Seize the Day
Til Fire Sets Me Free
Til Fire Sets Me Free
“I’ll be there Christmas Eve.” Johnny said on the video chat, over the past few weeks we had gotten a lot closer. He decided to sell his house and buy something a bit more like home, he was still looking but he was going to look at a house they really liked the preview of online tonight. Johnny had told me another secret, but I wasn’t supposed to say anything until Christmas.
Zack was outside helping Pa get some more Hay out from where we stored it, there was a huge storm supposed to hit and they wanted to make sure we were prepared for the worst. It made me smile to watch Zack and Pa, they had started actually getting along normally – even laughing together like they were old friends.
Ma had bought Zack winter clothes and told him that a light hoodie wouldn’t do much for him around here, he was a bit embarrassed but grateful once the cold set in. Things felt like normal after a few days, Zack wasn’t glued to my side either – if he woke up first he’d go help Ma with breakfast, to our surprise he was a good cook and didn’t mind cleaning. Anytime Pa went to do something Zack usually offered to help, sometimes they would be gone all day.
I made a pot of tea and put some in two travel mugs before putting on my jacket and going outside to call them in, it was getting windier and I’d rather they were inside. I could tell they were cold, their faces were bright red and their breath was heavier.
“Here, come on… you’ve unloaded enough.” I said giving them each a mug of hot tea, Zack acted like it was gold and kissed my cheek before sipping at the warm liquid I had given him.
“We’ll spread it out later.”
“You two go on, I can spread it out.” Pa said. “Go get some food in ya.”
When we got inside Zack realized how cold he was, I sat him on the couch with a blanket and brought him some of Ma’s stew. Ma was telling us how Aunt Janet had called, they weren’t gonna be making it for Christmas due to the storm. She hadn’t said about Aunt Jenny or Uncle Mike calling – but I had a feeling they wouldn’t be coming either.
“Johnny said they’ll be here Christmas Eve.” I said going into the kitchen for another drink.
“He’s got a surprise for you.”
“Oh.” Mom said, not really excited. In her defense his surprises always turned out bad, but I already knew what this one was and she wasn’t bad.
“You’ll like it.” I smiled.
“My present was you all getting along again.” She smiled before leaving the room, it was quiet with the TV on in the background. Zack’s arm found its way around me and his lips found my skin almost like we were magnetized. Soon I was in his arms, he was sideways on the couch holding me against his chest.
“You look tired baby.” He said quietly, resting his head on my shoulder. He wrapped the blanket around the both of us and changed so we were more on our side so we were a bit more comfortable. I didn’t say anything, I didn’t wanna tell him I haven’t been sleeping well even though he started sneaking into my room at night to sleep beside me to stop my nightmares.
“Just up all night trying to think of what you got me for Christmas.” I teased.
“oh you know, just the moon.” He smiled.
“Damn, I wanted the sun.” I laughed.
He play glared but kissed me afterwards, I turned so I was ontop of him so I could deepen the kiss. It’s been getting like this for a while, I wanted to be more affectionate with Zack but it’s hard due to always being around someone else. It’s been a bit frustrating but he’s been taking it amazingly.
I ran my hand across his beltline, my hot hand against his cold skin made him shiver and he nibbled at my lip. I heard a pan in the other room and pulled away, I looked at him apologetically and went to help Ma in the kitchen.
“Oh, you don’t have to help.” Ma said noticing that I was stirring the stew. “It’s almost done.”
“The breads almost done too?” I asked looking in the oven. I loved when she made homemade bread for soup, it was the best cure for a cold day.
She nodded and got out a few bowls and plates, I admired how she was… how she always knew what to cook, how her food was perfect… how she didn’t worry about the storm that was supposed to hit.. she wasn’t worried about Zack or what people thought, she wasn’t worried about him staying with us even though she barely knows anything about him…
“So… How are you and Zack?” She asked.
“Good. I really like him.” I said peeking over my shoulder, Zack had fallen asleep on the couch.
“You know I was thinking, you two are adults…”
“Oh mom.” I groaned. “It sounds like I don’t want any part of this conversation.”
“Fine, I won’t offer for you two to stay in the loft.”
“You would really consider that?” I was shocked. When Zack came back with me she was the one that said different rooms and no being up after 10. Yes, we are adults but not under this roof – under this roof we are still their children … her exact words.
“Consider it? Where do you think I’ve been during the day? Cleaning it, taking down bedding and some food for the fridge.” She laughed. “I’m surprised you didn’t notice.”
I smiled, I was too far into the black pit of my own problems I hadn’t even noticed her doing something like that. I wondered if Zack had noticed, but not said anything. “What about Johnny when he comes?”
She didn’t know that Lacey was also coming.
“He’s got his room.” She shrugged.
“Well, I guess since I saw people renovating his house he might plan on staying there.” I added in. “Did you know there were people working on his house? I happened to pass it on our way back and there were work trucks there.”
“He had mentioned something about it.” She nodded.
