After dropping Noah off at Zacks for the first time, I head home knowing more arguing with Tobias awaits me. As soon as Noah got off the phone and ran through the house cheering that he was going to Zacks, Tobias began to get pissy. I’m not sure how much longer I can deal with this back-and-forthness. Trying to please two different people who want two very different things is incredibly frustrating. Zack just wants to know his son and Tobias just wants Zack to disappear. How do you find a medium ground in that?

I sigh, turning into the driveway and parking the car. I stare at Tobias’ car parked beside mine and wonder if I could get away with hanging out in the car until Noah comes home. Instead of chancing it, I head inside the house preparing for an argument.

When I walk in, Tobias is laying on the couch watching television. I stare at him for a long moment but he doesn’t look at me or say anything. I chew at my lip before setting my purse down and then sitting down in the chair next to him. “Tobias, we have to talk about this.”

“What is there to talk about, Sheridan?” He asks without looking at me.

“I don’t know, maybe the fact that you’re so pissed off about Noah going to Zack's that you won’t even look at me.”

I see Tobias take a deep breath before he sits up and turns off the television. “I’m pissed becuase you let our son go to your exboyfriends house – the exboyfriend that you know was just on drugs before you broke up.”

“That was years ago, Tobias. He was young and dumb – come on, we’ve all done dumb things. He’s grown up immensely, him doing blow isn’t even a concern for me anymore.”

“Really, Sheridan? Because you fucking know him now? You haven’t spoken to him in over five years but you know the type of person he’s grown into?” Tobias yells.

“Tobias –”

“Or, maybe you have spoken to him since, you know, you fucked him in our bed.”

His accusation throws me off and I begin to grow angry. “You know I haven’t! Seriously, what is your problem?”

“My problem is I welcomed you into my home after he broke your heart and to thank me, you fucked him while I was out of town doing my job so I could fucking take care of you.”

I shake my head. “ You know that I hate that I did that, Tobias. You know that I hurt you but…if that hadn’t happened then we wouldn’t have Noah so…” I trail off, sighing. “This happened years ago, why are you yelling at me for it now?”

“Because you said you were done with him! You fucking promised!”

“And I am! I was and have been! But, fuck, you can’t tell me that I can’t let him know Noah.”

Tobias shakes his head. “I know that, Sheridan,” he says softly, but then gets angry again. “But how the fuck would you feel if I fucked my ex and got her pregnant and you were in my shoes right now?”

“Awful, okay? I would feel awful!” I start to cry and Tobias looks away from me. After a moment I wipe my eyes and find my voice. “What do you want me to do, Tobias? What will make you happy?”

Tobias replies instantly. “I want to have a baby.”

“What?” I ask in disbelief. “Tobias, a baby isn’t going to fix how you feel about Zack and Noah’s relationship.”

“No, but it’ll fix how I feel about you and Zack.”

I scoff. “You can’t be serious right now. There is nothing going on between me and Zack.”

“Whatever,” he replies. “I've wanted to have a baby for a year now. You always come up with some excuse.”

“You mean ‘I’m not ready for another kid’ and ‘I don’t want to be pregnant on our wedding day?’” I scoff again.

“What about what I want, Sheridan? I’m your future husband. I want a kid. What are we supposed to do about that?”

“You have a kid, Tobias! Or have you completely forgot about Noah?” I cry.

“You know I love Noah more than anything,” Tobias shoots back.

“Then you already have a kid!” I yell.

“I want a biological kid!” he yells back.

I stare at him briefly before replying. “So, what, you’d love your biological kid more than Noah?”

“Of course not, Sheridan, don’t be stupid.”

“Don’t call me stupid,” I snap.

Tobias shrugs. “Don’t make me feel like a bad dad because I want a biological kid.”

“Instead of your fiancées love child right?” I shake my head, feeling completely emotionally exhausted.

I can feel Tobias’s gaze burning into me but I refuse to look at him. “I said I was sorry about that,” he tells me.

