Welcome to the Family
Chapter six
Sadie's POV
I got a cab home from that party. Even now, 3 days after, I still sit at my coffee table, staring out of the rain dripped window, thinking it over and over again. I thought about what would have happened if he hadn't have been sick, the scenario running through my head at what it would have lead to. I thought about if I had kissed Zacky instead, or not gone at all. But it was something I had to accept, and something I had to move on from. The guilt of it, however, sat not in my chest, but inside my brain. What I'd done to my poor mother, I couldn't un-do. I could make amends in subtle ways, but to confess to her, was simply out of the question.
Since the party, the weather reflected the way I felt. There was an intense anxiety to the rain, as if between the clouds and the ground, it was fearful of its destination. The sound alone was enough to make my troubles grow. Rain usually calmed me, but it was doing the exact opposite. It had be on edge for me.
Suddenly, as my eyes glued to the outside, an unexpected sharp thud knocked on my door. It was frantic, but I took that as a visitor desperately wanting in from the rain. I sighed, taking a final sip of my coffee, I didn't rush to the door, I wasn't expecting anyone. In my own time, I approached the door with my keys, which I jumbled with the find the right one. After unlocking, I opened up slowly, and my mother stood before me, drowned in rain, and tears.
"Mom?" I frowned, opening the door wider for her to come in, but she was frozen in her spot. "Mom what's happened?"
"He's left me!" It was more than crying what she was doing, it was the kind of desolate sobbing that comes from a person drained of all hope. Her everything had gone, her new shot at youth, the guy she was falling in love with. And it was all my fault. I grabbed her hand, and pulled her into the warmth. I was almost crying for her. I took off her soggy denim jacket, which she had purposely bought to impress Brian, and tossed it onto the hot radiator to dry.
"Mom come sit down, we'll talk about it" I was somewhat nervous she knew what had happened. She followed me into the living room where I handed her a blanket, and waited to hear.
She snatched a box of tissues from my fireplace, almost grabbed the entire pack out, and blew her nose heavily. "He was, a little funny with me before the party- so I decided not to go," she began, wiping her dripping mascara from under her eyes, which was pointless as the tears flowed constantly. "After the party, he didn't call or text- so-" she struggled to speak, I barely understood her. "Last night I went over to stay- he reluctantly let me. He barely looked at me," she sobbed. "He didn't want to kiss me, talk to me- and this morning he- told me he didn't wanna see me again"
"Oh, mum," I cringed. I felt so bad for her. "Did- did he say why?"
She looked at me seriously. "Is there someone else?" my heart dropped to my feet. "Did- you see anything at the party? You'd tell me- if you knew- wouldn't you?"
"Yeah," I nodded. "Of course- I'd tell you-" I began, taking several nervous gulps. "I didn't- though- he was- fine"
"I'm too old for him," she stared at the floor. "I bet he's- found a younger girl your age-"
Interrupting her, was another knock at the door. Another..
"Mom you stay here, get warm-" I practically ordered her to stay there, and jogged over to the door again. When I opened, it was him. And I was in no good situation to talk to him.
"Not now," I sighed, cringing. "She's here"
"I-I did it for you" he spoke, so calmly and solemnly.
"You-" I froze. "You did- what?"
"Brian!!" my mother yelled behind us. She barged past me, and pushed him hard. "What are you doing here?" she was practically screaming. "Get out! Get away!"
"Mom, calm down" I dragged her away, she was crying, shouting- you'd think they'd been together for years. He clearly meant a lot to her. "Brian I think you should go,"
"What do you want?" she screamed, from the top of her lungs. She was causing such a scene in my quiet neighbourhood. I pushed her inside the house with all my might.
"Mom!" I snapped. "I'll ask him what he wants, just stay inside- he's not worth this okay?!" I closed to door behind her, and Brian confronted me.
"Sadie," he began.
"Did you honestly think it was a good idea coming here?" I almost wanted to cry, I grabbed him and pulled him in close and embraced him. My arms wrapped so tightly around him, his arms were even tighter around me. "Come back later, okay?"
"I just wanted you to know," his voice was croaky and husky, he spoke so quietly in my ear as though I was the only person who could ever hear what he had to say. "After Friday night-"
"Please, not now" I begged. I stood away from the hug as I knew I had to deal with my mom, that was my priority. I wasn't sure what he meant by him 'doing it for me', but I had to find that out later. "Come over at 8, I'll make sure my mom is home, okay?" With hesitation, he agreed, and I had to forget about it for at least a few hours.
