Almost Easy

I don't typically write any notes into my chapters; but I thought I might want to give a little trigger warning here. This chapter is intense and delves into the bare bones of sexual assault. Nothing graphic or extreme, but certainly an encounter. If that's something that's going to fuck you up to read, skip this chapter. I promise you won't have missed anything that you can't extrapolate about.
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It had been a couple days since our big blow up, and ultimate make up. I was still edgy about Brian…psychoanalyzing everything he did; from the way he talked to me down to the way he looked at me. I still couldn’t totally shake all the things he’d said.
But I was trying.
We’d made it to North Carolina which sort of felt like the opposite end of the world. I was growing home sick—we weren’t even halfway through the tour. I tried to make sense of my longing for California but couldn’t.
We’d just had a radio interview and the whole gang had been wrangled to attend. This time, I let Justin and Chris mostly take the reins while I laid back, speaking only when totally necessary.
This particular stop had happened to fall on a tiny break in tour dates. That meant that we had two days in the city instead of our usual eighteen hours. We badgered Austin relentlessly until he agreed to book a hotel. I was so excited to sleep in a real bed.
“It’s coming out of your paychecks,” he told us all.
We didn’t care.
Once we got to the hotel, we were pleased to find that Brian and I had been booked together. Maybe Austin was coming around.
“Oh,” the front desk woman said, “and a James Sullivan.”
“For fuck’s sakes,” Brian grumbled.
“Yeah!” Jimmy cheered. “Roomies!”
“Funny,” I groaned at Austin.
He was looking pleased with his arms folded across his chest. The three of us grabbed our shit and made our way to the ninth floor. The second we entered the room, I was sprawled out on the bed like a starfish.
“A real bed,” I moaned happily. “It’s so good.”
“I need to get me some of that,” Brian smirked before jumping into the bed and wrapping me up in his arms.
He pulled me on top of him, kissing at my face like a little bird.
“Stop that,” I giggled.
“Yeah,” Jimmy fakes a gag. “Stop that.”
“You’re cockblocking, Rathead,” Brian grinned at Jimmy.
Jimmy pouted, “We’re roomies.”
“We’re roomies,” he replied, gesturing from me to him. “You’re a third wheel.”
“You know,” Jimmy continued to pout, but brought his brows way down, “That hurts, Brian. After all we’ve been through.”
Brian chucked a pillow at our tall friend, “Go find a friend.”
“Fine,” Jimmy frowned really dramatically. “I can tell when I’m in the way. I can take a hint.”
Brian groaned, “Dude, I’m not giving you hints; I’m telling you to fucking go.”
“I see how it is,” Jimmy continued.
I was in stitches, howling with laughter watching the two of them have a little mock cat fight.
“I guess I’ll just sleep in the hallway,” Jimmy pouted. “Do you mind if I take a pillow for my travels?”
“Dude!” Brian groaned loudly.
“Okay, I’m just going to take this pillow…” Jimmy crept across the room and picked a pillow up by its corner. “I’ll see you guys…if I survive the night.”
He exited the room and I had to scold Brian.
“You didn’t need to kick him out,” I laughed.
He shook his head, “He’ll be back.”
“I’m going to get him,” I said, planting a light kiss on the tip of Brian’s nose.
I opened the door and couldn’t believe what I found. Even Jimmy couldn’t keep a straight face.
He had positioned himself in fetal position on the floor in the hallway, just outside our door. He had his head on the pillow he’d taken and was fake-shivering. I keeled over, repeating “you’re an idiot” over and over again.
“Get in here, ya vagabond,” I giggled, dragging Jimmy by the arm.
Jimmy followed me back into the room and gave a pompous sort of brow wiggle to Brian before plopping beside him and wrapping his arms around him.
“Get off of me,” Brian laughed, trying to push Jimmy away.
“You looked like you wanted to cuddle,” Jimmy smirked, tightening his grip.
I shook my head, “I’m going to leave you two to do….whatever it is you do. I’ll be back.”
