Runaway

**Zack’s POV**

I held her as close as I possibly could, taking in her smell, her face, her love. After the tenderest kiss I could manage, using all my strength not to cry in front of her, I let her go.

With a longing look back at me, Violet headed towards the security line. I’m sure I looked like a pathetic excuse for a rock star as I headed back to the limo outside. I tried my best to understand where she was coming from, but right now it was all just a big cloud of despair. She claimed we weren’t breaking up, but man did it feel like it.

She was clearly going through something pretty serious and I just had to hope she’d tell me in time. Unfortunately, I was on tour, so it would be lots of time. Four weeks, to be exact. I had to let her deal with it on her own, though--I’d learned that much from our round of “tiffs” that she apparently couldn’t stand. I didn’t dare ask. Not yet.

After one hell of a brooding ride back to the bus, I climbed gloomily back up the steps--not ready to deal with the questions. They came anyway.

“Dude!! What the hell is going on?!” Brian jumped up and huffed first.

I rolled my eyes and headed for my bunk before Brooks of all people hauled me off the ground and over to a couch. Grumbling at the drummer, I folded my arms in frustration.

“In all honesty, I don’t know.”
“You don’t know?” Matt questioned.
I fired a look his way, “No, I don’t. Yes, I have a problem with you fucking my girlfriend without me there, and guess what? She probably doesn’t like that. Things apparently weren’t...going smoothly enough for her between us on tour so she went home.”
“And?” Christ pressed.
“And?! I don’t know!”
“You said something. You must have.” Brian interrupted rudely.

Slumping back in my seat, I nervously played with my hands, “When...I was trying to tell her I didn’t care about her and Matt...I may have said something…” Looking back on it, I was mortified. It was exactly the kind of things one should never, ever say to Violet. They just furrowed their brows at me. I cleared my throat, rolling my eyes at myself that I was even telling them, “I said ‘it’s not like I’m going to get your fidelity anyway.’”

Sure enough, groans and yells and ‘c’mon’s exploded from all of them.

“Man, you are so screwed.” Syn shook his head as I buried my face in my hands, “Even I wouldn’t say something like that, and I can really put my foot in it.”

“Thanks, Bri. Big help…” I looked up and around at each of them, “She says she has things she needs to figure out. She claims we’re not breaking up, but this has future breakup written all the fuck over it. What do I do here guys?” It just got very real and they all gave me sympathetic looks as we all got serious.

Christ took a deep breath, “Hate to say it man, but you just gotta give her room to breathe and hope that’s enough. You’re right, all of that sounds really foreboding--but I can’t imagine she’d actually end things with you. We can all see what you guys have.”

They all agreed and my heart pulled, “I...fear that’s exactly why she might.”

**Vi’s POV**

It had been two days since I’d left him standing there with that look on his face. A huge part of me wanted to kiss all his pain away, but another huge part of me was hyperventilating. I just couldn’t stop thinking, and that really bothered me. The fact that I was randomly crying about it didn’t help, either. I’d moved here and restarted life for me--to be as selfish as I wanted to be and do whatever I wanted after so many years of putting my needs aside. Not that Zack didn’t factor into my needs and wants, but there were so many things to think about and it was getting complicated and man, did I hate complicated.

I was alright with not sleeping with his bandmates, but that’s where I was going to draw the line and that made me nervous. Zack had so far seemed to be dealing with it really well, but after what he’d said? Now I doubted everything. If any part of him wasn’t alright with it, it’s not like he’d be honest with me and then it would take on a life of its own. Those kinds of feelings take root without even knowing it and I couldn’t live with the idea of him hating me one day. But also couldn’t live with monogamy. Could I live with one of the arrangements like Syn or Matt had? Not monogamous really, but not completely open? Nope. That might work for them, but I was fairly sure that would never work for me.

The problem with compromise is that once it starts its tough to know where to stop.

I was dying to turn it off. My mind was going so fast and all I could think above everything else was that this is exactly what I didn't want. And that scared me to death because I couldn't lose him.

