Makeshift Chemistry

The moment Jimmy started the car, Candyman by Aqua blasted through the speakers. Jimmy jumped and yelled as he quickly turned it down. I was too busy dying of laughter to notice he was flustered.

As he pulled out of his driveway, I managed to calm down a bit, gasping for breath and holding my now-hurting stomach as the laughs subsided.

“Oh God, that was priceless. Who would’ve known the fucking Rev listened to Aqua. Talk about musical guilty pleasures.” I wiped my eyes from the tears that came due to laughter, Jimmy chuckled a bit, glancing at me quickly before turning back to the road.

“What’s wrong with Aqua? I think they’re fucking awesome.”

“Nothing.” I said as I turned the music up a bit, moving around in what I called “dancing.” Who was I fucking kidding? I couldn’t dance for the life of me. “I actually like this song. Just didn’t take you as an Aqua guy, you know? The big bad metal-head with tattoos listening to such a fucking girly song.”

“Oh yeah? What about you huh? The clumsy quirky metal-head listening to Aqua? Actually I can see it a bit in you. You know, no tats or piercings.”

“Oh, no, I want one; I’m just fucking terrified of needles. Maybe one day. From now on whenever I hear a Candyman, or any Aqua song, I’ll think of you.”

Jimmy snickered, making a turn onto the main road. “Well you should see Matt’s obsession with it. Dude, he was listening to my CD so much, I fucking…chucked that shit out of the tour bus window. I had to buy another CD because of that cock sucker.”

I laughed. “How did you forget it was your own CD?”

“I dunno dude, it was just so fed up I fucking, I didn’t think twice. We needed to get rid of it before we all just killed him, ya know? Where the fuck am I going?”

As I told Jimmy where to drive, we listened and sang along to Aqua, laughing at each other.

Eventually, he pulled up into my driveway, pulling up behind to my green Toyota, Jason’s black Nissan in front of us as well. It wasn’t in the best shape, but she was still my baby. It took me a while to save up for her, but even then I didn’t use her much after I got fired. I usually used it when I had to go distances I couldn’t skate, and since my longboard was trapped somewhere in my house I just refused to go out.

Jimmy killed the engine, looking at the house as he opened his door, me following suit. Jason hopped out of his car, opening his arms to greet us. “Took you two long enough!”

“Shut it, you love us,” I said, jumping into his arms. He hugged me tightly, Jimmy coming behind me and pulling us both into a crushing hug.

“I might have to reconsider,” Jason replied as Jimmy let us go, letting me take the lead as I went to open the door.

Turning the key, I turned to Jimmy, “Ok, prepare yourself. This place hasn’t been cleaned since you guys started touring a while ago.”

“It was only 2 months ago, how bad can it- holy shit…” Jimmy exclaimed as I opened the door, revealing the mess that was my house.

Jimmy laughed as we walked in, “Well, it isn’t that bad. Trust me the tour bus gets worse than this sometimes. Brian has to nag us to clean, then he gets Val on our cases and since she’s a force to be reckoned with we have no choice but to clean.”

I went straight to my room to put my stuff down, coming out to find Jimmy looking around and checking out my piano. It wasn’t anything fancy, unlike his. Jason was in the closet by the main bathroom, looking for cleaning supplies. My stomach growled, and Jimmy’s head snapped up to look at me with a smirk as I rubbed my stomach with a pout. Was it really that loud?

“Okay, I’ll go get you something to eat, you guys can get started.” He was already by the door when I ran after him.

“You don’t have to treat me, get yourself something.”

Jimmy waved me off, opening the door and going to his car. “I’ve gone days with nothing but alcohol. I’ll live.”

“Jimmy, I swear to God if you don’t eat something I will kill you!” I yelled from the door as he got in and started his engine. I could hear him laugh as he rolled down the window, backing up and braking so he could yell his response.

“FIIIINEEEE!!! BUT IF I THROW UP AGAIN IM THROWING UP ON YOU!” He sped off, and I rolled my eyes as I closed the door.

Instead of dwelling on it, I went over to help Jason, who had a plastic bag and was throwing away old bottles, wrappers, potato chip bags, food, you named it. He had the wooden table between the TV and couch clear for the most part.

