Just Before You Go

“How’s my favourite drug addict?” Jen smirked as Jimmy took up a stool at the bar.
Jimmy furrowed his brows at her in lieu of a verbal response. She didn’t seem to notice.
“Jenny,” I warned passively as I ducked beneath the empty box in her hands.
She tilted her head at me, “What?”
I dismissed her, settling back into my clean up so that I could be excused for the evening. I’d had a stroke of good luck and had been asked to switch shifts with Derek, who was trying his best to recover from a wild night of partying. He’d wanted the morning to sleep and I was happy to give him my evening shift.
That meant that Jenny and I had a little overlap together, which she used as an opportunity to harp about Jimmy. She’d become less comedic about it and more judgmental, which was starting to create a friction between us that was less than comfortable.
Derek rushed through the door and stuffed his belongings behind the counter. He strung an apron behind his back and smiled at me.
“Thanks again for switching,” he said happily.
I shrugged, “Any time.”
“Miss anything?” he asked me curiously.
“Nope.”
“Sweet,” he nodded once. “Then I guess you’re good to go!”
I grabbed my shit and pulled a sweater over my arms, zipping it up to hide my stained work tee. Jimmy was only halfway through his beer, so I figured I could take up a stool and have an after-work drink. I rarely got to indulge in that since I was typically working until almost three in the morning.
But it wasn’t even four yet and I was down for a drink.
“Done already?” Jimmy smiled as I pulled up a chair beside him.
Jenny emerged from the kitchen and strode over to us with great speed, “Sticking around for a drink?”
I nodded.
She knew what I liked and she poured it quickly. But as she slid it to me, she just couldn’t resist another dig.
“Drinking at four in the afternoon,” she noted. “I guess Jimmy’s habits are contagious.”
Jimmy raised an eyebrow at her, “Are you about done?”
“When you’re done messing around with my friend,” she retorted smugly. “Then I’ll be done.”
“Who’s messing around?” he asked her seriously.
I threw my hands up, “That’s probably good, you guys.”
“You blatantly lied to her,” Jenny continued relentlessly. “You told her that you weren’t an alcoholic, which you are. Then you told her that you aren’t a drug addict. Which…Wait for it…You are!”
Jimmy took a sip of his drink, watching Jenny intently but saying absolutely nothing. He seemed to be sizing her up in a way that made me uneasy.
“But you didn’t even tell her the truth,” Jenny went on, making wild hand gestures as she ranted. “No, no. Instead you send Brian here to get her and bring her to visit you in the fucking hospital. Now you guys act like it’s cool? How brainwashed have you got her?”
“So, what, Jen?” Jimmy finally replied, more casually than Jenny’s tone. “I like to party, so Aria can’t hang around with me? I didn’t peg you as a prude. Especially since you’ve hooked up with two of my friends.”
“Oh fuck you!” she gasped.
He smirked, “That’d make three. You sure you want those novice numbers?”
“Enough!” I roared, slamming my hands onto the counter to get their attention.
They both froze.
“Jenny, I love you, I do,” I groaned. “But holy shit. Lay off.”
Jimmy just stared at his newly appointed adversary. Jenny did not look pleased with me. She looked from Jimmy to me without moving her head.
“Can I talk to you privately for a second?” I muttered to my only female friend almost inaudibly.
Jimmy sunk into his drink as I excused myself and into the kitchen. Jenny didn’t stop at the kitchen though, she kept her pace up passed the stove and out through the backdoor and into the alley. The sunlight burned through my retinas within seconds.
“Out with it,” I said simply but sternly.
She shifted her foot into the concrete, “Out with what?”
“Don’t play coy with me. What’s your problem, Jen? You’ve been bitching nonstop about Jimmy the last week and now you’re straight up arguing with him? In front of me? What’s going on with you?”
“With me?” she bit. “You’re joking, right?”
I shook my head, “Not at all.”
“Aren’t you supposed to be smart or something?” she quipped. “The problem here has less to do with me than it does with you, Aria.”
“I know that you and Jimmy don’t—”
She groaned loudly, “It has nothing to do with me! It has to do with who that guy is turning you into.”
I narrowed my eyes at her.
“When I met you, you were this level-headed, hardworking and ambitious woman,” she told me matter-of-factly. “You didn’t take shit from people, you were super family-oriented…and now what? Have you looked in a fucking mirror lately?”
