When Valary asked me if I had spoken to Sheridan lately, I knew something was up. As far as I knew, Sheridan and Valary haven’t spoken in years and I…well, I haven’t spoken to her since the eve of my wedding. There were days when I wanted to, even before Gena and I got divorced but I couldn’t. When I left the morning after I drunkenly expressed my love for Sheridan, I decided if I was going to marry Gena, I had to cut Sheridan out of my life for good. So, I deleted her number before I even left her driveway. Sure, it was wrong. Sure, I was an asshole for doing what I was doing. But I knew if I didn’t, I would always keep coming back to her.

Valary didn’t want to tell me what she knew. She insisted that we find a way to get ahold of Sheridan so she could tell me herself. I didn’t want to speak to her, though. I didn’t want to face her after treating her so poorly.

“Zack!” Valary sighed. “Please. You need to hear this from her.”

“Come on, just tell me,” I begged.

I don’t know if she was tired of going back and forth or if she finally realized that I wasn’t going to give up, but she looked defeated as she opened her mouth.

As the story rolled of her tongue and she stumbled over the words, my world was turned upside down. At first, I thought it was a joke. I thought there had been some mistake, after all, Valary had no proof that this child was mine. It’s not like there was some DNA test done and no one – not even the guys – knew that Sheridan and I slept together the night before my wedding.

Valary had an address and a phone number for me in a matter of a few hours. She asked me if she wanted me to dial the number, but I couldn’t answer her. I wanted a drink, but she wouldn’t let me in case I decided to drive to LA. Not only did I find out I may have a son, but I also found out that Sheridan is due to marry in the next couple of weeks. I haven’t spoken to her in nearly six years, but I still felt slightly uneasy at the thought of her marrying someone else.

It took me several hours to gather the courage to punch the address into my GPS. When I arrived at the house, the lights were off. I almost used it as an excuse to leave but not knowing the truth would have been worse. Still, I sat in the driveway for what could have been years before I was able to pull myself out of the car and to the door.

There was a doorbell, but My fist was already pounding on the door. It took a few minutes, but the door finally opened. When I first saw her, my breath caught in my throat. All of the anxiety, the anger, fear and shame that I felt moments before melted away. She had a couple of lines on her face I assumed were from a pillow. Her blonde hair was tousled, messy and longer than it was when I last saw her. It hangs over her shoulders and is nearly to her waist now. She looked more beautiful than she ever had.

“Zack,” Sheridan exhaled. She sounded nervous which reminded me of why I was there. “What are you – what are you doing here? How did you find me?”

She had questions, but I just had one. “Is it true?” I asked her.

And it was.

And then I saw him.

Which brings me to how I’m here, sitting in my car staring at the building that I know Sheridan and my son are in. I’ve been here for a while, just staring at the door with my hands on the steering wheel even though they cars been turned off since I arrived. I know I should go in, I’m late and people have stopped showing up nearly thirty minutes ago, but I’m paralyzed with nerves. I almost wish I would have asked someone to come with me, but I wanted to do this on my own.

I slide into the room, hoping it would just be me, Noah and Sheridan but I know from the noise before I even enter that it’s not. My eyes are scanning the room when Sheridan spots me. She instantly comes walking up to me.

“Hey, um, the party looks great,” I tell her, looking around the room. It was completely decorated in Mickey Mouse and far off in the corner, taking photos with kids was someone dressed up as Mickey Mouse.

“Thank you,” she replies. “Where are the others?”

I answer her question, telling her I didn’t invite them and hoped that it was okay. She takes my present for Noah and next thing I know, I’m on my way to meet him. My heart is racing, and my palms are sweaty. I dry them on my jeans before stuffing my thumbs into my pockets.

And then, there he is – sandwiched between two girls. I can’t help but chuckle at the sight of him – he’s definitely like his father, a lady’s man.

“Hey birthday boy. Are you having fun?” Sheridan asks.

“Yeah, momma! This is the best birthday ever!” Noah exclaims. “Can we eat cake soon?”

Sheridan nods. “Yeah, baby, but come here for a minute. I want to introduce you to someone.”