I grabbed a bag myself, filling it with whatever dirty clothes were around the living room, my room and bathroom so I could put it in the washer as we cleaned. I looked up for a second to see Jason with one of my bras, putting it over his clothes and playing around with it. Oh, if only I could snap a picture. Seeing that I was watching him, he laughed as he tossed it to me. I opened the bag, trying to catch it as I laughed a bit as well. We worked in silence for a few more minutes before I sighed.

“You know what we need?” Jason looked up at me curiously. “MUSIC!” I left to my room, pulling out my speaker and plugging it in. Attaching my MP3 to it, Jason looked through my CD collection as I put my playlist on shuffle, proceeding to go over and take the CD book from him. “You’re taking too long.”

We resumed working to “Sweet Child of Mine” by GNR. Of course, like the idiots we were, we put on a two person concert. As I went to put the now full bag of laundry into the washer to start and quickly put the dishes in the dishwasher to start that, I came back to see Jason had found my guitar. She was nothing fancy, I caramel colored Fender Strat with a tremolo bar that I got at a garage sale. She saw better days with her chipped paint and rust, but she hella shiny. I made sure she was in perfect condition and she played like a dream. Jason was strumming it like he knew what he was playing, which he didn’t, the sound drowned out by Slash’s first guitar solo.

Grabbing the broom, I started singing the next verse, swaying my hips around and doing my best Axl Rose impression. When the song ended, we laughed, the playlist shifting to some Misfits. Jason already finished picking up a bag full of trash, now what was left putting things in place and finishing the rest of the laundry.

“Hey look what I found,” Jason called over the music, pulling out my longboard from under the couch. He placed my guitar on the couch since he couldn’t see the stand and amp clearly by the piano.

“Huh, so that’s where that went,” I said, smiling as I took it from him. It looked perfectly fine, despite the time it spent under the couch and all the crashing I did with it. Getting on it, I wobbled a bit as I found my balance, going back and forth in the house. As Jason put the Xbox and whatever was Xbox related on the TV stand, he laughed.

“Why don’t you throw the garbage out so we don’t get stuck in here with billions of bags to throw out? Since you seem to want to reconnect with that thing.”

I nodded, the song changing to Superstar by Toybox. I grabbed the bag, doing a mini dance as I rolled towards the door faster than intended. I was used to crashing into things, so I prepared to crash when it suddenly flew open. Yelping, I dropped the bag as I prepared to fall, only to be caught by an arm.

“Jesus Christ. Do you always fall everywhere?” Jimmy laughed, pulling me up. My longboard rolled down the driveway, hitting the trashcan by the road. He had a bag and a tray with 3 cups in one hand, which what smelled like coffee. Shit, I forgot to tell him I didn’t drink coffee.

“Not always.” I said, sticking my tongue out at him as I let him in. I quickly grabbed the trash bag and threw it in garbage, grabbing my longboard and running back in the house.

Jimmy was taking a bite of a bagel, leaving the whole thing in his mouth as he took a cup and handed it to me. Taking his bite, he chewed a bit before speaking. “There’s a bagel in there for you. I didn’t know what you wanted so I just got you cream cheese.”

“You didn’t have to,” I said, taking the bagel regardless. I stood next to him, leaning on the counter as we watched Jason take a sip of his coffee through the mini bar, counter, island thing.

“Don’t you fucking start. I owe you anyway,” Jimmy said quickly, finishing his bagel already and taking a sip of his drink, which was coffee also surprisingly. Guess he was still facing the effects of being hungover.

I just shook my head, smiling a bit as I started on my bagel. We stood in silence, the sounds of my music and the washing machine behind us filling the house.

I felt a little guilty about Jimmy buying me this. I mean, I wasn’t used to the Berry’s buying me stuff, they usually just bought it and gave me no choice, leaving me to try and make it up to them. I didn’t want it to be that way with Jimmy too.

Jimmy went to the dining room, singing a bit as the song changed to a Pantera song. Jason came over, putting his finished coffee in the overflowing trash before taking it out and tying it.

“I thought you didn’t like coffee?”

“I don’t,” I replied taking a sip. I set the coffee down again as I watched Jimmy pick up my guitar and put it next to the piano on its stand before resuming where Jason left off. Eventually he found the drumsticks my brother gave me, red sticks that had black flowers imprinted in them. My brother knew they were a bit girly for me but they were the only ones he had, so I accepted them and loved them regardless. Banging them around and drumming a quick (and by quick, I mean those sticks were moving REALLY fast) beat, he put them with the rest of my instruments.

