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Restraint is Useless Here

Chapter Four

Defuse. De-escalate.

Two words droned over and over in Anna’s mind, a warning keeping time with the flickering buzz of the alley light. Jack had come. Of course he had. He’d seen it all, hiding in plain sight, easily camouflaged by the Friday night crowd.

After Brian had exited for a smoke break, Anna had difficulty teaching her appendages how to function once more. She’d felt tightly wound and restless under her skin, a guitar string long neglected and begging to be strummed.

Maria hip checked Anna as she reached forward to retrieve Brian’s empty glass, a knowing smile on her face as she glanced over to his retreating figure. They’d worked together long enough that Maria knew Anna was unshakeable when fielding the advances of men under the influence. Anna dismissed Maria’s accusatory eye contact, blowing air through her pursed lips nonchalantly as she wiped the ring of condensation—the only remaining evidence of Brian aside from the warm flutters in her chest—from the bar top.

“That was heated,” teased Maria, flipping her wavy black ponytail over her shoulder seductively. Everything Maria did was seductive, so her observation of the brief interaction made it feel even more illicit. Shame washed over Anna at the idea that her professional front faltered as a result of the havoc Brian’s eyes wreaked on her insides. Anna chewed absentmindedly at her already microscopic thumb nail, an unsightly habit she’d been meaning to break.

Huffing a laugh, Anna said, “You‘re reaching, you know that?” Still, her heart struggled to regulate. Her cuticles in even worse shape.

“I call ‘em like I see ‘em,” Maria shrugged as she masterfully poured two bottle of liquor into the same tiny shot glass. “He looked at you like you were a snack and I, for one, am supportive of this. Don’t act like you get that kind of heat from Jack Frost at home. Or, you know, any warmth whatsoever.” She shot a pointed look at Anna, aware that Jack was a bit frigid in recent months. She just didn’t know the extent of it.

—————————
Two years prior, Anna’s early afternoon class had been cancelled on account of her professor going into labor, so she’d retreated with her laptop to a quiet corner of the cafeteria, devouring the next episode of her Grey’s Anatomy DVD. Unexpectedly, a hand plucked the earbud from her ear and, stunned by the audacity, she turned to find the culprit. The profile of a handsome, sandy haired man was inches from hers—her earbud in his ear— and his chin rested upon folded arms as he sat backwards on the plastic cafeteria chair, observing Meredith Grey with her hand in an abdominal cavity.

Anna blinked several times before she could conjure speech again. With a huff, she went in for the kill. “What the he—“

Her pointed inquiry met a raised finger. “Shh, it’s about to get real in a second. God, this is a great episode,” he mused with a smile, still absorbed by the laptop’s glow with a Twizzler hanging from his mouth. As he bit off and chewed a piece of the licorice, his finger gently guided Anna’s chin back toward the screen and they watched the rest of the episode together in silence. Every so often, he’d hand her a Twizzler, never taking his eyes off the screen. And every so often, she’d glance over at this confident stranger with long, light brown eyelashes that dusted his cheek with each blink and a jawline sharp enough to slice his way into her heart, anastomosing and patching up a hollow she wasn’t even aware she had. A future surgeon, indeed. In that peculiar, organic moment, it was as if they’d been doing this for years.

And then they did.
Until they didn’t anymore.

Following a fast and furious romance and the mounting intensity of his progression through medical school, Jack began to unravel. So much of his time spent either at the hospital or poring through his textbooks, Jack’s mental state grew increasingly volatile in his third year. Dark circles ringed his eyes more frequently, his behavior erratic. His apartment devolved into a state of disrepair, unwashed dishes spilling onto countertops and remnants of burnt coffee grounds littering the perimeter of the trash can. His floorboards creaked with the lightest tip-toe as a result of pacing night after night, despite her pleas for him to come to bed. His immune system seemed to be suffering and Anna encouraged him to see a physician for his persistent cold symptoms, his nose runny and raw, but he always waved her away. “I am a physician, Anna.”

Her heart broke to witness her fun, caring human counterpart reduced to a shell of himself, subsisting only on caffeine, mock hospital rounds, and spitting retorts at his girlfriend with little to no provocation. His irritation transformed to paranoia over her whereabouts when he was away and he began making ridiculous demands to quit her job. How would I live? How would I eat? Sure, he had considerable financial support from his parents, two prominent physicians residing in Seattle but, if Anna were being honest, she did not want another human to hold that power over her. Her protests against his unrealistic request enraged Jack, her humorless laugh at the idea triggering the trap door thatsent him hurtling into the abyss, never to resurface. Time slowed and silenced. His breath quickened. His complexion so ashen, she could practically see the blood pumping through his veins, threading together muscle fibers until the cords of his forearms bulged taut, hands clenching and unclenching. The whites of his eyes shrank to slits as she watched him blink away the last shred of the Jack she knew. He’d been gradually relinquishing control of himself, she knew. But he needed to control her.

That was the first time he’d pushed her. It was not the last.

Defuse. De-escalate.

Patience was never his virtue. What he wanted, he took.

Exhausted from a long Sunday afternoon spent studying with classmates, Anna nodded off early, textbooks and index cards strewn about her bed. She had awoken that Monday morning to the insistent drumming of rain against her window, the screen of her phone aglow with a recent notification: 14 missed calls. 8 voicemails filled with frantic pleas for her to call him, to never leave him. Bile rising in her throat at both the sound of his desperation and dread over the potential consequences, Anna immediately returned his call.

It rang in her ear.

Half a beat later, a familiar tune echoed its call, muffled from outside her window.

Anna’s fingers instinctively fisted her bedsheets in an attempt to regain a grasp on reality. The recognition of the sing-song melody and its unexpected proximity instilled in her an inevitable sort of terror, a shadowy beast lurking just below the surface of muddy waters.

