The Music We Make

The next few days at the studio were less eventful, but we all got a lot of work done. I couldn’t help but admit how much I enjoyed working with Brian and the shameless flirting we shared. Sometimes Zack would make comments or snort in the background, but I didn’t care. I was letting myself enjoy a little attention from the super attractive man. A little flirting was harmless; it wasn’t like we were making out or anything.

When I got home from the studio on Friday I went straight to my bed and laid down. I was exhausted from the week, but something else was lingering on my mind. The open mic night was tonight.

When I woke up that morning I already felt sick to my stomach, nervous for what the night would bring me. I felt immense dread and anxiety all day long. I didn’t want this night to happen; I wanted to skip to tomorrow.

I knew that I had the capability of doing well at this show, but whether or not stage fright would take over was a whole different question. I just hoped there wouldn’t be a lot of people there. I knew that all of the Avenged Sevenfold guys would be there, and I was sure that they would bring some friends along with them. That alone made me nervous. It was one thing for Matt to hear me sing, but everyone else? I didn’t want to think about how my new friends might judge me, especially Brian. I hated to be like this, but I was so worried about what Brian might think of me.

I knew I needed to get up and get ready for the night. I needed to be at the bar in about an hour to sign up. I had my guitar ready and I knew my song, but I just didn’t want to get out of bed. I laid there for a moment longer, my arm laying across my face, and I forced myself to think about just how amazing this might be. Sharing my music is the only way I’ll ever get to write for other musicians, after all. I needed this push to get out of my comfort zone. I’ve wanted to be a songwriter for years; I have pages and pages of songs already written and ready to do. I just needed someone to hear them.

With that little burst of motivation, I began to get ready for the show. I curled my hair into soft beachy waves, put on some dark makeup, and got dressed in a classic, all-black outfit that consisted of black ripped jeans, a black lacey tank, and my leather jacket. Before I left, I put on my combat boots then said a silent prayer. I grabbed my guitar and I was off to Johnny’s.

-0-

There were a lot more people here than I would have liked, but at least it was a really relaxed atmosphere. I was sitting at one of the tables with some of the guys, while the rest of them and some friends were at the table beside us.

“You nervous?” Zacky asked me, seeing how much paler my face had become as the night moved on.

I nodded. I was afraid I was going to throw up.

Zack put his arm around me, giving my shoulder a gentle squeeze in comfort. “Listen, Rosie. The first time getting on stage is scary, I know, but the feeling you get while performing is such a rush. Don’t let all your worries take over, okay? Enjoy the moment!”

I sighed and relaxed a bit. “Thanks, Zacky. That means a lot.”

“Yeah, and if you get nervous, just look at the Exit sign instead of at the people. That always helped me at first,” Johnny told me.

“I’m surprised you could see the Exit sign over everyone’s heads,” Jimmy teased.

“Fuck you. Just because you’re a giant doesn’t mean I’m short!” Johnny said with a smirk.

“Yeah fucking right!” Zack said with a laugh.

I was glad I was sitting here with these three because they always knew how to make me laugh. They continued joking around, distracting me from what was to come, making me laugh and laugh. Jimmy was right in the middle of telling some wild story when I felt a hand on my back. It was Brian, who had come over from the other table.

“How are you feeling?” he asked me, hand still on my back.

I took a deep breath, “I’m nervous, I hate to admit.”

“Reasonable,” he said. He leaned in closer to me, whispering in my ear, “You look incredibly sexy tonight.”

I felt my face burn and I bit my lip, trying to stifle a nervous giggle. Brian’s hand moved a little
lower on my back. As he did this I whispered back a meek, “Thank you.”

Brian leaned back a bit and he smiled, but then I saw his eyes flash back to the other table where his ex-girlfriend sat. It was a quick glance, but I’m pretty sure it was to see if she was watching the exchange between us. I immediately moved from my seat, backing away from him, pissed off at his ploy. I was not your rebound!

“I’m gonna get a drink,” I said, walking away before he could protest. I didn’t know if what I thought I saw was even true, but I didn’t care anymore. At the bar I ordered a shot of Jack, feeling the liquid courage calm my nerves a bit. I didn’t want to be drunk on stage, but the shot really did help me feel calmer.

I was going to do this, and I was going to kick major ass. I was going to show everyone I wasn’t just some shy, boring girl who could be tricked into flirting with some guy who was just using me to make his ex-girlfriend jealous. Maybe it was the alcohol speaking, but I felt this surge of confidence for a moment, knowing that I was going to rock it.