After two nights of drinking myself to sleep, I realized I should probably talk to someone. Meaghan and I had become pretty close, but I definitely didn’t feel comfortable talking to her about this. Not to mention I could use some distraction. So I called Erin.

“Hey. Enjoying tour?”
I sighed heavily, “Actually, I’m home. You mind coming over? I could use...a shoulder, I guess.” I hated admitting that, but it was the truth that had taken me three days to admit to someone else.
“Uh, sure. Be there in a little bit.”

I had bothered showering that morning, hoping to wake up a little bit from my slight hangover that was both physical and emotional. When she showed up, I was still sipping my second coffee, on the couch leaned over my knees.

“Come in.” I didn’t even get up. She rushed over to my side, brushing back my hair.

“Did...did you guys break up?” Erin whispered.

“No…” I sniffled and made myself look at her, “Not yet anyway.” The admission caught me off guard and made the tears come. Goddammit.

She put an arm around my shoulders as I shed a few tears, “What the hell happened? I thought for sure you guys would just fuck for two straight weeks and you’d come home with crazy tour stories. Not fight.”

“That’s what I thought, too…” I began to force my story out, “It wasn’t really even fighting. It was just little snippets of little things. Comments. You know how I am about relationships and it’s just freaking me out. Our last conversation...he snipped at me that ‘he’d never have my fidelity anyway’. So I left.”

Erin winced, “Ouch. Yeah, that sounds like it would piss you off. Did he apologize?”
“Technically. But it’s not about whether he’s sorry he said it or not. It’s the fact that he said it at all. I’m pretty sure that means on some level he’s not okay with our openness.”
“What brought that comment on?”
I sat back into the couch, “I was sleeping with Matt. He claimed that he was alright with it. I’d even told him I wouldn’t if he wasn’t, since they’re bandmates and all.”
“I can see how this got out of hand,” She replied flatly and I gave her a warning look, “Seriously, Vi. As long as he knows what he said was out of line, can you blame him for overreacting a little? Don’t hate me.” She attempted a smile.

I let her prettiness calm me for a moment, playing with her hair as I looked at her, “It’s about more than that, though. Relationships come with compromise and overthinking shit and I can’t stand it. But I don’t want to lose him, either. I just wish we could go back to when we were just fucking.” I grumbled. That wasn’t necessarily true, but it sure was awesome there for awhile. Who was I kidding...it was still awesome.

“Honey…” Erin ran a hand up and down my arm soothingly, “At some point you’re just going to have to accept that you’re in love and that comes with complications and there’s nothing wrong with that. Zack’s pretty chill and you’re pretty chill, so likelihood is it’ll be uncomplicated most of the time, but every now and then you gotta talk about shit. It’s not that bad, babe.”

“There you go making valid points and arguments like that’s why I invited you over,” I rolled my eyes and smiled at her, doing my best to move this away from way too real conversation and towards the bedroom.

She smirked back at me, eyes going half lidded, “I know why you invited me over.” There we go.

*

“So how long have you been back?” Erin ran her fingers through my hair, her other arm around me as I rested my head on her chest.
“This is my third day home…” I sighed.
“Have you talked to him? Texted at all?”
“No. I...want to, but I have no idea what to say. I think we just need time apart right now.”

She cradled my face in her hand, making me look at her and listen to her saneness that was about to drive me through the roof, “That’s pretty dangerous, Vi. You guys have been through so much in a short amount of time, and I get why that’s getting to you, but he’s gotta know whether or not you’re still invested. Even if it’s just a little something, you should let him know you’re thinking of him.”

I snuggled into her shoulder, trying to be cute, “...help me figure out what to say to him?”

Erin smiled down at me, shaking her head, “You are so pathetic. But yes. You definitely need help.”

***

Notes

Thanks again to Larisa for helping me edit some stuff, etc!!!

Sorry for the short chapter, but I have the next pretty much finished so it shouldn't be far behind! What will her move be, hm?!?
Thanks for the comments on the last chapter guys! That was really interesting! The next chapter will make it allll worth it I promise!