“Don’t go!” they both cried but I was already gone.
I headed across the hall and knocked on the door. John opened it up and let me in. Justin was on the phone, calling in an order for room service.
“Don’t be stingy either,” he said. “I want big portions.”
“What’s up, Blair?” John asked as he sunk onto the free bed.
I climbed onto the other side, leaning my back against the headboard.
“Nothing,” I shrugged. “Just wanted to see what you guys were up to.”
Justin held a hand over the phone, “Do we want dessert? We probably want dessert, right?”
John rolled his eyes, “Get whatever you want, man.”
Justin nodded once and returned to his phone conversation.
“Austin’s going to love that bill,” I joked.
John sighed, “It’s like he’s never eaten in his life.”
“I think he’s earned it.”
“Did Still book at this hotel?” John asked me.
“No idea.”
“They did,” Justin answered, hanging the phone back up. “I vote we throw a huge hotel party.”
“Justin…” John groaned.
“What?” he laughed. “Go ask Jimmy, he’ll totally agree with me. It’s perfect, look!”
Justin climbed out of his bed and over to the secondary door. He knocked in a rhythm until the door pulled open to reveal Chris on the other side.
“Adjoining rooms!” Justin beamed. “Perfect for a party.”
“I could party,” Chris replied.
John looked at me as if to ask what I thought.
“I guess we’re having a party,” I smirked.



The party was well under way by 9:00. We’d convinced the techs to come up to our room and Justin had gotten a hold of Dave from the other band. Everyone rolled up with various bottles and mix. The music was loud and the people were louder.
I figured if you couldn’t beat them, join them. So, obviously, I was wasted by 9:30. John, however, was playing party mother and was following people around to make sure they didn’t break anything.
“Take the shot,” Brian was insisting to Chris. “Put it in your mouth.”
Chris took the brown liquor from Brian and downed it in one gulp. Brian seemed satisfied.
Jimmy slung an arm around my shoulders, possibly more intoxicated than anyone else in attendance.
“How’re we doing, Blair?” he slurred at me.
I toppled over immediately; I was barely capable of holding my own body weight. The second Jimmy leaned, we both fell to the floor.
“We’re down!” Jimmy shouted from the floor.
“Jimmy,” I giggled. “Jimmy, I’m stuck.”
“Like a turtle!” he declared, cackling at me. “I’ll save you!”
He tried to climb back to his feet but lost his balance and fell. On top of me. All of the air was pushed from my body and I gasped, desperate to refill my lungs.
“Jimmy!” I croked, trying to push his weight from my body. “You’re crushing me!”
“Sorry about that!” he grinned, rolling off of me and back onto the floor. “Gravity is a real challenge.”
I laughed, “Right.”
John scooped me off the of the floor and then helped Jimmy to his feet. He scolded me with a finger pointed at my nose.
“Can you two get it together?”
But then Justin slid a lamp off of the table so John was immediately attending to that. Jimmy and I stood awkwardly, unsure of how to continue our lives since the fall. It had been a big event.
“You know what?” I thought aloud. “You’re like…the best friend to have. In the history of friends.”
“I know,” he beamed proudly. “I’m good shit.”
“You are good shit,” I confirmed but then paused. “This isn’t an invitation to kiss me.”
Jimmy cackled, slinging his arm around my neck again, “Don’t worry, the mood has passed.”
“You two look sober,” Dave grinned as he approached us.
I nodded, “I’m so sober.”
He shook his head, “You guys are wild.”
“I finally caught one of your shows last night,” I told him, trying not to slur my words together. “It was really fucking good!”
“Thanks!” Dave smiled. “That means a lot coming from you.”
My eyes glanced around the room and landed on Brian, who was watching me intently. I remembered his utter disdain for this poor drummer.
“I shouldn’t talk to you,” I said dumbly. “You’ll get beat up.”
Dave roared with laughter, “What? By who?”
