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Secrets and Lies

04: Comfort Yourself with the Sense of Revenge

Stella

The next morning my eyes feel dry and swollen. I couldn’t help but cry when I got back to the hotel after the party. It’s been ten years since I’ve last seen Zack, so I expected him to be in a relationship. I expected him to have taken my parents money and moved on. That’s not what I am upset about. Okay, maybe it did upset me a little bit to see the life he built with someone else. But, I am more upset that I saw him. Seeing him brought back emotions I thought were gone. Maybe a part of me always thought we belonged together. It’s stupid and naïve to think something like that, especially after what he did but it’s what I believed. After all, he was my first love and a part of me will always love him, no matter how much I wish I didn’t. Thankfully, Vivian got her own hotel room and left me to my own devices and I was able to cry as hard and as much as I wanted without being judged or consoled. After the last several days, a good cry felt good and I let it all out but now I’m rather regretting it.

After pulling myself out of bed I decided to take a shower and wash the disappointment of last night off of me, but I can’t stop thinking about Zack. By the time I get out of the shower the sadness has begun to disappear and is replaced with anger. I can’t wait to get out of this state and away from Zack. There is just a couple of days until my bank card comes in the mail; I just have to wait until then and then I can finally disappear.

I am dressed with a full face of make-up to hide my puffy eyes and grabbing my car keys from the bedside table with there is a knock on the door. Vivian stands there with her most apologetic smile. I know there was no way of knowing that the party was in fact held at Zack's house. I know last night was in no way shape or form Vivian’s fault. Still, I don’t return her smile.

“Oh, come on, Stell. You can’t stay mad at me,” Vivian tells me as she walks into my room.

“I’m not,” I reply. I want to believe it.

Vivian doesn’t believe it either. “At least you know where he lives now, you can finally get all those answers you wanted…and deserve.”

“I don’t want anything from him, Viv,” I tell her impatiently. “I just want to get away from here.

Vivian isn’t letting up though. “Well, you should want answers. If I had known who he was before we left, I would have demanded them myself.”

I roll my eyes. “We were teenagers. He was trying to get cash, so his band could put out more demos or tour or whatever. It obviously worked but it doesn’t matter. My parents offered him a lot of money and he chose it over me. The ‘why’ of it all isn’t going to make me feel any better about it.”

Vivian sighs but doesn’t press the subject again. “Well, where were you headed before I got here?” She asks motioning to my keys that are still dangling in my hand.

“To get coffee,” I tell her.

“Can I come?”

“I just really want to be alone for a little while longer,” I tell her, trying to sound kind.

Vivian nods understandingly. “Okay.”

I nibble at my lip and notice that Vivian looks like she has more to say but is having trouble. “What’s wrong?” I ask her.

She hesitates before she answers. “You need to call Liam back. He’s worried about you and I don’t know how much longer I can hold him off if you don’t speak to him.”

I groan dramatically. “I really don’t want to deal with him today.” Or ever.

“Okay,” Vivian replies but continues, “Just keep in mind what I said.”

I’d be lying if I said a huge part of me didn’t want to just get on the highway and drive until I ran out of gas. Instead, I drive through the streets of Anaheim, past Disneyland and a warehouse and stop at the coffee shop Vivian stopped at yesterday morning. The line is long, but I don’t mind the wait. Besides some quiet chatter and the machines, the coffee shop is pretty quiet and it’s peaceful. I’m next in line when my phone begins to vibrate in my blazer pocket. I make a mental note to get a new phone with a new number once I get my bank card and pull it out of my pocket. I'm ready to ignore the call – I’ve ignored every call since leaving Manhattan – but when I realize it’s Liam’s face lighting up my screen, my thumb hovers over the “decline” button before I eventually groan and accept. I don’t speak as I raise the phone up to my ear and begin to make my way out of the shop.

“Stella, are you there?” Liam asks me.

I bite the inside of my cheek and shake my head. I don’t want to have this conversation today, but even more, I don’t want Liam to come to California and drag me back to Manhattan. “I’m here,” I finally reply.

“I’ve been calling you nonstop since you left,” Liam tells me.

I roll my eyes. I’m half-tempted to tell him to go fuck himself, that when I left that was the end of our engagement and his right to call me, but I know if I do it wouldn’t turn out well. After all, Vivian was supposed to be here to be talking me into going back to him. “I just need some space,” I lie.

Liam sighs on the other end of the phone. “Stella, baby, I’m sorry about the other night. I swear it won’t happen again.”

“You say that every single time, Liam. Every time!” I tell him.

“You’re right but I mean it this time. I haven’t had a drink since that night and…I want you to be my wife. I should have never put my hands you. I’ll do whatever it takes to make it up to you.”

I clench my jaw to keep the words from coming out of my mouth. This is when I always forgive him. I can’t do it again; if I do, I know what will happen. I decide to change the subject. “You called my parents, Liam? Out of all the people in the world you called them and told them what was going on.”

