Zachary

The breath is nearly knocked out of me when I see Stella downstairs in her emerald dress and I feel a jolt of guilt in my chest. Gena stands beside Stella, grinning and I try to remain normal.

“Hey,” I greet Stella, coldly. It has nothing to do without last conversation, and everything to do with how I’m feeling around her. I turn my attention to the man standing beside her. “Hey, dude. I’m Zack.”

“Liam,” he replies. I extend my hand and he shakes it, eyeing my tattoos.

Gena suggests that we get going and we all follow her out the door as she hooks her arm with Stella’s and basically skips out the door. Liam opens the car door for Stella, so I open the door for Gena, kissing her lightly on the lips before she climbs in the car. My phone buzzes before I get in the car and I glance at the ID, hoping it is any reason to get out of going on this awkward double date, but it’s just Valary. I decline it before getting in the car.

I try to keep myself from stealing glances of Stella in the rearview mirror, but it’s futile. Every time I hear her giggle in the back seat with Gena, I want to steal a glance and I hate myself for it. Gena doesn’t deserve it.

We arrive at Mastro’s soon enough and I grab Gena’s hand as soon as she’s out of the car. I remind myself that she’s the one I want to be with, that Stella isn’t Nora and even if she was…it wouldn’t matter. Liam leads Stella to the entrance of the door while I drop my car keys into the valet’s hand and follow them.

“Welcome to Mastro’s,” a young woman smiles as we enter. “Can I have the name you used for your reservation with us tonight?”

“Zack Baker,” I tell her. Stella looks at me, but I don’t return her gaze, I’ve stolen far too many looks already.

“Welcome Mr. Baker, please follow me to your table,” the young woman smiles as she begins to walk through the dining room.

When we arrive at our table, Liam pulls the seat out for Stella before she sits down. “This is a nice place, Zack,” Liam tells us.

“It’s, uh, actually Gena’s favourite place to eat,” I reply, taking my seat beside Gena.

Liam nods. “Well, it looks like you have great taste, Gena.”

The waiter walks up and introduces himself. He asks us for our drink order and Stella is the first to order. “I’ll have a glass of your best cabernet sauvignon,” she orders.

“Oh, I’ll have that too!” Gena grins.

“Just make it a bottle, put it on my check,” I tell the waiter and he nods.

“Zack, you don’t have to…” Stella starts but I cut her off.

“So that’s…four glasses?” I ask, gesturing to Liam.

Liam shakes his head. “Oh, no thank you. I don’t drink. I’ll just have a water.”

“Oh,” I cock a brow, “Okay. Three glasses with the bottle, please.”

“Yes, sir,” the waiter nodded before walking off.

“So how long have you two been together?” Liam asks us.

Gena answers before I can. “About five years. We’ve been engaged for about six months!”

“Well, congratulations!” Liam beams. “Have you guys set a date yet?”

Gena nods excitedly. “July 9th of next year! I wanted to get married sooner but that was the earliest date the venue could offer. What about you two? I didn’t notice the engagement ring before, is it something new?”

I glance over at Stella. I know for a fact that she hasn’t been wearing her ring since I met her. As of yesterday, at the café, her engagement was complicated. Stella doesn’t answer Gena’s question, instead, she fidgets with her ring like it’s something foreign or out of place.

“We’ve been engaged for a year,” Liam tells Gena, smiling down at his fiancée. She doesn’t look up to him. “Stella here was having trouble picking a date,” he tells us, turning his attention back to Gena. “But as of today, we have a date set and we will be getting married here, in California, in three weeks.”

“Oh my gosh! That’s incredible! Zack, isn’t that incredible?” Gena grins.

“Congrats,” I tell them but the feeling in my stomach makes me want to throw up. Stella isn’t Nora, I remind myself. Stella is Stella and I’m engaged to Gena. It’s not okay to be upset.

The waiter walks back up. He sets down Liam’s water and then shows me the bottle of wine to confirm it’s what I ordered. When I nod, he begins to pull the foil away from the opening. Once the cork has been removed, he offers it to me but I shake my head.

“You don’t have to do the whole shebang,” I tell him with a smile, gently taking the bottle from his hands.

The waiter looks relieved as he nods. “Yes, sir,” he replies. “Are you ready for me to take your order, or should I give you more time?”

“I’m ready,” Liam answers as I grab Gena’s glass and begin to fill it with wine.

“I am too,” Gena replies.

I nod, setting Gena’s glass down and reaching for Stella’s. She slowly hands it to me; her gaze makes my blood feel like fire, so I look away while taking the glass from her.

I have no idea what anyone orders, my mind tangles itself around thoughts of Stella as I pour her glass and set it down in front of her. I pour myself a glass while I order, although now I have no appetite. Why am I developing these feelings for Stella? I’m engaged and…I’m a piece of shit.

