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Just Before You Go

Chapter Fifty: God Knows I Tried

We made it back to Huntington late in the afternoon, with barely enough time to rinse away the rough weekend and put on fresh faces for dinner at my parents’ house. But things were better. They’d gone back to mostly normal, neither Jimmy nor I daring to mention the problems that had surfaced. Like most things, it was probably left unspoken of for the time being.
We climbed back into Jimmy’s car and set off toward the dinner neither of us really wanted to attend.
“I hope they’re civil tonight,” I thought aloud.
Jimmy shrugged, “I’m sure it’ll be fine.”
“Maybe,” I nodded.
“It’s worth the effort, anyway,” he assured me. “Can’t get any worse than it is now.”
“I’d rather just go to bed,” I whined with a laugh. “I’m exhausted.”
He grinned, “Too much flirting with Blair has you ready for an early retirement.”
I’d told him all about our little mini hangout and how she’d scribbled her number across my arm. He was entertained by my gushing, if not a little concerned that Blair might hop the fence and steal me away from him. I may have let her.
Even though she’d put the offer out there, I wasn’t sure I’d ever be brave enough to call her. She was intimidating and I wasn’t well versed in making new friends. So, I tucked the memory away with all my favourite things and told myself one day I might grow some courage.
“She’s just so perfect,” I told Jimmy seriously.
He cackled, “Your girl crush is next fucking level. If I weren’t so secure, I’d be jealous.”
“Shut up,” I teased.
My encounter with the likes of Blair Peterson had left me feeling a little strange. Not because she’d drenched my nether regions just by existing, and not because she’d been pleasantly delightful to talk to. No, it was none of that. I’d found it easy to talk to her—to really open up about my relationship troubles. It was something I couldn’t do with Jenny, who was supposed to be my friend. I guess I was confused about what that meant. It irked me to realize that Jen might be a little too judgmental for my life.
But I wasn’t entirely ready to concrete that notion. I needed more time with her to really make a fair judgment call. However, I’d already decided that she didn’t need to know anything about the goings on of the past weekend. She didn’t need any more ammunition to fuel her Jimmy hate.
“I think I’m going to throw a party,” Jimmy told me happily. “Should I invite her for you? Give you a chance to really hit on her?”
I smiled, “Stop.”
“Tomorrow,” he told me. “Can you come?”
I shrugged, “When?”
“I don’t know. At some point…at night, probably. Though…A barbeque? Food is always a crowd pleaser. So, dinner time I guess.”
“Good train of thought,” I joked. “I work until five, but I can swing by afterwards.”
Jimmy looked pleased, “Good! You’ll get to meet the band coming on the road with us.”
“Oh?” I asked curiously. “Who’s that?”
He cocked an eyebrow, glancing at me quickly, “Yeah, right. I could tell you who they were and you would say never heard of them.”
“That’s true,” I frowned.
“We really need to get you educated,” he laughed. “Your lessons start tomorrow!”
I rolled my eyes playfully, “Great.”
As we drove, I started trying to chart out my life plan. My immediate future plan, anyway. I’d have to keep working as long as possible in order to avoid going completely bankrupt before our departure. I had plans to call my landlord in the morning and give him a heads up. I was sure I’d be charged some sort of penalty for bailing on my lease, but Jimmy was insistent that he help out.
“It’s my fault that you have to do that,” he’d said about it. “I want to help.”
While I didn’t really want to depend on him financially, I didn’t see much other choice. It was going to be difficult enough to tell my parents that I was leaving to follow my boyfriend on a tour…no way was I asking for their assistance to do so. They were not going to be pleased.
Jimmy pulled us into my parents’ driveway and turned the key.
“Ready?” he asked me, in his typical upbeat way.
I just nodded.
We walked slowly to the door, hesitating outside as I knocked twice. My mother pulled the door open quicker than I’d anticipated, like she’d been standing by waiting. She had her friendliest smile painted onto her elite face.
“Come in, come in,” she encouraged, waving us indoors with her hand. “You’re right on time!”
Well, so far it was off to a better start than the previous encounter.
We followed my mother into the dining room where my father was already seated. He tried to look pleasant, despite his reluctance that shown through like headlights in the fog.
“How was your trip?” my mother asked us happily. “Did you have a good time?”
I nodded, pulling out a chair, “Yeah. We went to see where Marilyn Monroe lived.”
“Did you?” my mother gasped. “That’s so exciting!”