“I know I shouldn’t have called them. I just didn’t know what was going on with you. I woke up and you were gone. The credit card showed that you bought a ticket for Los Angeles. I knew where you were going, and it was either call them and have them keep an eye out or I was going to fly there myself.”

“According to Vivian, you were still planning on coming,” I tell him.

“Of course, I was. I would go to the ends of the earth for you, Stella,” Liam told me.

The words were out of my mouth, loudly, before I could stop them. “I don’t fucking want you to go to the ends of the earth for me, Liam. I don’t want you to follow me when I tell you I need space. I just want you to stop drinking and to realize it is not okay to put your hands on me.”

“I have realized that, Stella!” Liam’s voice was slightly raised too. “I told you I was sorry and that I would do anything to make it up to you. I know you’ve heard it all before, but I promise this is it, okay? Please come back to me.”

I suppress a groan and close my eyes, slightly tilting my head up to the sky as if the warmth was going to provide me with answers. I want to forgive him. I want nothing more than a reason to get out of this state and go home to someone that loves me. I’m just not sure if that exists in Manhattan with Liam.

Before I can finish my train of thought and come up with a reply, a voice in front of me interrupts. “Nora?”

My eyes snap open, chills run down my spine and I nearly drop my phone. A familiar figure stands a few feet in front of me, his sunglasses hang loosely in his hand like he had taken them off to get a better look. His brown eyes stared at me like they were searching for something.

“Stella? Are you still there?” Liam asks on the phone, nearly causing me to jump.

“I’ll call you back,” I mumble absentmindedly. I hang up the phone and shove it into my purse.

Brian is still staring at me and I can feel the little beads of sweat begin to make themselves a home on the center of my back. “Nora ‘Novocain’ Saint-Clair, is that you?”

It’s been a decade since I’ve heard the nickname Brian and Jimmy gave me. I almost laugh, but the shock I’m feeling makes it hard to do anything. Just like the conversation with Liam, I wasn’t ready for this one either. I need more time to figure out what I was going to say and who I was going to say it to or if I was going to say anything else. Before I can reply, I hear heavy footprints approaching us quickly.

“Brian, no, it’s not…this isn’t Nora,” the man says the closer he gets. My heart skips a beat before it jumps into my throat. Zack soon stood beside Brian holding two drink carriers with the coffee shops logo on them. He had a horrified expression on his face as he tried to explain to his best friend who I was…or wasn’t.

Brian looks at Zack wide-eyed. “Zack, it looks exactly like her.”

I wonder how suspicious or odd it will look if I just decide to take off in the opposite direction. I try to move my foot, to turn around and run but nothing will move. My hands feel clammy and my throat tight.

“It’s not her,” Zack reassures him, glancing at me. “Look, can you just take these back to the warehouse? Take my car, I’ll walk.”

Brian looks like he wants to argue and stay a little longer but eventually turns, and without a word, begins to walk off. I notice him turn around and look at me several times before Zack steps into my view. He’s trying to smile but I can tell he’s nervous and feeling awkward. I can only imagine how I look.

“Sorry, about that,” he tells me apologetically. “Um, it was Stella, right? I’m Zack. We uh…we kind of met last night. Anyway, uh, I just wanted to apologize for acting like such an asshole last night.”

I wet my lips and hope something comes out when I open my mouth. “No, it’s fine,” I tell him.

“So, Gena said you and she met at a bar?” he asks me.

So, what, we are going to have a conversation now? I nod, hoping he didn’t notice how confused I am. “Um, yeah. I guess we were both having a pretty bad day the other day.”

Zack nods. “Yeah, that’s my fault. I just got back from…a trip a few days ago and…well, I get irritable when I'm tired. I kind of took some frustrations out on her.”

I nod. “It’s okay, I wasn’t judging you.”

Zack opens his mouth to reply but before he can a woman younger than the both of us walks up to us. She looks nervous but excited as she stares down Zack. “Oh, my God! Zacky V?”

Zack looks at the girl and then takes a quick glance at me before smiling and giving the woman his attention. “Hey! How are you?”

“Oh, my God! I am such a huge fan! I can’t believe I’m actually meeting you right now! Can I get your autograph and, like, maybe a photo?”

“Of course! It’s the least I can do, dude! Thank you so much for your support!” Zack tells the girl as she searches her purse for a pen and a piece of paper.

“I love Avenged Sevenfold so much,” she tells him. “Are you guys about to start on your next album or are you going to take a few months off first?” She finally finds a piece of paper and a pen and hands it to him. I glance behind me and wonder if I can run away while Zack is distracted. The problem is, he’s blocking my way to my car.

“Oh, thank you. Thank you, so much! Uh, I think we’re going to just relax for a little while and then we’re going to get back to work.”

I take a step backward, deciding I can find a corner to hide behind until Zack disappears. Before I can take another, though, the girl looks at me and smiles. “Can you take our picture?”

