Don't Change the Way You Think of Me

**Dani’s POV**

It was dark in the arena, the mosh pit was anxious with anticipation of the upcoming show. They started chanting “A7x. A7x. A7x.” There were random yells, whoops, and hollers; I couldn’t believe the energy illuminating the darkness.

The opening piano parts from Nightmare rang out, from the top of the rafters, there was a spotlight. The screams got louder and I readied my camera. Roxie and Lily were in the stands directly to my left on Zacky’s side of the stage. All of a sudden, a dummy was dropped from a noose in the rafters as “NIGHTMARE” rang out. Nice touch guys. I thought to myself as Matt appeared on the stage followed by the other guys.


Immediately immersed in his character, Matt moved around the stage in his aviator glasses. Over the years of following the band, he was in character when he wore those glasses, when he was just Matt he was almost never in sun glasses unless in direct sunlight. It made sense to wear sunglasses on stage, the lights had to be extremely bright and I’m sure he liked seeing the fans in the crowd.

The other guys struck their usual poses, Brian with his infamous smirk, Zacky with his cocky look but shy pose, Johnny standing shoulder width apart, and of course Jimmy going absolutely ape shit in the back on drums. I snapped a few pictures from stage right catching some of Zacky, Matt, and Jimmy, before moving towards center stage to get a few up close of Matt.


As Nightmare wound down, Matt spoke a few words, “What’s up Los Angeles? Thanks for coming out tonight, how’s everybody feeling?” There were so many screams and shouts. Fan girls yelling about getting pregnant, marrying them, etc. “Glad to hear it, we’re gonna take you through a trip of the ages while throwing in a few new songs tonight, how’s that sound?” Again, screams erupted. “Sounds good, let’s go!” They immediately dove into Critical Acclaim.


About an hour into the show, I had about 200 pictures of the guys on stage. Antics, poses, silly faces, laughter, you name it, and I probably got a shot of it. They had just finished playing Unholy Confessions and Bat Country when they turned the lights up a little bit. “So, we met a very special lady today and it happens to be her fourth birthday. Lily, come on up here sweetheart, JB can you get her?” I looked at Matt curiously and looked over towards Roxie and Lily in the front row of the stands.

Jason Berry held his arms out to her and she shyly went to him, her eyes wide. “This little girl is amazing, and we just wanted to give her a birthday she’d never forget,” Brian spoke into the mic. Girls behind me yelled, “WE love you!”


I couldn’t help but chuckle as Johnny brought up a director’s chair. Jason set Lily on the stage and she immediately ran up to Zacky and hid behind his legs. I let out a chuckle and snapped a picture real quick.


Zack smiled down at her and grabbed her hand, I heard him say, “Come on sweetie.”


Matt held his hands out to her and she went to him. He picked her up and sat her on the director’s chair. “Jimmy you have the crown?”


I laughed and shook my head as Jimmy brought out a black and silver crown and handed it to her. Lily’s eyes were wide with shock and surprise, but also excitement as she settled the crown on her head. “So Lily, is it okay if we sing Happy Birthday to you?” Jimmy asked her in the mic Matt was holding.


She nodded and he kissed her forehead before going back to the drums. I heard some people saying “Aww” and some being like “What the fuck?”


“Alright LA, we need your help, Jimmy give us a beat, guys? Music?” Matt directed and lifted his hand, “Happy Birthday to you-“ he led the crowd through the song. I sang along, snapping some pics as the guys all came up to her and played around her.



As they finished Matt smiled at Lily, “So your mom tells me that you like the song Dear God is that right?”


He held the mic up to her, “Yeah, it’s my favorite!” she moved around a little and it made me nervous that she wasn’t more grounded.


“Wanna help me sing it?” Matt asked smiling wide, showing her his dimples.


“Ya!” Lily nodded excitedly and I saw Brian grab a stool and his acoustic guitar, setting it up next to Lily’s chair and put his foot on one of the bars on her chair. Adding a little more stability to her chair.


