Just Before You Go

“Where were you last night?” Jen asked me suspiciously.
I was working the Sunday night shift, she’d stopped in for drinks and casual conversation. And apparently to grill me.
“You disappeared from the party,” she continued. “And then you don’t show up to work the next day! I was starting to think someone had murdered you!”
“I’m fine,” I laughed, sliding a beer to the man beside her.
“So?” she smiled. “Where were you?”
“I was sick,” I shrugged.
She nodded knowingly, “And where were you sick?”
“Jimmy’s,” I replied shamefully.
Busted.
“And how was that?” she grinned.
“We watched movies all day,” I shrugged. “It was uneventful.”
I didn’t want to tell her what had really happened. I mean, we had watched movies all day—but he’d also confessed his love for alcohol to me, just like she’d warned me about. Oh, and he’d left powder on the sink—that, I decided, she didn’t need to hear about.
I’d been muddling with the idea of Jimmy in my mind. Sure, he was sweet. And, sure, he was intelligent. But did I really have the capacity to accept him for exactly who he was? Was I that big of a person that I could shuffle my own concerns aside in order to let him preserve his lifestyle?
Or did I need to be in control? Was I prepared to give him an ultimatum?
The answer was no.
Did I think I should head for the hills?
Yes.
Was I going to?
“You sure spend a lot of time with him,” she smirked.
I shrugged, “I spend more time with you.”
“I’m your work wife,” she giggled. “It’s your responsibility to keep me socialized.”
“Speaking of keeping you socialized,” I grinned. “Where’d you and Matt get off to the other night?”
She tossed her hands up defensively, “I plead the fifth.”
“Jennifer,” I scolded playfully.
“I know, I know,” she laughed, shaking her head at herself. “I’m ridiculous. But let me tell you, now I can compare bandmates; maybe I should have stuck with Brian after all.”
I cringed, “I super don’t care about this.”
“You know, Matt’s got the girth,” she continued against my will. “But Brian’s got the moves. He’s a bit of a whore, so I guess that makes sense.”
“Stop it,” I instructed. “Stop it right now.”
“What’s Jimmy like?” she asked me seriously. “He’s got to be a decent size—he’s a giant.”
“Jenny,” I whined. “Can we please talk about something else?”
She giggled, “Okay, okay.”
“So other than your obvious escapades with Matt, did you have a good time at the party?”
“For sure,” she said, taking a sip of her drink. “You and Brian seemed to be getting along. A little too well if you ask me.”
I raised an eyebrow, “What do you mean?”
“Just seemed a little flirty,” she shrugged.
I laughed really hard. Like, obnoxiously hard. I banged my hand against the counter a couple of times as I struggled to catch my breath. Jen looked seriously unimpressed.
“I’m sorry,” I howled. “I’m sorry. That’s hilarious.”
“You did!” she insisted.
“Stop,” I cackled uncontrollably. “You’re…You’re killing me!”
“Oh my—” she groaned. “I get it.”
“You’re hilarious,” I chuckled, wiping at a tear forming in my eye. “Wow. That was good.”
She shook her head.
“Don’t reflect your personal feelings onto me,” I said happily. “If you’re into Brian, you be into Brian.”
I disappeared into the back to retrieve the fries that Jenny had ordered, and I planned to steal. She’d moved passed the weird Brian suspicion by time I returned.
We picked at the fried potatoes, the last of the customers had piled out. It was just us—it wasn’t exactly good for business, but it was good for my psyche.
“Find a lawyer job yet?” Jen asked casually.
“Nope.”
“Nothing that requires you to wear a suit?” she continued.
I smirked, “Nope.”
“Are we…happy about that?”
I shrugged, “I definitely enjoy working in the bar more than a stuffy office.”
“One day,” Jenny mused, munching on a fry, “you know, when we’re rich. We should totally open up our own place.”
“Yeah, because this isn’t a saturated market or anything,” I joked.
She shrugged, “We could totally steal all the business for ourselves. Make it the coolest spot in town.”
“Okay,” I agreed sarcastically.
“Wouldn’t it be fun?” she pushed. “We could own our own business!”
I shrugged.
The idea of doing anything but law long-term made me uneasy. If I abandoned the legal field, then what had been the point of everything I’d worked for? Maybe pipedreams were easy for others to establish, but for me, it was law or nothing. I couldn’t imagine trying to explain to my parents that I was going to give up my dream of corporate law to pursue ownership of a dive bar. Yeah, that would go over well.
“You’re so lame,” she laughed, tossing a fry at me.
