Almost Easy

“Careful with that!” I screeched at Jimmy who was currently carrying out a box of my dishes.
Jimmy wasn’t the world’s most careful human being, so the idea of him carrying my fragile boxes. He tightened his grip on the box really dramatically before disappearing through my door.
My landlord was fucking excited to hear I was leaving. He waved my mandatory notice period in favor of me moving out quickly. I tried to be grateful instead of offended.
My apartment was looking pretty empty. We’d been at it all morning—I’d only had one night to pack. I was exhausted.
We’d gotten home around 5:00 the night before and it had been go, go, go right away. Brian and I had opted to spend the night at my apartment, he’d packed up my kitchen while I packed away my bedroom. We’d met in the living room and worked together on that. By 4:00 am, everything was in boxes and ready to go.
I was yawning, sipping my take away coffee in an effort to boost my morale.
Justin and Matt were in the process of moving my couch, which would live at Justin’s house from then on. He’d basically called dibs on all my furniture that I wouldn’t need at Brian’s. He told me it was payment for his friendship.
No one else from my band had offered to come and help. Despite Avenged getting ready to leave for their giant tour, every single one of them had come out to help. I made a mental note of the difference between our groups of “friends”. But I was thankful for Justin and I was thankful for Brian’s boys.
“Blair!” Justin yelled. “Get out of the way!”
“Sorry!” I laughed, jumping to the side to allow the couch to pass me by.
Brian came from behind me and he wrapped his tattooed arms around my waist, resting his head on my shoulder.
“Are you a bird?” I teased. “Perching on my shoulder?”
He nodded, “A really fucking tired bird.”
“Can we nap when we get to your house?” I asked seriously. “I need a nap before I can meet your dad and act like a normal human being.”
“It’s our house,” Brian smiled. “And yes, absolutely yes to the nap.”
“My apartment looks so sad,” I mused with a frown. “I love this apartment.”
He kissed my neck softly, “Our house is better.”
I glanced around my tiny residence full of memories. I could almost see Tyler, ranting about his latest girlfriend or laughing along to a comedy we always seemed to be watching. Part of life was moving on from memories, I guess.
This was also the place where Brian and Jimmy had followed me back to the night I met Brian. This place held magic for me and I was surely going to miss it.
I turned my head to kiss Brian quickly before getting back to work, pushing boxes closer to the door for the men to grab and carry down.
Within an hour, my apartment was completed deserted. There was nothing left but the residual energy of my life spent there for the past year and a half.
I took one last walk around, trying to make a memory of it that I could take with me as I moved on into my new life. This place had been a part of me—but there were things about it that I was happy to leave behind. The stairs, for one. My neighbors. And the night that Tyler died—that event had painted each and every wall of my home. I was happy to be leaving that ghost behind.
“You okay?” Brian’s voice startled me.
I nodded, giving my bedroom one last quick glance, “Just saying goodbye.”
“You’re adorable,” he smiled. “I’ll be downstairs whenever you’re ready.”
“I’m ready,” I said. “Let’s go.”
The drive was quiet—I was anxious. It was going to be a huge adjustment, living with a boy that wasn’t Tyler, and living in a house that I wasn’t really familiar with. But I was looking forward to the pool.
By time we pulled up, everyone was already busy moving my things into the house. Jimmy had obviously opened the door for them—another win for Jimmy keeping his key.
The men had made a mountain of boxes in the living room for me to dig through and sort later. I figured it would give me something to do while Brian was gone—a welcomed distraction, if you will.
I was dreading his leaving.
Once everything was in the house and the group had been thanked repeatedly, Brian and I were alone. We surveyed the sheer amount of shit that I’d brought into our new life and it was a little overwhelming.
So, we opted not to deal with it and instead made our way to the bed and fell into an exhausted sleep.

I stirred a few hours later, reluctant to remove myself from the blankets. Brian was gone, his side was cold. I blinked the fatigue from my eyes and eventually sauntered downstairs to find my guy.
He was out back, sitting by the pool with a cigarette in his hand.
“Hey,” I yawned as I pulled up a patio chair next to him.
He smiled at me, “Hey yourself.”
“When do we have to go?” I asked curiously, taking a cigarette from Brian’s pack.
“I don’t know,” he shrugged. “Like an hour.”
He seemed glum. I couldn’t quite place it, but he was brooding.
“Everything okay?” I asked as I lit my cigarette.
“I guess,” he sighed softly. “Just bummed.”
What a weird time to be bummed. Shouldn’t we be in ecstasy? Shouldn’t we be bouncing off the walls with unadulterated excitement? We’d moved in together, deciding to live our lives together…shouldn’t he be happy about that?
I bit at my lip.
He looked at me and immediately understood that he wasn’t communicating well with me. He reached over and rested his hand on my knee.
“I don’t want to leave you,” he said with a sad, sympathetic kind of smile.
I inhaled deeply, “I know.”
“Our lives suck,” he half-laughed. “This will be what it’s like forever, right? One of us disappearing for months at a time?”
“I guess so,” I frowned.
“I don’t want to go,” he stated again. “I want to stay here and enjoy you. I want to enjoy our life.”
My lips curved up a little, “The way I see it is that we should just appreciate the time we have together that much more. It’s really shitty that we’ll have to be apart so often, but I wouldn’t change it… I wouldn’t change a fucking thing about it.”
“I wish that you could come with me,” he said, squeezing my leg once before pulling his hand back.
“Next one,” I grinned.
“I’m going to really fucking miss you,” he pouted.
I nodded, “Me too. But you love to tour; I’ll be fine. I want you to enjoy your life as Synyster as much as you love your life with me.”
He looked over to me, adoration catching in his eyes.
“I really love you, you know that?” he mused affectionately. “Couldn’t have dreamt of a better girlfriend.”
“I know,” I smirked. “I’m the best.”


