Take a Look At Yourself

It was my phone that woke me up. As I tried to move to answer it, thick arms wrapped around me. A smile ghosted around my mouth as I remembered that Matt had come over with all the Disney Renaissance films. I had never felt like someone cared for me more than in that moment.

“Hello,” I answered the phone without even looking at the caller ID. It was a mistake I didn’t do often and for a very good reason.

“I’ve moved your finals up to Wednesday. You better get your ass home.” My dad’s voice was low. It was the kind of low that instantly sent fear rushing through my body. This was a voice I hadn’t heard since my teenager days. It made me recoil at the thought that I had upset him.

“You can’t just—”

A growl cut me off. “Do not argue. Get your ass home.” The phone clicked silent and a wave of black hit me. My entire mind went numb, and I lost all control of my limbs. Even though I was telling my body one thing, it was like nothing could happen.

“Carmen,” Matt’s voice echoed in my mind. Shaking my head, I tuned him out. I couldn’t allow a man to be the thing I relied on. I had to start relying on myself. As much as I enjoyed Matt caring for me, I knew that I had to be the one to pull myself out of things. This was not his job.

Once my breathing was calm and I had regained feeling back in my body, I turned to Matt. Concern was very apparent in his eyes. He carefully pulled me against his chest and just held me. It was obvious that we were too close to each other. He was going to get hurt.

“What’s going on babe?”

“I don’t really understand what just happened. My father called and said he moved my finals to Wednesday. Something really big must have happened.” I gulped the fear that was bubbling up again down.

Matt’s face paled. “Did he say why?”

I looked at him, wondering what he knew that I didn’t. “No, of course he didn’t. What do you know?”

Matt let go of me and started pacing my apartment floor. It was like someone had taken over his body with the amount he was pacing. He scratched the back of his head and took in a deep breath. “I may have done something, something I may not be proud of.”

Sitting down on my couch, I stared at the man. What was he talking about? “Matt…”

“Look, it doesn’t sit well with me when people are abused, especially if they are sexually assaulted.” He sat down next to me on the couch and stared at my floor. “Back in high school, the five of us did a really stupid thing. We’re lucky we weren’t arrested, and we almost did that again.”

I furrowed my brow. None of this was really making sense to me. What had they done? Why had they done it? And what had they done now?

“We basically castrated someone in high school because they raped my girlfriend at the time. Like I said, we were lucky we weren’t arrested. If something like that ever got out, we all would have lost our scholarships.”

“And you almost did that again? Why?” I asked, touching his arm gently.

“No, we went with a different plan, and I fear that’s why your father wants to see you now.” He sighed. “We did it because we care about you, Carmen. Fuck, I care about you more than that. I have actual, real feelings for you.”

My eyes widened. “Matt, what the hell did you do?”

“Brian, Zach, Johnny, and Jimmy went to Dallas. We wanted evidence of what your father and his partner had done. They were supposed to update me, and I never heard from them. Something most have happened.”

I stood up and glared at him. “Why? Why would you do that?”

“Because I wanted to help.” His hazel eyes finally met mine. I could see the fear, the pain, and the confusion in his eyes. He clearly felt bad about this entire situation, but I was raving mad. I didn’t ask him to do this, and I didn’t need him to do this.

“There would have been better ways to help! You could have literally done anything else!”

He kept staring at the floor, clearly ashamed of what he had done. I still couldn’t understand why he had done this. Why did he need to help me? I hadn’t asked for it! That was the thing I couldn’t get my head wrapped around.

“I know that, but we had to do something. They were getting away with multiple rapes and incest and just all kinds of horrid things!” Matt finally looked up at me again. I saw anger in his eyes, and I understood and recognized that anger. That was anger that I felt. It was anger only someone who went through abuse could understand and recognize.

“Matt, what happened?”

“I told you I didn’t know,” he said quietly and then it dawned on him what I meant. “How did you know something happened to me?”

“Survivors recognize other survivors, Matt. You know about mine, please tell me about yours.”

He took a deep breath. It was like watching two sumo wrestlers compete as the wheels in his brain turned. It was clear that he was debating whether or not he should actually tell me what had happened or if he should just ask like nothing happened.

“My dad beat the shit out of me, okay? My parents got a divorce because my mom was tired of seeing me take her and my sister’s beatings.” His hands were shaking as he flashed back to whatever his dad had done. Carefully, I placed a hand to his arm and started to rub.

“Thank you for telling me. Can you call them? I need to know what happened so I can be a little prepared for what my father might do.”

Matt nodded and pulled out his phone. The other line rang as he put it on speaker. Brian’s voice picked up. “Hey, we were just about to call you!”

“What happened?”

“We’re heading back to Tennessee now. We got some stuff on Harrison’s father and partner.”

“Did you get caught?”

Brian snorted like he was offended. “No! We didn’t get caught, and Johnny disabled all the cameras. Why? Did something happen?”

“My father is asking me to come home early.” The fear was back in my voice. I didn’t think the fear would ever leave.

“Shit… if it was us, I am so, so sorry, Carmen. We will go back with you.”

“It’s during finals,” Matt’s voice was choked up. He felt so guilty.

“We’ll figure something out… I promise.”

Notes

Hey y'all, sorry for the break. Haven't been motivated to write. Will try my best to update other stories!