A Shot In The Dark
Hormones are a Bitch.
I looked out the window on the plane, fuck I’ve been nauseous for the last half hour. I knew it was going to happen, but I couldn’t bring myself to go puke on the plane. I hadn’t been to the doctor yet, because I wasn’t sure what I wanted to do. I needed Val first, I needed my best friend, my sister who would love me no matter what. I would go through an adoption again, but I would sure as hell never have an abortion. It wasn’t a judgment against other people but I knew myself, I knew I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I did that.
“Prepare for landing, please take your seats and buckle your seat belts,” the pilot came over the PA system.
“Finally,” I thought to myself, making sure that my seat belt was secure but comfortable. I was gonna kill Val for giving me first class tickets. “Don’t throw up, don’t throw up,” I chanted to myself looking out the window and turning the air on full blast to hit my face.
Ten minutes later, they were unloading the plane, I asked them if I could use the bathroom real quick. They nodded, obviously I was green or something the way that they were looking at me. After a couple minutes of excessive puking, I was able to exit the plane with everything but my dignity. I should have just done that during the flight.
When I left the terminal, I found a shop that sold gum and grabbed a pack of peppermint. I popped a couple pieces in my mouth as I walked. When I got to the baggage carousel I saw Val standing there waiting for me. I instantly felt tears spring to my eyes as I made my way towards her. She wore a Vengeance University shirt with a pair of skinny low-rise jeans; big sun glasses sitting on top of her head. She hugged me tightly when I reached her, “Shi, are you crying?”
I nodded and hugged her tighter, “You have no idea how much I missed you.”
She gently stroked my hair, “I missed you too Shi. Let’s get your bag.” She smiled kindly, pulling away slightly. I nodded and she pulled me back in for a small hug.
We walked arm in arm over to the side of the carousel and when my bag came around, Val picked it up. We made our way out to the loading zone and found a cab. “So what do you want to do first?” Val asked me curiously.
“I think that we should drop my bag off at the bus, although I’m not ready to see any of the guys just yet. Except Jimmy and Matt, maybe have them take my bag onto the bus? Then we can go grab some food? I’m starved,” I suggested.
“Jimmy would be thrilled to see you and of course they’ll get your stuff settled and what not,” Val smiled and told the cab driver where to go.
Thirty minutes later we had caught up on almost everything that had happened the last few weeks. From the antics of the guys to how everything has been for me, but we still hadn’t talked about what I really needed to talk to her about. “Shiloh!” Jimmy came running out to the cab and hugged me tightly, picking me up and spinning us around.
“Hey Jimmy,” I tried to ignore the growing nausea and hugged him back tighter, holding on for dear life.
“Jimmy, put her down pal,” Matt chuckled and kissed Val ‘hello’.
Jimmy smiled sheepishly and then set me down, “Are you here to stay?”
“In a bit. I need some food and you guys have sound check. But I’ll see you tonight at your show, okay?” I smiled and reassured him.
He pouted but nodded, “Alright, fine. But Tonight you sleep in my bed little one.” I chuckled but nodded in agreement and hugged him again.
“Ready to go chick?” Val asked me and Matt hugged me tightly.
I nodded and hugged Matt back, “Thank-you for letting me steal Val away for a bit.”
“You’re part of our family Shi, never forget that. We will do anything for you,” Matt told me and stroked my cheek. I started tearing up and hugged him tightly to me. He tensed for a moment, not knowing what he did but hugged me tightly in return. Fuck these hormones are gonna give me away before anything else does.
Jimmy joined in the hug not wanting anyone to be sad and then pulled Val in as well. There we stood, four goobers, one of us a hot emotional mess. “Alright guys, I think she and I need to go have some downtime. We’ll be there tonight, okay?”
“Sounds good, you girls be safe, call if you need anything,” Matt told us sincerely.
“We will, Love you,” Val kissed him chastely then grabbed my arm and took me back to the car. “Let’s go get food.”
I nodded and walked with her, looking back at the bus as we did and seeing his bright green eyes staring out at me. I immediately turned back around and focused on not puking.
Ten minutes later we sat at the table of a bar and grill, Val figured that it would be loud enough that no one would eavesdrop and the guys wouldn’t think of that first. Once we had placed our orders and had drinks to sip on, she looked at me intently. “So what’s going on, Shi?”
I played with my straw, slowly swirling the ice around in my tea. “I’m pregnant.” I didn’t meet her eyes right away, but after a moment or so I looked up at her face and there was no sign of surprise.
