Restraint is Useless Here

Winding her long auburn hair into a messy bun, taking special care to position the errant locks to mask the bruising along the nape of her neck, Anna Sinclair breathed deeply as she joined Maria behind the bar.

Friday night would bring the usual patrons: Tony would boast of his internet company’s success—a stark contrast to his tendency of raking his fingers through the pomade in his slicked back hair with each glance at his phone. Brenda would flounce in, freshly permed with lipstick and eyeliner set to kill, chain-smoke and cough her way to 1am—her lung condition a bigger crisis than her marriage—then covertly slip out shortly after Tony’s 9th beer rendered him just the right amount of uninhibited. No doubt Jack would stop by to make sure she was walking the line and scan the perimeter for any immediate threats to steal her virtue. Or what was left of it.

Yes, because evil, covetous males lurk around every corner, Anna mused bitterly, though she supposed it was obvious why her boyfriend would express concern. Diamond Bar was Long Beach’s newest hotspot. In about 3 hours, the red leather barstools would host any number of sharply dressed businessmen snapping their manicured fingers for another bottle of Dom Perignon, affluent college girls grinding and shaking any and all assets as a bartering tool for free ego inflation and drinks, and hungry-eyed men of all ages more than happy to oblige. Sure, Anna received her share of advances from male patrons, but that was just the name of the game when you were serving up limitless martinis to males with limitless egos and libidos. She played the game with a coy smile and she was good at what she did. Her interpersonal skills worked to her advantage, as her customers loved her and she had the tips to show it. Big tips paid for big tuition bills, which depleted her brain cells Monday, Wednesday, and Thursday. Ironically, she aided in brain cell depletion Friday and Saturday nights. Rinse and repeat, week in and week out. A temporary solution for long-term gain.

Still, she felt she couldn’t truly be without Jack watching over her shoulder, waiting for her to smile too broadly or laugh too loudly with a customer of the opposite sex. Or a male friend. Or anyone, at all, ever.

“You were flirting with him.”
“You liked the attention, didn’t you?”

His thoughts evolved to words evolved to threats evolved to hands evolved to marks, but it was just once. Just once he’d slipped up. Through tear-filled eyes, he’d wordlessly begged her forgiveness with his soft hands and chaste kisses; to look past the demons who possessed him just once. Just that once. How did it get like this?

Granting a welcome reprieve from her self-torment, her phone pinged an alert: In your neck of the woods! We are wrapping up the tour in the LBC, so you’d better be ready to serve up some shots tonight ;) these guys will clear out your top shelf! I can’t wait to hug your pretty self once more.

Right on cue, it was as if her oldest friend knew she needed saving from her own torturous thoughts and tossed her a life line. Anna smiled, looking forward to the reunion and the one beacon of light that shone through this hellish week. Valary DiBenedetto and Anna grew up together. Precocious Val took her quiet friend under her wing and helped her out of her shell in their shared dance class. She got along great with Val’s twin, Michelle, but was always more drawn to Valary’s fiery personality; the tsunami to her still, deep waters. With Val, she shared secrets and sleepovers and sneaked sips of wine under their parents’ noses. There was never a silent moment between the two, Val always planning new adventures while Anna constantly made her laugh. She learned to embrace her own wry humor instead of suppress it. “It makes you Anna,” Val always remarked. Val had the classic beauty and commanding presence, Anna was the cute redhead with a quick comeback. They’d kept in touch over the years after Anna’s mom had made a post-divorce trek to Los Angeles from Huntington Beach, as the girls vowed to never let their friendship fade. Val had been tied up in managing her boyfriend’s up and coming rock band, so phone calls were fewer and farther between. And even though Anna had moved to Long Beach a couple years prior, visits were nonexistent the past several since nursing school took up so much of her time and Val had been on tour since 2007. She was shocked and yet not at all surprised that Valary had actually been featured singing—scratch that, screaming—on one of the band’s more hardcore songs and performed along with them on occasion. Head banging death metal chick or not, Anna loved Val dearly, her token of everything simple and perfect from their childhood.

What would she think of me now? Anna wondered, grazing her fingers along the 4 tender, purple echoes of Jack’s offense. The hands that once held her so gently now only held her prisoner.

Notes