“Brian,” Jimmy answered for me. “He hates you so much, man. Look at him looking at you. He’s going to pounce…like a puma.”
Dave rolled his eyes, “Please.”
“He’s planning his attack,” Jimmy said lowly, mostly to me. “It’s like watching an animal in the wild.”
“Here we find a Haner in his natural habitat,” I said seriously. “He’s eying up his prey…will he pounce? Will he let it get away? Let’s watch.”
“You guys are fucked,” Dave decided a loud with a friendly smirk.
“You hear that, Blair?” Jimmy giggled. “We’re f—”
And we were on the floor again.
“Oh my god,” I groaned between laughs.
This fall had caught my tailbone on the corner of the bed frame. It had virtually ripped all of the skin away and I could feel the blood dripping down my back. It hurt so bad but I couldn’t stop laughing.
Jimmy looked similar to a pretzel.
“Why does this keep happening?” Jimmy shouted. “Why?”
“We’re not meant to stand,” I cackled, kicking at Jimmy’s leg.
“Let me help you up,” Dave chuckled, offering me his hand.
He pulled me to my feet and then helped Jimmy to his. Once I was standing, the pain in my back grew. I put my hand over it instinctively but was surprised to find blood on my fingers.
“Oh man,” I whined. “I’m dying.”
Jimmy looked at my bloody fingers, wide-eyed, and nodded, “You are dying.”
Having watched my fall and the bloody consequences, Mona rushed over and grabbed me by the shoulder to turn me around, inspecting my wound. Her face contorted itself.
“You really gashed yourself,” she told me. “Come on, I’ll help you get cleaned up.”
“Jimmy,” I called to him as Mona led me away, “she’s taking me.”
“I’ll pray for you,” Jimmy called back.
Once we were in the bathroom, Mona helped me onto the counter. She wet a cloth and began to dab it on my back. It stung like a real son of a bitch.
“Having fun?” she asked with an eyebrow cocked.
I nodded, “Yep.”
“I think you might need a stitch,” she told me grimly. “You really cut yourself.”
“I’m sure it’s fine,” my drunken state told her. “I’ll walk it off.”
She looked at me, looking pretty entertained, “How much have you had to drink?”
I held my fingers up to signal just a tiny bit.
“Wait here,” she giggled. “I’m going to see if I can find a first aid kit.”
“Tell Brian,” I told her as she headed for the door. “Tell him I’m dying.”
She giggled, “I’ll tell him.”
I continued to sit on the counter, kicking my legs back and forth like a child waiting for their parent. The lights in the bathroom were so bright that I felt like I was going blind. I closed my eyes for a second…but that only made me dizzy.
I was just going to have to tough it out.
Suddenly the door creaked open and a figure crept through, shutting the door firmly behind them. I squinted to see who it was. I was surprised to find Dave and not Brian.
“Hello there,” he said to me.
I replied slowly, “Hello…”
I had a bad feeling.
“I didn’t know you were still in here,” he told me. “Just came to use the toilet.”
“I am in here,” I said awkwardly.
He smirked, “How’s your back? Is it bad?”
“I don’t know,” I shrugged. “It’s on my back; I can’t see it.”
“Can I look?” he asked.
I shrugged again.
He came over to me and pulled the back of my shirt up a bit.
“That looks pretty gnarly,” he told me.
He traced his fingers along the sides of my gash. I cringed from the touch, jolting forward a little.
“That hurt?” he asked me, looking at my face from the sides of his eyes.
I nodded, “Don’t touch it.”
But he didn’t listen. Instead, he ran his fingers higher up my back and placed the other hand on the either side of me, effectively acting as a seatbelt and blocking me from moving away. I tried not to panic but internally, I was not into it.
“Where’s your boyfriend?” he asked coolly. “Shouldn’t he be taking care of you?”
“He’s coming,” I lied—I had no idea if Brian was coming.
I wasn’t even sure Brian had seen me fall or knew that I’d actually injured myself. He was pretty drunk—even if he’d seen me fall, no way did he know I’d ripped my spine open. But I was confident Mona would have flagged him down.
