****Zacky’s POV*****

I really didn’t want her to be right. But she was. About a lot of things. I felt terrible that I was being so selfish it hadn’t even occurred to me to think about what she must be feeling right now. But our weekend together was too great to ignore and was masking my judgment.

Even though I’d told her the girls wouldn’t judge her, they would. Hell, the guys already knew and they would still probably judge her--very differently, but still. I realized how it looked. Shoving my hands in my pockets, I headed back to my car and went for a drive.

Maybe a little time was all we needed, would do us some good. Fuck, when did I get like this?? I was already bat shit crazy for her and it confused the ever living hell out of me. The very idea of dating anyone right now sickened me, yet I yearned for her in a way I had no idea I could for anyone. Geez….like I said, she was right….we needed to take it slow or I’d most likely do something I’d regret.

*

I knocked on the door, hoping she wouldn’t kick me out again.
“Hey, Zack.”
“Hi, Megs. Can I please come in?”
“Sure. As you mentioned, it’s your house,” She stepped away from the front door as I winced.
“I didn’t mean that, Megs. I just meant it’s mine, too.” I closed the door and was about to try and apologize again when she actually started.
“I don’t wanna fight, Zacky. I’m actually really glad you stopped by,” Meaghan patted the couch next to her as I raised a brow. I sat warily.

“I realized I was so heartbroken over this because I thought it was me. That I wasn’t good enough--” She raised her hands to stop me when I made to protest, “But the girls helped me realize it’s not about me. So...I did wanna talk to you…” Megs bit her lip in that way that used to drive me nuts, “About what I think it is about.”

Cocking my head to the side, I gave her a weird look. Did she know about Violet and was taunting me?

“I can’t tell you who told me, but…”
Holy fucking shit. Well, I knew she knew, but...and fuck, I had to pretend I didn’t!

“I think you’ve been denying who you are for decades, Z, because you’re in a metal band and how it would look, but no one cares, baby, I promise--”
“What are you talking about,” I growled low, suddenly ready to bust a gasket.

Megs squirmed in her seat, clearly not sure how to broach the subject of me having slept with our singer, “I know you’ve been with Matt.”

I jumped up, maybe overdoing it a little, “How the fuck do you know about that?!?” I yelled.
“I said I can’t tell you.”
“I’ve never told anyone, and I can’t believe Matt ever would!” Then again...him and Val shared everything, “Fucking hell, Val’s known the entire time, hasn’t she?!” I pulled a hand down my face in exasperation.
“It’s okay, Zacky! But now it all makes sense! You love being dominated, you like, ya know other stuff--”
I paced, “That’s pretty normal stuff, Megs! I am so oh my god, not gay, and so very very straight! Don’t you think I’ve lived in a nurturing enough environment, that if I was, I would’ve come out by now?!? The guys would torture me, but they’d be cool. I’m not, though!” Now all I could think about was being buried in the most gorgeous pussy I’d ever been in.

She rolled her eyes and shrugged, as if to say she accepted my answer but didn’t believe me. I huffed angrily, but wasn’t about to go on about it. If that’s what she wanted to believe, and it would make her feel better, whatever….

“So how was it?”

My eyes snapped down to hers where she still sat demurely on the couch, “What?!?” I spat. Why on earth would she want to know that?

“Just curious. All us girls know Matt’s quick on the draw, so hopefully it wasn’t too disappointing.” She held back a giggle.

“Not really the part that mattered, from where I was.”

Her eyes widened from being a little smartypants to being, well, I wasn’t quite sure.
“Yeah, I’m sure all you girls assumed the opposite, right?” I put my hands on my hips, since the details seemed to be driving her a little crazy, her cheeks flushing, “And yes, he came lightning fast. Seconds after I was inside. I came much later, thinking it felt pretty damn good because it felt so much like pussy. Way to know your own fucking husband so well as to assume I was bottom.”

Her jaw hit the floor as I went to find my son.
Ness was unfortunately already asleep, so after just looking at his perfect face for a few minutes, I came back downstairs.

She seemed surprisingly...alright. Nothing like Michelle had described her. I leaned against the doorway to the kitchen where she busied herself.
“How are you...doing?”