I heard Jason chuckle behind me. “You know he’s a real sweet guy.” After I turned and gave him a pointed look he quickly added, “I’m not trying to do anything, I’m just saying, you two aren’t much different. He has his moments but he’s only human. He'd drive you crazy with his drumming pad, but that's the worst of his crimes. If Matt and I ever can’t be there for you, you bet your ass Jimmy will run the Earth and back for you. That’s just the way he is. He has a big heart.”

I didn’t say anything, watching as he idly threw the trash into one place. I could tell he cared a lot, it was just in his nature. I heard the door open as Jason went to get rid of the bag, but I kept my eyes on Jimmy, who felt me looking and smiled brightly at me. I smiled back, putting down the coffee to put the clothes in the dryer and start the next load. Normally I’d hang them outside to dry but that would take forever and I was running out of clothes.

Joining Jimmy, who was now looking at my MP3 like it lost its mind, I punched him lightly on the arm to get his attention. It was playing “Sailor song” by Toybox. I absolutely adored that song. “You know I can imagine you and the boys singing this on stage. That would be hilarious.”

Jimmy laughed, shaking his head. “Who knows, if we learned the words we might.” At the chorus returned he grabbed me, one hand on my waist as he grabbed the other and playfully rocked us side to side to tempo. Just then Jason walked in, laughing as he pulled me away from Jimmy.

“Hey no touchy touchy. Not even I have that privilege yet.”

“COCK BLOCKER!” Jimmy laughed, picking up a pillow on the couch. He suddenly jumped back, yelling “HOLY FUCKING SHIT!” By the time I leaned in to see what it was, Jimmy was already by the kitchen, nervously walking around. “Get that shit out of here RIGHT NOW Nikki!!!”

Jason laughed next to me as he saw what it was Jimmy was so afraid of. I just smiled, carefully putting my hand out so I could catch Nya, Samantha’s tarantula. It got lost when I first moved in and I never bothered looking for her.

“There you are! How the hell are you still alive? You’ve been missing for a while.” Nya tried to crawl away but I quickly scooped her up, going over to put her in her cage. “Jimmy, she may be big but she’s harmless.”

“Don’t even bother Nikki, he’s terrified of spiders. He’s very arachnophobic. There was this one time there was a spider the side of a dirt speck on the tour bus and he hid behind Brian until Johnny squashed it,” Jason laughed, remembering the moment. Jimmy just yelled from his spot, not bothering to move. Jason just shook his head, taking Nya and opening the bug screen to put her on the patio.

“I didn’t know you liked spiders, or else I wouldn’t be here,” Jimmy muttered bitterly. I rolled my eyes, pulling him into a hug as he all but crushed me.

“I don’t, I was spider-sitting when I lost her. This house used to be my best friends, remember? She asked me to keep her spider because her boyfriend doesn’t really like them. But I prefer dogs to spiders so I’m actually thinking of giving her away,” I said, pulling away and motioning to the spider. Jimmy looked visibly relieved.

“I fucking hate spiders. Why do they have to have so many fucking eyes and legs? They’re just…fucking creepy man. The world will be fine without spiders.”

“Actually, when were done here, I can take him,” Jason spoke up. “I have a friend who wants a spider and I know if I don’t take it you’ll lose it again or kill it.”

I laughed, flicking him off. It was true though. “Alright fine you can take her.”

“As long as it’s nowhere near me I’ll be fucking fine,” Jimmy muttered as he got to work again. We all went to work, listening to my playlist which was now playing Bleeding Me by Metallica. Eventually, all that was left to do was sweep and mop as I put my laundry away.

Once we were finally finished, the 3 of us plopped onto my couch, sighing contently with a bottle of Guinness in our hands since Jimmy was complaining that he hadn’t had a beer yet. It only took us fucking hours to get this place cleaned.

“Well that wasn’t so bad, went a lot faster with Jimmy here.” Jason spoke first. I nodded, nudging Jimmy playfully, who punched me lightly on the shoulder in response. “Oh and Nikki I found these pictures I don’t know what you want me to do with them.”

Jason handed me a small stack of pictures. Idly flipping through them, I found myself smiling as I looked through the pictures of Jason, Matt, Samantha, John and I. We were laughing, drinking, making fun of each other.

As I flipped to the next picture my heart stopped, squeezing to the point I felt like I couldn’t breathe.