His hand moved itself forward from my back, coming around the side of my ribs. I flinched away, pushing his hand from my body.
“What?” he asked in a way that made me sick. “You’re a lead singer, don’t you guys love attention?”
“Not from you,” I hissed, the room spinning as I moved so abruptly.
I tried to push myself off of the counter but, realizing my worst nightmare, Dave caught me and pushed me back up. He was positioned between my legs now, pawing at my face to draw mine nearer.
“Don’t,” I groaned, swatting at him.
He grabbed both of my wrists with one hand—I wished I wasn’t so small. And grabbed my chin with the other. He pulled my face into his and pushed his lips against mine.
I bit his lip as hard as I could. He gasped at the shock, but I’d only made things worse for myself. He came at me more aggressively, pulling at my body to bring me closer to him. He was hard as a rock. The fact that I knew that shows you how uncomfortably close I was to this fucking guy.
“Don’t touch me,” I fought, struggling to get my hands free from his grip.
Drummer’s muscles.
He was biting at my neck, his hands trailing themselves lower and lower.
“Brian!” I screamed as loud as I could, panic rising up in me.
Dave used his travelling hand to cover my mouth, “Shut the fuck up.”
I kept trying to get down. I needed to get away from him. I cursed myself for drinking so fucking much; my body wasn’t working the way I was telling it to.
“Stop,” I tried to say but his hand muffled my words.
“I know you want it,” he said to me, staring straight into my eyes. “I’ve known since the night we met. Brian doesn’t need to know.”
He let his grip across my mouth go and started working at my belt. I shifted and writhed in every attempt to, at least, make his effort more difficult. He managed to get it unhooked before I was screaming for Brian again. I was terrified. There was very little standing between Dave and I now.
Why had I ever thought this guy was okay?
Then I could hear banging on the door. It felt far away at first, like maybe I’d been imagining it. But it got louder and louder—more distinct. Someone was trying to get in.
He shoved his hand down the front of my pants, struggling to get past the awkward angle that my seated position had forced my jeans into. He grunted in frustration, assuring me again that I wanted him.
I wanted Brian. So badly in that moment did I want Brian. I needed him to come and save me again.
Before Dave could go any further, Justin literally broke down the door. He and Brian rushed in together, Brian effectively pulling this guy off of me—Justin pulled me from the counter and into his arms. He carried me out of the bathroom.
I was sobbing before we’d gotten through the door.
I could hear Brian yelling, Dave was defensive. And then it was silent.
Justin had his hands over my ears, he was knelt down before me, staring me straight in the eyes. ‘It’s okay’, he mouthed at me.
I was trying to breathe, to convince myself that the whole thing had been a bad dream…but then Brian emerged from the bathroom, blood splattered across his white shirt. His knuckles were torn. He looked at me and then at himself.
He seemed to not care about his appearance because he rushed over to me and cupped my face in his hands, Justin took that as his queue.
“Are you okay?” Brian asked me hurriedly. “Did he fucking hurt you?”
I shook my head.
He pulled me into his chest, holding my hair in his hands. I watched over Brian’s shoulder as Callie and Justin helped Dave limp from the bathroom. His face was almost unrecognizable. He flashed me a quick glance, shaking his head.
Dave made a move for me and Brian was back on his feet. Justin grabbed at Dave’s arm to pull him back.
“Dave! Stop!” Callie was screeching.
“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Brian barked at Dave.
Dave fucking laughed, “Fuck you, man. Your girlfriend’s a fucking slut. She was begging me to fuck her.”
Brian got in Dave’s face, unflinching. Dave collapsed into himself a little bit.
“If you ever touch her again,” Brian warned him lowly. “I’ll fucking kill you.”
Dave smirked, “Your girlfriend’s a slut, man. Hardly seems like my problem.”
“Get him out of here,” John said, his hands shaking as he stepped between Brian and Dave.
