Just Before You Go

Jimmy had taken me for a dinner at a quaint little restaurant downtown. We ate burritos and talked about the weekend that has passed, and the weekend that was to come. He lamented about growing older and that thirty had almost loomed over him—he didn’t get into why, so I assumed he was just like everyone else. Though, I didn’t mind getting older so much. My entire life I’d had a notion that things would magically work themselves out by time I hit a certain age. Well, that age had come and gone and I still didn’t have the things I’d thought I would.
But I did have a pretty cool friend to share my time with, and an even cooler boyfriend to share my nights with. Other than my potentially wasted knowledge and skills, my life was pretty well balanced, I thought. Though, admittedly, in recent days things with my parents were strained.
Luke was on Team Aria. He was appalled at the way they’d treated my guy and he was outraged to hear that they’d tried to set me up. He had it easy though; he had Grace. She was the apple of my parents’ eye—so, he could forgive them at any time and it would be welcomed. I wasn’t sure it would matter if I forgave them.
They’d hadn’t forgiven me for bringing home a musician.
I forced myself to push passed it, vowing to deal with it when it was time. I was sure that both parties just needed a resting period to cool off, and then we could resume our relationship as it had been. Sometimes it was hard to tell if I was optimistic or naïve.
Jimmy paid, as always—I’d objected, as always. We made our way into the night, which was still warm from the daylight sun. We walked down and around until we hit the pier, where Jimmy led me underneath. He made a seat in the sand, and so I followed suit.
“This is my favourite time of the day,” he told me absently, watching the horizon as the waves ripped and rolled. “When everything is really calm and settled.”
I’d never thought of it like that. I’d never really thought about any time of day as being anything other than an hour with some minutes clinging on. Jimmy was introspective, which was a quality I both admired and longed to possess. He was always buried in his thoughts, shackled by his own curiosity.
One day, I hoped he might discover a form of freedom for himself.
“Are you excited for next weekend?” he asked me when I didn’t respond.
I nodded, “I’m reluctant to take another weekend off of work though.”
“I told you, I took care of that.”
“I know,” I sighed. “But you have yet to reveal how.”
He smirked, “It was really labor-intensive. Get this. I had to drive there, in traffic, and then I had to park…You wouldn’t believe how busy the lot was. I had to park at the back and walk my ass to the building. Then, Aria, I had to pull open the door…and you know how weak my arm muscles are—”
“You’re a drummer,” I said flatly. “Your arm muscles aren’t weak.”
“They’re so weak,” Jimmy continued, getting only more dramatic. “And then I had to open my mouth and ask for your boss…Who has an ‘s’ in their name, I might add; so, that part was actually not very ideal for me.”
“And you just flat out asked him on my behalf?” I asked, breezing passed Jimmy’s theatrics.
He laughed, digging into the sand with his palms, “Yeah, why not?”
“I’m totally going to get fired,” I groaned, falling back into the sand with a thud.
“So, what if you do?” he shrugged. “Bartender jobs are a dime a dozen.”
That anecdote actually didn’t make me feel any better. If anything, I felt a little demeaned. I decided to take a stride and give Jimmy the benefit of the doubt. He rarely sought out to hurt my feelings, most of the time he didn’t even understand that he had at all…so, I assumed this was another one of those times.
“I should be practicing law,” I sighed deeply.
Jimmy grinned, “So you can get good at it? I like your attitude! Practice makes perfect and all that.”
I tried my best not to laugh.
“So that all my years of school were actually worth something,” I frowned. “I failed.”
“You didn’t fail,” Jimmy argued lamely, digging a hole just below his legs.
I nodded sadly, “Yes, I did…No firms in town want me. I couldn’t even hack it as a legal receptionist. What does that say about my ability to be an actual lawyer?”
Jimmy shrugged.
“You’re so helpful,” I griped.
He laughed lightly, “What do you want me to say? I don’t know what lawyers are like. I don’t know what you’d be like as one.”
“Probably terrible.”
“No way,” he smirked. “You’re a really good bartender. That requires multitasking and serious tolerance for bullshit—those sound like two key things transferable between any jobs.”
I considered this, “I guess…”
“You worry too much,” he concluded, filling in his hole like it had never been turned out. “That’s your problem.”
“Of course I worry about having a job,” I defended.
He shook his head, “Not just about your job. You worry about everything. Hell, you worry about what I’m thinking, what I’m feeling. You need to learn to just…. chill.”
“I worry because I care,” I chuckled.
“You obviously come from a really uptight family,” he noted, laying back into the sand to match my presence. “So, it makes sense. It isn’t a judgement so much as an observation.”