“So where is your wedding going to be, exactly?” Gena asks, taking a sip of her wine.

Stella replies this time. “I want a beachside wedding. I haven’t found a venue yet.”

“Oh, you are going to be a beautiful bride, Stella!” Gena exclaims, and I silently agree.

“Yes, she will,” Liam agrees as well. “You two should come, the more the merrier!”

“What?” I say, and a higher pitched voice joins me as well. I realize that it’s Stella and she’s looking at her fiancé with wide eyes.

“I mean,” she quickly corrects herself, “of course you two should come.”

Gena claps. “Yay! I can’t wait! Oh, my God, have you picked out your dress yet?”

I look down at my glass of wine, wondering how I'm going to get out of going to Stella’s wedding. I hate these new feelings I’ve developed, feelings that have seemingly come out of nowhere.

---

The bottle of wine is gone before our entrees arrive and I order another one. The more Gena talks about Stella and Liam’s wedding, the more I drink. Once the second bottle is half-empty, Gena mentions my excessive drinking.

“Don’t forget you have to drive home tonight,” she whispers in my ear.

I reply to her with a grin, winking as I empty my glass. “This is nothing compared to how I used to drink,” I mumble back. Gena rolls her eyes in response but smiles when I press my lips to her temple.

“So, Zack, what exactly is it that you do?” Liam asks.

Normally, I’m vague with this question for obvious reasons but everyone at this table already knows what I do for a living except Liam and he is a weirdo that doesn’t even listen to music. “I play in a band called Avenged Sevenfold,” I answer. “I play guitar.”

“Oh,” Liam nods. I can tell it’s not the answer he was expecting, it rarely is. “Well, you must’ve seen some success to be able to afford two bottles of a rather expensive wine.”

Stella looks at Liam with wide eyes. “Liam,” she hisses. “You’re being rude.”

“It’s a compliment, Stella,” he tells her, turning his attention back to me. “Most people that play music for a living don’t make it. So, what’s the secret? Did you have any help climbing your way to the top?”

I take another sip of wine. “Not exactly. Just a shit ton of hard work, determination, luck and loyal fans,” I tell him honestly.

“Fans?” Liam asks, raising his brow. “Anyway, I don’t believe in luck,” he shrugs.

I shrug back. “Well, that’s what it was.” I take another sip of wine. “But what about you? What is it you do?”

“I am a financial manager for Fitzgerald Industries,” Liam says proudly.

“His father’s company,” Stella grins into her own wine glass. I feel my mouth twitch, slightly tugging into a half-grin. Liam glares down at her but she ignores him. “Don’t let her fool you. My father is harder on me than he is anyone else. It’s not like it was handed to me.”

“Oh, I’m sure,” I nod, stealing another glance of Stella, who is still trying to hide her smirk behind her glass.

Gena speaks next. “Well, if you boys are done playing ‘mine’s bigger than yours,’ I’m going to head to the ladies’ room.” She begins to stand, placing her napkin on top of her finished plate of food.

“I’ll join you,” Stella says, and she follows Gena out of view.

The silence between Liam and myself is awkward for a few seconds before he speaks up. “Zack, I hope you know I wasn’t trying to be rude a moment ago,” he tells me.

I nearly laugh. I’m not sure why Liam’s attitude changed towards me in the way that it did, as fast as it did. I’m not sure if I somehow made him feel threatened or if he is just the type of guy that needs to be number one. One thing I do know, however, is that he is, in fact, trying to belittle, upset and even embarrass me. “Oh, of course not,” I smile.

“It’s just, you weren’t really the type of person I was expecting my fiancée to be hanging around. And, well, if I'm going to leave her here while I go back to Manhattan, I have to make sure she’s in safe hands,” he explains.

I furrow my brows and set down my wine for what seems like the first time all night. “Wait, she’s not going back with you?”

Liam shakes his head. “She feels that since we’re having the wedding here that she should stay here to plan. I was originally planning on staying here with her, but I have a couple of commitments I can’t get away from. So, I’ll be heading to Manhattan in the morning for a week.”

“Oh,” I say. I feel a small rush of joy that Stella isn’t leaving yet, and it’s immediately followed by the familiar feeling of guilt. “Well, Stella and I aren’t exactly friends. She’s more friends with my fiancée than anything.”

Liam nods before he can reply his cell phone rings. He pulls it out and looks at the ID. “Speaking of commitments, I have to take this. If you’ll excuse me…” he starts to stand. “Oh, Stella doesn’t know that I have to go back to Manhattan yet, so if you’ll keep it between me and you I’ll appreciate it.”

Liam walks off and I pour myself another glass of wine. I’m at the table alone for a couple of minutes before I’m joined by someone.

“Where’s Liam?” Stella asks.

“He had a call,” I tell her. “Where’s Gena?”