But, a few minutes later, when my name was called, the confidence flooded out of me. I felt frozen for a moment, but somehow I made it to the stage. I got my guitar ready to go and sat on the stool that was there for us. It wasn’t too bright on the stage, but it made it easy to see the crowd. So, I took Johnny’s advice and looked towards the exit sign rather than the people’s faces in front of me. Taking a deep and shaky breath, I knew I needed to start or people would wonder what was wrong with me.

I closed my eyes, took another breath, and then started playing. I felt good playing the guitar, but knowing that I had to start singing was making me feel sick. Still, I didn’t want people to think something was wrong with me, so I began my song.

My voice was a little soft at first, but I opened my eyes and began to really sing. I just let go. The longer I was up on that stage, the easier it was to just let it happen. I was already here, I was already singing, why not go all out? I belted the notes that I needed to, I sang softly when necessary, and I really was into what I was going. It felt really good to be doing this! I can’t believe I had been so afraid!

When I was done, there was loud applause from everyone at the bar, not just from my friends. There were even a few whistles, which made me laugh. I heard Jimmy screaming, “ROSIE I LOVE YOU!” from in the crowd, which made me smile and laugh even more. I thanked the crowd, gave a little wave, and then left the stage.

I was immediately bombarded by the guys when I made my way back to our tables.

“Wow, Rosie! Matt said you were good, but wow!” Zack said to me, giving me a hug.

“Awesome job, Rosie! You looked and sounded so beautiful,” Val said.

“Aren’t you glad we made you do this?” Matt said with a grin.

I smiled back at him and said, “Yes, I am. Thank you, everyone.”

I couldn’t help but enjoy all of the attention I was getting a little bit. Normally I would shy away from it, but I was so proud of myself that I just let myself enjoy the moment. Everyone told me I did well, that they were impressed. Michelle gave me the biggest hug, telling me that she just had this feeling that I would do well. For whatever reason, her approval meant a lot to me. Maybe because I didn’t know her as well and I felt like she genuinely felt that way. Or maybe it was because I thought it would annoy Brian to see us having fun together.

Jimmy swung me around, telling everyone that he was my number one fan. “I’m going to make you a fan club!” he told me.

“Thanks, Jim, but that won’t be necessary,” I said with a laugh.

Brian was the last one to say anything to me. He waited until the initial congratulations were done and people had gone back to their drinking and watching the other performers. I was at the bar waiting for my drink to be made when I felt him come up next to me.

“Hey, beautiful,” he said.

I rolled my eyes at him. “Yes?”

“Are you alright? You seem mad.”

“I’m fine,” I told him. I was happy about my performance and I didn’t want to argue with him and ruin my mood.

“I just wanted to tell you that you blew me away,” he said. I got my drink at the bar and took a sip, turning to face him. His comment made me smile, but I didn’t want him to see that.

He moved a little closer to me and brushed some hair behind my ear. He cupped his hand on my face then said, “Truly beautiful.”

I felt my face get hot from his touch again, but I forced myself to back away.

“What’s wrong?” he asked.

“I don’t understand what this is,” I said pointing at him and then at myself.

Brian did say anything. He looked towards the stage where a young man was singing his heart out. He looked lost in thought for a moment before he finally said, “I don’t know.”

“Well, that’s not okay,” I told him. He didn’t answer right away, so I continued, “Look, I’m really excited about tonight. This was huge for me. I don’t want it all to be ruined by whatever this is.”

He frowned then, saying, “I’m not trying to ruin your night, Rosie. I really wanted you to know that I loved your performance. I wanted you to know that I was entranced by your voice, the way you play guitar, and how you looked on stage. I wanted to tell you that I find you so incredibly beautiful and hearing you sing tonight only made my attraction to you stronger. So I’m sorry that I wanted to say all of that, Rosie, but I can’t help what I feel.”

I swallowed, somewhat embarrassed by my harsh words, and not knowing what to do about his sweet ones. I wanted to badly to believe him, but I was just so unsure of his intentions.

He continued, “Look, I’m sorry if I’m making you uncomfortable-“

“That’s not it,” I interrupted. “I just want to know what your intentions are. Are you just using me to make her jealous?” I pointed towards Michelle as I said this, just trying to make my point.

“No, Rosie.”

“So earlier when you were making sure she was watching us meant nothing?” I asked, feeling myself get angry. This is exactly what I didn’t want to happen!

Brian sighed. “Ok, fine. I was curious, I guess, to see if she cared that I was flirting with you. But she doesn’t. I don’t know why I cared, Rosie, really.”

“Brian, until you stop caring about it, I can’t do this with you,” I told him. “I’m just not interesting in being your rebound.”

“That’s not what I want,” he said with a frown.

“Then prove it,” I said, walking away from him. I was going to enjoy the rest of my night and celebrate my success. I was not going to let him bring me down.

Notes

:) hope you enjoy!