I re-entered my house and was welcomed by the sound of mom blubbering to herself. I walked into the living room where she slumped, I'd never seen her sit like that, so deflated. Her loose shoulders shook, her hands hanging low, making no attempt to conceal or even wipe her own tears. Aside from her reddened face, she was so grey looking and her hair was as dishevelled as the park under fall leaves. I've seen others cry like that and in every case it was a transition from a person with hope to one without. Me on the other hand, had an ounce of giddiness inside of me. I didn't want to feel it, I wanted to ignore it and focus on my mom- but I was desperate for Brian to come back and tell me what was going on.
Is this what he did for me? Break my mom's heart and expect to have me? Or did he do it for me in the sense I didn't have to feel uncomfortable anymore? Did he morally do the right thing after kissing me? I don't think I could wait until tonight to find out.
"Mom, what did he say to when he broke up with you?" I tried to sound concerned for my mom's state, but really I was eager to find out for myself.
She shrugged moodily, before wiping her reddened nose. "He sat me down, first time he looked at me decently for a few days," she began. "He said, 'this isn't working anymore, I'm not in the right frame of mind for this kind of a relationship'" she laughed sarcastically. "Bullshit, he's going round to a woman's house tonight and he'll jump right on her"
The irony made me feel sick. Although I wasn't letting him jump right on me.
"He wouldn't do that to you, mom" I sighed, running my hands through my hair. "He's- a good guy, he broke up with you in a good way- you should be thankful of that-" I tried to make her feel better, and myself. "You've only been together for a few months, you shouldn't let this take over your life"
"Can I stay here tonight? I don't wanna be alone" she looked at me with giant puppy eyes. But as much as I loved my mom, there was something I had to do.
"Mom-" I stuttered. "I think you should go home-"
"I just don't want to be on my own Sade', please?" tears formed in her eyes again. She begged me.
I gave a long sigh. I know I should let her stay, but- just this one time I really wanted to see Brian. "I think it's best for you that-"
She shot up instantly. "Okay Sadie," she snapped. "Forget it, don't comfort your mother, let her go home and cry all night on her own," she flung her hands madly in the air and her voice grew bolder. "I've never asked you for anything! I just wanted this one night-"
"Mom-"
"No!" she yelled, breaking her voice slightly. "Forget it, don't trouble yourself" she stormed out of the living room, grabbed her soaking coat which was hung over the radiator to dry, and she slammed the door behind her. Guilt instantly pestered me but I didn't find myself chasing after her. In my heart I retracted all the bad things I'd just done, but in my head I was counting down the clock until 8.
Later that evening
On usual evenings, I'd have smiled at the couples on my TV screen. I'd have seen my future reflected in them, my hand being touched gently by a guy who adored me, I'd have a shy smile playing on my lips. But not lately, after my ex. And definitely not tonight. Tonight, I tug at my unworn dress the store assistant swore looked so flattering on me. I say unworn and not new, because I'd had it for years. Now, I wasn't over dressing for whatever occasion this was. It was a simple, casual dress. I tugged to stop the material sticking to my clammy skin, the wait for Brian was torturous. I wondered if he'd think I was dressing up on purpose. Maybe I shouldn't have done that. Maybe I should have shown him I am so calm, so at ease with whatever relationship we had that he could turn up to my house and I'd be wearing the tattered jeans I'd been in all day. I pulled out my phone for another check of the time. 8:45PM. He was later than late.
In my head, I told myself to give him another 15 minutes and that was it- I was taking this stupid thing off and getting my pyjamas on. I checked my phone again, for the fifth time in six minutes. But suddenly, after what felt like years of hanging around, the knock I had been waiting for pounded at my door. I felt my heart race faster, I felt like I was going to faint. I'm not sure how I made it to the door without falling off my feet. My hands were shaky as I managed to unlock the puzzle to get the door open. As soon as I opened it, Brian was stood before me. I didn't care how late he was. He was here.
The next thing I knew, he had slammed his lips to mine and nearly knocked all the wind from my lungs. I felt the relief drain from both of our bodies. I hardly had a moment to react before he pressed his tongue to the seam of my lips. His huge arms swarmed around my body as he gently released our lips. He pulled away, and rested his head on mine. I was speechless. We were frozen in my doorway.
"D-do you want to come in?" I spoke awkwardly, my voice only just managed to squeak out a sound after the intense kiss. I was truly swept off my feet. But for once, I did not feel ashamed.
