Let Sleeping Dogs Lie

Zack did a double take at his phone screen when he saw Ellie’s name pop up. After close to three weeks of getting very simplistic answers from her, that were few and far between at best, reading her request to meet at Johnny’s was one hell of a surprise. He wasted no time in letting her know he’d be there in a short 10 minutes and jumped up off the couch in Brian’s parents’ basement.

“Where the hell do you think you’re going?” Jimmy laughed from his place across the room; his lanky body lazily sunken into a zebra print bean bag chair. His laughter made him cough on the smoke he had just inhaled from the vibrant orange glass bong the three friends had casually been passing around for the last few hours.

“Nah man, besides, that you need to take some rubbing alcohol and salt to that thing. Shit’s swampy,” Zack said in response to Jimmy offering him the next hit, “Ellie’s back in town, I gotta go!”

Jimmy sprung to his feet, clearly as excited as Zack was to learn their friend was back in town. Brian rolled his eyes, reaching out to snatch the glassware from Jimmy’s hand. He relit the bowl and brought the glass to his mouth. He was going to have to pack another bowl for himself to deal with the inevitable tantrum he knew Jimmy would throw when Zack left to see Ellie without him.

“Jimmy, man, we can see Ellie another day, let Zack go tonight,” Brian sighed as Jimmy threw his fists down to his sides like a child. Zack, at this point, was completely oblivious, as he was frantically searching for his wallet and keys. Brian was amazed that Zack was still so in love with this girl after all the years and bullshit that was between them, but to be honest, Brian really couldn’t imagine keeping a girl around for longer than a night. Maybe Z really was in love, but Brian was getting tired of always pulling his friend back together over girls.

“Pussy whipped!” Zack heard Jimmy call behind him as he ran up the stairs. Zack ignored the taunt and gave a wave to Brian Sr. as he ran out the door. He didn’t even question his ability to drive as he hopped into his car, the vehicle his mother drove throughout his childhood that she had recently replaced, and peeled out of the driveway.

Ellie smiled as she walked into the old bar. Nothing had changed in the last few years, and it was comforting to be met with such familiarity, especially after being bombarded with the dissolution of her personal space in her childhood home. She stopped off at the bar to grab herself a beer before she made her way to a small two-seater table near the back of the bar.

She wasn’t seated alone for more than five minutes before she saw Zack walk into the bar. It amazed her that he had the same air of laid-back finesse about him that he had in high school. His dark jeans had the legs cuffed, so they sat just above his black converse. He casually wore an old Metallica shirt that completed the look, despite the fact the shirt had faded so much from the years of ownership.

Ellie laughed as the bartender had a dark draught beer half poured for Zack before he had reached the bar top. He grabbed the pint with a smile and surveyed the bar. Ellie gave a small wave when he looked in her general direction and focused her attention back on her drink as he made his way across the bar.

“Showing up at my favourite bar is quite the change from ignoring my texts,” Zack teased with his arms outstretched, prompting Ellie to get up and return his hug. She held on to his frame when his muscles relaxed to let her go. She was sick of being so emotionally vulnerable. The last few weeks had been an emotional roller coaster for Ellie, but damn, she felt so good to be back in his company.

“I’m sorry Zack,” Ellie started as she pulled away and took her seat. She felt guilty about ignoring him, she truly did, but ignoring his messages was the easiest way to emotionally cope with the events in her personal life that December decided to bring.

“I’m just teasing Ellie. You don’t have to apologize to me. I know you have a lot on your plate at the moment. I’m just excited you’re back in town.” Zack’s smile was so genuine as he spoke, which made Ellie feel worse about ignoring him the last few weeks. Ellie had to keep her eyes on the drink between her two hands to stop herself from blushing. There was no use in her trying to deny the fact that she still had no clue how to handle the distance between them.

“How are things?” Zack asked after a few moments of silence. He had mentally played with which question to ask her first, knowing that she would shut him out if he pushed a conversation that was too touchy for Ellie to discuss.

“Honestly, terrible. Dad is sick, so that’s why I came back for the holidays,” Ellie started as she brought her gaze up to meet Zack’s eyes. He quickly turned his attention to the surrounding patrons of the bar as Ellie spoke. Zack didn’t like hearing that Ellie only returned for her father, though the many unreturned messages he had sent Ellie over the past few weeks should have been a blatant sign that Ellie felt no obligation to come back to California to see him.