“Okay, momma.” Noah gets up from the table and walks over to us. My heart is pounding so hard I think the entire room is able to hear it.

“Noah,” Sheridan says calmly. She disappears from my sight as she bends down. “This is my good friend Zack.”

When Noah looks up at me, my knees get weak. “Hi, Zack,” he grins a grin that could melt even the toughest of guys’ heart. “Thank you for coming to my birthday party.”

I kneel down beside Sheridan, completely awestruck. “I wouldn’t miss it for the world, buddy,” I tell him.

“I like your tattoos,” he tells me, touching my arm. “Mom has one too right here,” he points to the bend of my elbow, right below his finger is my matching tattoo with Sheridan. “Dad doesn’t have any though.”

Sheridan stands up. I don’t realize I’m clenching my jaw at Noah’s use of the word ‘Dad’ until I try to speak. “Well, what about you?” I ask him. “Do you have any tattoos?”

“No,” he laughs. “I’m only four, almost five!”

“Well, you’re almost old enough,” I joke.

Noah nods but I don’t think he’s really listening. He’s too busy looking at the rest of my tattoos with wide eyes. I watch him as his eyes scan my tattoos and can’t help but think how much he looks like me. Before I ever say him, I thought about demanding a DNA test but even at the first glimpse at him, there was no denying that he’s mine.

“Whoa,” he exclaims suddenly. “That one’s kind of scary but cool at the same time.”

I look down to the tattoo he’s looking at and chuckle when I notice it’s my Mickey Mouse one. “You really like Mickey Mouse, huh?”

“Yeah!” Noah exclaims, suddenly looking around the room. “Did you see that he’s here?”

“Whaaaat?” I ask in a high-pitched voice.

Noah nods. “Yeah, mom is the best! She made me a Mickey Mouse bedroom, too – Oh, look! There he is! Come on!”

Noah grabs my hand and I stand, looking beside me for Sheridan but she’s no longer there. Noah walks me through the heard of people to where Mickey Mouse sits taking a photo with a kid.

“Well, there’s the birthday boy!” Mickey says.

“Hi, Mickey! This is my friend, Zack,” he says.

“Hello, there, Zack!” Mickey greets,

“Can we take a picture?” Noah asks Mickey before turning to me. “Zack, do you want to take a picture.”

“That would be awesome,” I smile down at him.

Mickey puts his arm around my shoulders as Noah stands in front of us. The photographer counts down from three to one before we see a flash.

“That looked great,” she smiles. “Would you like me to take one with your cellphone?”

“Um, yeah,” I tell her, stuffing my hand into my pocket. I pull out my iPhone and hand it to her. “Thank you.”

The photographer smiles. “It’s no problem,” she says. “Alright, birthday boy. One more time. Ready? 3…2…1…say Mickey!”

“Mickey!” We all say in unison before she takes another photo.

“That looked great,” she says, handing me my phone. “Um, this may seem completely unprofessional, but I just wanted to say, I’m a huge fan.”

“Oh, well, thank you,” I smile.

She smiles back. “Can I…get an autograph? Or a picture or something?”

I look around the room and then back down to Noah, who is playing some clapping game with Mickey Mouse. “Uh, sure,” I tell her. She hands me a piece of paper and I sign it quickly before she snaps a photo of us.

“Thank you so much,” she tells me as another kid walks up to Mickey.

I step out of the way and Noah follows me. “Hey!” he exclaims. “What’s an autograph?”

I furrow my brows. “Uh, well, it’s basically when you sign your name on a piece of paper for someone. Like, if you met a celebrity and wanted a memento you’d ask for an autograph.”

“Hm,” Noah says. “So, why did she ask for your autograph?”

I chew on the inside of my mouth, unsure of what to tell him, unsure of how much Sheridan wanted him to know. “Well, I play guitar for a band. So, sometimes, I get recognized for it.”

“Oh,” he says nonchalantly. “I wish I could play guitar.”

“Well, maybe I can teach you sometime,” I tell him.

Noah’s eyes grow wide. “Oh my gosh, that would be so cool!”