“Shit…” Jason muttered as he snatched the picture from me and ripped it up. But he knew I was too late. It was a picture of me and Ethan, him holding me by my waist and smiling. I was leaning into him, smiling as well. Both of us weren’t looking at the camera, we were looking at each other. I still remember, the time the picture was taken he said something about how stupid John could be to make me laugh.

“Hey don’t you even think about it. It’s over with, you can do so much better. Look at me,” I turned to Jason timidly, his eyes caring but firm. “You don’t need him ok? Don’t ruin the moment.”

I sighed, looking down at the pictures to continue what I was doing. There wasn’t any effect until I came to the last picture. It was an old one. One of my family; me, my brother as a baby, my mom, and my father. I was smaller, and my hair longer in a high ponytail. This was when I got into a school for the musically gifted, and in the picture I was holding my father’s acoustic guitar, the one I used in the audition to get in. I played an old song he taught me, Queen if I remember correctly. It all seemed so far away…

“Hey, you ok?” I heard Jimmy ask next to me. I took the picture and gave the rest to Jason, who put them in one of my books and put it in my room.

“Yeah…” I muttered, sighing. “Thanks guys. It really means a lot you were so willing to deal with me and my mess. I guess…It’s just been hard.” I put my head in my hands, sighing as I thought of how everything looked as it had before all this happened, and how I wished I could go back to those times. I felt two hands reach me, one on my back and the other on my leg. I looked up to see Jimmy with his hand on my leg and Jason with his on my back.

“I know it has been, but look at you, kicking ass and pulling yourself together,” Jason said.

“Yeah, you and I have the best support system ever. I won’t think about Leanna as long as you don’t think about your ex, deal?” Jimmy said, smiling. “And if you need a distraction just hit me up and I can get you shitfaced.”

I smiled, leaning into him. “I could use a drink now.”

“Well you two can go to the bar, I’m going to drop off that spider. I’ll meet you guys there. Make sure you invite the guys,” Jason said, going to get Nya before going out through the front. Jimmy glared at the spider until Jason left with it, relaxing again once it was gone. My playlist was still playing, Breath by Breaking Benjamin currently on.

After a moment he asked quietly, “Was that your family in that picture?” I hesitated before nodding. “And your ex in the other one?” Once again, I nodded. After I didn’t say anything, he sighed, pulling me to him.

“Don’t worry, me and the guys are way more sexy than he is.”

I smirked. Of course he would say something like that. He continued, “And your dad would be proud. No matter what happened, who you dated, what’s going on, you’re still here, and you’re still fighting.”

I bit my lip, taking a deep breath as I idly ran my finger over my wrist while letting him comfort me. Jimmy sat me up, grabbing my wrist and holding it up, looking at it before gently running his finger over my scars.

“And don’t do this anymore. I don’t know what happened, it’s not my business but look, I care, I really do, and it hurts me that you’d hurt yourself. So no more, ok? Look at me.” I did as I was told, looking into his eyes. For a while neither of us said anything, just looking at each other. He leaned closer slightly and I froze, not really sure what to do. “Promise me you’d come to me for anything, no matter what,” he whispered, his breath hitting mine. I opened my mouth to say something, my eyes flicking down to his lips. God they were so close, I needed to feel them against mine again. I had such a strong desire to feel them again, but I knew I couldn’t, it would put too much in jeopardy.

I wanted to open up, I really did, I knew he really cared and I could trust him, but…I was just too afraid.

The song changed again, to Candyman by Aqua, and we both smiled, pulling back from each other and from our moment. Looking down at my wrist, I sighed.

“I promise, now I’m going to go shower. You can choose the bar and who to invite, I just need a drink.” Getting up, I grabbed my MP3 and went to my room before he could protest. Looking at my bookshelf, which was just by the dresser, I grabbed a rather thick, leatherback journal, opening it to the middle and putting the picture in between the spine. Grabbing some fresh clothes, I didn’t think twice before hopping into the shower, turning it cold to try and cool myself down after what just happened.

(Jimmy’s POV)

Nikki paused at a picture, the look of absolute heartbreak on her face. It tugged at my own heart. I’m pretty sure that’s what I looked like when I was looking through all of my old crap with Leanna. Even with Brian there I was sure we didn’t look any different than Jason and Nikki.

As Jason made his leave, me glaring at that creepy ass spider the whole way like it was going to suddenly jump at me (I mean seriously, this world would be so much better without spiders in it), I just sat there, thinking of a way to try and open her up or make her happy without pushing her. Pulling her into a hug, I smirked to myself.

