It takes me a few moments to realize what woke me up. My cell phone starts to ring again, vibrating violently against my nightstand. I groan, reaching for it blindly and then fumbling to grab it.

“Hello?” I grunt, not bothering to open my eyes.

“Hi, is this Zack?” a small, excited voice asks; then without waiting for a reply says, “This is Noah! You came to my birthday party yesterday, remember?”

I sit up, rubbing my eyes. “Hey, Noah! Of course, I remember. What’s up?”

“Mom said it was okay if I called you. She said we should wait a little while because you were sleeping but I knew she was wrong. You weren’t sleeping, were you?”

I laugh lightly. After all this time apart, Sheridan still knew me. “You can call me anytime, Noah.”

“Okay!” He says. I imagine him holding his mother's oversized phone in his tiny hand, smiling into it. “Mom says you don’t live here but can I come play at your house today?”

His question throws me off but I'm not sure why exactly. “Uh, of course, you can,” I answer.

“Awesome!” Noah yells into the phone. Then, distantly, I hear him say. “Mom! He said yes! I’m going to go get ready!”

A moment later, another voice rings in my ear. “Hey, Zack,” Sheridan says softly. “Are you still there?”

“Yeah,” I say, feeling myself smiling like an idiot.

“Sorry for calling you so early. He wouldn’t stop asking, you know?”

“No, it’s fine,” I tell her, stifling a yawn. “Best wake up call I’ve ever had.”

She laughs. “Oh, you say that now but just wait after the millionth time. Anyway, I can bring him over around eleven if that’s okay?”

“Yeah, that sounds great,” I reply, glancing over at the clock. “I’ve, uh, I’ve moved since the last time you’ve been to my house. I’ll text you the address.”

“Okay,” Sheridan replies. “I better get going. We’ll see you soon.”

“Can’t wait!” I smile before hanging up.

I start to feel anxious as the clock ticks down. If I'm being honest, I don’t know if I'm more anxious to spend the day with Noah or to see Sheridan again. I know it’s crazy for me to still love Sheridan – after everything we’ve been through, all the years that passed and the shitty things that we did to each other. Through it all, I loved her and now we have a kid together, I’m divorced and she’s about to get married. It all seems so surreal.

I hear a door shut and hop off my couch, wringing my hands. I head to the door and open it, smiling when I see Noah and Sheridan.

Sheridan glances up and smiles at me. “Hey.”

Before I can reply, Noah spots me. “Hi, Zack!” He grins.

“Hey, Noah,” I grin back.

Sheridan and Noah make their way up to my porch. “Sorry we’re late. Someone couldn’t decide what toy he wanted to bring.”

“I said I was sorry, mom, gosh!” Noah says dramatically.

Sheridan smiles, rolling her eyes as she ruffles out son’s hair. “Go sit on that porch swing for a minute, please. I need to talk to Zack for a second, okay?”

Noah doesn’t reply but does as he’s told. We watch him for a moment before turning back to each other. Now that she’s closer, I notice Sheridan’s eyeliner looks slightly smudged as if she wiped her eyes at one point. I silently wonder if it’s due to her crying or if she’s just exhausted. She doesn’t look exhausted. As if she’s trying to silently answer my unspoken question, she sighs heavily and runs a hand through her blonde hair.

Sheridan doesn’t say anything for a moment, then she says, “So, Noah was acting really weird this morning. He says he has a secret question to ask you.”

I cock a brow. “Yeah?” I ask her, curiously. “Is that what’s got you so stressed? Because I'll tell you what the question is when I find out.”

“I wish,” she answers, giving me a weak smile.

I frown. “Well, what’s going on? Do you want to come in and talk about it? I’ve got some wine –” I remember what time it is, “– or, uh, coffee.”

Sheridan smiles, laughing slightly. “No, it’s…I better get back. Tobias isn’t really happy with me right now.”

I have to keep myself from making a snide remark. “Alright. Do you want me to bring Noah home later or…”

She shrugs. “It doesn’t matter. He does have school in the morning, though, so…”

“Okay,” I nod. “I’ll bring him home around…six? Does that sound okay? I’ll feed him and all that.”