Ever since Johnny was given that house from Pa, since he was first born, he hadn’t taken much interest in it. They started to work on it, by they I mean Pa, way back when I was in middle school… Johnny would stay there on weekends and would always talk about going there after high school but he never did, he ran off to California instead. I always loved that house, but I never really got around to asking Johnny what he planned on doing with it. I don’t even think I could afford that place, it was about a house this big on the same acreage… when it went up for sale when we were kids Pa immediately bought it, at first it was just to double our acreage but the house wasn’t in bad shape so he used to use it for people when they came to visit... but then offered it to John.
Should’ve offered it to me.
I went back into the living room and woke up Zack, he was exhausted. He walked with me to the kitchen, he ate quietly and barely awake. Ma was laughing a bit at how he was in this state, Pa still hadn’t come back yet but she didn’t seem to worried so i just let the silence envelope us.
“It’s getting dark already, go get showers before the storms hit.” Ma said taking our plates.
“I’ll help you do dishes.” Zack offered.
“No, thank you.” Ma smiled. “You need to rest, you’re exhausted.”
“She’s right, you shower and go on to bed.”
“Are you two gonna sleep in the Loft?” Ma asked, Zack looked at me in a bit of surprise and waited for me to answer.
“Sure, I’ll gather some of our stuff Zack – I’ll meet you down there. Okay?”
He nodded, still insisting to help with the dishes but mom shoved him out of the kitchen and closed the door, sticking her tongue out at him. he smiled and left to go down to the Loft.
“One condition.” Ma said before I took the basket to take some of our clothes.
I stopped, waiting to hear what she would come up with.
“You are here for breakfast and dinner.” She smiled hugging me. “At least at first.”
“And you can text me Ma I know you’ve gotten good at it.” I joked.
I gathered all our stuff that we’d need, grabbed my jacket and boots before saying goodnight and going for the loft. When I walked in music was playing, Zack was already at home here. It was nice. I sat our stuff on the counter, the place was a bit small but it was private – I liked that idea. I could hear him showering, well I could hear him singing in the shower. To my surprise he was actually a good singer, I sat on the bed and listened for a few moments before the door opened and he was there in nothing but basketball shorts. He smiled at me while drying his hair. I grabbed something to wear and went for my shower, I felt fine at first but that creeping feeling kept coming up and I couldn’t stop looking around to make sure it was just me in the bathroom. I felt stupid especially since Zack was literally in the next room. My anxiety got so high I had to call for Zack to come sit with me while I was in the shower, he didn’t complain he just sat on the toilet with his phone in his hand while he waited for me to get out.
“I’m sorry.” I muttered after shutting off the water. I reached out for the towel and dried myself a bit before wrapping myself in the towel and walking out, he had his back to me like the gentleman that he was and his shoulders just shrugged.
“We’ll get through this. Okay?” He said peeking over his shoulder. “Just remember, I’m right
here. Always. Okay?”
“You’re here and yet you’re not kissing me.” I smiled walking up to him. he turned around slowly, licking his lips as his hands found their way around me.
“I’m a gentleman, I was going to wait til you weren’t naked.” He said kissing me softly. “Or we weren’t in the bathroom.”
He lifted me so I was on the counter, my legs around him. he didn’t make any movement to take the towel off of me but his kisses were getting more and more demanding, his tongue asking for entrance across my lips.
He picked me up again, never breaking our kissing, walking me out into the bedroom where he laid me on the bed. he broke the kiss only to start kissing at my neck, his hand moving the towel enough for his hands to run over my breasts.
Then it happened. The panic hit me like he was going to hurt me, as if I hadn’t wanted this even though I did. It wasn’t Zack in front of me anymore, it was that man. It wasn’t his green eyes looking at me, it was the black ones with that smirk that told me no matter what I did that he would win. That he would have my body even though I fought as hard as I could and did everything correctly.
I started to hyperventilate and I couldn’t see anything around me anymore – I was too far gone.
“Babygirl it’s me.” Zack said quietly. “I’m right below you at the bottom of the bed. It’s me.”
I felt a touch to my leg and I finally opened my eyes, my breathing started to feel normal again and I couldn’t hear my heart in my ears anymore. I started to cry, mostly out of embarrassment but Zack hesitantly came back up to where I was and held me.
“Baby, it’s okay. I’m sorry. Did I hurt you?”
“No.” I said burying my face into his chest. “I just… I don’t know what happened.”
“Look at me.” He said putting his finger under my chin. “I’m sorry. Let’s just go to sleep.”
I nodded, not even caring that I was still naked as he pulled the blankets up over us. He reached over me for a moment, grabbing something before laying back on the bed. he offered me his shirt that he had discarded and I happiliy put it on, it came the whole way to my knees like a dress. He pulled me into him and almost immediately fell asleep, me on the other hand … well I knew I wouldn’t be able to sleep tonight. If I did, I knew what I would dream about – and I didn’t want Zack to ever look at me like a wounded dog ever again.
I kissed him while he was asleep before removing his arms from me. I got up to look out the small window in the door, the snow was really coming down now and looked absolutely beautiful. It was nice to stand in the dark and the silence – it was almost calming. After a while I got cold and crawled back into bed with Zack, his arms welcomed me even in his sleep. I traced his tattoos 4 separate times before sleep took me, and to my surprise I didn’t have the nightmare that’s been plaguing me for weeks.
I finally slept soundly.
Only 3 more chapters, unless I decide to sequel...which...I haven't decided on in the lightest. Happy Reading! <3