“What’s wrong with the way I looked?” I asked sadly.
She rolled her eyes, “It’s figurative, Aria. Keep up.”
I can’t say I was a big fan of her attitude.
“All you do now is follow him around,” she said through grit teeth, her arms folded across her chest. “You drink all the time, you clean up his and his fucking friends’ messes—”
“You know,” I noted defensively, “you had no problem with any of this when you were insisting that I fuck him. On top of that,” I laughed, “you had no qualms about coming with me to any of the parties that Jimmy invited me too. You came along happily. So what’s changed?”
“You have!” she shouted at me.
I took a step back, a little frightened by her dramatics.
She cleared her throat, settling herself a little before trying again.
“You have,” she repeated, more calmly this time. “Can you not see it?”
“I like who I am,” I lied.
She shook her head, looking anywhere but at me, “I feel like I don’t know you at all anymore. The Aria that I knew wouldn’t be slumming around with some junkie, or snorting fucking cocaine on a Tuesday—or any fucking day.”
“How do you know about that?” I mumbled quietly, suddenly feeling remarkably vulnerable.
“Do you think I’m an idiot?” she asked seriously. “Everyone knows. It’s really obvious that you have no mind of your own anymore. You’re just whatever Jimmy wants you to be.”
“You don’t even know him,” I argued. “You keep painting him to be a villain but you don’t know a god damn thing about him.”
“Do you or do you not use drugs?” she asked me point blank. “Recreationally or otherwise.”
I stared her straight in the eye, unflinching, “I promise it’s none of your business.”
“I’m your friend,” she sighed.
My head was shaking, “I wouldn’t be so sure about that.”
Jenny, for the first time in her life, had nothing to say. She stood at me with her jaw ajar and her mind racing. As much as I’d enjoyed being called all sorts of crap, I’d had about enough of the theatrics for one day. I turned on my heel and pulled the door open.
“How much are you going to give up for him, huh?” Jenny said to my spine. “First your job, then your parents, now me? What’s next, Aria? What’s left?”
My body stiffened for a quick second and I considered turning around and screaming at her. I wanted to tell her that she didn’t understand the situation. She didn’t understand what the pressure of my family was like. She didn’t understand that Jimmy wasn’t a bad guy.
But I knew it wouldn’t matter what I said—because she didn’t understand. She couldn’t understand.
So, I said nothing. I left her standing in the alley, regretting everything she’d said.
Jimmy was waiting for me, looking happy to see me. I felt a tiny tinge of guilt pull at my chest as I dragged him out of the bar.
“Are you okay?” he asked me as we walked, he was stealing subtle glances.
I nodded absently.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
I shook my head.
“Is it about me?” his voice was nervous.
I sighed, meeting his glance for a second, “Have I changed? Since you met me.”
His eyebrows dropped for a second before picking themselves back up, “I mean…yeah.”
“In a bad way?” I questioned anxiously.
He shrugged, “I didn’t really know you well…I don’t think it’s fair for me to make a judgement.”
I grabbed his hand and pulled him abruptly off the sidewalk. We ran across the street and didn’t stop until we’d made it to the sand of the nearest beach. One thing I was always grateful for about Jimmy was his reaction to impulse. He never questioned me, he never made me wonder why I was acting a certain way. He followed me in whatever adventure I wanted to explore—and I felt like I’d only been doing the same.
But I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t been feeling a little lost.
I ran to the water, not stopping even when the ice cold waves hit my chest like a bullet. I dove head first under the surface and kicked until I thought my lungs might give out. As I came back to breathe, Jimmy was still on the shore—just watching.
I marveled in his brilliance for a minute. He looked particularly large and looming in that moment, his height noticeable even from a distance. I wondered how his heart sounded then—if it was beating wildly like mine would sometimes…like mine did every time I looked at him.
Maybe Jenny was right, maybe I’d been changing. But I just wasn’t sure if it was for the worse. I had never been carefree…I’d never been any sort of free at all. But with Jimmy, I was.
I made my way back to him, he met me waist-deep, his armor of tattoos dancing in the sunlight. I ran my fingers along the letters running down his chest, his skin tingled against my touch.
“Do you think you’re bad for me?” I asked him quietly.
He hesitated, “I’m not the one that can make that decision.”