“That sounds great, Zack,” She stares at me briefly before calling Noah over. “Come give me a kiss!”

Noah hops off the swing and skips over to us. “Bye, mom!” He says, pecking her on the cheek.

“Hey, be good for Zack, okay?”

“Okay,” he says, then he turns to me. “Zack, will you show me your guitar?”

“Of course,” I tell him. “Are you sure you don’t want to stick around?”

Sheridan shakes her head. “Thanks, but I should get home. Take care of him, okay? Call me if you need anything. I’ll put his booster by your car.”

“Alright,” I tell her, as she turns and starts to walk away and I enter my house.

Once we’re inside, Noah looks up to me expectantly. How the fuck do you keep an almost-five-year-old busy for seven hours?

“Hey, so, your mom said you had a secret question for me.”

Noah stares at me for a second before turning around. “Hey! What’s that?”

I turn to see what he’s talking about and realize it’s one of my awards for ‘Best Guitarist’ with Brian. “That’s an award I won for my guitar playing.”

“Wow! You must be really, really, really good!”

I chuckle. “Well, I’m alright but my best friend is way better.”

“My best friends name is Kyle. He’s in my class,” Noah tells me.

“Oh yeah? Do you like school?” I ask him.

“It’s okay,” he shrugs. “Will you show me your guitar now?”

“Come on,” I tell him, leading him into another room.

When we enter, Noah runs straight to one of my guitars. “Woooooow,” he says. “This is so cool!”

“You think so?” I ask, picking up the guitar. He watches me with wide eyes as I sit on a chair. I strum it a couple of times, watching his reaction.

“Wow! Can I try?”

I nod. “Come here,” I tell him. He does as he’s told and hops up on my lap. I know it doesn’t matter, but I flip the guitar for him since he’s right-handed. It’s funny because this is how I taught myself to play guitar. Maybe if Noah is really interested in the guitar I’ll buy him one that looks like mine and I can teach him how to play.

I show Noah where to place his hands and help him hold down the strings before telling him to strum. Once he begins, he can’t stop. He’s full of “Ooh,” and “Ahh’s” as I move my hand up and down the neck of the guitar and he strums on random strings.

“That’s so cool!” He says again. “How much does one of these things cost? I got $20 for my birthday.”

I laugh as he hops off my lap. “Well, bud, they cost a little bit more than that.”

“Oh,” he sighs. “Oh well! I’ll ask mom and dad for one for my next birthday…or Christmas.”

“That’s a good idea, bud. Until then, you can come over and play with mine all you want, okay?”

“Okay!” Noah smiles, jumping up and down. Suddenly he stops and looks at me funny. “Hey, Zack, can I ask you a question?”

“You can ask me anything Noah,” I tell him.

Noah looks down at his shoes. “What’s a…love…child?”

“A what?” I ask, my eyes widening.

Noah sighs. “Dad called me one last night. I heard him say I was yours and…and moms love child. I don’t know what that means.”

“Uh…why…why didn’t you ask your…Tobias?” I ask him.

Noah shrugs. “Dad was arguing with mom last night. I was supposed to be in my room, but I wanted some more cake. Mom said that I needed my…bio…bio…bio – log – itch – ickle dad. What is that?”

“Oh…” I say, raising my brows. “Um, Noah I think this should be a conversation your mom and I have with you.”

“No! You can’t tell her!” He yells. “I’ll get in trouble for listening to a grownup conversation.”

“Um…okay, Noah. Hey, stay here for a minute and play with the guitar, okay?”

“Okay,” he says, sitting on the floor. I hand him the guitar and walk out of the room.

Of course, I could tell Noah the truth, but I wanted to check in with Sheridan first. Mostly because I respect her and want her to know we’re in this together now. Also because I don’t know what the fuck to say.

I head to the living room and grab my phone off the table, finding Sheridan’s number and calling it. It rings several times before going to voicemail. I hang up and try calling her a couple more times but every time it goes to voicemail. On the third call, I decide to leave a message.