“Oh, she saw someone she knew. I didn’t want to stick around so…” she says, picking at her nails. I take another sip of wine, hoping someone – even Liam – would come back to this table soon. “Zack,” Stella starts. “I’m sorry if it seemed I was being nosy yesterday about your best friend. I had no right.”

“It’s fine, Stella, really. I overreacted,” I tell her, and I mean it. The real reason I freaked out on her is because of the feelings that have begun to develop for her, I know that now.

“Okay,” she says.

I look away from her and bit the inside of my cheek. The words are against my lips, and I try to swallow them, but they come out anyway. “So much for a complicated engagement, huh?”

Stella sighs. “I know how this must look. Just yesterday I was telling you how it was complicated and…now you hear of a wedding date in mere weeks”

I shake my head. “It doesn’t matter. I just don’t understand why you lied.”

“I didn’t,” she tells me quickly. “I wish I could explain it in a way you’d understand.”

“Wow, okay,” I say. “Didn’t realize you thought I was so dumb.”

She shakes her head. “I’m more worried about you thinking I am dumb.”

I open my mouth to reply, ask her what she means, but before I can, Gena rejoins us. “Well, I am ready to go. Baby, have you paid the check yet?”

“No,” I answer, still wondering what Stella was going to say. “I haven’t.”

“I’m going to go find Liam,” Stella says. She doesn’t wait for a reply before she walks off.

“Tonight has been a success, don’t you think?” Gena asks me.

I nod. “I’m glad you found a friend in Stella,” I tell her. “I’m not a fan of Liam though.”

Gena chuckles. “Why not?”

I shake my head. “He just seems like a tool. I don’t know, there’s something about him that makes me think Stella deserves more.”

Gena stares at me for a moment. “Well,” she starts, “I think they’re perfect together.”

---

“Thank you for inviting us tonight, Gena,” Liam grins as we get out of the car. “Unfortunately, it’s time for Stella and myself to call it a night.”

“Of course,” Gena smiles. “It was so nice to see you again, Stella and to meet you, Liam.”

“I’ll have Stella drop off an invitation once we get them printed,” Liam promises. “Zack, it was nice to meet you.”

“You too,” I tell him shortly. My eyes find Stella. Her features are soft in the moonlight, I clear my head and swallow the lump in my throat. “Stella.”

“Zack,” she gives me a small smile.

“I’m going to wait inside,” I mumble to Gena before waving my goodbyes and walking up to our house.

I am glad to be away from Stella and Liam. I want nothing more to never see her again – except, maybe, to see her again. No – I have to be a better fiancé to Gena, she deserves a better me. I grab a decanter of whiskey and pour me a glass, swallowing it in two gulps before refilling the glass. A few moments later, Gena enters the house.

“Whiskey, huh?” she asks disapprovingly.

I raise my brow and take a few steps towards her, closing the space between us. “Just waiting for you to come in, babe,” I smile, reaching for her waist.

Gena steps away from me. “Don’t touch me, Zack.”

“Whoa,” I furrow my brows. “What is going on? What did I do?”

Gena shakes her head. “Do you have feelings for her? For Stella?”

“What?” I ask. “Gena, you’re being ridiculous.” Except we both know she’s not.

“Don’t play dumb with me. Valary saw her at the mall with me today,” she tells me. “She told me who she looks like. She told all about the girl you once loved. So…is it her? Is she Nora? Is that where you’ve been all these times that you’ve been ‘working?’”

I stare at her for a moment; my mouth runs dry and words fail me. I open my mouth and at first, only a soft, barely there sigh escapes. Then, “No.” I shake my head, slowly at first and then more vigorously. “It’s true that she looks a lot like Nora, but they’re not the same…and even if they were – Gena, I didn’t tell you about Nora because that was a long time ago. We were teenagers when I dated her, and we had been long broken up before you and I even met. Nora is nothing to worry about and neither is Stella. I don’t understand why you’re feeling threatened.”


“Because I saw the way you acted with her tonight. I saw the stares and the way you went out of your way to…to act uninterested in her. Maybe it’s because she reminds you of Nora. Maybe her presence is bringing up old feelings,” she sighs, and I know she’s right. Still, it is Gena I love, and I want – no, need her to see that.

“It throws me off that Stella looks so much like Nora. When you invited her to the party…the first time I saw Stella, I thought it was Nora. I completely freaked…the next day I ran into her in Anaheim, and I hung out with her. I entertained the idea that she was who I hoped she was but…then I realized it didn’t matter if she was or wasn’t. Because I have a beautiful fiancé that I love more than anyone in the world; one that I cannot wait to marry and start a family with. I love you, Gena. You have nothing to worry about with Stella, okay? I’m sorry that I ever gave you the impression that I had feelings for anyone else. You are the one for me, Gena. You’re the love of my life.”

