Just Before You Go

“You look awfully formal for a dive bar,” Jenny teased as Jimmy and I pulled up a stool at the bar.
I shrugged, “We just came from my parents’ Christmas party.”
“It’s seven-thirty,” she stated flatly.
Jimmy was abnormally quiet.
“Oh no,” Jenny thought out loud. “Were they awful?”
Jimmy widened his eyes at her.
I was embarrassed, “They were…not pleasant.”
“Apparently she can’t date me,” Jimmy finally spoke. “Because have you seen me?”
Jenny looked bewildered. Her mouth was open and her heart was still.
“I have no words,” she said.
I nodded, “So, drinks are on me tonight obviously.”
Jimmy smiled a little, much to my relief.
“I’ll be back in two seconds,” Jen said before darting off toward the back booth.
Jimmy sipped as his drink quietly, intentionally not looking at me.
“Jim?” I asked quietly.
He used the sides of his eyes to gaze upon me quickly, but then he was back to staring at his hands.
“I’m really sorry,” I said but it sounded more like pleading. “I really hope you don’t think…I’m…I don’t even know what to say.”
He shrugged, “It’s all good.”
“It isn’t,” I sighed. “The way they acted…what my mother said…I’m not going to defend them. And if you don’t want to talk about it, I’ll never bring it up again…but I just feel like I need to tell you that I don’t agree with them.”
He furrowed his eyebrows down.
“I think that you’re wonderful and sweet and insanely intelligent,” I gushed. “I love the way you look—tattoos and all. Maybe you don’t fit their ideal for me but you fit mine.”
“I get it, you like me,” he teased slyly.
I heaved with relief, “Are we okay?”
He smiled, finally looking at me for more than a split second, “We’re good.”
“Maybe you can get revenge,” I said weakly. “Maybe your parents will be horrible to me and then we can be even.”
Jimmy shook his head, “Not possible.”
“Do you still want me to come to that?” I asked slowly. “I will understand if tonight’s changed your mind.”
“Fuck that,” he laughed. “You think your parents can scare me off that easy? Shit, it just makes me want to date you that much more. Spite is a strong sensation.”
I scrunched my nose at him, catching myself adoring him.
I downed my drink, wasting no time waiting for Jenny to come back to refill it. I walked around the counter and poured myself another. Jimmy pushed his glass closer to me as a real subtle way of also asking for more.
“So are you still going to be a lawyer or what?” Jimmy asked me abruptly.
I smirked, tossing the liquor back on the shelf, “Where did that come from?”
He shrugged his bony shoulders, “Just thinking.”
“That’s the great plan,” I sighed, sliding my elbows onto the bar and resting my chin in his hands.
“What’s the great plan?” Jenny asked happily as she skipped to my side. “And what’re you doing behind my bar?”
“To be a lawyer,” I told her. “And you were gone too long. Heard it was self-serve around here.”
“Go away,” she smirked, shooing me back to the stool from whence I came.
Jimmy welcomed me back.
“Lawyers are boring, soulless life-suckers,” Jen said seriously.
Jimmy nodded, “What she said.”
“Guys,” I laughed awkwardly.
“Maybe you can talk some sense into her,” Jen said to Jimmy. “I keep telling her we need to open our own bar.”
“We don’t know the first thing about running a business,” I retorted. “And we’re piss poor. Two great leads on an enterprise, for sure.”
Jimmy looked at me with a dumb smile on his face, “You should definitely open a bar.”
“Oh, don’t you start,” I whined.
“Aren’t your parents loaded?” Jen asked me. “Ask them for the money.”
“No,” I said seriously. “I’m not interested in running a business. And, to speak candidly, if we can’t swing the money to open a business, we probably have no business opening a business.”
Jen rolled her eyes, “Killjoy.”
“Realistic,” I corrected smugly.
“I’m sure your parents are going to disown you soon anyway,” Jimmy teased.
“Maybe you should disown them,” Jenny suggested. “Or we could take them out and you can claim the inheritance. Then we open the bar.”
I sighed loudly, “Can we all just stop talking about my parents?”
“Sor-ry,” Jen quipped dramatically. “Grumpy much.”
She strolled away, assumedly because I’d become irritated. She was always telling me that I was moody—in reality, I was just reacting to her whims and if my response wasn’t what she wanted, somehow it was because of my mood.
Jen could be a little overbearing in that way.
“Why are we so peachy?” Jimmy asked tauntingly.
I shrugged, “Can we go home now? I’ve had enough of being out.”
“I’m not ready to go home,” he said simply.
“That’s fine,” I grunted, tossing a couple of bills onto the counter. “But I am. So, I guess I’ll see you later.”
He grabbed my arm to hold me in one place but I pulled it back immediately, intentionally looking away from him as I headed for the exit.
It was difficult to put into words the way my parents had made me feel—specifically my father. I thought I could ignore it, maybe even let myself be filled with rage. But as Jimmy joked about them and Jen suggested I take them for all they were worth, I was still feeling defensive. I knew they were joking—and normally I wouldn’t have cared at all.