Thank-you. I silently thanked him, he found my eyes as I looked up at him. I gave him a small nod, which was met with a subtle nod and the infamous smirk. I snapped another pic of them withLily as Matt sat in another stool on the opposite side of Brian, mimicking Brian’s foot placement. He held the microphone in between the two of them as they started the song.


I felt tears come to my eyes, feeling an overwhelming joy that they were going out of her way to make this birthday special. It was the first one without her dad, and so far she hadn’t mentioned him. It wasn’t that I didn’t want her to remember him, it was more about the fact that I didn’t want to think about him. It still hurt, he was so far away and I missed him, he was my best friend.


After the song, “Everyone wave to Lily, if you see her, make sure you give her a high five!” Jimmy shouted from his mic. Matt smiled and helped her down and led her back to the edge of the stage. Everyone waved at her as Jason gave her back to Roxie.


“Must be Matt’s new girlfriend’s brat,” a girl said to her friend behind me. I just shook my head laughing inwardly at their pettiness. The show went on and I captured more pictures.


“Alright guys, this is gonna be the last song of the night. It’s a special song written by our very own Synyster Gates,” Matt introduced. “This is So Far Away”.


As I listened to this never revealed song, the lyrics so deep and meaningful. The pain coming through so clearly and I couldn’t help but look at Brian. “Sleep tight, I’m not afraid. The ones that we love are here with me. Lay away a place for me ‘cause as soon as I’m done, I’ll be on my way, to live eternally.” It felt as though I couldn’t breathe, I immediately thought of Chris. His beautiful blue eyes, brown hair, the biggest smile I’d ever seen. “I love you, you were ready, the pain is strong and urges rise. But I’ll see you when He lets me, your pain is gone, your hands untied. So far away, and I need you to know…” I looked up at Brian, not realizing that I had tears falling and I lifted the camera. Catching a concerned vulnerable look on his face as he looked right at me. He is such a beautiful, sensitive man.


**Brian’s POV**

We got towards the end of the concert, we had done the birthday half-time show for Lily, which I had tried to add as much stability as I could to her chair. I saw Dani thank me silently with a nod which of course I returned. She looked beautiful and wonderous as she snapped pictures of us. Honestly, I wish she could have enjoyed the concert rather than have to work it. I wanted to perform for her. You’re married… my conscious told me. I didn’t mean nothing bad about it. I countered my inner voice. Yeah, keep telling yourself that.


“This is gonna be the last song of the night,” Matt said and I heard a lot of the fans protest this remark. They knew we would do an encore, but I gotta admit I enjoyed the fact that they loved us so much. We loved them too, even the crazy ones who beg us to impregnate them. “It’s written by our very own Synyster Gates.” I blew out a breath, I loved this song, it meant a lot to me. Written for my grandfather originally, but when I had the nightmare about Jimmy…well, I accommodated it to him. How I would feel without him. “This is So Far Away”.


This song made me feel so vulnerable, as Matt got towards the end of the song. I looked out and met Dani’s eyes…she was crying. Immediately I wanted to go to her, wanted to comfort her. You’re married. I ignored the voice and looked down at her. She should never be that sad, I just wanna help. No doubt that this song brought up Lily’s dad. It pained me and I could tell that I was vulnerable, I saw her lift her camera and snap a pic of me. As the song wound down, we slowly dispersed off the stage. “Jason, go make sure that Dani, Roxie, and Lily come backstage after the show.” I told him, reasonably calm.


“The fuck Gates?” Johnny asked looking at me curiously.


“No birthday is complete without cake, short shit,” I immediately deflected the question.


“Aw fuck we forgot the cake!” Jimmy cried out disappointed in himself.


“Zacky got it covered, he sent Larry out for one this afternoon. Chocolate on chocolate,” I told him.


Zack nodded in agreeance, “Yeah it’s all set up in theback room.”


“Guys, don’t you think that she’s gonna be a bit tired? She’s only 4,” Matt offered some reasoning.


“If she gets tired she can pass out, we have plenty of space,” I shrugged.


“Besides, aren’t we getting hotel rooms? We could get them a hotel room too,” Jimmy said thoughtfully.


“True, so we’re in agreeance?” Johnny asked looking around.


“Short shit, quit trying to act like you’re in charge,” Matt rolled his eyes playfully.


