Almost Easy

My little stint in the hospital had rapidly made it into the media. There were rumors flying everywhere; mostly that I was, yet another, rock star with a drug addiction. I found that rumor to be wildly inaccurate. A tiny dabble into the world of heavy drug use was a far cry from addiction. Just ask Jimmy.
Speaking of Jimmy, Brian had a stern talk with him and he was under direct orders not to supply me with any more drugs. I’d been officially cut off. Which I was mostly okay with.
We’d had to cancel two of our tour dates because I simply wasn’t fit to play. We’d promised the fans that we’d add their dates to end the of the tour and circle back to make up for it. Austin assured us he’d work it out.
I’d been in the hospital for several days under close monitoring. I was instructed not to drink, do drugs, smoke, or basically do anything to entertain myself. I agreed to all but smoking. I was fine if my cigarettes took me out.
Once we’d finally gotten on the road again and out of Texas, things were starting to settle back into normalcy again. Mostly, anyway. Jimmy had apparently jumped in after my quick exit from the stage and the band had finished the show to the best of their ability. Apparently the crowd wasn’t totally enthused about it but most were excited to see The Rev.
Brian was in the back, messing around with Chris and their guitars. I was trying to busy myself with reading but I’d had a constant headache since the overdose. Apparently that was normal.
It was Hallowe’en and I was determined not to spoil my favorite day of the year. There was smell to Hallowe’en day that I looked forward to all year. I was excited to get where we were going so that I could get off of the bus and breathe in that crisp fall scent.
“So,” John said to me from across the bus, “Justin wants to have a party tonight. Just us and the crew…You okay with that?”
“Sure,” I shrugged. “Do whatever.”
“It’s not going to…” John bit at his lip. “Tempt…you…?”
I smiled, “Maybe. But I’m a big girl.”
“It’s Halloween,” Justin told me as he emerged from the back of the bus. “We have to have a party. Dress up in stupid costumes. You know, Halloween.”
“I already said it was fine, Justin,” I groaned playfully.
Jimmy had been maintaining a safe distance from me. I wasn’t sure if he was mad at me or felt guilty for what had happened…all I knew was that there was a serious disconnect between us. Brian assured me it would blow over. Just let Jimmy be, he’d said.
Jimmy had been sleeping for most of the drive. I had decided that when he awoke, I was going to try and have a talk with him. A real talk.
But the opportunity hardly presented itself. The second the bus pulled to a stop, Justin had collected everyone and was giving out orders like a drill sergeant.
“We’re partying tonight,” he said to the group of tired musicians and techs. “Costumes are mandatory. No costume, you sleep in the lot.”
Everyone agreed, some more enthusiastically than others. Mona snatched me up, promising Brian that she’d return me once we’d had a chance to have a girl’s date shopping for Halloween costumes. Brian seemed reluctant to let me venture out of his sight but he’d agreed anyway.
“Pick something good,” I smirked at him.
He kissed me quickly, “I always look good.”
Jimmy was waiting a couple steps behind Brian, doing everything he could not to meet my gaze. My heart was sad.
Mona dragged me off before I could muster the courage to bridge the gap between Jimmy and I. We caught a cab downtown and found ourselves immediately emerged in the hustle and bustle of Arizona life. But it smelled like Halloween.
“Let’s try here,” she smiled at me, pulling me into a tiny little shop with creepy mannequins in the windows.
The place was full of Halloween shit. Décor, plates, party supplies, and costumes. Mona immediately started rummaging through the racks for something she might like to wear.
I followed suit, my hands trembling—I wasn’t sure why but had to assume it had something to do with the overdose. My body was still feeling unarguably…off.
“How’re you feeling?” she asked me over the top of the rack.
I didn’t look at her, “I’m alright, I guess.”
“I’m glad you didn’t die,” she said awkwardly. “You had us all scared there for a bit…especially Brian. I’ve never seen anyone look that pale.”
“Him or me?” I asked confusedly.
She shrugged a little, “Both.”
I thought back to that night, trying to remember it in more detail. It was foggy at best. I could remember the whole day, or most of it anyway, leading up to the overdose. I could remember getting onto the stage and feeling energized and awake. I’d been having a great time…until suddenly I wasn’t. I could remember a tightening in my chest.
The rest was hazy.
“He broke his guitar,” Mona told me as she pulled out a costume to take a closer look. She made a face and put it back.
“When?”
She half-smiled, “The night you almost died. He’s the one that got you off the stage. You don’t remember?”
“No…” I trailed off, pushing myself again to remember. I came up short once more.
“It was terrifying,” she told me seriously. “You just like…collapsed. And then Brian stopped playing and literally threw his guitar. I think he meant to throw it to someone else but they did not catch it,” she laughed a little. “It broke the fretboard right off. I’ve been trying to fix it but it’s really fucked up.”
“Why would he throw his guitar?” I asked, still confused. “He loves that guitar. He loves all his guitars.”
“He obviously loves you more,” she said like it should have been obvious. “It was really scary, Blair. None of us knew what was happening.”
“Sorry to have scared you,” I sighed. “I won’t do that again.”
“Promise?” she asked, almost pleading. “You were so…It doesn’t matter. I’m just happy you’re okay.”
“Lesson learned,” I assured her and pulled out a sexy little black number from the rack. “What do we think?”
I held it up for Mona to judge. It was supposed to be the Angel of Death, complete with a good set of feathered wings. She smiled widely, nodding yes excitedly.
“I love that!” she told me happily. “You’ll look so good.”
She was less decisive than I, and took a solid thirty more minutes to finally decide on a costume. She’d chosen fucking Dorothy; could she have been more stereotypical? Don’t get me wrong, everyone loves a good Dorothy costume. But who on earth needs forty-five minutes to pick Dorothy? Whatever.
We grabbed some themed party supplies before ducking out of the store and back into the world. I was, that day, so happy to be alive.



