Login with:

Facebook

Twitter

Tumblr

Google

Yahoo

Aol.

Mibba

Your info will not be visible on the site. After logging in for the first time you'll be able to choose your display name.

Secrets and Lies

07: The Past Can’t Haunt Me If I Don’t Let It

Zachary

I roll over onto my side and search, sleepily for my phone, eventually finding it and hitting the home button. The screen lights up, revealing a picture of me and Gena the night we got engaged. I glance over my shoulder, searching for my fiancé but she’s not in bed with me. Part of me isn’t surprised, things have been rough between us since the engagement. A part of me – a part that won’t dare admit this out loud – wonders if I proposed to her out of desperation. We got engaged only a couple of months after the death of my best friend…I was afraid of losing her, I was afraid of losing everyone and so I held on to as many things and people as I could, as hard as I could. And now, six months after the engagement…I wonder if I held on a little too tightly.

That’s not to say that I don’t love Gena. I love her more than I have loved anyone in a very, very long time. She knew how to make me happy and I genuinely enjoyed her company and her laugh, and just who she is as a person. The fighting, however, is something I can live without but it’s happening more and more frequently.

I open my phone and skim through the few unread text messages I have, secretly looking for a text from a number not saved in my phone. It’s been over a week since I saw Stella, and it bothers me that I haven’t heard from her since. I don’t know why it bothers me, I suppose it’s because of who she reminds me so much of. When I was young, I thought Nora was the love of my life…then everything happened so fast and mistakes were made, or maybe it was fate. Still, I wish I could see her one last time.

After taking a shower and getting dressed, I head down the stairs. I hear a clink in the kitchen, and I follow the noise searching for my fiancé. Gena sits at our dining room table, she’s ignoring the slice of toast in front of her and there’s no steam escaping her mug. She sits with her back towards me, focusing on a book she’s been reading.

“Good morning, baby,” I greet, hoping her anger from last night has subsided. I’m able to make it across the kitchen floor and am almost done pouring my own mug of coffee before she replies.

“Morning,” she says.

I turn and lean against our cabinets and take a sip of the hot beverage, watching her as she ignores me. “Gena, can we talk?”

“About what Zack?” she asks me, not looking up from her book.

The truth is, I don’t know. I don’t even know what we were fighting about last night. I just know we were together, laughing and then the next thing, Gena was storming off and said she was sleeping in the guest room. I take a deep breath and set my mug down on the counter. “Never mind,” I tell her, pushing myself from the counter and walking past her. “I have to get to the warehouse.”

“Of course, you do,” she says, picking her coffee up but sitting it back down before sipping from it.

I heave a sigh and turn back to her. “What does that mean?”

Gena shakes her head. “Nothing, Zack.”

“No, tell me.”

Gena turns in her chair. “It means that all you fucking care about is that band or that clothing line! Why am I even here, Zack? Because you’re not! You’re always on tour or doing something for the band or at the warehouse getting merch ready for your fans! And even when you’re here, you’re not really here. You’re off in your own little world or checking your phone.”

“Checking my phone?” I scoff. “You’re mad at me for checking my phone?”

Gena shakes her head. “No, Zack. I'm mad because I was trying to have sex with you last night and you were too busy checking your messages! For what? Whose text are you waiting on that’s so important? Is it something for the band? For the clothing line?”

I suppress a groan. “I’m not doing this with you. I’ll call you later.” Gena doesn’t reply, and I sit my mug down on the counter before grabbing my keys and heading out of the door.
I’m pulling into my parking spot by the warehouse before I even realize I'm driving. It’s a thirty-minute drive, but my chest still heaves with anger. It irritates me that Gena complains about my job, but she knew what I did before we started dating. We’ve been together for six years, she knows how committed I am to my job and my fans and her. So, why does it feel like she’s giving me an ultimatum?

I sit in my car for a few minutes, trying to gather the energy to go inside but the argument with Gena, even if it was small, drained me. I pull my seatbelt back over me and pull out of my parking spot and head towards the nearest coffee shop.