I’d acquired my love for old Hollywood from my mother. Anything Marilyn or Audrey was a-okay in her books. My father didn’t care for any of that, so my mother and I mostly kept it to our womanly selves. It was the only thing we’d ever truly shared.
Jimmy plunked himself down into the chair next to me, looking as out of place as ever.
“How was your show, James?” my mother asked him.
He smiled at her, “Great, thanks.”
“I’ll have to pick up one of your CDs sometime,” she told him. “I’m sure it’s wonderful.”
“It isn’t,” I told her with a sly grin. “You’d hate it. Please don’t ever buy their CDs.”
She narrowed her eyes at me.
“They’re a metal band, Mom,” I laughed. “They’re really not up your alley.”
“They’re not up yours either,” she retorted.
My dad smirked, “Your mother listens to Metallica.”
Jimmy and I both gasped.
“What?” she giggled quietly. “James Hetfield is dreamy!”
Mother!” I groaned, totally ashamed of her.
She laughed it off, disappearing into the kitchen to, I assume, gather dinner.
“What else did you do in Los Angeles?” my father asked us, taking a sip of his red wine.
I shrugged, “Mostly just hung out at the festival…Saw some pretty cool bands.”
His distaste was apparent.
“Well…good,” he tried. “So, James.”
James. Jimmy’s face lit up at the sound of his birth name. The only time he ever heard it was when he was in trouble—or I was trying to masquerade him as someone more formal than he was. Either way, you could tell it amused him.
“Have you always lived in California?”
Jimmy nodded, “Yeah, I was born here in Huntington…Haven’t found a reason to leave yet.”
“It’s hot here,” my father said oddly. “I much prefer the cooler Minnesota summers.”
“It’s that Canadian breeze,” Jimmy grinned.
My father didn’t get it. Though, I was sure my father had never been accused of being Canadian.
“You drum professionally?” my father continued pseudo-curiously.
Jimmy just nodded.
“Are you any good?”
He laughed, “Yeah, I think so.”
It was my father’s turn to nod his head. I could tell he was trying, and so I was doing my best to be patient. But I found myself wishing that things could be more natural. I wondered if we’d ever get to a point where we could all just…be.
“Do you have any siblings?”
Jimmy glanced at me and then to my father, “I have two sisters.”
“Oh, good,” my father replied casually. “Siblings are important.”
“What would you know about it?” I teased lightly. “You’re an only child.”
My father nodded, “And I wish that I wasn’t.”
My mother appeared, setting dish after dish into the center of the table. Once she’d finally put out more food than I could ever imagine actually eating, she took the chair at the other end of the table.
“So what did I miss?” she asked happily as she scooped potatoes onto her plate.
“James here has two sisters,” my father told her.
She looked confused but feigned interest anyway. My father continued his line of questioning, asking about Jimmy’s parents, and then about his childhood. He asked about the drums and how he’d learned to play. It felt more like an interrogation than a dinner.
“Dad,” I finally spoke up once my plate was half-emptied. “Why don’t we just let him eat?”
My father glared at me warningly but relinquished his curiosity. Jimmy squeezed my knee beneath the table as he began to, finally, eat.
“How’s the bar, Aria?” my mother asked politely.
“Fine.”
She swallowed her carrots, “No luck finding another job?”
“Um…” I faltered. “I haven’t really been looking—”
“And why not?” my father demanded.
Jimmy glued his eyes to the table.
“Well…” I put down my utensils and cleared my throat. “I’m going away for a while. So, I wouldn’t want to start a new job just to leave…That would be impolite.”
My father scowled, “Going away? Going where?”
“I’m going to go with Jimmy,” I told him nervously. “On his tour.”
My father scoffed loudly, much to my mother’s dismay. It was her turn to shoot off warning glances.
“When do you leave?” she asked me.
“Next month.”
My father dropped his fork—I wasn’t totally sure if it was on purpose or not.
“You have to be joking,” he said flatly.
I shook my head, “No…”
“And I assume this was your idea?” my father continued, his eyes beating into Jimmy.
He looked up to meet my father’s glance and opened his mouth to speak.
But I was faster, and more defensive, “I don’t do anything unless it’s exactly what I want to do.”
My father sneered, “You’re not going on a tour, Aria.”
I looked from my mother to my father and then back to my mother. She seemed to be just as stunned as I was. And then I felt stupid. I should have known that this dinner would have just been another opportunity to attack me. And my relationship. Mostly my relationship. My father had abused the chance to drill Jimmy—and was now trying to what? Parent me? I grew angrier and angrier.
“I’m an adult,” I reminded him. “And I can do what I please.”
