After I drop Noah off at school, I go home and attempt to go back to sleep. The last twenty-four hours have been completely exhausting but my mind won’t stop racing. Knowing Noah’s life is about to change worries me, he’s so young and I'm worried he won’t understand why he has two fathers all of a sudden. I’m worried he won’t accept Zack as his father or maybe he’ll end up liking Zack more. The one thing I try not to worry about, though, is the thought of Zack taking Noah away from me. He said he wouldn’t. I hope this time, I can trust his word.

I’m awakened by a gentle shaking. The first thing I think is it’s an earthquake, then I can hear the soft murmur of my name. Tobias stands next to me, with a crooked smile on his face.

“What?” He asks, grinning. “No welcome home party?”

“Tobias!” I jump out of bed and wrap my arms around his neck. “I thought you weren’t coming home until…wait what time is it?” Was Noah out of school yet?

As if he read my mind, Tobias shakes his head. “Not even noon yet. I was able to get a direct flight at the last moment.”

I nod and sit back on the bed, allowing myself to relax. “Have you eaten?” I ask him. “Are you hungry?”

Tobias shakes his head. “No,” he tells me. “Have you heard from Zack?”

I nod. “Yeah, he, uh, he came by last night – well, early this morning.” I shake my head, it seemed like so long ago.

Tobias narrows his eyes. “Came by? How did he get the address?”

“Val knows people that know people, I don’t know, but if Zack wants something bad enough, he’ll get it,” I tell him dismissively.

He doesn’t respond for a moment. Then, he runs his hand through his thick, black hair and sighs loudly. “Alright, so…what do you want to do next? What did he say? Have you said anything to Noah?”

“No,” I tell him. “I thought you and I should talk about this before I talk to him. I’m not even sure what to say to him, to be honest. I should have just been honest with him from the start.”

Tobias shakes his head. “He’s only four,” he tells me. “He wouldn’t have understood. Hell, he still might not understand.”

“Zack wants to be in his life, but he said he needed time first,” I tell him.

“He needs time?” Tobias spits back. “He’s had nearly five years from him. You’d think that would be enough time.”

I want to tell him that it’s understandable that Zack needs time to process everything, but I know how Tobias feels about Zack, so I don’t answer him right away. “I was thinking of inviting him to Noah’s birthday party this weekend,” I tell him.

Tobias meets my gaze. He doesn’t look happy at first, but he composes himself quickly. “I think that’s a great idea,” he tells me. “How do you want to tell Noah about him?”

“I don’t,” I reply. Tobias shoots me a look, raising his brow. “I mean, not immediately anyway. It might help if he and Zack bond first and then we tell him.”

“Okay,” Tobias nods, “if that’s how you want to do it.”

“I don’t know,” I sigh, cradling my head in my hands. “I should…call Zack. I should talk to him about it.”

“Yeah,” Tobias says, clearing his throat. “We should start to involve him in decisions like this.”

Tobias is the most reasonable, patient and supportive person I know. I know how hard this must be for him. Tobias knows everything about my past. He knows about the treatment facility, my father’s murder, how evil Eli was and about my drug addict of a mother. I told him about how safe Zack made me feel in Huntington Beach and how I found a home within him. I explained why I skipped town for several years and the horrendous things I had to do in order to survive on the streets. If I had a secret that I wanted no one to know, Tobias was my secret keeper. He knew everything about me – well, almost everything. I might’ve left out the small detail about mine and Zack's short-lived engagement the night Noah was conceived. It didn’t make sense to tell him, it was a decision made in the heat of a moment, Zack ended up marrying Gena and I stayed with Tobias. No one needed to know the truth, and hell, Zack was so drunk that night he probably doesn’t even remember.

I sigh, looking up at my fiancé. “How did I get so lucky to find someone like you?”

Tobias grins, pulling me off the bed. “You did damn good, didn’t you?” He asks, stroking my hair. He pulls me into a kiss. At first it’s slow and perfect before turning deeper and tantalizing.


Sometime later, Tobias and I are still wrapped up in sheets. He caresses my arm with his thumb as I relax against him. I feel him take a deep breath and I look up at him, watch him for a moment as he stares at the ceiling.