Follow
I got a cab home from that party. Even now, 3 days after, I still sit at my coffee table, staring out of the rain dripped window, thinking it over and over again. I thought about what would have happened if he hadn't have been sick, the scenario running through my head at what it would have lead to. I thought about if I had kissed Zacky instead, or not gone at all. But it was something I had to accept, and something I had to move on from. The guilt of it, however, sat not in my chest, but inside my brain. What I'd done to my poor mother, I couldn't un-do. I could make amends in subtle ways, but to confess to her, was simply out of the question.
Since the party, the weather reflected the way I felt. There was an intense anxiety to the rain, as if between the clouds and the ground, it was fearful of its destination. The sound alone was enough to make my troubles grow. Rain usually calmed me, but it was doing the exact opposite. It had be on edge for me.
Suddenly, as my eyes glued to the outside, an unexpected sharp thud knocked on my door. It was frantic, but I took that as a visitor desperately wanting in from the rain. I sighed, taking a final sip of my coffee, I didn't rush to the door, I wasn't expecting anyone. In my own time, I approached the door with my keys, which I jumbled with the find the right one. After unlocking, I opened up slowly, and my mother stood before me, drowned in rain, and tears.
"Mom?" I frowned, opening the door wider for her to come in, but she was frozen in her spot. "Mom what's happened?"
"He's left me!" It was more than crying what she was doing, it was the kind of desolate sobbing that comes from a person drained of all hope. Her everything had gone, her new shot at youth, the guy she was falling in love with. And it was all my fault. I grabbed her hand, and pulled her into the warmth. I was almost crying for her. I took off her soggy denim jacket, which she had purposely bought to impress Brian, and tossed it onto the hot radiator to dry.
"Mom come sit down, we'll talk about it" I was somewhat nervous she knew what had happened. She followed me into the living room where I handed her a blanket, and waited to hear.
She snatched a box of tissues from my fireplace, almost grabbed the entire pack out, and blew her nose heavily. "He was, a little funny with me before the party- so I decided not to go," she began, wiping her dripping mascara from under her eyes, which was pointless as the tears flowed constantly. "After the party, he didn't call or text- so-" she struggled to speak, I barely understood her. "Last night I went over to stay- he reluctantly let me. He barely looked at me," she sobbed. "He didn't want to kiss me, talk to me- and this morning he- told me he didn't wanna see me again"
"Oh, mum," I cringed. I felt so bad for her. "Did- did he say why?"
She looked at me seriously. "Is there someone else?" my heart dropped to my feet. "Did- you see anything at the party? You'd tell me- if you knew- wouldn't you?"
"Yeah," I nodded. "Of course- I'd tell you-" I began, taking several nervous gulps. "I didn't- though- he was- fine"
"I'm too old for him," she stared at the floor. "I bet he's- found a younger girl your age-"
Interrupting her, was another knock at the door. Another..
"Mom you stay here, get warm-" I practically ordered her to stay there, and jogged over to the door again. When I opened, it was him. And I was in no good situation to talk to him.
"Not now," I sighed, cringing. "She's here"
"I-I did it for you" he spoke, so calmly and solemnly.
"You-" I froze. "You did- what?"
"Brian!!" my mother yelled behind us. She barged past me, and pushed him hard. "What are you doing here?" she was practically screaming. "Get out! Get away!"
"Mom, calm down" I dragged her away, she was crying, shouting- you'd think they'd been together for years. He clearly meant a lot to her. "Brian I think you should go,"
"What do you want?" she screamed, from the top of her lungs. She was causing such a scene in my quiet neighbourhood. I pushed her inside the house with all my might.
"Mom!" I snapped. "I'll ask him what he wants, just stay inside- he's not worth this okay?!" I closed to door behind her, and Brian confronted me.
"Sadie," he began.
"Did you honestly think it was a good idea coming here?" I almost wanted to cry, I grabbed him and pulled him in close and embraced him. My arms wrapped so tightly around him, his arms were even tighter around me. "Come back later, okay?"
"I just wanted you to know," his voice was croaky and husky, he spoke so quietly in my ear as though I was the only person who could ever hear what he had to say. "After Friday night-"
"Please, not now" I begged. I stood away from the hug as I knew I had to deal with my mom, that was my priority. I wasn't sure what he meant by him 'doing it for me', but I had to find that out later. "Come over at 8, I'll make sure my mom is home, okay?" With hesitation, he agreed, and I had to forget about it for at least a few hours.