Her stomach spasming and frantic speculation hurtling a million miles per second through her mind, Anna loosed her phone to the ground and reluctantly padded toward her window. The dreary light of the rainy morning cast an eerie glow between the eyelets of the lace curtain. The cheery yellow hue of her walls felt wrongwrongwrong surrounding the fear emanating from her pores.

He’s lost his mind entirely.
He’s going to hurt himself.

Her outstretched hand hesitated before reaching the window, knowing that whatever was out there could not be unseen. Anna, you have done nothing wrong. Inhaling resolutely and releasing the self-punishment instilled into her by Jack, she swept the curtain aside. A chill struck her as the blood drained from her cheeks and seeped out of teeth marks in her tongue as she bit down, hard.

Jack’s sallow eyes bore into hers, empty and unblinking, as he peered in from the fire escape. The hood of his jacket provided little reprieve against the elements as rivulets of rainwater streamed from his soaked locks onto his face, down his cheek and fell from his chin, the only hint of emotion in a subtle twitch of his jaw.

Her need to protect him tore down the many red flags thrown up by her subconscious. “Jack!” she cried as she flipped the locks and hoisted up the window. “What are you—what happened? Are you okay?”

Silently, he ducked his head under the threshold, puddles of water pouring onto her floor from the nylon of his jacket. Anna became very aware of her small stature in comparison to his intimidating height. She became very aware that her only viable exit lay beyond this wall of a man. Stale, damp air infiltrated her lungs, the open window taunting her as the white lace flapped with the breeze in surrender.

“You didn’t answer.” he asked, his voice grating and malevolent. His dark pupils eclipsed the green irises and she did not recognize this person. Echoes of laughter lines lay dormant on his pale skin, a severe contrast to the purple rings beneath his blackened stare. “Where were you.”

Hesitant to turn her back to him, Anna gestured to the myriad notecards and textbooks that lay open across her rumpled bedsheets, as if they would jump to her defense. “It’s getting close to finals week, Jack. You know that. I got together with Brianne and Adam to study and—"

Adam,” his voice peaked, nostrils flaring. “You had another man in your bedroom.” He took a step toward Anna, her instinctive step back mirrored his.

“No! God, no. We met at the Starbucks on 5th. I came back to try and make notecards from our materials and...” her eyes searched his for warmth, begging him to understand, to relent, to forgive. Forgive what, she didn’t know. Taking in the red vessels spiderwebbing the whites of his eye, she curbed her reflex of reaching out to him. “I fell asleep. Jack, have you slept at all?”

He raked his hands down his face, fingertips making a sandpaper sound against the many-days-old stubble peppering his chin. He sniffed, his face softening. “We wouldn’t have this problem if you would just quit. You don’t need to finish school, you don’t need to work, you don’t need this apartment. I have one year left until I can start my residency. You cannot do this while I’m focusing all my time on making a life for us, Anna. I cannot focus when you’re running around on me.” His face fell in defeat, hands surrendered at his sides.

Defuse. De-escalate.

She began to close the gap between them, hands outstretched. “I would never—“

Rough hands encircled her wrists as she was violently spun toward the window, slamming against the wall. He was on her again before she could register the pain that rattled her skull. He pinned her, pressing her forearms to the wall on either side of her head. Jack brought his forehead to hers, forcing eye contact.

“Do not fucking lie to me, Anna. Do not insult me further.” He pressed his head against hers, the pressure screaming through the tender place of impact.

Defuse. De-escalate.

Tears pricked her eyes from both pain and terror. “I love you, Jack. I don’t even know where this is coming from. Please. Please, you know me.”

Defuse. De-escalate.

Bullseye. His grip released her. She slumped in relief. He brought his hands up to cup her cheeks, eyes searching hers. He buried his face in her hair, brushing his fingers through her locks, then trailing whisper-soft strokes down her neck to her shoulders. His thumb caressed the pulse point of her throat.

“Quit your job,” he rasped, his breath warm, yet her skin erupted with gooseflesh. “Move in with me. I need you where I can see you all the time.”

Defuse. De-escalate.

Lips pressed tightly together, Anna pulled back. Unable to eke out a lie and unable to find the words to make it better, her eyes screamed their final plea for him to be rational. Her silence was all it took, the refusal deadening him once more.

His grip on her shoulders tightened as her pulse thrashed under his thumb. An angry half-sob ripped from his throat as he snaked his hands up to her neck.

He’s lost his mind entirely.
He’s going to hurt me.


Detonate.

Notes

Author's Notes: So, this chapter was incredibly difficult to write. I know it sucks to tough it out through the lack of Brian, but I promise it's coming. :)

Thank you all who have read and commented!

Comments

Thanks to me re-reading one of my favs, I will now be dreaming of Gates slowly pulling olives off toothpicks with his teeth. Why oh why is that so sexy?! #thoselips #chapter8

@violetshade
gahhh you’re the sweetest ever. I need this pandemic to GTFOH so my kids and husband let me write. :(

@AvengedRomance
Just my usual drop in to say I love this story! I'm so desperate for an update that I might have to re-read this whole thing, lol!

violetvictoria violetvictoria
4/28/20

@AvengedRomance
Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck. Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeees.

Misery Misery
3/26/20

@violetshade
YO. I live to serve and to set impossible sexually frustrating standards for the fornication of fictitious (kinda?) characters. you’re a gem and oh my god I hope it’ll live up to the hype that I’ve been building for FUCKING EVER. I make no promises <3

@kimmie THANK YOU. I bow to you for reading even after all this time and my ridiculous inconsistency in posting! <3

AvengedRomance AvengedRomance
2/20/20