Mona and I had kicked all of the boys out of the crew bus and used it as our personal beauty salon. We got ready together and once I’d pulled up my fishnet stockings, I was ready to take on the world. And Brian.
The bus was loud and everyone looked fucking adorable. Jimmy was a vampire. How original. Justin’s costume killed me.
“You look incredible,” I giggled, giving him an approving nod.
“Don’t I?” Justin grinned.
He was The Rev. Complete with the tattoos—drawn really terribly but the message got through. He was wearing a wig cut to Jimmy’s hairstyle and his eyes were rimmed in black.
“What did Jimmy say?” I smiled.
He cackled, “He told me I was too ugly to be him.”
And then Brian walked in from the back. He couldn’t have been more perfect. His face was painted white with small black markings. He was unmistakable; I knew exactly who he was and I was floored.
I was drawn to him right away, like a magnet pulling me in. He smiled as I neared him.
“Eric Draven,” I purred. “As I live and breathe.”
“You like?” he asked curiously. “You said to pick something good.”
“You picked real good,” I grinned, planting a gentle kiss on his lips.
“Fallen angel?” he asked me, giving me the up and down.
I nodded, “The Angel of Death. I thought it was appropriate.”
I was relieved to hear him laugh, “You look beautiful.”
My eyes narrowed.
“Sexy as hell,” he corrected with a grin.
As the night went on, I found myself memorizing everyone’s faces. Everyone looked so happy…so…connected. It had been a great night full of laughs. I was taking a breather on the couch, sipping at a bottle of water and wishing I’d been allowed to mix vodka into it.
“Hey,” Jimmy sighed as he sunk into the couch next to me.
I gasped, “He speaks!”
Jimmy gave me a look that told me not to push my luck.
“Do I ask?” I said simply, looking up into his crystal blue eyes.
He frowned at me, “I’m so sorry, Blair.”
“For what?”
“I never should have given you all those drugs…I knew you were getting into some trouble but I gave them to you anyway…” he looked so burdened. “You almost died and it’s completely my fault.”
I tilted my head just a little, smiling at my friend. He looked confused.
“It’s not your fault,” I assured him simply.
“But I gave—”
I stopped him, “Jim, you didn’t force me to do anything. I made a choice. You were trying to be my friend; it isn’t your fault. I don’t blame you at all.”
“Brian does,” he grumbled.
“He doesn’t,” I sighed. “He just thinks he does. He’s mad at me, not at you. It’ll pass.”
“I’m glad you’re okay,” Jimmy said seriously, trying to smile at me.
I leaned my head against his shoulder, making myself comfortable against his skin. He rested his skull against mine.
We stayed that way for a while, watching the others dancing and drinking and living their lives. I was marveling at Brian as he held up a conversation with my band. He was flawless and unwavering in his strength. It dawned on me that I might not be deserving of him—but decided that should only make me more grateful.
And I was. For Brian, for Jimmy, for all of it. I was living out what Tyler hadn’t had a chance to see. I had to see it through to the end for the both of us.
“Hey, Jim?” I asked quietly from my place against him.
“What’s up?”
“I need to do something tomorrow,” I told him vaguely. “Would you come with me?”
He didn’t ask where. He didn’t ask what. Jimmy was the best friend in that way; he was down for whatever, whenever. If you needed him, he was there. No questions asked.
“Sure,” he said smoothly.
It was one of the best Halloween nights of my life. Further proving to myself that I’d been making all the wrong choices. Condemning myself to a premature death was hardly a solution to anything. I was going to have to work out my demons and find a way to either exorcise them or live with them. But I knew that I couldn’t continue on the path I’d been trailing down. The rabbit hole would only lead me so far down before I wouldn’t be able to make the journey back.
With Jimmy on my side and Brian in my eyes, I was content again with where I was at.
And tomorrow I’d permanently carry Tyler with me until the end of time. It was all I could think of to help move on without feeling like I was leaving him behind. I needed him to come with me.
I needed him to help me make it out alive.
“Love ya, B,” Jimmy sighed into my hair.
I was happy.

Notes

Happy Halloween, everyone! It's the best day of the year. What a perfect day to start setting Blair up on the right track again.

You know the drill. I appreciate the love.

Happy Hallow's Eve.
xx