Justin pulled the drunken, bloodied psychopath from our room and pulled the door shut behind him to ensure Dave wasn’t getting back in.
I sobbed uncontrollably. My entire body was trembling and shaking and I was no longer in control. Begging him. The world began to spin. This was too fucking much.
“I’m going to be sick,” I managed.
Brian rushed to the nearest trash can; he held it beneath my face as my stomach emptied itself. Every time my mind went back to that guy’s hands on my body…it was a violent evacuation.
I begged him?
More vomit.
Mona walked into the room and looked like a deer caught in headlights. Poor thing was holding a tiny white first aid kit in her left hand.
“What happened?” she asked, then turning her attention to the bathroom
She threw her hands over her mouth.
Justin swept in and turned her around, whispering quietly to her. She broke from him and ran to me, pushing Brian out of the way.
“Are you okay?” she demanded.
My lip trembled, “No.”
Mona looked to Brian, who was looking angry.
“Go get yourself cleaned up,” she instructed him.
I reached out for Brian’s hand, “Please don’t leave me.”
Brian’s face softened. He scooped me into his arms and carried me from the room. He walked us across the hall and practically kicked our door in. He set me on the bed, and instead of changing, began to pace frantically.
“I’m sorry,” I said weakly.
He stopped dead in his tracks. His head snapped to look at me, his face twisted.
“Don’t fucking apologize,” he told me seriously. “Don’t you ever apologize.”
He came over and knelt in front of me once again, brushing the stray hairs from my face and running his hand along the side of my cheek. I swooned into his touch.
“I’m going to fucking kill him,” Brian told me. “Who the fuck—”
He groaned so loudly that I swore I heard his throat rupture. He ran a hand through his hair.
“I’m okay,” I squeaked. “Really.”
“What happened, Blair?” he asked me, his soul crushed. “You have to tell me.”
“Nothing,” I said weirdly. “He, um…he kissed me…and I tried to stop him but he wouldn’t let me,” the tears started again. “He held my hands and…when I screamed for you, he covered my mouth…”
Brian frowned at me, his chest pulsing rapidly.
“I was so scared,” I cried. “I thought…I thought he was going to—”
“I know,” Brian cut me off so he’d never have to hear me say it.
I took a deep breath, “I don’t think I gave him the impression—”
“Honey, no,” Brian soothed. “That guy is a sick fuck. That’s all there is to it. It’s not you.”
“I was really scared,” I said again, my chest hurt.
He wrapped me in his arms, as if his touch would take away what had happened.
“You did a number on his face,” I said then, trying to smile.
Brian pulled back, examining his hands, “I wanted to fucking kill him.”
“I know,” I sighed.
“If he comes near you ever again,” Brian started but stopped himself. “I’m glad you’re okay.”
“I’ll be fine,” I said, hoping it was true. “But in all seriousness, my back really hurts.”
“Your back?” Brian asked confusedly. “Why?”
I turned around so he could see. He lifted the bottom of my shirt up and laughed.
“How the fuck did you do that?”
In all the madness, I couldn’t remember. Fucking alcohol.
“I don’t know,” I said finally. “Mona knows.”
“I’ll go get her,” Brian half-smiled. “We’ll fix you up.”
“Don’t leave me,” I pleaded, my heart starting to race again.
He kissed me softly, “I’ll be right back, I promise.”
I let him go. The entire time, I was on edge. The last time someone had left me alone, a man had tried to force himself on me. I knew that once I was sober, I was going to have to deal with what had happened. I was also going to do everything in my power to have that band booted from the tour. I was not interested in pretending like that guy wasn’t fucked. There was no way I’d ever allow myself to be in the same room as him again.
Brian came back, I jumped at the sound of the door opening.
Mona rushed over to me, she was practically in tears. She was apologizing and apologizing…she didn’t believe me when I said I was okay. All I wanted was for someone to clean my back. No one cared about my back.
I didn’t want to care about anything else.

Notes

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