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Take a Look At Yourself

I Am Your Hate

Thanksgiving used to be my favorite holiday. I loved all of the food my family served, even if we did it a little differently than everyone else did. We had a family tradition of pulling our turkey. It was similar to pulled pork but with turkey instead. We also had the recipe my nana brought from Puerto Rico: empanadas.

But this year, I just wasn't feeling up for it. My father was going to kill me. He was going to tear me apart for getting kicked off the soccer team and for all the tattoos I had now. My father was a respectable lawyer in Texas. Without a doubt, the Harrison name was known. If we were New Yorkers, we would basically be like the Bass family from Gossip Girl. It probably didn't help my case that I had declined to go to an Ivy League school. That wasn't something I thought he would ever let go.

Taking a deep breath, I opened the door and entered my family's house. It was the same as it always was: too big for a five member family. We really didn't need this much space, and my parents really didn't need this much space after we had all moved out. I was the middle child of three.

My older brother was the perfect son. He was twenty-five, well on his way to become a very successful surgeon at Memorial Hermann in Houston. Marco just got engaged. He was following very closely in our father's footsteps. They got along great.

My younger brother was the star of his football team. He was the quarterback at Stanford, and Stanford was actually winning with him at the helm. He was only nineteen years old, but he was making waves. Everyone loved Juan. He was the prodigy son in a different way than Marco was.

Then there was me. I used to be the prodigal daughter despite being the middle child. I was the combination of my older and younger brother. Not only did I have the academic prowess of Marco, but I had the raw, natural talent of Juan. I was a match made in heaven, but I was and always will be hard to tame. I didn't go to the school my mother or father wanted to, I didn't pick the major they wanted me to, and I didn't play the sport I had played for years. I was supposed to be a top swimmer, not a soccer player.

And they would have been okay with all of that, if I hadn't gotten a tattoo, if I hadn't got kicked off the soccer team, if I hadn't been me. Marco and Juan were always in the clear. I was the bad child. And that would never change.

"Carmen, darling." My mother kissed both my cheeks. "We're so glad to see you." My mother was a famous fashion designer hailing from Puerto Rico. She kept her last name because she was better known than our father. My mother, in all her glory, was the magnificent Maria Valdez.

"Hello, mother." I hugged her back, tugging my sleeve down so she wouldn't see the tattoos. My mom may have been more of a free spirit than my father, but she would never approve of tattoos. She always thought they looked tacky.

"Your father is waiting for you in the study." Mother motioned to the back room. "Hurry along so we can start dinner. Marco and Juan are already here."

Taking another deep breath, I walked to my fate. Father would undoubtedly yell at me. Even I could even get in a word to tell him the full story, he would probably slap me like he used to. It was a reality I was unfortunately used to. This was life in the Harrison house.

Knocking on the door, I entered Father's study and waited for my tongue-lashing to begin. My father was sitting in his chair. His "distinguished" gray hair was pushed over, like he had been playing with it. That was strange. Father never looked out of place. You never knew who was watching the Harrison-Valdez family.

"Carmen," Father said, "We have a lot to talk about." He motioned for me to sit down.

I wanted this over as quickly as possible, so I sat. And I waited. Because if Nathan Harrison was going to have a meltdown, it was going to be on his own damn time.

"I was sent the rather scathing article about you by a client. Do you know how embarrassing that is? My client was not particularly happy to learn that my daughter was mocking his favorite college team. Apparently, his grandfather and father are alumni.

"Carmen, you disrespected a national sport. You abused a coach. You made a mockery of the Harrison name. I thought at this point that you would have learned from your numerous lessons." He pinched the bridge of his nose. "That article had repercussions for your mother and me. Your brothers know not to speak out of turn. Why haven't you learned that yet?"

I took a deep breath. It was a now or never kind of moment. "I thought it was an article about my team. I thought that they wanted to finally shine some light on the team that had always won national championships. Had I known that the football team was conspiring against me, I assure you, I wouldn't have talked to that reporter. Despite what you may think, Father, not everything I do is to spite the family."

My father stood up, holding up a newspaper. "Then this article came out." He pretended like I hadn't even spoken, typical Nathan behavior. "Now I am getting calls from all my clients, curious about my football-playing daughter. Instead of asking how you could hate the national sport, they're asking if you're a dyke. I'm not sure what's more embarrassing. Quite frankly, Carmen, at this point, I could not care less. You are a disappointment to this family."

Those words used to hurt me, cut me like a knife. When you'd heard them as frequently as I had, they didn't carry the same amount of weight. It didn't hurt as much anymore. All it really did was make me feel my family never really cared about me.

Standing up, I got toe to toe with my father. If Coach Peterson didn't scare, I wasn't going to let an asshole lawyer do it. "I don't care what your clients think of me. I don't care what anyone does." I pushed up the sleeves of my shirt, revealing my many tattoos. "You can go fuck yourself."

I walked out of the room, right past my brothers and mother and out the door. Some family we were. La familia was terrible.

Notes

Twists and turns. Twists and fucking turns.

Comments

@overneaththepathofmisery
Awww glad to be back! I think I'll be doing weekly updates since I officially have my weekends back!

My Heri is back! *hugest giantest hearty eyes*

@violetshade
HIIII! I've missed you all! Yay gas money! Glad you are all moved down here and looking for job!

Oh don't worry, the boys will think of something.

AHHHH! SO GLAD YOU'RE BACK!!! Once I get a job I'll have gas money to come see youuuuuu!!! Good to hear your school and health is going well, I really hope that continues!
Also can't wait to see what the FUCK happens to her dad (hopefully something absolutely horrifyingly awful).

@HereticBlood6661 as sad as it makes me having you step away, I know that you will be back, and you can bet your ass I’ll still be, girl! I’m MORE upset about your poor health, honey. Do they have any ideas what’s causing your full body issues? Do they have a plan of attack for treatment? Don’t be a stranger! Sevenfold makes us family ;) <3 I’m wishing you luck with your Masters, I know they can be a a complete mind fuck. What are you doing your Masters in? Remember, YOU’VE GOT THIS! <3<3<3