Desert Flower

In the week leading up to Caleb’s funeral, Matt had been acting really strange. He wasn’t acting like he normally did, and it was starting to worry me. The worst part was I couldn’t care enough to figure out what was wrong, not with Caleb’s death so fresh in my mind. And with his death, it only brought up my fears for my fiancé.

He was a Marine. They were the first on the battlefield, risking their lives in the name of others. He had lost so many friends, seen so many horrible things, and he was only twenty-seven. Two years older than me and the things he’d seen were things I couldn’t even imagine. And my biggest fear, or one of them, was Matt dying.

It didn’t help that he was acting so weird. He had started to pull away from me and didn’t want to come with me to Caleb’s funeral. Ever since we’d gotten engaged, our relationship had been strained. But it hadn’t always been like this. I remember when I knew I loved him.

The Texas heat beat down on my neck. It was hotter today than it had been all summer. Matt said he wanted to show me something, and I was regretting it now after the hike he was taking me on. This was insane.

Matt kept walking, leading us someplace. We had parked four blocks away, but it felt like four miles. It had to be over 100 and the humidity was at least ninety percent. I was trying not to complain, but I could feel one bubbling up in my throat.

“Matt, how much longer?” He was at least thirty steps ahead of me. It didn’t help he was so much taller than me.

“Just a little farther, little one.”

We continued walking until we reached the gates of a cemetery. So many questions raced through my head, but I kept my mouth shut. He led us to one particular plot and then stopped in front of it.

I looked at the tombstone.
Hunter Stuart
Beloved son and soldier
April 12, 1994- May 1, 2015

He died a little after his twenty-first birthday. Whoever he was, he had served our country and had lost his life too soon.

“Who was Hunter?” I asked, looking at Matt. He had his head bowed and seemed to be praying.

“Hunter was my best friend, the reason I joined the Marines, and he saved my life. We grew up together and loved each other like brothers. All three of us: Hunter, Brian, and me.

“I kept Hunter sane during our first tour, he saved my life during our second, and he died in my arms. He died making sure I lived,” he said, tears making his voice hoarse.

I stared at the man I had known for a year. His shoulders shook with sadness and unreleased sobs. Putting my arms around his waist, I hugged him.

“We were in Afghanistan. It was our second tour even though we’d been in the Marines for three years at that point. During our first tour, we’d thought we were invincible. It’s strange what you think when you’re nineteen. Our views changed so quickly once we were over there. The things we saw can never be unseen. We saw so many innocent people die and lost our own fragile innocence.

“But it was the second tour that really messed with us. When you watch kids die or get shot, you just aren’t the same. I didn’t kill anyone on my first or second tour, but Hunter did. He knew what it was like to take a life, and I was so lucky I didn’t. That was what he kept telling me, how lucky I was. One night changed all that.

“Our caravan was attacked. We ran over an IED, the lead truck. Those men and women died instantly. I was in the third truck with Hunter. Our vehicle got turned over, and we took cover behind it as soon as we got out. We had no idea where the bullets were coming from. Occasionally, one of the guys who had been in the truck would pop up to fire back in the direction we thought it was coming from.

“Hunter popped up next and fired. He hit someone. We could tell by the scream. So, now we knew where the guys were, but we were still pinned down. None of us knew how many in our caravan were still alive. We decided to run for it, heading for the truck that had been behind the one hit by the IED to see if anyone was alive. Before we got there, more gunfire rang out. Hunter tackled me to the ground, and I felt fire in my shoulder.

“Hunter was on top of me. Blood was coming out of his nose and mouth. I held him while he died and carried his body out of the siege once reinforcements got to us. I took his body back to Texas and told his family it was my fault. They still loved me when it was my fault their son was dead. I never knew why he took that bullet for me.

“After that tour, I promised Hunter I would watch over our brothers. But, I want out now. I’m twenty-six. Two more years, and I’ll have served ten years. I think that’ll be it for me. I can’t keep doing this.” He looked at me, tears falling down his cheeks.

