Desert Flower

Matt called downstairs for two burgers and one order of fries. When he hung up, he come over to me and handed me the letter from Caleb.

“If you want me to leave while you read it, I can go for a run on the treadmill downstairs.”

“No. Can you stay?” I asked.

I didn’t want to be alone. Though I hated when people saw me cry, Hunter made me feel safe. It was okay for me to cry in his presence.

He nodded and climbed into bed with me. Matt pulled me to his side and wrapped his left arm around my waist. Laying my head on his chest, I opened the envelope and unfolded the letter.

Dear Evie,
Well, if you’re reading this, I’m dead. I know that’s a little callous and blunt, but that’s the way you are. I’m much less like this in Chris’ letter. These letters are usually meant for your significant other, but I don’t have one yet. And even if I had a girlfriend, I’d still write you a letter, let’s be honest.
I’m writing this to let you know I’m okay. I know you aren’t religious, but God’s welcomed me home with open arms. Evangeline, I promise you that I’m okay. God just wanted me home.
Now, here’s where I impart wisdom to you. I don’t know why, but people tend to listen to the dead. And since I’m dead, I’m gonna lay the honest truth on you.
You deserve love, and I think Matt can give you the love you need and want. He’s a good man, Evie. I know you can take care of yourself, you tell me and Chris that enough, but he really and truly loves you. Let him take care of you. Matt wants to. He wants to be your protector, so let him.
Now, you have to learn to take care of yourself. I don’t expect you to recover from my death easily, but you will with time and treating yourself properly. That means eat, rest, workout, and cry. Let your emotions out, Evie. You experience them so fully, so let them out.
And if Matt ever hurts you, I’ll make God send me back so I can haunt his ass. You tell Matt you love him and don’t let my death create fear in you. You’re fearless, so get the fuck over this.
I want you and Chris to do something for me. I told my mom in her letter to give Chris my dogtags. You two run in the Reno-Tahoe Odyssey with those attached to your baton, just so we can all run together one last time.
I love you, Evangeline in the most platonic way possible. I miss you.
All my love,
Caleb

I folded the letter and placed it on the dresser. Caleb had made me smile for the first time since his death. He was right; I needed to start to care of myself. Caleb would come haunt me if he knew how silly I was acting. I decided then and there to start treating myself and Matt better.

“Cleo, what are you doing?” I asked after opening the door to my apartment and seeing balloons everywhere.

Caleb had been gone for an entire month, but Matt and I hadn’t gotten any better. It’s like we were still walking on ice around each other. Neither one of us were being truthful or sharing our emotions. Our relationship was so strained lately, I wasn’t sure we were even going to make it down the aisle.

“Well, Brian and I were trying to surprise the two of you with an engagement party, but someone just had to come home early,” Cleo said and pointed at me. “You are a surprise party ruiner! That’s what you are, a surprise ruiner!”

“Okay, wow. Stop being melodramatic. You can still surprise Matt,” I said and kicked a balloon. “And what’s with all the damned balloons?!”

Cleo pouted at me. “You don’t like my balloons? I spent hours blowing these up. They are filled with oxygen from lungs, and you are hating on them!”

“First of all, carbon dioxide is what the balloons are filled with, not oxygen. And secondly, I don’t hate them, they’re just fucking everywhere!”

“Someone has their rude hat on tonight.” She folded her arms across her chest. “Here I am slaving over your surprise party, and you are being such a… a… a meany pants!”

I burst into laughter. “A meany pants, Cleo? What are we five?”

“Sometimes we are. I’m just glad I made you laugh.”

“I think sometimes is an understatement. Whenever we’re around each other, we are automatically ten years younger. I appreciate you making me laugh, Cleo. It’s been a rough few weeks.”

Cleo walked over to me and patted my head. “I know. But we’ve got to plan this wedding! And we’re starting with the engagement party, so go take a nap and come back at six looking surprised!”

I nodded and went into my room to power nap. Since Cleo and Brian were going to so much trouble, I could hold off telling her my doubts for a little while longer. I’m sure once Matt and I really sat down and talked, we’d get past all this bullshit. This wasn’t some bad movie or book where we never talked about our problems. This was real life where you get over bumps by talking things out. And it was well past time for us to sit and talk.

I fell asleep thinking about that and before I knew it, I was being shaken awake by Matt. He was looking down at me, no smile on his face, like there used to always be. I rubbed my eyes and smiled softly. We may not have been in sync anymore, but I was still in love with this man.

“Everybody’s in the living room waiting for us. Cleo and Brian went all out for us,” Matt said quietly, “We should go in.”

“Wait just a second, Corpsman. We need to talk before we go out there and put our happy, loving faces on. So, sit your ass down.”

He sat on the bed by my feet. “I was wondering when you and I were going to do this. Evie, I know things aren’t great between us, but maybe we should wait until after the party.”

“No,” I said firmly. “We’re doing this now. I don’t back away from confrontation, and I’m not gonna start now. What’s happening between us?”

“I don’t know. Everything was fine before we went to meet my parents.” He paused. “Why do you love me, Evangeline?”