“What are you gonna do?” Val looked at me concerned, knowing that this had to bring up memories from our senior year.
“You don’t seem surprised,” I observed avoiding the question.
“Shi, I know you well enough to know that when you admit vulnerability that I need to figure out what’s going on before I see you and before you tell me. It’s part of my charm as your best friend,” She winked at me smiling, earning one in return. “So, what are you gonna do?” She reiterated the question and I knew she wasn’t going to stop asking until I gave her an answer.
“I think I have to talk to Zacky,” I sighed as she folded her sunglasses and set them on the table.
“I think that was a given, Shi,” she lightly teased me.
“I know,” I folded my hands in my lap, playing with the hem of my shirt. “I just don’t know how he will react to it. I mean, we slept together once and were somewhat exclusive for about two days before I fucked it up.”
“Hey, you-“ Val started when our waitress approached with our food.
“Love your shirt doll, did you know they’re in town today?” The waitress asked Val.
“Yeah, I’m dating their lead singer,” Val chuckled.
“You didn’t have to be rude, was trying to give you a compliment and start a conversation with another fan,” the waitress said haughtily.
As the waitress turned on her heel both Val and I burst out in laughter. “Gotta love the ‘fans’” I joked shaking my head as we dug in.
“It happens more times than not anymore, unfortunately,” Val sighed. “So many fans are turning into horn dogs over these guys that they don’t want to believe they aren’t available.”
“Or they don’t want to believe that you’re his girl,” I giggled and took a bite of my food.
“So are you thinking adoption? Keeping the baby?” Val redirected our conversation. This is why I needed my best friend. She forces me to make the hard decisions that I would otherwise put off.
“I think that I could be a good mom, but my business has kind of slowed down,” I admitted another vulnerability.
“Then how have you been paying rent?” Val asked curiously.
“Borrowing out of my savings, and that’s starting to get low,” I admitted not meeting her eyes.
“Shi, why didn’t you say anything?” Val asked, her eyes wide.
“It wasn’t your problem, you have a life to where you weren’t really there, and that’s fine,” I hurried out not wanting it to come off as a guilt-trap. She tilted her head at me pensively. “I just wanted to take care of everything on my own, to prove that I can be independent because one day you’re gonna be married. I’ll have to be alone then, and I need to make sure I can do it.” I looked down, “Obviously I can’t. So if I can’t even accomplish that successfully, how can I be a mom?”
She sat there silently for a moment, “Shi, you don’t have to do it alone. The apartment we have is not one of the cheaper places to live. You wouldn’t be raising the kid alone either. It takes a village and between you, me, and the boys you would never be alone. You’d never have to worry about not having what you need.” She reasoned with me expertly, and then grabbed my hand that I’d moved to the table subconsciously. It was enough to get me to look up at her with tears glistening in my eyes, she gave me a sympathetic smile. “Like Matt said, you’re part of the family. We don’t let our own shiver out in the cold.”
I couldn’t help but wipe away the tear and squeezing her hand. “Fuck these hormones,” I joked needing to cut the tension.
Val laughed, “How far along are you?”
“Two months, I hadn’t slept with anyone in months when Zack and I…” I trailed off knowing she got the gist of what I was saying.
“How are you gonna tell him?” Val took a bite of her lunch.
I shrugged taking another bite of food, then decided I would just take it to go. “I honestly have no idea. Do I take a pregnancy test? Do I just come right out and tell him?”
“Well, I mean I think that you should come right out and tell him, privately. If he wants proof have a test ready and then say that you’d also be willing to go to the doctor with him. Which is something you need to do anyways,” Val made a plan.
“I should wait til after the show though right?” I thought aloud.
“I would, but if you stay on for a few days, tomorrow we have a day off so we’re driving to Lincoln, NE and getting a hotel,” Val said obviously excited to have a hotel room instead of a bunk.
I laughed, “Well it’s not like I’m making good articles back home, maybe if I get some inspiration on the road I can write better and send it into my editor.”
She grinned, “So are you using your press pass tonight for the show? Do you wanna be in the mosh-pit? Whatcha thinking?”
I thought about it for a few moments, “Well I would love to be in the mosh pit, but…” I put a protective arm over my stomach.
“Gotcha, then we will be in front of the barricade, watch the show from the floor but not to where you can get hurt,” Val smiled.
“Alright, but now I have ideas!” I giggled and started planning aloud with Val.
Best thing about best friends is they know you better than you know yourself.