“I’m so fucking mad at him that I could explode,” Ellie snapped, causing Zack to look at her with surprise. “He essentially disowned me for the entire time I’ve spent in Miami only to expect me to run home at his convenience. I get he has health problems, but he never gave a fuck when I had shit in my life going wayward. I feel like such an idiot for running back here for him.”

“It’s better you came back now to visit than possibly regretting it later,” Zack reasoned. He was frustrated that Ellie was still bending over backward to please the man. He had a great relationship with both of his parents and therefore always had a hard time understanding the tumultuous push and pull relationship Ellie had with her father.

“He re-did my bedroom. It is very obviously void of any of my influence. The only way you’d know I exist is thanks to the fucking graduation photo that is framed on the side table. He took down my posters and removed the photos of you and the guys.” Zack watched as the tears welled up in Ellie’s eyes as she spoke and reached across the table to grab her hand as a form of comfort.

“I’m so fucking sick of being controlled by him,” Ellie continued, feeling a bought of confidence from Zack’s reassuring hand contact. “I can’t continue to let him make me feel like I’m not worth his time; that I’m not a person worth knowing. I miss the relationship we used to have.”

Zack nodded and squeezed Ellie’s hand as tears started to stream down her face silently. He hated seeing her like this and hated that there was little he could do to make her feel better. Zack stayed silent until Ellie made eye contact with him, knowing that she would fully be paying attention to him when she did.

“The only way any of this is going to get better is if you tell him exactly what you told me. You can’t keep everything bottled up and expect a change. I don’t want to be that asshole, but if his health is diminishing, then you really should be focused on having that conversation with him and sorting this out. You don’t want to live with the burden of ‘what if’ should anything happen to him.“

“I don’t want to think about that Zack,”

“Well fuck, Ellie,” Zack cut her off abruptly, “Clearly that’s something you need to be thinking about if his health is poor enough that you finally came back to California. You cut us all off so you obviously never cared enough about us to come back. Hell you ignored my texts for the last few weeks, you didn’t come back to see me, but you sure as hell hit me up now that you’re here, didn’t you?”

“Are you seriously trying to make this about you right now Zack?” Ellie fumed. She hadn't pictured this conversation going this wayward. She was taken aback by Zack’s very aggressive behaviour. It wasn’t like she hadn’t seen him this angry before, she had just never been the person his anger was directed at.

“I’m trying to make you realize that you need to fix whatever fucked up relationship you have with your father for you to ever get yourself back to normal. I don’t know what the hell happened between you two, or what the fuck has happened to you in the time that you’ve been away, but you’ve changed, Ellie, and it kills me to see that it’s only been dragging you down.”

“You don’t get to tell me how I need to handle my problems, Zack. You might have been everything to me once, but we’re strangers now, and I hate that fact, but I need a little more time and a little more support from you than what I’m getting.”

“Why? So you can string me along? What are you looking for, to hook up again only to tell me you regret it and ignore me?”

“I’m not trying to use you here Zack,”

“Well, what the fuck are you trying to do then Ellie?” Zack seethed, causing a few heads to turn in his direction. Ellie had never felt so small in his presence. Zack could see her visibly shrink away from his words. He was, however, too frustrated with her to care.

“I just don’t know how to be us after all that’s happened,” Ellie finally whispered, her eyes trained on her still full glass that she pivoted in her hand.

“We fell in love, you got into trouble, moved away, and we haven’t spoken in years. Why is this so hard?” Zack took a moment to study her reaction to his question. She sighed deeply and avoided his gaze.

“So what aren’t you telling me, Ellie?”

Ellie met his eyes as tears cascaded down her cheeks. She couldn’t tell him. She had other problems she needed to confront first.

“Fine,” Zack sighed as he pushed his half-empty pint glass towards the middle of the table before standing up, “give me a call when you’re ready to talk to me.”

Ellie watched as Zack left the bar without even a glance back at her direction. She picked up her phone from the table and called another number from her contact list. She wasn’t in the mood to go home and needed someone to join her as she drank away her sorrows.

Notes

Well, holy hell! An update!

I just want to say that I am so sorry for taking two months to get this out. My summer took a nose dive and I have been super busy trying to get my life on track. It's been a personal nightmare but I'm finally settling in and I have so many exciting things in store for this story, so I hope some of you are still willing to stick around!

xo