“Sheridan, it’s Zack – look, Noah’s secret questions was…well, I don’t know I guess you and Tobias were fighting last night. He overheard and well, he’s asking me what “love child” and “biological dad” means. So…I don’t know how to handle this situation soooo, if you could call me back that would be really helpful.”

I hang up and stare at my phone for several seconds, waiting for her to call me back immediately, but my phone never rings. I groan, chewing at my lip wondering how long I can stay in here and if Noah will maybe forget his questions.

Something tells me, he isn’t going to forget.

It takes me another minute of impatiently waiting for a phone call before I can gather the courage to face Noah again. When I reenter the room, he’s sitting on the floor still, the guitar laying flat in his lap.

“Are you a great guitar player yet?” I ask him.

Noah shrugs. “Need more practice,” he says.

“Well, you know what they say: practice makes perfect!”

“Are you perfect?” Noah asks.

I shake my head. “Not even close.”

Noah doesn’t reply for a few seconds. “How long have you been playing?”

I shrug. “Uh, I don’t know. Maybe like twenty-one years?”

“Twenty-one years?! And you’re not perfect? Ugh! That’s a lot of practicing!” Noah says dramatically.

“Well, there’s so much to learn and after you learn all of those things, you can explore other styles and stuff,” I explain.

“I don’t know,” he says wearily. “That’s a lot of hard work.”

I nod. “Yeah, it is but it’s also really fun and rewarding.”

Again, Noah takes a while to respond. “Hey,” he says, “you never answered my question.”

I knew he wasn’t going to forget. “Um…okay. So…lets go in the living room, okay?”

“Okay,” he says. He starts to head out of the room and I slowly follow him, hoping to hear my phone ring. By the time we enter the living room, it’s still silent as ever. I pick it up anyway, checking for a message from Sheridan but there isn’t one.

“Fuck,” I whisper, setting it back down.

“That’s a bad word,” Noah says nonchalantly.

I nod. “Yeah, you’re right.” I join him on the couch, trying to avoid his gaze but he’s staring at me so hard I think he’s going to burn a hole through my soul. Finally, I look at him. “Noah, are you sure you don’t want to have this conversation with your mom?”

“I’m sure,” he tells me happily.

“Okay…so…you know how your mom told me that I was her friend?”

“Yeah,” he answers.

That’s it. That’s all I have planned. I swallow hard. “Okay, so…um…well, I’ve actually known your mom for a long time. I met her when we were in high school. So…then we started dating…”

“You dated my mom?” he asks, “but she’s dating dad!”

“Well, this was before Sheridan met Tobias,” I tell him, realizing this doesn’t actually matter at all and I’m only stalling. “Okay, so…biological means…well…I really think we should wait for your mom, bud.”

“Zack!” Noah groans.

I sigh, looking at his puppy dog eyes. “Noah, I’m your dad. Biological is just a fancy word for ‘real’.”

“Wait…what? But I only met you the other day. I’ve known my dad for…since I was born!” Noah says, confused.

I nod. “I know. I…Your mom…she…I had to go on tour for a really, really long time. So, since I was gone for a really long time, Tobias started acting like your dad.”

Fuck, I suck at this.

“So…my dad isn’t my dad?”

“I mean…yeah, in a way he is. He’s the only dad you’ve known, and he’s taken good care of you, right?”

“Yeah,” Noah says, his voice cracking.

I scoot closer to Noah, pulling him into a side hug. “Hey, Noah, don’t cry, okay? Tobias loves you so much, and he is your dad, okay? You just have two dads now.”

“Two dads?” he asks, wiping his nose.

I nod. “Yeah and a mom that loves you more than the world.”

Noah pauses, sitting there silently for a long time. I don’t say anything either and I really wish I would have waited for Sheridan to talk to him about this. After a few long moments, Noah speaks up.

“I want to go home,” he tells me softly.

I feel my heart sink as I frown. I hang my head, resisting a sigh. “Okay, Noah. Give me just a couple of minutes and I’ll take you home, okay?”