“What’s on your mind?” I ask him.

He shakes his head. “Nothing,” he tells me, but I know the look. He’s fighting his own demons inside his head. “It’s time to go pick up Noah.”

“You should go pick him up,” I tell him. “He misses you. All day yesterday he kept asking ‘when is dad coming home?’.”

Tobias smiles before kissing my head. He sits up in bed and I follow him, wrapping the sheets around my naked frame. “You don’t want to come?” He’s sitting at the edge of the bed now, pulling his underwear back on.

“I should call Zack,” I tell him.

Tobias is silent for a moment. I can’t see his face, but I see his shoulder slightly slump as he nods. “Yeah,” he says, softly; sadly.

“Hey,” I say, crawling over to him. I kiss the back of his shoulder before wrapping my arms around him. “Zack is only coming back into my life because of Noah, okay?”

Tobias shakes his head. “Yeah,” he tells me. “I’m not worried, babe. I know this is best for Noah.” There he goes again, trying to be nothing but supportive and loving.

I kiss the back of his shoulder again. “I can’t wait to marry you, you know that?”

“And I can’t wait to marry you,” he tells me. He turns, kissing me on the cheek. “I have to get dressed and go pick up our son.”

“Okay,” I tell him. “I’ll have a snack ready for my two favourite guys when you get home.”

Tobias winks before grabbing his shirt and jeans from the floor. After he disappears into the bathroom, I begin getting dressed, silently dreading this conversation with Zack. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t nervous about him being around again. I love Tobias with my whole heart, he is the most perfect man and father-figure to Noah. Zack, however, is Noah’s actual father and someone that I’ve loved since I was seventeen years old. Aside from my own father, Zack was the first man I ever loved. He was the first man I would have went to war for. It felt odd for him to be in my life while I was happy with another man. It felt off.

I stare at Zack's phone number for several minutes before I get the courage to dial the number. It rings a few times before it’s picked up.

“Hello?”

Zack's voice causes my fingers and arms to ache. My gut jolts and my chest tightens as I swallow the lump in my throat. “Hey,” I say softly. “It’s me. It’s Sheridan.” I want to slap myself because I know he knows it’s me. I just saved my number in his phone last night.

“What’s up?” he asks me. He doesn’t sound off at all. He sounds like he answered a phone call from an old friend. Maybe he did, maybe that’s all I was to Zack after my mother’s accident and I abandoned him. Maybe that’s why it never worked out between us.

I shake my head, knowing it doesn’t matter. “Um, well, Noah’s fifth birthday is next week. Since it lands in the middle of the week, though, we’re having his birthday party this weekend. There will be cake and ice cream and…we hired Mickey Mouse to come. He’s, uh, he’s like you, he loves Mickey Mouse.” I shake my head, trying to collect my thoughts. “Anyway, I…Tobias and I would love it if you came. We don’t have to tell Noah that you’re his dad or anything yet. You can just come and…you know, hang out with him and then we can, I don’t know, talk about how we want to, uh, want to tell him…everything.”

Zack answers immediately. “I would love that,” he tells me.

“Great,” I answer as enthusiastically as I can, although now I’m feeling as nervous as ever. “I know Matt and Val have kids now, you should invite them. Hell, tell the whole crew they can come. I, uh, I don’t want to hide him from anyone anymore. Everyone is welcome to come. I’ll, uh, I’ll text you the details, okay?”

“Okay,” he tells me. “Hey, Sheridan?”

“Yeah?” I breathe, wishing this conversation was over.

“Thank you,” he replies.

“Zack,” I start, shaking my head. “You have no reason to thank me. Thank you for being so cool about this, about me not telling you about him right away. I know we still have a lot to talk about, but I really appreciate you being so, uh, level-headed about this.”

Zack doesn’t answer right away. “Yeah,” he says finally. “Well, I’m going to go, but, uh, I’ll see you at the party, okay?”

“Sounds great. Bye, Zack.” I hang up, breathing a sigh of relief wonder if this will ever get easier.

Notes

Sorry for the delay, guys! I've been out of town all weekend with no wifi.

Title credit: Vance Joy “The Fire and the Flood"