The place is slow today. I head straight to the counter and order my usual, wishing that I had a flask of whiskey stashed away. As they make my drink, I look around the room. In the far corner near the back sits a woman with short blonde hair. The muscle in my jaw twitches and I feel a flutter in my chest that I dismiss without a second thought. Like Gena, Stella ignores the breakfast pastry in front of her and her coffee lacked the steam. A magazine lays flat in front of her but before I can get a better look, the barista hands me my coffee.

“Thank you,” I tell her quietly as I pay her and drop a couple of bucks into the tip jar.

I slowly begin to make my way over to Stella, and just as I approach her, she turns and attempts to stand but sits back down as soon as she sees me.

“Hey, I thought that was you,” I smile. Her hand slaps down hard on top of the magazine in front of her, which catches my attention. It’s the Kerrang! issue we did in July. I frown and feel a twinge in my heart before looking away. “Oh. I didn’t realize that had…” I feel my throat try to clench, so I clear it. “I didn’t realize that had come out already.”

Stella’s eyes are glassy. “Sorry, I…it was here…I didn’t even know it was about…Zack, I’m so sorry for your loss.”

I’ve never quite mastered what to say to that. “Thanks. May I join you?”

Stella looks like she briefly struggles with which response to give me before sitting back in her chair and motioning to the seat in front of her. “Of course,” she tells me.

I sit down in front of her and stare at her for a moment. It was crazy how much she resembled Nora. “I, uh, I haven’t heard from you since the night at the warehouse. Did the shirts fit okay?”

Stella nods. “Yeah, they fit great. Thank you so much. And uh, yeah, sorry about not calling or texting. I’ve been super busy.”

“Doing what?” I ask her, realizing I don’t really know much about her.

Stella shrugs. “I had a friend in town, she left this morning.”

“Oh,” I say, taking a sip from my cup. “So, are you from around here?”

Stella looks uncomfortable for a moment and I wonder if I’ve upset her. “Um, no, I’m not from here,” she replies.

“Do you have any family here?” I ask, and again, she looks uncomfortable. “Sorry, you just…you look so much like Nora, it’s crazy. I was just thinking maybe you guys you were related somehow.”

“Oh,” she says, surprised. “I don’t know. I guess it’s a possibility.”

“Her last name was…is Saint-Clair,” I tell her, feeling hopeful. I don’t know why, maybe I'm thinking if they are related, there’s a chance for me to see Nora again. Clear shock spreads across Stella’s face and another jolt of hope goes through me. “You know of her family?”

“Um…I…yeah, actually. I went to etiquette school in Manhattan, a Saint-Clair was the…I guess what you would call like the headmistress there. They’re a very prestigious family.”

I feel my face fall. “Oh, so, no relation then?”

Stella opens her mouth to reply but is interrupted by her cell phone ringing. “Sorry,” she apologizes, digging her phone out of her purse. “I, uh, I should take this,” she tells me.

“Okay,” I nod and she gets up from her chair and walks outside.

So, Stella wasn’t related to Nora. Is it possible that, maybe, Nora had a long-lost sister that her parents never told her about? Maybe they put the baby up for adoption and, due to them being such a prestigious family, kept it secret for all these years. Did things like that happen in real life? Maybe doppelgangers exist? Is it too far a stretch?

I watch Stella pace back and forth along the windows before she eventually turns to me and I catch her eye. She stares at me for a moment before turning away and I feel like I'm smiling like an idiot. I frown suddenly and run my hand through my hair and on my face. I pull out my phone and find Gena in my recent texts. Maybe I am in the wrong here. Maybe I have been distracted lately.

“I’m sorry,” I text her. “I love you.” I hit send just as Stella enters the shop and stuff my phone back into my pocket.

“Sorry about that,” she tells me. “That was my…” she absentmindedly tugs on her left ring finger. “Well…”

Stella trails off and I understand why. “Oh,” I lean back in my chair, slightly taken aback. “You’re engaged?”