She’s offering me her cell phone. Zack glances at the phone and then me before smiling softly. “Sure,” I tell her. There is no way I am getting away from here anyway. I take her phone from her as Zack and the girl get into position and pose. God damn, Zack's smile is beautiful.

“Okay, on the count of three. One…two…three.” I snap a few photos before handing her phone back to her. “Here you go.”

“Thank you so much,” the girl tells me and then turns her attention back to Zack. “Thank you, Zacky!”

“Oh, no, thank you!” he tells her. They hug and then she hesitantly walks off. “Sorry about that,” he tells me.

“So, what, you’re like famous or something?” I ask him, even though I already know the answer.

Zack laughs nervously. “Um, I wouldn’t say famous, but I guess I’ve found some fame with my band, Avenged Sevenfold.”

I nod. I don’t know why I’m doing what I’m doing, but I can’t seem to stop. “So, when you said you were on a trip, you were actually on tour?”

Zack nods, looking slightly embarrassed that I caught him lying. “Yeah, sorry. I didn’t really know how you would react.”

“And that guy you were with – he’s in the band with you?” I ask him, again, knowing the answer.

“Brian? Yeah, he’s a guitarist,” Zack tells me with a smile.

I bite the inside of my cheek, preparing myself for my next question. I knew I shouldn’t pursue this line of questioning, but the words begged to come out. “And you both mistook me for the same girl? You said her name was Nora?”

Zack immediately looks uncomfortable. Good, I want him to feel uncomfortable at the sound of my name or the thought of me. “Yeah, sorry about that.”

“Who is she?” The question comes out of my mouth before I can reconsider it. “I mean, you both looked like you had seen a ghost when you saw me.”

Zack laughs uncomfortably and rubs the back of his neck. “Oh, man. I wouldn’t even know where to start,” he tells me. “Brian, Nora, myself and the rest of the guys in my band, we all went to school together. It seems like ages ago.”

He is right, it does seem like ages ago. “Oh?” I ask, cocking my brow, waiting for him to continue.

“Yeah, you could be her twin. You look exactly like her, except she had long dark hair and, well, the way you dress…” he tells me.

I look down at my outfit. I was wearing a pencil skirt, a blouse and my favourite blazer with a pair of heels. I look cute as fuck. “What’s wrong with how I’m dressed?” I ask, offended. I know some of the outfits I own resemble my deceased grandmothers, but this one was one I took pride in.

“Oh, no, nothing is wrong with it,” Zack tells me, panic in his voice. “Nora dressed more like…well, me and Brian. She went out of her way to dress the way she did. Anyway, it’s a long story. Do you live in Anaheim?”

I shake my head. “No, I’m just in town for a little while. What are you doing here? I mean, if you live in Huntington Beach?”

“I own a warehouse right down the street. On top of my band, I also have a clothing line,” Zack opens his jacket slightly, so I can see his shirt which has a skull with one eyeball and the words Vengeance University on it. “Anyway, I was coming to get coffees for everyone that’s there working because they’ve been working their ass off the last couple of days. We had a sale and we’re just trying to get all the orders out as soon as possible and…well, I’m rambling, and you probably don’t care.”

I laugh slightly. It was nice to see Zack feeling awkward. “No, I think it’s awesome.”

Zack's face lights up slightly but then it disappears so fast I almost think I imagined the whole thing. “I should get back. Everyone is probably wondering where I am.”

I nod. “Yeah, me too. I just meant to step out for some coffee,” I tell him.

Zack nods but doesn’t move and neither do I. “You should come by the warehouse tonight if you’re not doing anything. I’ll be there until super late, probably. I can give you some free merch. I don’t know if you’re into that sort of thing, necessarily, but it’s the least I can do for being so rude to you last night.”

My first instinct is to reject his offer. My mouth is open, and the words are about to come out, but I close it. I do need new clothes and the shirt he’s wearing right now is pretty awesome and something no one would expect a Saint-Clair to be wearing.

“Okay. You can also tell me a little more about Nora. You know, since you were so rude last night,” I joke. I know I told Vivian that finding out why Zack took the money and ran wouldn’t make me feel better, but now that the opportunity was here, I can’t deny how bad I want answers.

Zack looks uncomfortable for a moment as he thinks on his answer. Finally, he heaves a breath and nods. “Alright, deal.”

Notes

Thank you, Holly, for your comment on the last chapter!

Title credit: Blink 182 “Obvious”

Comments

Ooh I just loved this! Gosh, it was so cute and that ending though!

C.H.Sullivan C.H.Sullivan
12/31/18

Awhhh the ending was so cute! I know you were struggling on how to continue a while back, but you did great!

I'm sad it's ended, but the ending was as it should have been :)

Kimmie Kimmie
12/8/18

*happy sigh*

I love happy endings

BeccaBearSc BeccaBearSc
12/2/18

AWWWWW their realtionship is too damn cute.

BeccaBearSc BeccaBearSc
11/5/18