Just Before You Go

“Are you kidding?” Jen groaned.
I pointed a warning finger at her, “I don’t want to hear it.”
“He shows up, sputters some total BS at you and suddenly you’re hooked again?” she groaned.
“Jen, seriously,” I lowered my brows at her. “I don’t want to hear it.”
“Remember that time,” she fake laughed dramatically, “where he was like no, Aria. I’m not a drug addict. Don’t worry! It’s all good! Oh, wait…now I’m in the hospital! Surprise! I aaaam a drug addict! Sorry!”
I stared at her blankly for a second, “Thank you for that dramatization but we’re finished with this subject now.”
“I’m just worried,” she said less judgingly, finally ceasing her pacing and throwing herself onto the couch next to me. “You know he’ll break your heart.”
“No he won’t,” I said but it tasted a lot like a lie.
She rolled her eyes, “Whatever. If you’re not going to listen to me, then you at least have to give me the juicy details.”
“Like what?” I asked lamely.
“For starters, what did he say when you got home? Was he jealous?”
I shrugged, “A little.”
“Good,” she said seriously.
It had been two days since Jimmy and I had seemingly smoothed things over. I’d been sleeping better but had been hesitant to tell Jen. Ever since the whole hospital thing, her opinion of Jimmy had severely shifted. He was no longer the nice guy she’d always thought him to be; now he was a risk to my health and well-being. Apparently I was reckless.
“So?” she encouraged. “What did he have to say for himself?”
“He said that he…” I was trying to match up verbatim but the whole night had been a bit of a blur. “Um, he wants to be a better person…he likes who he is when he’s with me, because I guess he’s different—he wrote me a song.”
She sat straight up, “What?”
I nodded, “Yeah. Cute, huh?”
“What’s it about?”
I hesitated, “I haven’t listened to it yet.”
“Aria,” she laughed. “You have to listen to it. By you, I mean we.”
“I don’t think I should show you,” I said slowly. “It feels like I’m invading his privacy or something.”
Jen’s face went totally blank before she erupted into a fit of giggles.
“He’s a fucking musician, Aria,” she grinned. “He shares his songs with the world all the time…permanently.”
“You can’t tell anyone about it,” I told her. “Otherwise our friendship is off.”
She nodded excitedly, “I won’t say a word. I promise.”
Even though it didn’t feel right, I decided to let Jen share in the moment anyway. I got up and grabbed the disc that Jimmy had given to me, and I’d stashed with the rest of my CDs. I plunked it into the stereo and turned the volume up—partly so I could hear it clearly and partly because I anticipated Jen would try and talk through it. Which defeated the purpose.
We were supposed to be heading out for an early lunch before I had to report for duty at the bar. But listening to something that was created from Jimmy’s mind seemed like a good alternative.
I feel insane every single time I’m asked to compromise.
‘Cause I’m afraid I’m stuck in my ways and that’s the way it stays…
It was raw but it had my attention right away. Jimmy’s voice was quiet and constrained, but I’d always been good at picking out his words—even when they were nearly incomprehensible.
So how long did I expect love to outweigh ignorance? By that look on your face, I may have forced the scale to tip…
Jenny was giving me a serious look like I was in deep trouble. So, not only was Jimmy sexy and intelligent and wonderful, but apparently he was also self aware and fucking observant. He’d understood what was happening between us, trouble and all, and had put it to a melody. I hadn’t even totally rationalized it yet. I was beginning to think I’d never understand him—but good god, did I ever want to.
Come back to me, it’s almost easy.
“Aria—” Jenny tried, but I held a hand up to her.
There was no way she was going to talk over this to tell me how incredible—or troubling—of a message it was…especially since then I’d miss the rest of it. I loved the way his voice shook me. It had me hot and bothered and feeling almost frantic.
I’d never had someone write a song for me…or about me. Or…you know, I’d never actually heard of anyone I knew making music at all.
Shame pulses through my heart from the things I've done to you.
Jenny was shaking her head—but it didn’t appear to be a bad thing.
Now that I've lost you, it kills me to say. I've tried to hold on as you've slowly slipped away…I'm losing the fight, I've treated you so wrong, now let me make it right…
I was suddenly glad I’d already forgiven him—if I hadn’t, after hearing this, I absolutely would have. Maybe forgive is a strong word. Overlook?
Come back to me, it’s almost easy. Come back again, it’s almost easy.
As Jimmy’s song came to a close and my stereo creaked to a step, I was speechless. Jen, however, was never speechless. She was already on her feet, pacing back and forth like a maniac repeating “oh man” over and over again.
“You’re in so much trouble,” she finally said, trying not to laugh.
I protested, “Trouble? The song was lovely.”
“You’re right,” she nodded, wide-eyed. “You’re in so much trouble. This boy’s going to control you until the end of your sad, sad life.”
“Jen,” I frowned.
“Honey,” she smiled. “Jimmy’s obviously crazy about you—and guilty as fuck about lying to you.”
“And almost dying,” I groaned.
She sunk down next to me again, shaking her head with a smirk, “He’s got it bad. And judging by your face, you have it worse.”
I tried to look uninterested, “No, I don’t.”
“I’m calling it now,” she cackled. “You’re going to fall in love with him, you’re going to have a huge wedding, and then he’s going to fuck you over.”
“Are you trying to piss me off today?” I snarled.
I’d already grown tired of her shitting all over Jimmy. He’d fucked up, I got it. I didn’t need to be constantly reminded and made to feel stupid. It didn’t matter if I actually was or was not stupid—but I was sick of feeling judged.
“Sorry,” she cringed. “I get carried away.”
That’s what Jimmy had said.
“He’s not going to fuck me over,” I defended then. “I’m not going to get attached—he won’t have the opportunity. I’ve learned my lesson, Jen.”
“Sure you have,” she said sarcastically. “And you’re going out with him again when?”
I wouldn’t look at her.
“I swear to god if you say tonight—”
I laughed, “I’m not saying anything.”
“Aria,” she whined. “It’s almost Christmas, can’t you find a boy who won’t be so high that he doesn’t remember your relationship?”
“Stop,” I warned.
“Date Zacky,” she told me excitedly. “He’s cute and he seems sweet! And he has those green eyes—they’re mesmerizing, don’t you think?”
All I could think of was Jimmy.
“No,” I said flatly.
She shook her head, “You have it so much worse.”
“Why don’t you date Zacky?” I suggested with a hiss. “Or, better yet, why don’t you just bang him and then you will have screwed three fifths of the band!”
“Rude,” she pouted.
“I won’t judge you,” I told her simply. “If you stop fucking judging me.”
“Okay but can I just say—”
“No,” I snapped. “You don’t have to love my choice, but you do have to accept it. If you can’t…”
She sighed, “If he hurts you, I swear I’ll kill him.”
“I will let you,” I smirked. “Can we go now? I’m starving over here.”
“What’s the matter, Aria?” Jen teased as she grabbed her purse and headed for the door. “Can’t survive on your boyfriend’s love?”
I rolled my eyes, “No.”
“What about his cocaine supply?” she grinned.
I locked the door and as we walked to her car, we got deeper into the argument about Jimmy…and ultimately if he was good or bad for me. Not that I cared.
I had it real bad.

Notes

Because I love you guys.

xx