“Oh, Matt,” I said and hugged him tightly. This man had been through so much at such a young age. He was a warrior and a good man. He shared something so tragic with me, and I knew right then and there I was in love with this man.

Smoothing down my black dress, I double-checked my appearance in the mirror. My hair was up in a bun, and all my clothes were immaculate. I was in all black, ready to say goodbye to Caleb for the last time.

Someone knocked on the door and stepped into the hotel bathroom. I saw Matt standing in the doorway while I still looked at myself in the mirror. He was in a button down white shirt and black tie and slacks and looked so handsome. Looking down at the floor, I examined my shoes. Black, ballet flats with lace trim. Like the rest of my outfit, they were immaculate.

“Are you ready to go?” Matt's voice was quiet.

He was still acting weird around me. It was like we were walking around on ice, one wrong move and we’d both crumble into the freezing water.

I nodded and turned to face my fiancé. We looked each other in the eye and then quickly looked away. This wasn’t us. I’d have to confront him but only after Caleb’s funeral.
We left the hotel and met up with everyone else at the cemetery. I saw Caleb’s parents, sister, and Chris. The running buddies reunited after a year, for the last time. Hunter and I walked over to him. He greeted us and the three of us sat down.

Next to Caleb’s coffin was a picture of him in uniform. It was weird to see him like that. I’d never seen him in uniform, usually we only met in running gear. Caleb had been a good-looking guy. He was African-American with beautiful hazel eyes. He was like my big brother, just like Chris was. Tears welled in my eyes again.

A pastor got up to speak and then his parents and sister. It all passed in a blur until his commanding officer stood to speak.

“Caleb Parsons was a good soldier, but he was a better man. He died protecting the lives of others, risking his life to make sure others survived. Caleb was a corpsman and one of our best. He will be missed. Goodbye brother,” he said and touched Caleb’s coffin.
All the men and women who served or serve stood and saluted Caleb as he received his twenty-one gun salute. Through my tears, I watched them lower his body. Goodbye Caleb. I thought. One of my best friends was gone now.

Chris, Matt, and I joined the procession to say goodbye to Caleb and to wish his family love after their loss. We tossed roses into the plot and then said our pieces to his family. His mother hugged Chris and me, thanked us for coming, and slipped me Caleb’s letter.

I knew my makeup was messed up from all my crying. Hunter shrugged off his jacket and threw it on the chair next to the TV. Next came his tie, shirt, and then shoes. I followed suit and kicked off my flats. I was too emotionally drained to do anything else, so I walked over to the bed and collapsed on it. More tears streamed down my cheeks, but I hid my head under a pillow so Matt wouldn’t hear. I knew we needed to talk, but I couldn’t muster the courage.

A sigh came from where I’d left Matt. He sounded tired. I listened as his footsteps entered the bedroom. He stopped by the bed and rubbed my back. The left side of the bed dipped where he sat down.

“Caleb was a good man,” he said and rubbed my back again. Then Matt stood up and went to the bathroom, leaving me to wallow in my misery. I needed him, and he was leaving me.

Rolling to my side, I stared at the closed door. Water started and humming followed. It sounded like taps. I stood up and slid my dress off. I needed Matt. Naked now, I opened the bathroom door and walked to the shower.

Matt's silhouette was against the shower curtain. His head was bowed and the water rushed around him. I moved the curtain aside and stepped into the shower. Matt turned to face me, his eyes immediately going to my breasts. I closed my eyes in frustration and turned away from him, grabbing the tiny bottle of shampoo. He touched my shoulder then kissed it.

“Matt, please don’t,” my voice was so hoarse from all my tears.

His mouth dropped from my shoulder, and he wrapped his arms around my stomach. “I’m sorry, desert flower. I don’t know any other way to comfort you.”

I turned to face him. “Just hold me.” And he did.

Notes

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