Gena stares at me. Her eyes seem to be searching for something in my face, my eyes. I hold her gaze and she slowly brings her hand up to my cheek and caresses it. “Did you hear what you just said?” She asks me. I throw her a confused look as she removes her hand. “You hoped it was Nora,” she continues. “If what you say is true, then why would you hope for it to be her?”

“It’s not what you think,” I stress.

Gena looks defeated. “Isn’t it though?”

I shake my head and reach for her hand. “No. Gena, the way things ended between me and Nora were…messy and complicated. I only wished to see her again, so I could apologize for what I did. Not for any other reason, I swear.”

“Then why didn’t you ever tell me about her?” Gena asks softly. I open my mouth to reply, but I don’t have an answer to give her. I told the guys that I never told Gena about Nora because she never came up in conversation; because Nora didn’t matter but it was a lie. I’ve thought about Nora every single day since I last saw her because she did matter – because a part of me has always loved her.

“Gena…” I start but I have no excuse for her.

Gena sighs, gently pulling her hand out of mine. “I think I’m going to go stay at my parents’ for a while,” she tells me.

“Gena, come on,” I plead. “What do you want me to do? I can’t help that there was a woman before you.”

She nods. “I know, but you could have told me about her…and Stella.”

“There was – is nothing to tell. You’re overreacting. Come on, I didn’t even want to go to dinner with them tonight. I wanted it to just be me and you – this is ridiculous.”

Gena sighs. “Maybe you’re right. I just…need a couple of days.”

“Gena,” “I start but she shakes her head.

“No, Zack. Just…no.” She stands there for a brief moment before turning and heading upstairs. I’m tempted to follow her, but my feet won’t move, so I just stand there, watching as she disappears from view.

What the fuck is going on? I know that I’ve recently started developing feelings for Stella, but I have it under control. I stopped hanging around her and started paying more attention to my fiancée. I am trying to be better – if Gena would just give me a chance to prove how much I love her I can make this better.

I’m still standing in the same spot when Gena returns downstairs with a duffel bag in her hand. She avoids eye contact with me as she grabs her purse and keys. I silently watch her, begging my mouth to open up to request her to stay.

“Gena,” I finally manage to say. My voice is weaker than normal, but I don’t care. She stops, her hand resting on the door handle, but she doesn’t turn to me. “I love you.”

Her shoulders seem to slump as she lets out a deep breath. A couple of seconds tick by before she answers me. “I know.”

Gena leaves the house without another word. I stand there for a moment, waiting for her to turn around and come back in saying this is just some joke, but she doesn’t. My phone rings sometime later, breaking me from my gaze.

I dig it out of my pocket and sigh when I realize it’s Valary again. I accept the call, knowing if I didn’t she’d just keep calling even though she’s the last person I want to talk to right now.

“Val, this isn’t a good time,” I tell her.

“Zack, I’ve been calling you all damn day!” She says angrily. “Nora is in town!”

I shake my head, running my hand over my face. “It’s not Nora, but thanks so much for telling Gena all about her. Do you know how many problems you caused?” I make my way over to the couch and sit down.

“No, Zack, I don’t know what she’s up to but that girl is Nora! I’m telling you, it’s her,” Valary expresses.

“And how exactly do you know that? She admitted to it?” I ask, picking my glass of whiskey up off the table and bringing it to my lips. It’s empty before Val replies.

“No, she didn’t admit to it. She introduced herself as Stella but I know it was her, you can’t tell me you haven’t been suspicious!”

I groan. “Valary, I’ve hung out with Stella a couple of times. I know they look a lot alike but it’s simply not Nora. Okay? There are personality differences and…Nora would never talk to me again, you know that.”

“Well, who knows what she’s up to?” Val says. “Plus, it’s been ten years. She’s grown up, we all have, just like all of our personalities have shifted over the years.”

“Exactly, we’ve all grown up. If Nora came back to town and was hanging around she would tell me,” I tell her, feeling irritated.

“But, Z, you just said –”

I cut Valary off. “I’m done with this conversation, okay? I don’t want to hear any more about it. You blabbing about it to Gena may have cost me my relationship with her. So, just leave it alone. It doesn’t matter.”

“Zack!” Val exclaims.

“I have to go,” I tell her. “I’m serious, Val. Keep your mouth shut about Nora and Stella. You’re only making things worse.”

I hang up before Valary can respond. I toss my phone angrily next to me on the couch and then stare down at the empty glass of whiskey. A small part of my reflection catches my attention in the glass and I throw angrily at the wall, too. It shatters instantly, shards of glass and drops of whiskey falling into the floor. How did everything get so fucked up so quickly? And what the fuck am I supposed to do about it now?

Notes

Sounds to me like Zack just doesn't want to believe what's right in front of his eyes.
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Title credit: Avenged Sevenfold "Natural Born Killer"