“Aria, be realistic,” he said so condescendingly that it actually stung to hear. “You’re going to abandon your ambitions to do what? To act as a groupie for some drug addled rock star?”
My face gave me away.
“The Internet is a miraculous place,” my father told me knowingly. “And your band has quite the reputation. So, forgive me. But my daughter is absolutely not going to get involved with that.”
“Dad,” I barked.
“What kind of life are you going to live, Aria? Hm? You’re going to live on a bus with your addict boyfriend forever? He can’t provide the kind of life that you deserve to live. Why can you not see that? We want what’s best for you.”
I looked over to my mother, who looked almost as horrified as I did, “Thanks for the ambush.”
Jimmy was just watching. He took everything in stride, without reaction. This was absolutely not the conversation I wanted to have so soon after our existential breakdown. Why was it that every single time I came around, some sort of argument would go down? I’d had enough.
“That’s enough,” my mother said to the both of us.
“Like hell it is,” he retorted, turning his focus back to me. “You’re acting impulsive. You’re being stupid, Aria. You’re being a stupid girl. I didn’t raise you to be so pathetic. ”
I choked, “Fuck you. I’m not pathetic.”
“I beg your pardon?” he dared me.
I straightened up, “You heard me.”
“Get out of my house,” he told me firmly. “Don’t ever come back.”
“That’s enough!” my mother roared, slamming her hands onto the table.
But it was too little, too late. I pushed my chair back, hopeful that I’d scratched the hardwood in my move.
“Come on, Jimmy,” I urged, tugging at his shoulder.
He stood slowly, hesitant to leave for whatever reason.
“Your daughter isn’t stupid,” he told my father without flinching. “She’s not pathetic and she’s nothing less than perfection. If you’re willing to pull yourself from her because of me, then I’m sorry, I guess…But I think you’re making a mistake here.”
My mother seemed to swoon at the sentiment. I was kind of annoyed by it. I wanted desperately to hate her—it would make hating my father much simpler. More convenient.
“Please don’t go,” she pleaded with us both.
“Get out of my house,” my father said again, quieter this time.
I grabbed Jimmy’s hand, pulling him to my side.
“For the record,” Jimmy spoke once more as we started for the door. “I can give Aria a life she never dreamed of. You want money? I have it. You want notoriety? I have that, too. She can have whatever she wants; I’ll give it to her. I love your daughter and I want her to have the life she deserves, too.”
“She deserves better than you,” my father snarled.
Jimmy nodded, “You’re not wrong. But as long as she chooses me, I’ll never tell her no. She’s pretty brilliant…Always knows what’s going on…Really self-aware…you should try and get to know her some time. Maybe then, her choices might make more sense to you.”
My father just stared.
“Thanks for dinner.”
He waved sheepishly to my mother before finally allowing me to pull him from their home.
The very second the door was closed, I pounced onto my beloved. I pulled his face down to mine, forcing my lips onto his. I fought for dominance, splitting his lips with my tongue. I moaned softly into his mouth as his hands found my hair.
He pulled us apart, “We should save this shit for home.”
“I love you,” I told him, his face still cupped in my hands.
He smirked, “Let’s get the fuck out of here and never do this again.”
“Sold,” I laughed, dashing away with him and back to the car.
What had Blair said? I should think about the things that I might lose and compare them with the things that I might gain?
I loved my parents dearly. I adored my childhood and the environment that I was brought up in.
But…
If keeping Jimmy meant that I’d have to give them up, I could find peace with it. I’d given them a branch and they’d sawed it from the tree. My father had, anyway.
It was that night that my father became dead to me. While I loved Jimmy for the words he’d said, and the love he held for me. The evening was ruined by my father’s complete lack of control…and his contempt for my ability to make my own choices.
I hoped to the god I didn’t believe in that I never had to see his face again.

Notes

xx

Comments

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RamonaFoREVer RamonaFoREVer
6/18/19

@kiss my sas
I'm sorry!!!! Didn't mean to kick you while you're down, I swear!!

fyction fyction
5/14/19

I'm so proud of you for finishing this masterpiece, but I am SO SAD!!!
WHY ARE YOU BEING MEAN AND UPSETTING THE SICK AUSSIE?!??!?!
WHAT IS LIFE??!???!!!!

kiss my sas kiss my sas
5/14/19

IT IS NOT OVER!!!
I REFUSE TO ADMIT IT IS OVER!!!!!!
PLAGUIA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

kiss my sas kiss my sas
5/14/19

Holy shit, holy shit, I am not prepared!!!!
Going to read the... last... chapter now...

kiss my sas kiss my sas
5/14/19