“Alright, I’ve sent word to both of them, they’re down to come backstage after the show, but we gotta get out there for the encore. Your fans are getting restless as fuck.”


“Alright, so A Little Piece of Heaven?” Zacky asked and everyone nodded.


“Let’s do this,” I said as we went back out on stage.


**Dani’s POV**

I stood in the backstage corridor, waiting for Lily and Roxie. I leaned my head back against the wall, closing my eyes to relax a little. It had been a long day and while I appreciated these guys to death for everything they’ve done, I knew we’d have to figure out a place to stay before the end of the night and it was way past Lily’s bedtime.

“You alright?” a voice that sounded like heaven asked and startled me back to alertness.

I jumped and opened my eyes looking at Brian, I relaxed a bit and nodded, “Yeah, I’m good. Just been a long day.”

He nodded, “Yeah, it has.” He leaned against the wall with me as some road technicians passed us. “I can’t imagine what you’ve been through, but I saw you during So Far Away. If you need to talk or ever just need a hug, I’m your guy.”

I smiled and looked up into his eyes, feeling a tug at my heart strings, “I’ll keep that in mind. It’s a beautiful song, you should be very proud.”

He nodded as he searched my eyes, we started to move in closer, “Mommy!”

Saved by the bell. I immediately turned to see Roxie carrying Lily. “Hey baby!” I matched her enthusiasm.

Roxie set her down and Lily ran over to me. I scooped her up in a big hug, “Did you see me mommy?!”


I chuckled, “I did baby, you got spoiled being surrounded by handsome men.”


“Yeah!” she all but leapt from my arms and onto Brian, who thankfully caught her before she could fall to the floor.

“Oof,” he let out a puff of air. “Careful there sweetheart, don’t wanna hurt yourself.”

She hugged his neck tight as she could, “Thank-you.”

“Aww, you’re welcome,” he responded and hugged her back. “Ready for some cake?”

“There’s cake?” Roxie asked looking at me confused.

I shrugged at her and looked at Brian for answers. He smiled sheepishly, “We may have ordered a cake.”

“I like cake, what kind is it?” Lily said excitedly, bouncing in Brian’s arms.

“Well make sure it’s okay with your mommy first, then we’ll go see the guys.”

She immediately looked over at me and I smiled today was her day, today I would allow her sugar before bed. “Yeah, it’s okay baby,” I told her and nodded, my eyes then met Brian’s and he flashed me a smile.

“Dani?” Roxie said softly.

“Brian, you go ahead and take her with you, we’ll be there in a minute,” I smiled at him. “Lily be good.”

“I will mama,” she said nonchalantly as they turned. I saw a brief flash of worry cross Brian’s features, but he didn’t argue.

I turned to Roxie and hugged her tightly, “Thank-you for your help today.”

“It’s not a problem,” she replied, a little taken aback. “Dani, why have you given in at every turn today?”

I pulled away and tucked my hair behind my ear, “It’s her first birthday without Chris, her first birthday where we’ve been able to do something amazing for her. I just wanted today to be perfect.”

Roxie gently stroked my cheek, “How are you holding up?”

I hated the fact that my sister could see through my blinders. It never mattered how good I’d gotten at hiding my emotions. She always knew, “I’ll be okay. I do think that we should get a hotel tonight. I don’t think it’ll be a safe drive back to Huntington.”

She knew I was deflecting her question, but she let it go for now. “I agree, so a little bit of cake, then over to the JW Marriot?”

I groaned, “Fuck that’s gonna be so much money. Can’t we go to the Standard?”

“It’s not the best neighborhood, unless we didn’t stay in downtown LA,” Roxie reasoned with me.

I sighed, “Alright. I’ll see if the magazine will reimburse me.”

Roxie hugged me to her side, “Let’s go enjoy some cake and then we’ll get some rest. Everything will be alright.”

I nodded as we walked down to the room only to find it in chaos. Oh this is not good.

Notes

Hey guys, sorry for the filler chapter, one more chapter to finish off Lily's birthday, then we will see what sort of trouble they all get into.

Thanks for reading!