Login with:

Facebook

Twitter

Tumblr

Google

Yahoo

Aol.

Mibba

Your info will not be visible on the site. After logging in for the first time you'll be able to choose your display name.

You Have My Heart

All I Had To Give


Jimmy volunteered to try and talk to Shads the following morning. When he walked into the singer's room, he found Matt sitting on the edge of the bed, leaned over on his knees and looking out the window.

“Dude, have you slept?”

When the Rev was met with silence, he figured the answer was no. Matt didn't move.
“Matt...you have to know that he didn't want to hurt--”

Jimmy jumped when he was cut off by a re-ignited Shadows snarling up into his face, “Well he did. Don't you dare defend him.”

Blue eyes widened, “Well...we have a show tonight, dude. You gonna make it?”
Matt began pacing, “Yeah. That little slut wants to fuck around, fine. He can fuck whoever he wants now. It'll really suck for a long time, and I apologize for putting you guys in this position,” The singer gestured as he relented, “But one day things will go back to...well, normal, I guess.” He sighed, still looking out the window.

“Shads…” Jimmy was heartbroken just watching him, “Please think about this. No one's perfect and you know how much he loves being fawned over.”
“Yeah…” Matt chuckled ironically, “Have no idea why I thought I'd ever be enough for him.”
“I'm not defending, him, Shads, but he was just drunk--”
Matt looked at the clock, bottling everything up at once and cutting off the drummer, “I'll be on the bus in fifteen.”
Jimmy sighed sadly and left him to it.

When he did climb onto the bus, the other four were waiting in complete, awkward silence. Brian started in the second Matt tried to walk past, but immediately got a hand to the chest and shoved into a wall.
“Matty--please--I love you--”
“Don’t ever call me that again, don’t ever touch me again, don’t you even dare say those three words to me again. I gave you all I had to give, Brian. That’s it. We’re done.”

And the singer stalked off to the back lounge as Syn cried in Jimmy’s arms.

They had one more month of tour and Synyster spent that month wasting away--barely eating or sleeping and drinking every night until he couldn’t feel anymore. Matt just walled up his heart and his emotions, forcing his ‘Shadows’ side constantly to the surface so that’s all anyone saw, even his bandmates. He was great at pretending to be the fun-loving party animal that everyone wanted to be around, so Gates just faded into the background.

On stage was his only solace, the greatest salve in the universe on the gaping wound that used to be his heart. His performance for his fans was the only thing that never changed, other than they all noticed when he was a little more gaunt.

Arriving home after tour, they all went their separate ways--all hugging goodbye (even though they saw one another all the time at home), except for Shadows and Gates.

Jimmy, Zacky, and Johnny took turns looking over Brian to make sure he didn’t do anything too crazy and the Rev eventually made him see a doctor because he got too worried.

“Ya gotta tell him, Bri.”
“I know. I just...he won’t even see me.”
“I’ll help you.”

Sullivan sneakily went to visit Matt and once inside his kitchen, let Brian in. Shadows exploded, but Jimmy did his best and finally Matt relented to giving the guitarist 60 seconds, so the Rev left.

Brian sadly stared at the floor, “I know you’re not going to believe me, but I brought proof--”
“Proof? Of what?” Shads interrupted him, folding his arms and furrowing his brow angrily.

Brown eyes finally raised to meet his, “I-I’m pregnant, Matt.”

“Wow, dude. That’s pretty desperate. And not funny.” The vocalist went from angry to fuming.

Syn pulled the sonogram out of his pocket and slammed it on the counter next to Matt.
“Don’t worry, I’m not having it. Just thought you should know. I haven’t been with any other men in a really long time, so it’s yours.” Brian turned to leave and Matt moved his whole body to block him, questioning hazel eyes narrowing at the smaller man, “You’re serious, aren’t you?”
When Brian nodded, Matt slowly picked up the picture and stared, eyes glimmering with awe at something he knew wasn’t possible, yet had happened.

In a burst of relief, Matt wrapped Brian in his big arms and kissed him desperately--lips opening pleadingly over the others’ until the monstered arms were hugging him back. Pure joy ran through Gates, flooding his mind with all sorts of silly ideas. Suddenly, Shads didn’t care anymore about the cheating, none of that mattered anymore. It was replaced with the sudden urge to protect Brian and their baby.

“I missed you so much, Bri.” Matt kissed his nose and his forehead, followed by both cheeks. Syn blushed as he was charmed, happy brown eyes raising to proud hazel.
“I...missed you, too, Matty.” He tried to hide the tears, but couldn’t as he was hugged once again.
The singer chuckled, “You look terrible, Gates. As much as I want to make love to you, you gotta eat, man. And sleep.”

Since Brian didn’t feel up to going anywhere, he made them food as Matt tried to help and learned a few things while Syn cooked. Things got heated a few times as Shads couldn’t help but pull the guitarist back against him by his middle, kissing down his neck and growling into his ear. But each time he made himself stop, much to Brian’s dismay and frustration. They had a wonderful dinner together and Brian finally fell asleep in Matt’s arms on the couch.

Knowing he’d probably continue to sleep all night--and should--Matt finally lifted him bridal style somewhere near midnight and took him to his bedroom, Gates completely dead to the world.

The next morning, Brian awoke to sparkly green eyes staring at him--waiting until the other was awake.
Matt didn’t even say anything, just climbed over Brian and pulled him into his embrace as their lips met. Working him over until he was sure he was ready, Shads slid inside a moaning Synyster as they both lost it.