Stella shakes her head. “It’s a bit more complicated than that. Anyway, I was supposed to head home today and so he was calling to make sure I was at the airport. Clearly, I’m not, so…” she trails off and picks at the muffin in front of her but doesn’t eat any of it.

I don’t say anything to her for a moment. I want to press the subject, but it’s clear she doesn’t want to talk about it. What, or who is she running from? And will she be okay? “Well, if you need to talk…” I trail off.

“No, it’s fine. I, uh, I’m not going to be here much longer anyway. I’m just waiting for some issues to resolve and then I’m going to…go back home.”

“Oh,” I say. “Okay.” I ignore the feeling in my chest and take another sip of my coffee, hoping it would make it subside. It doesn’t.

“So, um…Jimmy, he…how did he die?” She asks me.

The question throws me off. “I, uh, I don’t really want to talk about that.”

She nods and begins picking at her cuticles. After a minute she speaks up again, almost desperately. “Okay, but…was he driving drunk or was it an accident, the magazine said that…”

“Wait, are you kidding me right now?” I ask her, suddenly feeling furious. “Look, I get if you want to pry about Nora, you know, that’s fine but don’t fucking pry when it comes to Jimmy. You read the interview, you know what it says.”

“Zack – I’m sorry, I…”

I cut her off. “I have to go,” I tell her, standing up.

“Zack,” Stella calls, but I ignore her.

I leave the shop and head towards my car. I don’t know why I freaked out on Stella the way that I did. I’ve been talking about Jimmy’s death since it happened, I’ve had so many people pry – interviewers, friends, other bands, fans, random people that just happened to hear the news. I should be used to the prying, used to talking about his death but maybe Stella is just one person too many. Maybe she doesn’t deserve the way I jumped down her throat, but deep inside I know it’s for the best. Stella tends to make me feel weird and I think it’s due to the pretend connection I have with her. it’s hard, sometimes, to remember that I'm talking to Stella and not Nora. Stella reminds me so much of Nora, it’s enough to drive me crazy. Throw a studded belt on her, some Chuck Taylors with ripped jeans and one of my band shirts, and it could be her – well, if her hair was dark brown and not blonde.

I shake my head and start my car. Before I put the car in reverse, my phone dings and I decide to check it quickly, hoping it’s Gena. The number isn’t saved in my phone, but its message tells me who it is. Zack – I’m sorry for prying. I read it again and again before locking my phone and backing out of the parking space.

It’ll be best if I don’t see Stella again. She said she is leaving in a couple more days, so after that my life can go back to normal. I can forget about Nora and Stella and, more importantly, I can focus on being a better fiancé to Gena.

However, I’d be lying if I said there isn’t a part of me that doesn’t want to let Stella go. What if there is a reason why Stella reminds me so much of Nora? What if Stella and Nora are the same…no. Nora wouldn’t lie to me about something like that, would she? I know our relationship ended on a very rocky note but what would she get out of coming back – after all these years – and pretending to be someone else?

I nearly laugh out loud. That is a ridiculous thought. Stella isn’t Nora. Nora didn’t come back to California and find my fiancée, so she could find me and then pretend she was someone else. That’s just stupid. I know I hurt her, but she hurt me too. Someone once told me everyone has an average of six people in the world that look like them…so, maybe that’s what this is, just a super cruel joke played on me by fate. Maybe I deserve it.

“But do you really have to go to the meeting?” Gena asks me the next morning.
I kiss her on the forehead. “Unfortunately, yes,” I tell her. “But after that, I'm free to do whatever you want.”

Yesterday, after leaving Stella in the coffee shop and vowing not to see her again, I decided that I was going to spend today with Gena, I even secretly made reservations at Gena’s favourite restaurant, Mastro’s, in Costa Mesa. Then, Matt called to remind me of a meeting we have in Los Angeles at Warner Brothers.