“Don’t worry, me and the guys are way more sexy than he is.” I managed to get a smile so I kept talking, “And your dad would be proud. No matter what happened, who you dated, what’s going on, you’re still here, and you’re still fighting.”

Of course, she didn’t say anything, so I sat her up, noticing her looking at her scars. I grabbed her wrist, running a finger over them gently as if that in itself would make them disappear. Too bad it didn’t.

“And don’t do this anymore. I don’t know what happened, it’s not my business but look I care, I really do, and it hurts me that you’d hurt yourself. So no more, ok? Look at me.” Once I got her to look at me, I froze. Her eyes alone spoke more than she did. It was like I could see her entire story, but I needed to really look to be able to read it. For a minute, I thought of Leanna’s eyes and how much I like to look into them, but Nikki’s were so much more different. More intense, more passionate. I found myself leaning closer, but I stopped before I did anything stupid. What the hell was wrong with me? I couldn’t do that to a friend, not to her. Instead, I tried to cover it.

“Promise me you’d come to me for anything, no matter what.” She opened her mouth as if she was going to say something, but she didn’t, instead just looking between my eyes and my lips. I didn’t want her to be uncomfortable, but I couldn’t bring myself to pull back just yet. Hell I’ve had trouble to get this feeling since Leanna and I broke up. I wanted her, but not in my usual way where I just wanted to get high, fuck, and try to forget. I wanted to comfort her, kiss her, hold her. I knew I couldn’t get attached, I wasn’t was I? Not already…

Suddenly I was listening to Candyman by Aqua, and we both smiled, pulling back from each other.

“I promise, now I’m going to go shower. You can choose the bar and who to invite, I just need a drink.” Before I could respond, she was in her room.

Sighing, I picked up my phone and texted the guys. Matt agreed quickly, saying he would bring Val. Brian also agreed, but said he had no choice but to bring Chelle since Val was going. I smirked. Too bad he couldn’t flirt around now, the fucking cocksucker. Zacky was going with Genna too, I guess he missed her. He had a right too, he couldn’t stop talking about her. Johnny was going but looked like the both of us were dateless. At least I wouldn’t be alone; I could just annoy the shit out of him when the others decided to get laid.

Getting up, I knocked on the door before walking in, hearing the sounds of the shower going.

“All the guys are going! We agreed on a place already. Hurry the hell up or I’ll leave you!”

“You better not you asshole, I will hunt you down!” I heard her reply. I laughed, looking around. Something on her bed caught my eye and I picked it up. It was a journal. I knew I shouldn’t look, but I was just so damn curious…

Opening it, it opened to the page in the middle, with the picture of her and her family. I took it and inspected it. She was holding an acoustic, smiling with what I assumed was her parents and brother. Turning it over, I saw a few words.

“Keep practicing, mi amor, and do what you love to do. Don’t ever let anyone take that away from you. You care about others so much, but remember your happiness is more important.”
~Daddy

I sighed, putting it back. The book was almost full. Turning to the back, I saw there wasn’t really anything from the past few days. Flipping through the pages and skimming, I finally got it. It wasn’t a diary, more like, a biography. She was telling her story.

Hearing the water turn off, I closed the book, hesitating before putting it back on the bed and turning to walk out. I knew that was going to start nagging at me, but it wasn’t my business, and I had to respect that, no matter how fucking curious I was. However, I saw her phone on her dresser, and I couldn’t help but grin as I took it, going to the living room and messing around with it. I rose my eyebrows as I saw my name in her contacts, but she also had everyone else’s names so I guessed it was either Brian or Zacky who gave her them. By the time she came out, I had just finished personalizing my ringtone, and the others, hehehe.

Looking up at her, I paused. She was wearing a tight back top and black skinny jeans on. Her hair was up in a high ponytail and wet, but her bangs were straight, covering one of her eyes. She also had a bit of eyeliner. It was amazing what eyeliner and tight clothes could do to a person. She looked at me, crossed her arms and raised an eyebrow.

“You stole my phone you asshole.”

I grinned, throwing it to her as I walked to the front door. I pulled out my own phone and called her. She gave me this “seriously?” look as Candyman played and I burst out laughing evilly.

“Now you can think of me whenever you hear that song. And trust me, you will be hearing that song A LOT!”

Notes

Aqua is an awesome band ok?