Just as I was opening my mouth to get into the dynamics of her flawed plan when Brian burst through the door. He looked around frantically and then caught sight of me, he rushed over to me in a fury.
“Do you not answer your phone?” he snarled at me.
I was a little shocked, “Um…not usually when I’m working.”
“I’ve been calling you for like an hour,” he continued in a frenzy.
“How do you even have my number?” I asked seriously.
“We can talk about that in the car,” he said quickly, gesturing to the door with his hips. “Let’s go.”
“Go where?” I asked, puzzled.
“Jimmy’s in the hospital,” he said quickly, almost nonchalantly. But his eyes were worried. “Are you coming or not?”
“What?” I stammered.
Jenny sprung out of her chair and raced around the counter, she pushed my belongings into my chest and then walked me to Brian. I was in a daze of confusion.
Brian had to lead me to the car—literally lead.
Once we were speeding off and away from my job—which I knew I’d be in shit for abandoning my shift twice—my mind started to vocalize my confusion.
“How did you get my number?” was apparently the most pressing question I had.
He looked at me quickly, “I grabbed it from Jim’s phone.”
The shock began to melt away and panic started to set in.
“Wait, Jimmy’s in the hospital?” I demanded.
He smirked a little but it faded away fast, “Welcome.”
“What happened?” I asked hurriedly.
Brian sighed, giving me a side-eyed look again, “I guess you’re going to find out one way or another. He’d asked me not to tell you, so you didn’t hear it from me.”
“Hear what from you?”
Brian looked torn.
“Jimmy overdosed,” he said slowly.
“On what?” I managed, despite the nausea.
Brian shrugged, “I’m not sure. He wasn’t exactly coherent when I found him.”
“Wait—you weren’t with him?”
“He was at home,” Brian said so casually that little red flags began popping up all over the place.
I was blank. Completely blank.
“He’s okay,” Brian said then. “He’s stable now—he was asking for you.”
“Lucky me,” I grumbled.
“I feel like I need to say something to you,” he mused. “I know this is probably a lot to take in.”
I nodded slowly, my gears turning.
“He’s got some problems,” Brian started out slow. “But he goes through cycles. It’s been a little out of control lately—but he isn’t usually this…bad.”
“You said that about yourself once too,” I noted.
He looked at me, “Right.”
In Brian’s case, I guess it was true.
But I seriously doubted that Jimmy wasn’t typically so coked out of his tree that he had to be hospitalized. I didn’t know much about drugs but I assumed occasional use wasn’t enough to elicit serious concerns from people. Or land you in the hospital. Maybe I was wrong…I wanted to be wrong.
“He said he didn’t have problems with anything but alcohol,” I said coldly. “I guess that was a lie?”
Brian didn’t say a thing.
By time we’d reached the hospital, I knew what I had to do. I just wasn’t in a position in my life to take on a drug addict boyfriend—hell, was anyone ever in a position to do that? But I knew the second I saw him, I’d melt.
As we walked to his room, I gave myself a serious pep talk. I had to be strong.
Seeing Jimmy with tubes coming out of his arms was enough to make me feel sick. My knees were buckling, my head spinning. He looked so small.
“Hey,” his voice sounded different.
I maintained my distance, lingering by the door, “Hi.”
“I’m glad you came,” he smiled, trying to sit himself up.
I couldn’t think of anything to say—so I just stared.
“I’m sorry—”
“No big deal, huh?” I quipped abruptly.
His face dropped, “Aria, I—”
“You said there was nothing else,” I continued angrily, my hands beginning to tremble—like Jimmy’s always did. “You said it was just alcohol and that you had it in under control. You said I wouldn’t have to worry about you.”
He opened his mouth to speak but I didn’t want to hear it.
“I can handle a lot of shit,” I told him sternly. “I was willing to overlook your problems, because you assured me it wasn’t a problem at all. But you lied to me, Jimmy. You lied to my face. You lied about everything.”
“Aria—” he tried again.
“We’re done here,” I decided aloud with one distinct nod. “I truly hope you feel better soon—but please don’t call me when you do.”
I was sure to slam the door behind me.
As the tears started to well up in me, Brian stood when he spotted me.
“Bye, Brian,” I managed as I rushed passed him.
I wasn’t ready to justify what I’d done—I was hardly ready to process what Jimmy had done. All I wanted to do was get out of there, far away from James Sullivan, and get on with my life. I knew that I’d done what I’d had to.
But if I’d done the right thing, why did I feel so fucking awful?

Notes

Ooooooh shit.

xx