“Okay,” she pouts, “but you promise that you’re coming home afterward?”

“I promise,” I tell her, digging into my back pocket for my wallet. I hand her my credit card and she smiles as she takes it. “Go shopping and I’ll call you when I'm on my way home.” Shopping always made Gena happy. “Alright, I have to go but I will see you in a few hours, okay?”

Gena nods and kisses my lips. “I love you.”

“I love you, too,” I respond.

The meeting drags on as Matt and the rest of the guys approve band related things like convert dates and a couple of end of summer and fall festivals. Towards the end of the meeting, the man leading the meeting – I think his name is Andy – brings up our fill-in drummer, Mike, and asks us if we’re going to make him permanent and, if so, how and when we plan on announcing it.

“Honestly, we’re just trying to get through this album cycle,” Matt answers harshly.

“Well, we don’t want to sound inconsiderate, but we would like to remind you of the contract and that…”

“Fuck your contract,” Johnny tells him.

“We just buried our best friend like six months ago. Not just our drummer – our best fucking friend. You’re lucky you got this album at all because if it wasn’t for his family, you wouldn’t have gotten shit,” Brian seethes. Without another word, he stands up and storms out of the room.

“Guys, come one, we didn’t mean to offend…” Andy starts but we ignore him as we follow Brian out of the room.

No one speaks for the first several minutes as we drive home. Brian is the first person to break the silence and then I hear a chorus of Yeah’s and Hell yeah’s ring throughout the car but I'm not paying much attention.

“Yo, Zack!” I hear suddenly.

“What?” I ask looking up from my phone.

“Johnny’s Bar, you in?” Matt asks, eyeing me in the rearview mirror.

“Oh, um, no. I have to get back home, I promised Gena I would hang out with her and I made reservations at Mastro’s tonight.

“Suckin’ up, huh? Val said she’s been upset lately because you’re working so much,” Matt tells me.

“I’ve got shit to get done,” I shrug, turning back to my phone.

Brian turns in the passenger seat. “And people to see.”

Johnny, who is sitting beside me in the back seat turns to me with a huge grin. “What does that mean?”

“Oh, don’t tell me he hasn’t told you guys about Stella!” Brian gossips.

“Who?” Matt asks just as Johnny asks, “Dude! You’re cheating on Gena?”

“What?” I scoff. “No, I –”

Brian chuckles. “Oh, dude, it gets so much better. Guess who Stella looks exactly like?”

“They don’t look that similar,” I lie.

Brian scoffs. “Oh, what-the-fuck-ever. I wouldn’t be surprised if it actually is her and she’s lying through her teeth.”

I roll my eyes. “Well, it’s not.”

“Who is lying through their teeth?” Johnny asks, impatiently.

“No one is lying through their teeth!” I say loudly. “Brian’s just being a dick because, at first glance, Stella looks like Nora.”

“Nora? You mean Nora-Nora?” Johnny asks.

“Yes.”

“Like…Nova Saint-Clair?”

Brian exclaims, “That’s exactly what I said!”

“Yes,” I repeat, getting more and more impatient.

“Holy shit,” Matt says from the driver’s seat.

I groan. “it’s not her, though. Stella isn’t from here and if you hang around her you can easily notice differences.”

“Wait, so why are you hanging around her if it’s not Nora?” Matt asks.

“I’m not. Gena brought her to that party she threw a couple weeks ago. I met her briefly then and after that, I ran into her at the coffee shop down the street from the warehouse with Brian. I’ve only seen her twice since then. I invited her to the warehouse to apologize for being a dick at the party and then accidentally ran into her yesterday at the coffee shop again. I don’t really plan on hanging out with her again.”

Johnny wiggles his brows. “Oh, you brought her to your warehouse to apologize,” he smirks.

I can’t help but laugh at his stupid assumption. “No, pervert, I gave her some shirts.”

“What does Gena think about you hanging around a girl that looks like the girl you loved before her?” Matt asks me as he turns down my street.