I raised an eyebrow. “There’s a whole slew of reasons why I love you, Matt. You are smart, we can talk about anything for hours, you make me laugh. Matt, you protect me, comfort me, love me because of my flaws, but most importantly, you make me happy. Why?”

He looked down at his hands. “Because when I think of the reasons I love you, all I can think of is your beauty.” Matt looked at me then. “I only love you for your looks. I don’t think we should get married, Evangeline.”

Composing my face, I got up from my bed. Matt tracked my movements as I moved to where he was on the bed. My anger reached a boiling point. This was the first time I had been this angry in four years. I slapped him, hard. It wasn’t something I ever thought I’d do. The only person I had hit and meant it was my sister when we were fighting. My hand stung and his face was read where I struck him.

“You asshole! Why didn’t you think about that before you proposed?” My whole body was shaking with rage. “Since our best friends went to all this work, we’re going to go be happy. After the party, we’re finishing this discussion. You are such a jackass,” I said and walked out of the room, masking my face with a grin.

Cleo, Tally, and Leah greeted me with hugs, and Brian gave me a fist bump. Matt came out of our room, rubbing his cheek and shook Brian's hand. He gave my three friends hugs and then moved further into the living room to greet more people. The smile slipped from my face a little as I watched him interact with our friends.

I pulled my hair into a ponytail and headed into the kitchen for a glass of water. I greeted people on my way and let my smile fall once I opened the cabinet to pull out a cup. Tears started to well in my eyes, but I rubbed them away before they fell.

Someone touched my shoulder, and I turned to see Natasha, my former hall director. A huge smile spread on my face.

“Nat! I cannot believe Cleo got a hold of you! It’s so good to see you. How are you?”

Natasha was a curvy woman with long, blonde hair. She had the best laugh in the world. She smiled at me, and I felt a real one on my face. “I’m good, Evangeline. Congrats on your engagement. I told you life gave you all the bad stuff early on, so you would have a happy life later.”

It was hard for me to agree with her. “Thanks, Natasha. Have you met Matt yet?”

“No. Which one is he?”

We turned to the living room. “The tall one with brown hair and the half tattoo sleeve.”

“He’s so tall!” Nat laughed, and I couldn’t help but join in. “Y’all are cute together. Will I be invited to the wedding?”

“Of course!” I filled my cup with water, and we headed back into the living room.

I spent the next hour making small talk and showing people my ring. Matt and I spent most of the time apart from each other. By the time Cleo came and sat by me, most everyone was gone, and it was just our close friends left.

Cleo grabbed my hand and I leaned into her. She knew I disliked spending time in a crowded room for hours on end. Over the ten years of our friendship, we had grown comfortable enough to cuddle with each other. Sometimes, we were cutesier with each other than we were with our significant others. I laid my head on her shoulder, and she stroked my hair.

“Are you okay?” She asked quietly.

I blinked away my tears again. “We’ll talk later, love.”

She nodded and squeezed my hand. It was in that moment, Johnny, one of Matt's best friends, looked at us. He smirked and raised an eyebrow at us.

“Matt? Brian? Does it bother y’all that your girls are practically in love?”

Brian smiled. “They aren’t in love. Evie’s too weird for Cleo.”

“Brian,” Cleo said with a cocked eyebrow. “I’ve known this woman for longer than I’ve known you. Trust me, you haven’t seen my weird side yet.”

Johnny looked between all of us. “Evie, it’s just weird that you like Cleo that much. She’s so… odd.”

“Hey, you can’t talk to her like that. That’s the woman I’m gonna marry someday,” I said indignantly.

Johnny and Brian looked at me like I had two heads, and Matt, Tally, and Leah just shrugged. They knew that was a running gag between the two of us.

“Okay, you have to explain this statement,” Zacky said, taking a sip from his beer bottle.

“Well, when Cleo and I were twenty, we made a pact,” I said, “If we were unmarried by the time we were thirty-five, we’d marry each other so we wouldn’t be alone. Although, we gave each other permission to cheat. So, you don’t get to mock my future wife.”

Brian chuckled. “But you’re both currently in relationships. Evie, you’re engaged!”

“So, what?” Leah asked. “She’s keeping her options open.”

The entire room erupted in laughter. I squeezed Cleo’s hand but was one of the only people not laughing, the other was Matt.

Notes

I know I’ve been away again for a long time. I wouldn’t be surprised if you all had given up on me at this point. As grad school starts, I definitely will not be updating as much, though I will try. My nana died, and her death hit me harder than I thought it would. As I worked my way through her death and having to speak at her funeral, I also found out the expense of tuition. I’ve been stressed from that and dealing with my relationship with my father and a boy I am crushing on.

About a week ago, I found out that the benign cyst on my brain stem was growing. And while it’s still benign, they are worried. I was going to tell my boy about it, but his friend went into surgery today for a brain tumor and his twin is in the ER, incredibly sick. I couldn’t bear putting more on his plate. But… I am worried. Brain stems… are a difficult thing. And it explains a lot of my health issues. Thanks for sticking with y’all.