“Well, maybe you should just go have your own love child. Then not only will you have your own biological child, but you will have hurt me. That’s what you want, right?” I regret saying it as soon as it comes out but I'm too angry to back down.

“You know what, you’re right. You got a free pass at sleeping with someone, so maybe I should, too.” He stands up and grabs his keys. “I have to get out of here,” he mumbles before leaving, slamming the door behind him.

I sit there in silence, waiting for him to come back but instead I hear his car start and him pulling out of the driveway. The feeling of déjà vu begins to set in – the last time Tobias left the house, slamming the door behind him, I wasn’t sure if or when he was coming back either.


I don’ remember getting off the couch or doing laundry but by time I look at the clock again, it’s time to go pick up Noah. It’s harder to keep myself from going into a dark place when the only thing I have to focus on is the stretch of road in front of me.

It’s not that I'm worried about Tobias cheating on me – he would never stoop to that level, no matter how mad he is. I wouldn’t, however, be surprised if he comes home to tell me the wedding is off. I should call him, apologize and beg him to come home, but I know from previous experience that giving him his space is the best option. I still can’t give him everything he wants – Zack will be in Noah’s life as long as Noah wants – but, I guess, I can give him another child. I mean, I want another child eventually, and who is ever really ready for another baby anyway?

“Everything will be fine,” I tell myself, looking at myself in the visor mirror. My eyes are puffy from crying on and off all day. “Just get Noah, go home and Tobias will be there, waiting to work things out.

Hopefully.

I gather what strength I have left and climb out of the car, and then climb the steps to Zack's front door. After ringing the doorbell, Zack answers it with a confused expression and it’s soon after that that I begin to fall apart.

As if things weren’t bad enough at home already, now I have to explain to Tobias that Noah overheard our argument last night and now knows that Zack is his biological dad. Zack invites me in so we can talk to Noah more about the news he got today and then invites me for dinner.

Noah keeps babbling about his dog Zack got him, Meatball, and he seems genuinely happy until I bring up Zack being his dad – which instantly causes him to get quiet and shut down. I can feel Zack stealing glances at me, but I ignore him and focus on Noah.

“Do you understand what he meant when he told you he was your real dad?” I ask him. I hate the term ‘real dad’ but I want to make it as simple as a can for him.

Noah is filled with silence and shrugs but eventually opens up to me and Zack. He starts talking about Zack teaching him how to play the guitar and how great of a guitar player he is. So, not only does my son look exactly like Zack but Zack is going to turn him into his little guitar playing mini-me too.

I’m completely okay with that.

Zack and I spend the next half hour discussing Eli and Gena. I feel bad when I hear the reason they got a divorce, and although Zack says it’s not my fault I still can’t help but think if he would have known about Noah, they would have lasted longer. My jaw nearly drops when he mentions our very short-lived engagement.

I glance at him. Mostly, I want to see what his face looks like when he talks about that night, but then I feel like, in some sort of way, I’m betraying Tobias by being curious. “I, uh…I kind of thought you were too drunk that night to remember any of that,” I tell him, glancing at him one more time.

“No,” he says softly. “I definitely remember how much of a fucking asshole I was that night. I’m…so sorry, for all of that. Really. I, uh, I went there with good intentions. I…went there to tell you how much I loved you and that I knew I was marrying the wrong person but…” he pauses. My heart is pounding against my chest and I begin to fidget with my engagement ring. “Then I woke up and…anyway, I’m so fucking sorry.”

I continue to twist my engagement ring back and forth while listening to him. Hearing everything he was saying made me nervous for some reason. I push the feeling aside and reply nonchalantly. “It’s fine, Zack. I mean…we got Noah from that night, so…I can’t really be mad.”

Zack brings up Tobias and it makes me feel a little better hearing that he approves of him. I gush about how amazing he is and how great he takes care of me and Noah before Zack asks about why we’ve been arguing so much and if it has anything to do with him. I don’t want to tell him the truth, the reason why he’s been so angry lately, so I brush it off as prewedding stress and talk about how cute Noah will be in his cute little suit.