I shake my head, unsure if he even sees it. “It really hasn’t come up.”

“What, dude, that’s not fair. Gena thinks you’re working when you’re really hanging out with some chick and –”

“No,” I state, “Nora hasn’t come up in conversation. Gena doesn’t know she exists and I’d like to keep it that way. Nora was just a high school relationship…then we broke up. It was a long time ago and there’s really no point in bringing it up.”

“Okay,” Matt tells me as he pulls up in front of my house. “If you say so.”

“Alright, you guys have fun,” I tell them as I get out of the car. I hear them yell something about missing out on a good time, but ignore it as I head up to my house. The shopping bags on the floor tell me that my fiancée is home.

“Hey, baby,” Gena smiles, walking into the room.

I grin. “It looks like you’ve had a good shopping day.”

“Yes, I even got something for you,” she tells me walking over to a bag.

I raise a brow, “Oh yeah?”

Gena smirks as she pulls out a tiny, black lace piece of lingerie. “Yes,” she bites her lip.

“Ohhh,” I grin, walking over to her and pulling her into my arms. “Can I have it now?”

“Hmmm,” Gena pretends to think about it and I kiss her. “Nope,” she tells me, pushing me away slightly. “Guess who I ran into today?”

“Who?” I ask, trying to pull her back to me.

“Stella,” she tells me. I stop trying to pull her close to me. “Val and I saw her in the mall.”

“Val did?” I ask. Val knew Nora in high school, and she would have definitely noticed the obvious similarities.

Gena nods. “Yeah, she was with some guy…uh, Liam, I think was his name. She was sporting this huge diamond ring! Did you notice it at the party? I didn’t! Anyway, I invited them to dinner tonight.”

“You…what?” I ask her. I feel my chest closing in. Dinner with Gena, Stella and Stella's
fiancé? This wasn’t going to turn out well. “No, baby, I made reservations at Mastro’s!”

“Oh,” Gena frowns. “I wish I would have known before I invited them to dinner.”

“Yeah, I guess you’ll have to cancel. Maybe we can have dinner with them next week,” I suggest knowing Stella is leaving in the next couple of days.

Gena shakes her head. “No, Stella said they’re going back to Manhattan. Can’t you call Mastro’s and change the reservation?”

“Oh, Gena, I don’t…”

Gena cuts me off. “Zack, please? We need more couple friends that aren’t in the music industry and I really like Stella.”

“Gena…” I start again.

“You promised. Anything I wanted to do, remember?”

I sigh and stare at her for a long time before finally giving in. “Okay,” I tell her. “Call Stella and tell her to meet us at Mastro’s at seven thirty.”

Gena grins. “That’s perfect! I told her to be here for dinner at seven, so we can just ride together!”

I suppress the groan that crawls into my throat and force a smile instead. “Great.”

Notes

Thank you for reading! Hopefully, you didn't get too far into the chapter without realizing that i switched point of views. From here on out, we will probably be seeing a lot more of Zack's view on things. I know there will be at least 2 more chapters of his point of view, but i don't have everything planned out so we'll see.

Don't forget to comment and subscribe and rate the story! No comments on the previous chapter but my story did go from a 10.0 rating to a 9.8, so i know there's still some readers despite the slowness of the website right now. So, thanks for at least silently reading! Next chapter will be out next weekend.

Title credit: Kesha "Learn to Let Go"

Comments

Ooh I just loved this! Gosh, it was so cute and that ending though!

C.H.Sullivan C.H.Sullivan
12/31/18

Awhhh the ending was so cute! I know you were struggling on how to continue a while back, but you did great!

I'm sad it's ended, but the ending was as it should have been :)

Kimmie Kimmie
12/8/18

*happy sigh*

I love happy endings

BeccaBearSc BeccaBearSc
12/2/18

AWWWWW their realtionship is too damn cute.

BeccaBearSc BeccaBearSc
11/5/18