“Ready?” Brian asked excitedly as we waited for his father to open the door.
I nodded anxiously, my heart racing a mile a minute. My lip was stinging from all of the anxious biting.
His dad appeared, looking thrilled to find us on the other side of the door. He took Brian into a chokehold of a hug right away.
Once they were separated, he looked to me and smiled.
“You must be the infamous Blair,” he stated warmly. “My son hasn’t stopped obsessively mentioning you for months.”
“That’s…charming,” I laughed awkwardly.
“I’m Brian,” he grinned. “It’s a pleasure to finally meet you.”
“Brian?” I repeated sarcastically.
“Brian squared,” my Brian smirked, gesturing between himself and his father.
Father Brian pulled us into his house and lead us into the dining room where he instructed us to sit. His home was lovely.
“Suzy!” older Brian shouted. “They’re here!”
A woman appeared, suffocating Brian (my Brian) into a tight hug.
“We’ve missed you!” she said into his shoulder.
She turned to me happily, “You must be Blair.”
I nodded sheepishly.
“It’s nice to meet you,” she said politely before turning back to Brian. “McKenna’s at a friend’s—I tried to tell her you’d want to see her…”
“Let her live her life,” Brian shrugged. “I’ll catch her next time.”
She took a seat next to her husband; I tried not to notice them staring me down. Brian reached under the table to grab my hand, squeezing it a couple of times encouragingly.
“How was the tour?” Dad Brian asked curiously. “I saw there was some drama.”
It had never occurred to me that all of the publicity might reach my boyfriend’s parents’ ears. It had certainly reached the people in my life; I had to give a very reassuring phone call to the Brody’s to explain that I wasn’t dead and I didn’t have a drug problem.
I was immediately embarrassed.
“The tour was great,” my Brian said sternly. “Played some great venues.”
“I hear Jimmy tagged along,” older Brian said to me.
I guess that was my queue to speak.
“Um…yes…he did, yeah…”
“How was that?” older Brian cackled. “He’s eccentric that one.”
“He is,” I nodded with a little smile. “But he’s the best.”
My Brian gave my hand another squeeze.
“So, have you brought our Brian home to meet your folks yet?” his stepmother asked curiously.
I looked around uncomfortably, shaking my head a little. Technically he’d met my aunt, who I guess was my folks for all intents and purposes. But it wasn’t what she was asking—she didn’t know what she was asking.
“I met her aunt before we left on tour,” Brian answered for me. “When we were in Massachusetts.”
“Right, for the funeral…” older Brian frowned. “I’m really sorry about that. Brian told me a little bit about it.”
“Thanks,” was all I knew to say when people offered condolences.
“Her aunt?” Suzy asked.
“I was, um, raised by my aunt,” I clarified because I knew I’d have to in order to get away from this topic. “My parents passed away when I was little.”
“Oh…” she cringed a little. “I’m sorry, I didn’t know.”
“No, that’s okay,” I forced a smile. “It was a long time ago. They would have loved him though…”
In an effort to move past the discomfort, senior Brian began telling me stories about his son growing up. He threw in a couple anecdotes about Jimmy for good measure. I listened intently to each tale, admiring Sr. Brian’s attention to comedic detail. He was nothing short of hilarious.
We ate dinner, discussing music and my band throughout. Brian Sr told me he’d looked my band up and was floored by my vocal range. It felt like a true compliment, since I knew he was an accomplished musician as well. My Brian looked thrilled that his father and I were getting along so well.
After dinner, my Brian excused himself to go and help his stepmother with the dishes.
“So tell me,” senior Brian smirked, “everything good between you and my kid?”
I nodded, “He’s great. You raised a good man.”
“Worthy of my name?” he teased.
“I think so.”
“He’s quite smitten with you,” he told me happily. “I’m happy he’s found a companion. You seem like a pretty cool woman.”
“Thanks,” I said awkwardly.
“Sorry,” he laughed. “I don’t mean to make you feel weird. I’m just very happy that I got to meet the woman my son is living with.”
“You’ll have to come over,” I replied nervously. “Keep me company while Brian is gone…Fill the house with a different Brian Haner.”
“I will definitely take you up on that,” he responded. “I get the sense you’ll be around for a while, we should probably become buddies.”
I giggled, “We can be buddies.”
As we bid our farewells, Brian Sr pulled his son aside for a quick second. They parted with a pat on the back and a wish of good luck to Brian on his next tour. Senior Brian told me he’d see me soon.
I left their home far more relaxed than when I’d arrived. But the experience had left me a little saddened…I’d never get to experience it with the shoe on the other foot. I’d never get to introduce Brian to my parents or have them make him uncomfortable with the ‘what are your intentions’ speech. They’d never have a relationship…I’d never have a relationship with them.
Brian was in such a good mood that I decided not to bring it up. There was no point spoiling a good evening with my mind’s latest darkness.
But on that particular night, I really found myself wishing I could remember my parents.
“Let’s get you home,” Brian smiled at me.
And we went back home—to our home.

Notes

xx