him, wrapping my arms around his thin waist and forgetting for a second why I’d had any reservations about him at all.
But then the reservations spoke.
“Hey, Aria,” Blair smiled at me.
Part of my soul was giddy at the sight of her—it hadn’t exactly dulled itself yet. But part of me was so unbelievably jealous…so unbelievably threatened…
I reminded myself that she hadn’t actually done anything wrong. She hadn’t done anything to me—or to Jen, technically. While maybe Matt had a thing for Blair, I knew that Blair had a thing for Brian.
Which meant there was nothing for Jimmy.
I hated how psychotic I was.
“Hey,” I finally said back, swallowing down my insecurities.
“Can you fucking believe that we leave tomorrow?” she asked me.
“It’s crazy.”
“It’s going to be a long eight months.”
“Not long enough!” Jimmy cheered, jiggling my arm as he erupted. “I’d tour forever if I could.”
“Like a hobo?” I asked, looking up at him.
He shook his head, “Like a super cool vagabond. Duh.”
Jen caught my attention from within the pool. She was beckoning me, despite Blair’s drummer hanging off of her neck. Blair looked over and made the same face I was making.
“You should warn her,” Blair said to me. “Justin’s a bit of a prick.”
“That’s her type,” I smirked.
Blair nodded, “Mine too, I guess.”
“Speaking of pricks…Did you meet Brian’s new girlfriend?”
Blair shook her head, “Didn’t even know Brian was here.”
Didn’t take a genius to work out that she was full of it. I wanted to assure Blair that Brian’s girlfriend was a clingy bitch…but she really wasn’t. She was surprisingly kind and sweet. She made Brian into less of an asshole than usual…for the most part, anyway. He certainly still had his moments—and they were frequent.
Matt neared us with drinks in hand. He immediately began handing them out, letting his fingers linger over Blair’s as she took a fresh bottle from his grip. If Brian was happy, maybe it was best to let Blair move onto someone else. Matt was charming…and we were all pretty certain they’d already hooked up…maybe she needed to be with him. Maybe Shair needed to live on.
Besides, the closer she got to Matt, the further she’d pull from my boyfriend.
“Hey, Aria,” Matt smiled at me, offering me a beer, which I refused.
“Your house is gorgeous,” I told him.
He smiled, “Thanks. Did you want the tour?”
“I’ll give her the tour!” Jimmy volunteered loudly. “I’m the best tour guide.”
“Jimmy—”
“Matt, come on! I’m the man for the job!”
Matt shook his head, laughing to himself and apologizing nonverbally to me.
“Come find us when you’re done,” Matt smirked. “Blair and I will be over there with the food.”
Her eyes widened with excitement, “Fuck yeah, we will.”
Matt linked his arm with hers and she did not object. Once they were a few steps away, Jimmy excitedly dragged me inside. He showed me around the main floor where hordes and hordes of people were scattered around.
Once we’d ventured upstairs, things were softer. He showed me to the second bathroom and to Matt’s studio.
“And this,” Jimmy said happily as he pushed open a brown door. “is the honorary Jimmy room.”
He pushed me inside and firmly shut the door behind us, immediately pushing himself onto me. His body pinned me against the door as his tongue immediately took to exploring my mouth. I moaned into him, realizing quickly how much I’d missed this urgent intimacy.
His hands roamed around my hips, daring to graze the skin just beneath my tank top. The touch sent shivers down my spine. I laced my fingers into his hair and relaxed into him.
He broke his lips apart from mine and moved his kiss down my neck, breathing into my skin.
“Jimmy,” I mumbled, trying to regain my composure. “It’s a party.”
“Sure is,” he grinned into my ear.
“We can’t do this at a party,” I informed him reluctantly.
He pulled away a little, his hands still firmly planted on my hips. Disappointed was an easy word to describe his face.
“What has you so riled up?” I asked more insinuatingly than I’d meant to.
He pushed away from me, shaking his head, “Are you joking?”
“What?” I played dumb.
“I’m going to tell you something and you’re not going to like it,” he growled.
I braced myself for impact.
“I’m going to have girl friends,” he told me angrily. “I’m going to hang out with them and I’m going to laugh at their shitty jokes and I’m going to give them my attention.”
“Jimmy, I didn’t—”
“Aria,” he sighed. “I’m not doing the jealous girlfriend thing. It’s not working for me—it will never work for me. If you can’t be cool with what we have and learn to trust me…then I don’t know.”
“I do trust you,” I tried.
He shook his head, “You don’t trust me for one second.”
“Yes, I do,” I said more sternly this time around.
“If you keep suggesting that I’m fucking around behind your back,” he said but it sounded a lot like a warning. “I’m going to eventually validate it for you. So…knock it the fuck off.”
“Okay,” I retreated into myself. “I’m sorry.”
He didn’t look like he believed me.
“For the record,” I mused, forcing myself back into his space. “I do trust you.”
He was about to argue with me but my lips cut him off. I had the same power over him as he had over me—and he gave into me immediately.
For a relationship that seemed to be riddled with so many trials and tribulations, we loved each other more fiercely than anything. In that kiss, the last sixty seconds were forgotten.
“I love you,” I whispered into him.
His icy blues met my gaze and they softened, “I love you, too.”

Notes

Sometimes things have to get worse before they can get better.

xx