Seize the Day
Try Not to Lose You
Try Not To Lose You
I woke up wrapped in a blanket on the couch in the loft above the barn, it was quiet around me which threw me off, then I heard some shouting off in the distance. I hobbled to the open barn door that we usually used to throw hay in up top and saw everyone loading up a black suburban.
“Stop just throwing things in, you have to organize!” Brian yelled at Johnny, swatting his head. I could see Ma and Pa on the porch, sharing the swing.
“Hey.” A voice came from behind me, it was Zack who was shirtless. I wasn’t that drunk last night was I? The last thing I remembered was being in the field.
“I came to say goodbye.” He said pulling on a shirt. “And to shower.”
Within two steps his body was around mine, nothing sexual he was just holding me. His head resting on mine that found its place on his chest. It went quiet and I got afraid that someone had seen us so I pulled away and looked back up at the house.
“You’re afraid they’ll see us.” He said snappily. “You know.. nevermind.”
“Zack… wait.” I said reaching for his hand. “I…”
“It’s not goodbye, goodbye means forever.” I said quietly. “It’s see you later.”
He jogged up to where they had finished packing, Matt had Johnny in a headlock and was messing up his mohawk. I stayed behind, I didn’t want to see them off. I went back to sit on the couch until I heard all the commotion stop, eventually Ma or Pa will come see what I’m doing but until then I was just gonna sit here and sulk.
I deserve to.
I had laid myself out for him, let him behind my wall… for this. To fuck it up.
Oh well, atleast it wasn’t that serious.
The first week I stayed in the loft.
Ma yelled at me the beginning of the second week so I came to the house, ate breakfast then went to my room.
I found the hoodie he had given me to wear, spent the next two weeks in my room.
The third week I finally decided I wasn’t going to mope anymore, that I had no reason to. I
took a shower, did my hair and make up before joining Ma and Pa for breakfast.
“She’s alive!” Ma exclaimed exaggeratedly.
“And her foot is healed.” Pa said from his rocking chair. It wasn’t completely healed, I just
gave up on caring.
“We haven’t seen her in 3 weeks for more than 2 second intervals to open her door to accept food and when we hear her showering.” Pa snorted. “I’m sure she’s hungry.”
I stayed quiet.
“If you’d’ve come out of your room sooner you’d’ve gotten the news that Johnny is coming to get you. You’re both driving back to California.”
“What, why?!” I shot up out of my chair. “I don’t want to go.”
“Sucks, look who’s pulling in. Go pack.” Pa said. Thanks Pa, love you too. Wait til you see the bus I throw you under one day old man, I will remember this.
“You need this, you’ve been a fucking ghost.” Pa said. “And I’ve had it.”
“Language.” Ma warned.
Pa glared at her then continued to look out the window.
I stomped up to my room and packed, I didn’t even get a warning. No one asked me. Ma and pa had to’ve known for days, they wouldn’t’ve just found out.
I hugged them goodbye before walking around the house to the BMW that was waiting for me. Damn, Johnny drove a nice car.
My ankle still hurt, but I could atleast walk on it now. I got almost to the car, my bags were a little heavy so thankfully johnny came to help me load them up.
“Moving in?” He laughed.
My head shot up, it was Zack – not Johnny.
“Why are you here?” I said almost dropping the remaining bag.
“Well, hello to you too.” He said taking a hit from his cigarette. “Johnny sent me to get you.”
“I really don’t even wanna go, you know just tell him I’m sick.” I said trying to drag my bag back out of the car.
“Listen, I came all this way to get you. I drove, Bailey. 18 hours. I talked to Johnny..”
“Do you know how many times you’ve said that?” I snapped. “And what does it mean, huh? What did you talk to him about?”
“I talked to him about us.” He said quietly. “That’s why I came, we have to talk Bailey… I wanna give this a try, I don’t wanna be afraid of your parents or your brother or the band…” he ran his hand through his black hair before looking up at me. “I wanna give this a try, and I’m really sorry that I was too afraid before. But I’m here now. I like you a fucking lot, okay?”
I let go of the suitcase and it fell back into the car, I huffed and got into the car. I looked in the kitchen window to catch Ma and Pa with big smiles on their faces. I made eye contact and glared before waving goodbye.
“So was johnny even apart of this?” I asked as he got in the driver seat and started down the driveway.
“Yeah, I mean I had a talk with him… I guess you went MIA for a while, which I’m sorry you had to go through that without anyone to talk to.. you could’ve called me.”
“I was trying to get over you.” I nodded with a small smile. “You broke my heart walking out like that Zack, I had a good night with you before hand… I don’t just look at stars with anyone.”
“Me either, I had a tick!” He said glancing at me. “A fucking tick Bailey May. Does it look like I’ve ever had a tick before?”
“Apparently not.” I laughed.
“I had to go to an urgent care!” he squealed pulling up his shirt to show me a spec on his ribs.
“I’d’ve gotten it off for you.” I said. “So why exactly are you driving me 18 hours to California?”
He shrugged. “I missed you.”
“Okay, then why did you leave? I was gonna offer for you to stay in the loft for the winter.”
“I didn’t know that. I got mad because I thought you were embarrassed of me.” He sighed. “I’m so sorry. I fought with myself that entire time about what your family thinks of me, what Johnny would think… I had finally gotten over that and I thought they were going to stop you – I just snapped.”
“No but now I will have to talk with Johnny, if we’re gonna try this.”
“I’ve talked to him and he really listened this last time. He said he has no right to say what we are to do or to feel any way other than happy.” He said. “So, no offence but – fuck johnny. Let’s start fresh. Hi I’m Zack, I think you’re fucking beautiful and funny and I wanna get to know you.”
I laughed. “Hi I’m Bailey and I think you’re handsome and I’d like to get to know you too.”
“I’d kiss you if I wouldn’t wreck.” He laughed playing with his lip rings. “So, this has been a roller coaster.”
I shrugged. “My whole life is a rollercoaster Zack, you’ll get used to it.”
“Did your Pa ever tell you what he’s doing with that horse? Are you getting rid of it?”
“You know he hasn’t said a thing, and I haven’t asked. The horse got spooked, it’s not like horses don’t get spooked so he might be giving him a second chance because of that. He’s been taking care of him, so.”
“I don’t want you riding alone anymore, okay?” He said taking my hand and putting it with his on the gearshift. “it all could’ve been avoided if you weren’t alone.”
“Guess you’re gonna have to take riding lessons then.” I smiled.
“I can feel my ass hurting already.” He snorted. “I guess it’ll be worth it.”
“So you said 18 hours… are we driving straight through?”
“Uh…” He said. “I stopped twice to nap on my way, I was so anxious that I didn’t want to take breaks. But if you want to stop for the night, we can do that.”
“How about we alternate driving, and we stop for the night.”
“okay.” He said with a nod. “Be nice to my baby.” He rubbed his steering wheel.
“Hey, you drove my truck.” I said. “And I don’t let anyone drive my truck!”
“Listen, I loved that thing.” He admitted with a smirk. “might have to get me one of those.”
I couldn’t stop smiling, I really hoped this was the beginning of something amazing. If not, it’ll be a long ride home back to Wyoming. This was going to change my life either way, but I think it’s worth the risk.
I think he’s worth the risk.