“Thanks, Doc,” I joked.
“I just think you’d be happier if you loosened the reigns a little,” he told me kindly, turning his head to peer into my soul.
“I am happy,” I smiled.
“Happier,” he reiterated. “Try and keep up.”
I socked him in the arm, a little harder than I’d meant to, “Fuck you, Sullivan.”
“You know how I like it,” he grinned from ear to ear.
“How did I ever find you?” I lamented, feeling a little bit like I might be blessed.
He scrunched his face, “Don’t get all cute with me. Then I’ll have to get cute with you…We’ll have to come up with a team effort…We’ll be here all night, Aria.”
“Would that be such a bad thing?” I dared.
“Don’t you play me like that,” he laughed. “You know I’m a sucker for anything Aria.”
I strategically moved the conversation onto something I knew Jimmy would get into passionately; Avenged. He was giving me miraculously detailed play-by-plays of what they’d recorded and how. He told me all about the songs Matt wanted to scrap—and a little about a song Jimmy wanted to scrap but Matt had insisted they keep.
“Why don’t we hang out with Matt more?” I asked curiously, catching the complete adoration in Jimmy’s tone anytime Matt’s name came up.
He tilted his head, “We see him lots. I see him every day.”
“Yeah,” I nodded once. “But whenever we go out, it’s always with Brian. Why not ever just Matt?”
Jimmy hesitated briefly, “I don’t know what you want me to say…The opportunity with Matt hasn’t presented itself, I guess.”
“Just an observation,” I mimicked softly.
“Brian’s my best friend,” Jimmy said. “That guy is my heart and soul.”
I smiled fondly, “That’s sweet.”
“So are you though,” he added, turning away to look up at the sky, which had just started to collect stars.
“I don’t mean to be self-depreciative,” I said awkwardly. “But I have a hard time believing you when you come at me with cute shit like that.”
“What? Why?” Jimmy demanded with a laugh. “I’ve never lied to—”
“Mhm,” I challenged with eyebrows raised. “Beyond that…You hardly know me.”
“Sure, I do,” he replied deadpan.
Challenge accepted.
“What’s my favourite movie?” I started.
“Silence of the Lambs. Next?”
“Favourite band?”
He smirked, “You say it’s The Beatles but it’s actually Collective Soul.”
I went to argue with them…but he wasn’t wrong. Interesting.
“Who’s my best friend?”
“I am,” he smiled proudly.
I rolled my eyes.
He laughed lightly, “None of this has anything to do with knowing you. This is all just shit that you like; it isn’t who you are. I know you.”
There was that introspectiveness that I loved so much. Even my hesitations and bits of denial could be appeased simply by Jimmy’s way of thinking. He was constantly reassuring woes I didn’t know I had.
“For example,” he continued cockily. “I know that you need coffee first thing in the morning or you’ll get a migraine—which is absolutely an addiction and we should probably talk about it—I digress. I know that you check your pockets twice before leaving your house. Every time. I know that you’re sad about leaving all of your friends behind, especially Hayden. You talk about her the most.”
“I met her when I was ten,” I smiled fondly at the mention of her name. “We were close up until I left for law school…I’m impressed you remembered her name.”
He smiled at me, looking at me through only the corners of his eyes, “I remember everything you tell me.”
“You’re kind of wonderful,” I blushed, feeling the moment brewing and bubbling.
“I’m not,” he dismissed quickly. “But I masquerade like I am. I’ve gotten pretty good at it, too.”
“Don’t be like that,” I smirked. “I think you’re perfect—if not a little bit out of your mind.”
He fell quiet.
“I know that you get bashful when the attention is on you,” I started after the silence had started to penetrate my nerves. “And I know that you’re absolutely terrified of spiders—even the small ones.”
“They’ll fucking get you!” he insisted angrily. “Don’t let their size fool you!”
I giggled as he shuddered from the imagery.
“I know that you’re a good thing for me,” I confessed mushily. “You bring me out of my comfort zone and force me into new things…And maybe I don’t always get it right, but you’re helping me become a better version of myself.”
His eyes found mine.
“And I know that you mean…everything…to me…” I trailed off nervously, suddenly feeling a little silly for getting so worked up.
But, thankfully, Jimmy kind of smiled. His crystal blues melted into my soul.
“I don’t know much else,” I laughed awkwardly.
“Do you know what else I know?” he asked.
I ran that question over in my mind a few times, muttering it aloud under my breath.
“Laboured,” I giggled. “But what?”
He looked back up to the sky, his voice steady but nervous, “I know that you love me.”
My heart raced immediately. My palms grew instantaneously sweaty and my cheeks burned hot. I tried to make a plan: do I deny it? Do I admit it? Do I pretend like I didn’t hear him? Do I run? Hide? Vomit?
Maybe I could dig a hole like Jimmy had but bury myself in it. I needed a course of action. My mind left me high and dry—I had no leg to stand on. I didn’t know what to say.
“I—” I managed.
“But did you know that I love you, too?”

Notes

Awwww

xx