The pretty blonde stopped and looked at me, her eyes void of emotion, “I’m sad, Zack. We were good together. At one time. But...I get it. I wasn’t happy, either. It’ll take some getting used to, but...I guess we both need to move on.” Her eyes fell and she started busying herself again.
“So…” I shifted nervously, “You...want me to have papers drawn up?”
Not even looking at me, she didn’t skip a beat, “Yeah, that’d be great, Zack. We can talk about the house and stuff later.”
“Megs, you can have the house. None of the stuff here is really me anyway. I’ll start looking for another place and stay at Brian’s in the meantime…” I didn’t want to be without Ness, but I didn’t want to stay here, either, “Do you want me to call every time I need to come by?”

She shrugged, doing surprisingly better than a couple of nights ago. I desperately wanted to ask her what she had told Violet about me, but I couldn’t, “I guess not. I might not necessarily be here, but that’s fine. I want Ness to still spend time with you, when you’re home….”

I started chewing my lip, I was so uncomfortable, “I was hoping...at least during breaks like these...he could spend most of his time with me, since he’ll spend all his other time with you. We won’t have to deal with being in the studio for another couple of years, probably. Once he gets a little older, I’d like to take him on tour for short amounts of time.” I braced myself for her reaction.
Meaghan furrowed her brow, her big brown eyes glazing over with tears at the idea of being away from our son, but she finally nodded, “Yeah, okay. That makes sense.”

Okay, that was enough divorce talk for either of us.

She began making herself dinner and I realized I was hungry, which I hadn’t been in days, “You hungry?”

“No, I’m fine. I’ll probably stop by tomorrow…” Putting my hands in my pockets again, I nodded her goodbye and left for Syn’s place.

*

I didn’t realize how late it had gotten until I walked into Brian and Chelle’s to find most of the lights off, some dinner out on a plate for me in the kitchen where the only light left on was, and Bri smoking a cigar out on the deck by himself.

“She already go to bed?” I made small talk as I sat and set down my dinner, immediately going to town on it.
“Yeah, she’s very pregnant. She needs the rest.”
“You mean you fucked her to sleep?” I chortled.
That wide grin covered his face, "Maybe."

“Thanks for saving some. You two are too good to me,” I hadn’t really realized how little I’d been eating the last couple of days.
“Well, that’s true. So how’d it go?”



He had that air about him, that subtle calmness in the way he sat and the way his eyes purposely didn’t look at me as he spoke. None of us could ever slip anything past the others, after so many years together we knew every tick and every tell. The only reason Matt and I had kept the one secret for so long was because of how long ago it had happened. If something like that happened these days, everyone else would be able to tell immediately.

I was too nervous to ask, though, “She wants to spend time apart first.”
“Ouch. Probably a good idea, though, if she means it.” Brian drank his Scotch, smoked his cigar--taking his time. If he thought he could wait this out longer than I could, he was wrong. I didn’t let his cocky passive aggressiveness get to me.

“Yeah. Talked to Megs, too. I think she’s as okay with this as I am.”

“Why didn’t you ever tell me, Zack?” Wow, that didn’t take long.

He still coolly drank and smoked. Shaking his head a little and getting that barely there smirk on his face, his voice told me he was a tad disappointed, but not mad, “You know that no one would care if you were, bi or gay or what--”

Just as I was about to get really pissed, I caught the teasing look on his face, “You’re an asshole.”
“Yep.”
“Ya know, no one’s going to question Matt’s sexual preference,” I ran a hand through my hair.
“Well I’m guessing he’s not the one who took cock.”
“And you’d be wrong.”

Syn choked on his Scotch and sputtered, chuckling, “No shit.”
“Don’t act so surprised,” I replied flatly, too distracted by food right now to be more upset about the fact that even my best friend in the world assumed what everyone would.
“Sorry,” He put up his hands, “You’re right. That’s completely unfair. Matt’s one lucky lady.”
I slapped a hand to my face, “Oh, god. This is never going to end. And you wonder why we didn’t tell anyone??”

“Okay, okay. So, c’mon, what’s the story? Honestly.”

“We were high as fuck in his attic one day just us. I was making fun of you because you had pussed out and didn’t wanna sneak out to join us. Papa was in one of his moods or whatever. This was before I was okay with kinda playing up the Synacky shit so he was making fun of me for it--”

“So this was a long time ago.” It hadn’t taken us long to discover that said ‘Synacky shit’ apparently really got the fangirls going. After that we worked it pretty hard. The video for Bat Country being case and point.

“Yeah. High school. Matt brought up the idea that leaning that way would actually be quite convenient on tour and stuff, so we were like, what’s the harm in testing the theory. Then I told him if we were really doing this, there was no way in hell I was taking him. While it did technically feel good, it was definite proof that I had no interest in ever doing that again,” I chuckled at the thank god distant memory.