I re-entered my house and was welcomed by the sound of mom blubbering to herself. I walked into the living room where she slumped, I'd never seen her sit like that, so deflated. Her loose shoulders shook, her hands hanging low, making no attempt to conceal or even wipe her own tears. Aside from her reddened face, she was so grey looking and her hair was as dishevelled as the park under fall leaves. I've seen others cry like that and in every case it was a transition from a person with hope to one without. Me on the other hand, had an ounce of giddiness inside of me. I didn't want to feel it, I wanted to ignore it and focus on my mom- but I was desperate for Brian to come back and tell me what was going on.
Is this what he did for me? Break my mom's heart and expect to have me? Or did he do it for me in the sense I didn't have to feel uncomfortable anymore? Did he morally do the right thing after kissing me? I don't think I could wait until tonight to find out.
"Mom, what did he say to when he broke up with you?" I tried to sound concerned for my mom's state, but really I was eager to find out for myself.
She shrugged moodily, before wiping her reddened nose. "He sat me down, first time he looked at me decently for a few days," she began. "He said, 'this isn't working anymore, I'm not in the right frame of mind for this kind of a relationship'" she laughed sarcastically. "Bullshit, he's going round to a woman's house tonight and he'll jump right on her"
The irony made me feel sick. Although I wasn't letting him jump right on me.
"He wouldn't do that to you, mom" I sighed, running my hands through my hair. "He's- a good guy, he broke up with you in a good way- you should be thankful of that-" I tried to make her feel better, and myself. "You've only been together for a few months, you shouldn't let this take over your life"
"Can I stay here tonight? I don't wanna be alone" she looked at me with giant puppy eyes. But as much as I loved my mom, there was something I had to do.
"Mom-" I stuttered. "I think you should go home-"
"I just don't want to be on my own Sade', please?" tears formed in her eyes again. She begged me.
I gave a long sigh. I know I should let her stay, but- just this one time I really wanted to see Brian. "I think it's best for you that-"
She shot up instantly. "Okay Sadie," she snapped. "Forget it, don't comfort your mother, let her go home and cry all night on her own," she flung her hands madly in the air and her voice grew bolder. "I've never asked you for anything! I just wanted this one night-"
"Mom-"
"No!" she yelled, breaking her voice slightly. "Forget it, don't trouble yourself" she stormed out of the living room, grabbed her soaking coat which was hung over the radiator to dry, and she slammed the door behind her. Guilt instantly pestered me but I didn't find myself chasing after her. In my heart I retracted all the bad things I'd just done, but in my head I was counting down the clock until 8.
Later that evening
On usual evenings, I'd have smiled at the couples on my TV screen. I'd have seen my future reflected in them, my hand being touched gently by a guy who adored me, I'd have a shy smile playing on my lips. But not lately, after my ex. And definitely not tonight. Tonight, I tug at my unworn dress the store assistant swore looked so flattering on me. I say unworn and not new, because I'd had it for years. Now, I wasn't over dressing for whatever occasion this was. It was a simple, casual dress. I tugged to stop the material sticking to my clammy skin, the wait for Brian was torturous. I wondered if he'd think I was dressing up on purpose. Maybe I shouldn't have done that. Maybe I should have shown him I am so calm, so at ease with whatever relationship we had that he could turn up to my house and I'd be wearing the tattered jeans I'd been in all day. I pulled out my phone for another check of the time. 8:45PM. He was later than late.
In my head, I told myself to give him another 15 minutes and that was it- I was taking this stupid thing off and getting my pyjamas on. I checked my phone again, for the fifth time in six minutes. But suddenly, after what felt like years of hanging around, the knock I had been waiting for pounded at my door. I felt my heart race faster, I felt like I was going to faint. I'm not sure how I made it to the door without falling off my feet. My hands were shaky as I managed to unlock the puzzle to get the door open. As soon as I opened it, Brian was stood before me. I didn't care how late he was. He was here.
The next thing I knew, he had slammed his lips to mine and nearly knocked all the wind from my lungs. I felt the relief drain from both of our bodies. I hardly had a moment to react before he pressed his tongue to the seam of my lips. His huge arms swarmed around my body as he gently released our lips. He pulled away, and rested his head on mine. I was speechless. We were frozen in my doorway.
"D-do you want to come in?" I spoke awkwardly, my voice only just managed to squeak out a sound after the intense kiss. I was truly swept off my feet. But for once, I did not feel ashamed.
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Notes
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8/28/18