“Bri--god--oh, fuck…” Matt rolled his hips as his eyes went to the back of his head.
Gates spread his knees and arched back, hands clinging to the huge shoulders over him.
“Matty, you---oh god you feel amazing--” Brian couldn’t stop his hips from moving around--helping Matt find that cherished bundle of nerves. Thanks to the larger man’s pure size, it never took look and soon a blushing Brian was calling out loudly, coming onto his own tummy.

Matt pulled out, used a tshirt to clean Gates off, and left little kisses over the bare stomach in disbelief. Kissing up the hard chest after fawning over Brian’s situation, Shads entered the guitarist again, their lips meeting in a deep kiss. Matt let it build fast, knowing he wouldn’t last long enough to get Brian off again. Moaning into Syn’s neck as they held onto one another, Shadows came as he professed his love for the long haired beauty.

“You’re mine again?” Matt asked softly, stroking Brian’s cheek as they came down together.
The guitarist nodded lovingly, running his hand through the singer’s short hair, “Absolutely all yours, Matty…” He got a little more serious, eyes glazing over, “Never again, Matty. I promise.”

Brian hummed happily away as he got some fruit from the kitchen, thinking life couldn’t possibly be any better than this. Fingers lightly moving over his own stomach, he realized he never knew he’d wanted something so badly in his life. The sadness of the last month and a half ebbed away, washed over by wonderful feelings for the huge man that currently dug around in the regrigerator. As Matt got out some eggs and bacon and set them on the counter, he walked over the guitarist, raising an eyebrow as he boxed him in against the counter. Sheepish mocha eyes blew wide when the green ones turned teasing, a large hand moving the fruit away from Brian’s mouth.

“Apparently I shouldn’t keep bananas around the house. I can’t handle watching you eat one.”
“Oh, this? You know that’s nothing compared to you, honey--” Synyster was about to get extremely graphic and downright inappropriate, when he doubled over.

Matt caught him before he hit the floor, the look on his partner’s face sending him into a state of high alert, “Baby? What’s wrong?!”
“Get me to a hospital, Matt, right now.”

That’s exactly what Shads did, but Brian knew it was too late. Crying in the passenger seat, holding his formerly knocked up belly, Gates held his other hand over his eyes--mumbling to himself.
“This can’t be happening...I just got you back...fuck…” As bad as the pain was, it wasn’t anything compared to the idea that Matt would leave again.

Sure enough, the doctor only confirmed what Gates already knew. Brian had already cried the whole ride there, so by the time the doc was telling them that his body had been so malnourished it basically absorbed the embryo, his tears had lessened somewhat. Matt on the other hand, hadn’t fully realized what was happening on the way and now broke down as he held Brian’s hand.
The doctor gave them some privacy.
Long fingers stroked Matt’s hair, “I’m so sorry, Matty...if I hadn’t...I’d still be pregnant.” He whispered.
Watery eyes snapped up to his, “Baby, this isn’t your fault. It’s mine. If I hadn’t left you, you would’ve been fine.” Matt put their foreheads together as they left it at that and cried together.

“Matty...please don’t leave me.” Brian sniffled.

“What?” Shads grabbed both his hands as the lead looked up at him.
“You...you only forgave me because I was pregnant and now I’m not.”

Matt reassuringly kissed him before continuing, “Bri, that just made me realize how silly I was being. I mean, you hurt me, but...but we are worth a little pain. I love you too much to let you go again. I hope you don’t take advantage of that, but….”

Brian put a hand to Matt’s cheek to make sure he had his full attention, “I told you never again and I mean it. I have a little bit of a drinking problem and I need to get it under control, which I am more than happy to do if it means I get to keep you.”
They smiled sadly at one another and the doc came back in. Brian turned.

“What are the chances of this happening again?” He had to ask.
The doctor sighed, “Honestly, not good. This is extremely rare, but technically it could happen.”
Brian had been afraid that was the answer.

The two left a couple of hours later, disappointed but relieved they at least had one another for consolation.

Notes

Yes, apparently all my stories save only one right now involve someone getting preggo, oh well!! #sorrynotsorry

I posted these two chapters right in a row, so make sure you read 'em both! Sorry for the sad miscarriage, but it was an interesting way to get them back together and closer at the same time.

Comments

Fairly sure I am now a bisexual-coming-on-gay-homosexual male now... *shrugs*

Misery Misery
5/20/20

They’re engaged! Yay!! I love how Zacky and Jimmy are looking out for Brian.

I love the Animaniacs! That was a great addition! That fight was the cutest thing ever....can fights be cute? I can totally see where Brian is coming from when it comes to the lyrics. I’m glad they worked that out. I can’t wait for more!

@violetshade
I'm glad you loved those ones because I extra enjoyed them myself! It was like getting to relive it through slashy and kinky eyes and I love it!!! I have no idea where this is going and really it can go anywhere you want I just hope there's more! Weirdly even though I normally don't love male pregnancy, I would totally be down with Syn getting knocked up again even. Whatever you got I'll love!

Hawkens Hawkens
8/11/18

@AGirlIKnowNamedLarisa
This comment omg!! Dying.
@Hawkens
Thank you so much! I'm really glad you guys like this, cause lord knows I sure as fuck do, haha. Yeah I love how even when Bri's a top he's still loves being owned by Matt, guhhhh. I like when the stories allow for me to add pics, it's so much more fun!! That was part of the reason why the awards chapter and the Seize the Day chapters were so freakin' fun. And it gave me an excuse to watch those damn vids over and over hehe.

violetvictoria violetvictoria
8/10/18