Looking up at the stars, Brian got a little more serious, “I will tease you about this, the guys will all tease you about this--well, except for Matt--and everyone’s going to call into question your straightness. Please know that while everyone else might be actually wondering, I do know you better than that.”

Instead of putting my plate away, I left it there and fished out my cigarettes. He lit it for me, since his lighter was already out.
“Thanks. Apparently you’re the only one.”

He scoffed a laugh, “Yeah? Already?”
“Yep. Both Violet and Megs have confronted me about it. Honestly called my sexuality into question,” I furrowed a brow, the pang of Violet saying it still hitting me, “What’s funny? I’ve known Megs for years and Violet for months--I feel like she knows me way better than my own wife does. It kinda hurt when she suggested I might be gay. Like last weekend could have been anything but what it was for me….” I blew smoke out into the night as did he.

“But she’s just worked up from that day with the girls, right? You know how weird they get when you leave a bunch of them together to their own devices. I don’t want to know how far each of our wives have made it with that Leon character.”

I had to laugh, “True. She claims that’s all it was, but still...it really bothered me.”
“Last weekend was that special??” He gave me a doubting look and I chuckled.

“I’ve never really been good at the romance stuff, but that’s what it was. Romantic. Sure, there was a lot of fucking, but...there was one time in there when it was...intense. Ya know--” I let out a slow breath to accentuate the idea that it truly had been mind-blowing. I couldn’t bring myself to actually say the words “making love” out loud.



Brian nodded, a knowing smile on his face, “That I do, my friend.”
“But the time that we spent not fucking. It was amazing. We watched Civil War--”
“I still haven’t seen that one! Wait, she’s into comic book movies??”

“More than a little. She has every single movie. And says she watches all the Netflix series. She’s also into a lot of sci-fi stuff. I think she’s into Final Fantasy--”
“Like, the video game? Which system does she have? She play a lot?”
“I dunno if she plays a lot, she has a Wii--I did see that tucked away in the corner like she hasn’t set it up yet--”
“So how do you know--”
I blushed a little because of how funny it had been when I noticed originally, “She probably thinks I didn’t notice, but she has a body pillow that’s got Gladio on it.”
“Who the fuck is Gladio?”
“He’s a Final Fantasy character that the girls fawn over because he’s like, Matt-sized or whatever. All buff and huge and stuff. It took everything I had not to call her out on it.”
“Wow, she really is sexually freed.”

“Tell me about it. When I stopped by earlier, she had Erin over.” I gave him a look that made his mouth drop open in response when he realized what I meant by “over”.
“What? I mean, uh….” Syn didn’t even know what to say and had the exact same reaction I had, adjusting himself as he thought about it.
“Yeah. She makes it hard to think sometimes. They both looked beautifully disheveled and Erin had this wide grin on her face and said ‘that was fucking hot’ to her before leaving. She must know something’s going on between me and Violet but I don’t even fucking care after seeing that.”

Gates put a hand behind his head, the cigar now out in the ashtray, “What do you think that's like?” He sighed.
“Dude, don’t get me all worked up again, I don’t need that, geezus. I don’t know how I’m gonna do this. I don’t know how much time she needs, we’re going back on tour soon, and I’m now single. I really like Violet, but I’m not sure I’ll be able to keep it in my pants.”

Syn shrugged, “Then don’t. You know she’s not going to, so to speak.”

I hadn’t really thought of that and I wasn’t sure how that sat with me, “Gee, thanks, Gates.”
“Anytime.”

*****

Notes

Larisa helped me edit some stuff and pointed out that no one had actually brought up "divorce" so I added the part about the papers. Weirdly enough, still no one has actually said the D word, hence the name of the chapter. Yes that's why, ya dirty fucks! ; )

And yes, you can buy your choice of any of the four main dudes from FF on a pillow: (Gladio is the one on the far right)(and...there may or may not be a choice other one that has his dick out on it while he's coming....)


AAAAND the cute Synacky talks continue. Zack was the top, eh? Wanna know EXACTLY what that was like? Subscribe to my one-shots, I'll be adding that one soon (already written), followed by a Synacky from above conversation going a very different way.
Matt and Zack in HS: http://www.avengedsevenfoldfanfiction.com/Story/90442/OneShots-from-Shades-World/17/

I'm probably going to have a ton of oneshot slashes from this story b/c of all the slash I have to leave out of the actual story *facepalms*
Thanks for reading! Please comment/vote!!!