Maybe it was because I was so god damn disappointed in them. They’d embarrassed me, and embarrassed Jimmy. So, now I was conflicted. Was I supposed to be choosing who was more important? Was I supposed to be defended them and what they’d done? Wasn’t I technically still defending Jimmy?
I was confused and I was sad and I wanted to go home.
I’d started walking since I’d left all my cash at the bar. It wasn’t exactly a short walk, so I prepped myself—in my tiny little cocktail dress—for the hike. As a preemptive strike, I carried my heels and walked barefoot.
“Aria!” Jimmy’s voice was calling.
I didn’t slow down. I figured he had those long-ass legs, he could catch up with little effort.
And he did.
“Can you stop?” he grunted.
I stopped really dramatically—and he walked right into me. We went crashing to the concrete sidewalk below, effectively removing all of the skin from my palms.
“Are you fucking kidding?” I snarled, inspecting my bloodied hands.
Jimmy was sprawled out in every direction, “That was obviously on purpose.”
I didn’t say anything. He picked himself up and then pulled me up too. He was trying to figure me out, I could tell.
“I’m in a bad mood,” I thought aloud.
“I can see that.”
I sighed, “I just want to go home.”
“So you said,” he said thoughtlessly.
I started walking again, Jimmy followed behind me slowly. He seemed hesitant to try and talk to me again—last time we’d ended up on the ground.
My hands throbbed.
“Fuck,” I grumbled lowly, rubbing the blood onto my dress.
“Are you bleeding?” Jimmy asked weirdly.
I turned to face him, “Yes, I’m fucking bleeding. You took me down.”
“You’re really immature when you’re upset, huh?” Jimmy smirked.
“I’m not upset,” I lied.
He raised his eyebrows at me.
“I just want to—”
“Go home,” he groaned. “I know.”
“Jimmy—” I said impatiently but was quickly interrupted.
He pulled me onto his shoulders and took off in an a mad sprint down the street. I was hollering and demanding he put me down, he either didn’t hear me or just didn’t care. He zig-zagged a couple times, which—against my will—made me giggle. He stopped to do a squat at one point but struggled to get back up.
“That’s out,” he’d cackled before running across the road and down onto the beach.
As he headed for the shoreline, I was screaming. I pounded on his back, I kicked my feet…I did everything I could think of to stop him.
But none of it worked. He made like a whale and flopped into the water, taking me under with him.
The water was freezing cold that night. I remember it hit me like a freight truck. It knocked the wind from my chest.
“What the fuck,” I gasped as I broke free of the water.
Jimmy was just grinning at me, “I thought you should wash your blues away.”
“Clever,” I snarled, trying not to smile.
“So, are you going to tell me what’s wrong or are we going to have to live like the fish do?” he asked me. “I’m prepared to grow gills. I’m not agile but I could definitely learn to use a tail.”
Against my will, a small smile crept over my lips.
“There she is,” Jimmy smirked.
“I’m embarrassed,” I said quietly.
“Of what? Acting like a toddler?” he teased.
I rolled my eyes, “No…of the way my mother talked about you.”
“Would you care this much if I hadn’t heard any of it?” he asked thoughtfully. “I’m down to pretend I don’t know she said. Maybe I went deaf for those few minutes. Who knows!”
I gave him a deadpan look, “Jimmy.”
“What?” he laughed. “You obviously care way more about this than I do.”
“I really hoped they’d like you,” I frowned. “I really wanted them to…I’m not sure why I’m surprised that they didn’t even give you a chance.”
He shrugged, opening his arms wide to invite me in.
“I hate the way she talked about you,” I continued angrily. “Like you’re not a real person…I’m just—maybe my parents aren’t the people I thought they were. It’s a lot to take in.”
“Aria,” Jimmy soothed, “Sometimes you just have to let people be who they are, even if you don’t like it. I’m cool with who I am—what matters here is if you like who you are. If you’re confident in your decisions, then who the fuck cares what anyone has to say about it?”
I sighed, “But they’re my parents…”
“Then work it out,” he said dismissively. “Now get the fuck in here.”
I beckoned me with his fingers, I had to appease him. He wrapped his long inked arms around my shivering body and I’d forgotten why I was so upset in the first place.
“I think they’re expecting me to make a choice,” I said quietly. “You or them.”
He shook his head, “No way.”
“You wait and see,” I huffed. “But they’re not going to like the outcome.”
“I really hope that isn’t true,” was all Jimmy said.
But I knew my parents—and I knew what they were like. Deep down, I guess I never wanted to admit that maybe their ideals were a little archaic. They were openly judgmental. But I’d overlooked the possibility that they might chastise me for my own decisions…and try and make me regret them. Maybe even revert them.
But the thing about choices is pretty simplistic. You never choose the person asking you to make the choice.
You stay with the one who sticks with you through the process. You stick it out with the one who cares enough not to ask you to take a side.
For my parents’ sake, I hoped that they didn’t do the inevitable. But I knew better now—and I knew it was only a matter of time.

Notes

xx