“Noah,” I hear Sheridan call. “Come here so we can cut the cake.”

Noah grins wide and runs to the front of the room. My jaw twitches at the sight of Liam, who is standing next to Sheridan now, lifting my son up on his shoulders. God, I hated this feeling. I feel like I’m on the outside looking in and – I guess in a way, I am. I’ve tried to forgive Sheridan for keeping Noah a secret from me but the anger seeps through our cracked foundation of this new relationship we have.

I want to understand why she did what she did. I suppose a part of me does – I understand the way of thinking but not when it comes to a child. She was wrong for that on every level and I wonder if she ever would have told me the truth if Valary hadn’t seen her in the park. I guess, fate had my back that day.

As soon as the Birthday Song is over, I head outside for some fresh air. I lean against the building, leaning my head back and propping the sole of my foot against it. As I stand there, I begin to wonder if Noah will forgive me if I beat Tobais’ ass. I mean, I could totally do it away from the party and Noah would never know, right? I sigh, shaking my head reminding myself that his isn’t Tobias’ fault. I’m sure he wasn’t happy about this situation at first anyway and I should be happy that at least Noah had some sort of father figure in his life for the last five years – right? Even if his real father did live forty-five minutes away from him.

I’m so deep in my thoughts that I don’t hear the building door open or close, or the footsteps approach me. I don’t notice Sheridan at all until she’s standing beside me.

“Hey,” she says, “I thought you’d be out here taking a smoke break.”

“No,” I answer. “I, uh, I quit smoking a few years ago. So, I guess you’ll have to go find someone else to steal a cigarette from.”

We both laugh softly, and I know, like me, she’s thinking of the countless times she’s come up to me, out of the blue, to pluck a cigarette out of my mouth mid-drag. It was a thing that would get on most people’s nerves but with her…it was always just our thing. Well, her thing since I never actually ever had a say in it. Still, although I’d scorn her and tease her, I loved it.

“I stopped smoking when I found out I was pregnant,” she tells me.

I don’t reply because I'm not sure what to say. I want to ask her again why she didn’t tell me about Noah, but I know her answer isn’t going to change.

“I brought you a piece of cake,” she says. It’s like the plate formed out of thin air as she hands it to me. “Noah seems to really like you.”

I nod, picking at my cake but not really in the mood for it. “He’s such a cool kid,” I tell her. “You did a great job raising him.”

“Thank you,” she replies, leaning against the building beside me. “But I did something a mother should never do and…even though I didn’t do it out of spite and I had the best intentions in mind, I’ll never forgive myself.”

“Yeah…” I reply, knowing it’s not a real answer.

If Sheridan notices, she doesn’t say anything. “It’s crazy how much he looks like you. I wouldn’t be surprised if he has the same fingerprints as you,” she laughs. “The only thing he got from me is that he’s right-handed.”

“Well, that’s alright,” I smile. “I’ll just have to teach him how to be left handed.”

“You would, too!” she laughs again.

Her laughter dies out as my smile fades as we look at each other. I hate that after all these years, I still have feelings for her. I hate now that I’m ready to actually settle down and have a family that she’s already got one.

“Sheridan, I know I said I needed a little time to get used to things before I started hanging around but…I don’t want to miss out on any more time with Noah. I want to hang out with him more,” – and her, but I refrain from saying that – “I want the gang to meet him and…I missed out on so much.”

“Of course, Zack,” she tells me. “You should come over after the party or something and we’ll come up with a schedule or…I don’t know, just the best way to do this whole co-parenting thing.”

Before I can reply, the building door opens, and Tobias sticks his head out. A flash of something – anger? Jealously? Annoyance? – crosses his face briefly before he speaks. “Sheridan, our son is looking for you.”

I think I see his eyes flicker towards me when he says ‘our son’ and that thought is proven correct when I hear Sheridan groan slightly before turning to her fiancé. Tobias raises his brows at her and I wonder if she mouthed something to him while her back was turned to me. Nevertheless, she continues into the building and as I pass Tobias I wonder again if Noah will forgive me for beating his ass.

Notes

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Title credit: The Mickey Mouse Clubhouse Theme Song.