“Jenny seems to think you are,” I told him, giving him a quick glance.
“I’ve noticed.”
I frowned, “She says I’m giving up a lot to be with you.”
Jimmy placed a finger beneath my chin, tilting my face up toward him. His eyes were pleading with mine for some sort of reason—something to give him an idea where my head was at. He looked a lot like he was losing me again.
“Are you?” he asked lowly.
I swallowed hard, shrugging a little.
“I don’t want you to give up anything,” he told me, a little smile tempting the corners of his plump lips. “I want you to have everything you want.”
I felt myself melting into him. He had a way with me like no other.
“If you aren’t happy—”
“That’s just the thing,” I interrupted, licking at my lips that had dried out from nerves. “I am happy. I’m maybe the happiest I’ve ever been…”
He lowered his face closer to mine, “Then fuck ‘em.”
“We need to stop,” I said quietly, my heart beating hard against my chest as Jimmy’s lips drew closer to my own. “Everything...No more drugs, Jimmy.”
“If that’s what you want,” he purred, looking back and forth from my eyes to my quivering lips. “I’ll quit breathing if you ask me nice enough.”
I smiled, even though my soul felt heavy.
“Will you try?” I asked, sounding a little more desperate than I’d intended. “For real this time?”
He nodded, pushing his forehead against mine, “If you want me to.”
“I want you to,” I moaned softly. “I want this to work…”
“It’s working for me,” he smirked, meeting my stare with his crystal blue eyes.
I wrapped my hand around the back of his neck, catching the ends of his dyed-black hair in my fingers.
“I really like you,” I grinned, edging my lips closer to his.
His eyes narrowed for a split second before he finally closed the gap between us. We fought for dominance, Jimmy eventually reigning supreme. He used his gigantic hands to lift me from the water and up against his chest. I wrapped my legs around him out of habit.
He made a seat for me with his long arms and carried me that way, breaking our kiss apart. I nuzzled into his neck, listening to his breathing as he walked us out of the ocean and sank down into the sand. I’d effectively been made to straddle him and I had to commend his skill. He just laughed.
“You could be the real deal you know,” he said to me as I rolled off of him and curled up in his side.
I listened to the waves roll against the shore.
“The real deal,” I repeated with a giggle.
“I mean it,” he said seriously. “I’ve never thought about quitting for anyone…not even my own mother.”
“Barbara?” I gasped. “But the woman is a saint!”
He grinned, “I know she is. And yet…”
“So why me, huh?” I asked teasingly. “What makes me so special?”
He shrugged, bouncing my head as he did so, “You just are.”
“I don’t know about that,” I grumbled quietly.
He smiled down at me, “I’m pretty sure you’re my soul mate.”
“Are you getting soft on me, Mr. Sullivan?” I joked but inside I was fucking swooning.
He glanced down at his lap and then raised his eyebrows at me, “Why don’t you go ahead and check.”
I cackled, giving him a little punch to the ribs, “Okay, Brian.”
“Birds of a feather,” he laughed.
I loved the sound of his laughter. I loved the sound of his voice. I could have listened to it every day until the world came to a blazing end. Nothing sounded sweeter or more in tune with my soul.
It occurred to me that I might be falling in love with him.
I made a responsible decision to hold that feeling back for a while—I couldn’t let myself get any more invested until I was sure that Jimmy could control his demons…
And that I could control my own.
“Your soul mate is hungry,” I said finally, my stomach growling louder than my thoughts.
He smirked, “Let’s get you fed then.”
“Can we do Mexican?” I asked as we dusted the sand from our bodies and started back up toward the road. “I’m so tired of Italian and if I see one more fucking cheeseburger, I swear I’ll eradicate all cows.”
“You can’t terminate the cow population, Aria,” he told me seriously. “You’d have a civil uprising on your hands. What you’d do is poison the supply—survival of the fittest. We control the meat!”
I listened to him babble on about nothing, watching as his face lit up the more invested he got into his fictional scenario. He fed off of the things I’d say and the things I’d think—and he’d embellish them until they weren’t recognizable. I guess I could have said the same about his effect on my life.
When I caught myself in awe of his storytelling abilities, I knew that this was more than I’d anticipated it would be come. I knew then that I was in it for the long haul…
I just hoped that Jimmy was too.

Notes

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