Over the next couple of minutes, I decide it’s a good idea to head home so I can talk to Tobias and get Noah to bed. Noah wakes and instantly begins to love on Meatball, begging him not to forget him while he’s gone. After saying his goodbyes to Meatball he hugs Zack and, to both mine and Zack's surprise, calls him dad for the first time.

I smile at them, happy that Noah has accepted Zack and Zack looks like he’s about ready to cry as he says his goodbye to his son. When he lets go, Noah runs back over to Noah to give him a kiss between the eyes and then Zack walk’s us out.

“His actual birthday is Wednesday, so I’ll probably bring him back by then if that’s okay?” I ask Zack.

Zack nods. “Bring him by anytime,” he tells me, smiling. “I’m going to turn my guest room into his bedroom so he can stay and feel more at home on the weekends or something.”

I smile. “That sounds great, Zack. Um, my friend Brooke was going to watch him while Tobias and I go on our Honeymoon for two weeks, but maybe you’d like to watch him for a week? We’d have to figure something out because he has school but…”

“I would love that,” Zack tells me quickly. “I’ll get a hotel room in LA for a week so it’s closer to his school if I have to.”

His eagerness and willingness makes me feel guilty for keeping Noah away from him after all this time. “We’ll talk more about it Wednesday. See ya, Zack.”

“Bye, Sheridan,” he tells me and I walk away from him and to the car.

The drive back home is quiet because Noah is out of it before we even get on Pacific Coast Highway. I turn the radio on and gently drum my fingers on the steering wheel as I make the drive home.

I’m in Los Angeles when I hear my phone ding in my purse. Hoping it from Tobias, I dig it out of my purse while waiting on a light to change from red to green. It’s not from Tobias, but the message makes me smile anyway. Thanks so much for today, It reads, I really loved hanging out with our son. See you Wednesday.

As the light changes green, I reply to Zack with a smiling emoji and delete the text thread. I don’t know why I delete it, but for some reason, it makes me think it’ll make Tobias feel more insecure.

I’m home fifteen minutes and to my surprise, Tobias’s car is parked in the driveway. My heart begins to race, and I unbuckle my seatbelt and get out of the car. It takes me a few minutes, but I eventually get Noah unstrapped and carry his sleeping little body inside.

Tobias is sitting on the couch like before, but this time when he hears me walk in, he stands. “Sheridan,” he starts but I shush him and he stretches his arms out for Noah.

After handing him Noah, he disappears to his bedroom and shake my tired arms. Tobias returns to the living room a minute later and before I can say anything, he pulls me into his arms.

“Fuck, I’m so sorry,” he tells me. “Sheridan, I didn’t mean the things I said – I know you haven’t been messing around with Zack and I…”

I kiss him on the lips. “No, you’re right,” I tell him. “Tobias, after the wedding I think we should start trying for another baby.”

“Really?” Tobias asks. “Are you sure ready?”

I nod. “Yeah. I’m going to call tomorrow and make an appointment to get my IUD removed after the honeymoon.”

Tobias kisses me. “I love you. I’m so sorry for being a dick the last couple of weeks. I promise, from here on out I’ll be more supportive of Zack in Noah’s life.”

I bite my lip. “That’s good because…Noah knows that Zack's his biological dad. He asked Zack about it today.”

“What?” Tobias asks. “How did he even know to ask that?”

I shrug. “I guess he heard us arguing last night.”

“Fuck…” Tobias shakes his head. “I have to talk to him.”

“I’m sure he’d love it if you took him to school tomorrow,” I reply.

Tobias nods. “Yeah…man, I’ve really fucked up the last couple of days.”

I shake my head. “No, Tobias. It’s just been stressful. With the wedding planning and everything with Zack…everything will be fine…everything will be fine, right? You still want to marry me right?”
“Are you kidding?” Tobias asks me. “Sheridan, I would marry you right this second if you’d let me.”

I smile. “Your mother would kill us.”

“You’re probably right,” Tobias grins before kissing me

Notes

thank you so much for reading! Thank you BeccaBearSc and overneaththepathofmisery for commenting!

Title credit: +44 “Weatherman”