Noah doesn’t answer so I grab my phone and head out of the room. I hesitantly call Sheridan, wait through the rings and leave her another voicemail.

“Hey, Sheridan…um, so I fucked up and told him about…I told him that I was his real dad. He isn’t taking the news very well and asked me to take him home so…I guess we’re going to be on our way. I, uh, I really should have waited for you and I’m sorry for fucking this all up, you know? Anyway. See you soon.”

After I hang up the phone, I lean against the wall and compose myself. This is my first day hanging out with Noah by myself and I’ve already fucked up. I’ve already started to put even more of a strain on our relationship. Not to mention, Sheridan is going to be pissed when she hears her voicemail – and hopefully, she hears it before we arrive, so I don’t have to tell her in person.

I’m about to head out of the room I’m in when I hear Noah scream. Panicked about Noah and what else I’m going to have to explain to Sheridan, I rush out of the room, down the hall and into the living room. Matt, Brian, and Johnny are standing in the living room and Noah is laying on the couch dying of a fit of laughter as Brian’s dog licks his face. My racing heart feels like it’s going to pop out of my chest.

“Hey, guys?” I say, looking at my three best friends. “What are you doing here?”

“Well, we knew you were babysitting so I thought you’d want to babysit mine, too,” Matt grins as Cash and River pop out of nowhere. They run over to the couch and sit beside Noah, who is now petting Pinkly.

“Very funny,” I say. “Looks like Pinkly likes you, Noah.”

“I wish I had a dog,” Noah says.

Before I can reply, River is talking to Noah about Pinkly so I turn to the guys. “We were actually about to head to Sheridan’s. Noah isn’t really feeling like hanging out today,” I tell them.

“We don’t have to go,” Noah tells me.

“Are you sure Noah? I already called your mom…” I start but Noah’s attention is already turned back to the dog.

I turn back to the three men who are now making theirselves a home in my living room. “Hey, Noah. I’m Brian,” Brian says as he sits down.

“Zack told me about you,” he says, glancing at Brian. “Are you really better than him at guitar?”

Brian laughs, nodding. “Fuck yeah, I am.”

“That’s a bad word,” Noah says.

“Oh, shit – I mean – sorry,” Brian says.

Matt laughs. “You would think this is your first time being around a child.”

“Do you play guitar, too?” Noah asks Matt.

“No,” River answers for his father. “He sings…and plays video games.”

Noah giggles. “That’s not an instrument!”

“Well, neither is bass and that’s what Johnny plays,” Matt teases.

“What’s a bass?” Noah asks.

Brian is the first to reply, “Well, it looks similar to a guitar but is nothing like a guitar and is for people who wish they could play guitar.”

“Oh,” Noah says, looking down at Pinkly as Johnny flips Brian off.

“Hey, kids, why don’t you show Noah to Zack's spare bedroom and play up there for a bit while the grownups talk a little, okay?”

“Okay, dad,” River says. “Come on, Cash, I’ll help you up the stairs.”

“Be careful,” Matt tells them.

“Can I take Pinkly up there?” Noah asks.

Brian nods. “Yeah, go ahead.”

No one else speaks as the kids climb the stairs and disappear from view. As soon as they’re gone, Brian speaks. “Dude, he looks exactly like you! Like…if you were a fucking six-year-old, that’s what you would look like.”

“It’s creepy as hell,” Johnny replies.

“It’s not creepy!” I laugh. “He does look a lot like me, though.”

Matt agrees. “Yeah, I mean, Val told me he looked a lot like you but god damn.”

I nod. “Yeah, but…I kind of fucked up today and told him that I was his real dad. I guess last night Tobias and Sheridan were arguing and Noah overheard. He heard Tobias called him mine and Sheridan’s love child and heard Sheridan mention his biological dad.”

“Oh damn,” Johnny says. “Why didn’t you wait for Sheridan?”

“I wanted to but…he’s afraid he’s going to get in trouble for eavesdropping.” I shake my head. “I should have fucking waited. He’s upset now, he wanted to go home until you guys got here. Sheridan’s going to be pissed and Tobias probably will be too.”

“Yeah, fuck that guy though,” Brian shrugs.

Matt sits up in his chair. “Zack, there’s an easy fix to this.”

I cock my brow. “There is?” I ask, completely confused and wondering where he got a time machine from.

He nods. “Yeah. He likes Pinkly, doesn’t he? He said he wanted a dog…so, get him a dog. The dog can stay over here and then he’ll be more likely to visit more often. After a while, he’ll get over the whole ‘biological dad’ thing.”

“So…you want me to bribe my kid?”

Matt laughs. “Dude, that’s basically all parenting is. I bribe my kids all the time.”

I shake my head. “I don’t know. I just…I really wish I would have waited for Sheridan. I mean, we weren’t even going to tell him right away.”

“No,” Johnny says, “It’s Tobias’ fault for opening his big mouth.”

I sigh, sitting down. “What are you guys doing here for real anyway?”

“Well,” Brian says, “You weren’t going to introduce us to Noah so…”

I laugh, shaking my head. “I was going to introduce you, but I wanted to bond with him first.”

“Yeah, you did that at the party. Plus, look at what you did while alone with him,” he teases.

“Not funny,” I groan. “I guess Pinkly really did save my ass. At least now Noah doesn’t want to go home.”

Matt nods, grinning. “A perfect reason to get a dog.”

“I’m not bribing my kid, Matt,” I laugh.

---

The next couple of hours passed easily. Listening to Noah’s laugh upstairs made me feel happy and I knew it wouldn’t take much to get used to it. We made lunch and ate outside on the deck, and after that, the eight of us, including Pinkly, went to the park.

It was like Noah forgot completely about the conversation that made him want to go home. He asked me to push him on the swing and help him across the monkey bars. He ran around the park playing with River, Cash, and Pinkly. I fell more and more in love with him with every laugh and playful scream that came from his little body. I wondered if I had ever loved anyone as much as I loved him and I realized I haven’t, not even his mother.

And that’s how we ended up at the Orange County Humane Society after the park.

Noah picked out a dog that looked like a mutt. His paper said the Humane Society named him Jax, he was approximately two years old and he was good around kids and other animals. Noah bonded with his new dog while I filled out the adoption papers and paid the adoption fee. An hour later, I was walking out of the building with a very happy dog and son.

Noah giggles the entire way to the pet store as Jax licks his face and begs for attention. After shopping for new items for Jax, Noah and I head home. The laughing continues as we make our way inside the house.

“Hey, Zack, do you think it’s okay to give Jax a different name?” He asks me as we enter the living room.

“As long as it’s okay with Jax, it’s okay with me,” I tell him.

Noah scratches Jax behind the ears. “Jax, do you want to be named Jax or something else?”

Jax is too occupied with the ear-scratching to answer.

“I’ll take that as you want a different name,” Noah says. “I think…I’ll name you…Meatball!”

I can’t help but snort. “Meatball?” I ask Noah. “Why Meatball?”

Noah shrugs. “Because my favourite food is moms p’sghetti and meatballs…and p’sghetti would be a funny name.”

I nod, smiling at his mispronunciation of ‘spaghetti’. “Right on, dude.”

“Can me and Meatball go play in the backyard?”

I nod. “Yeah, bud but only for a little while, okay? I’m going to make dinner and then I have to take you home.”

“Okay!” Noah says, running to the back door with his new best friend.

Notes

Thank you so much for reading! I also wanna take this moment to clear up the suspicions of Tobias. He is a very salty, immature character but isn't a ticking time bomb. He's just super insecure, and probably has trust issues because, hey, Sheridan did cheat on him. He's just poorly written, i guess. lmao. Also, this chapter was going to be two in one, but i decided not to do that. So i did have big things planned for chapter ten, but my time line is a little screwed up and i need other things to happen before that, so it'll have to happen a little later.

Thank you to everyone that commented in the last chapter.

Title Credit: Atreyu (feat. M. Shadows, others) - Super Hero (Altered line)